The Truth About Happiness

I THOUGHT ABOUT everything that's happened between me and Lana. In fact, I always thought about it. It was something that would be stuck in your head for a while if it happened to you. So, here I was, running at a fast rate, thinking about it. All I was supposed to do was do an errand for my mom, but instead, I had no idea where I was going.

But here I am, at the Luthor mansion. It's where my legs took me. Obviously I didn't want to come here, I just did. I had no control over myself, and so I here I am, entering.

I walked right in to Lex's study, and that's where I saw Lana, sipping some tea, facing the fireplace. It was burning, and the fire lit up her face, making it shine and radiant.

She suddenly turned her head as if she knew I was there and all she could say was my name. "Clark." Lana stood up, and stayed at her exact place.

I walked over to her; I was about a foot away. I kept my distance, because I knew I was the last person she wanted to see.

"Lex isn't here. He's um, on a business trip," she said, looking all over the place, except at my face. "He'll be back on Monday."

"This isn't about Lex," I said. I was breathing pretty hard since I ran over here. Really, I was supposed to be at Metropolis, handing out a paper to one of my mom's co-workers, but my heart and brain made me travel to over here. "Lana," I said, just for the sake of saying her name. "I told you that I didn't love you anymore." I said this without looking at her face. I looked behind her, and then met her gaze. "So then you said I broke it off for us forever."

"Clark, if this is about us, then I'm sorry, there's a change --" Lana started to say, but I broke her off.

"I lied. You see, that's what I've been doing to you for a while, and so I thought one more lie wouldn't hurt anyone," I confessed. I looked into Lana's eyes and said, "But truth is, it was just one lie that ruined everything."

"You …" Lana uttered. "You did this."

"Lana, this time I can understand if you're hurt or mad. It's my entire fault. I ruin everything, so this isn't new. I just need you to know, that this is the truth," I said. I really can't believe that I told Lana that I still loved her. I don't even know what she'll say. She might come back to me, but who knows. Maybe she knows that she's better off with Lex rather than with me.

"Clark, you're too late," she replied. I could swear, there were tears filling up her eyes. The hurt look on her face matched the same look she gave me when she asked me to trust her the other day. I should've trusted her, I really should've. I regret everything that I said to her that day. I really do, but I know that Lana won't believe me. "It's different now, Clark. I said yes to Lex."

And somehow, this didn't surprise me. I let Lana down, and so she ran off to Lex again, and agreed to his proposal. So it's my fault that things aren't working out the way I hoped. It is. So Lana is getting married to Lex, and if she really wants to, then I have to. I have to let her be happy even if it costs me from being happy. It's pretty simple, really if you think about it. Just let the woman you love be happy, and everything will be okay. Sure, you'll feel crappy about it for most of your life, but as long as she's happy, then that's what really matters.

I nodded to Lana, and said, "As long as you're happy, Lana."

I walked over to the door to leave but when I stood at the doorway, I stayed there for a moment. I could feel Lana's eyes on me. "Did you think my secret was something small and insignificant? Did you think that I really didn't want to tell you? If you did," I said, looking at her from across the room, trying to meet her eyes, "then you're wrong. Because, I swear, I was going to tell you."

So I left Lana, possibly forever, and went to do what I was out to do; send my mother's letter.

-

I WAS SITTING at my loft, with my head buried in my head. I knew I was crying; and there isn't any reason why I shouldn't be. I mean, losing the one you love to someone who doesn't deserve her isn't a very happy thought. I should be happy for Lana, but I'm not. I wish I could be, but I just can't. For once, I wished I was Lex. He had the perfect girl. Lana's perfect.

I remember all the times Lana came running to me when she needed me, and I would be there for her. At least I did something useful for her.

Then I heard footsteps climbing up the stairs and I looked up. My face was wet and flushed with tears. I looked at Lana, who stood right in front of me, and her face was wet as well.

"Why did you lie?" Lana asked. "I would've waited for you to let me in."

"You say that now, but you wouldn't mean it then," I said. "Lana, if you're really happy with Lex, then why are you here?"

"You know, Clark," Lana said, completely ignoring my question. "When you left the mansion today, I kept telling myself that I was happy. So then, I actually looked into a dictionary and looked the word up."

She walked over to the window, and stared out into the sky. I walked over next to her and stared at her. She looked back at me, looking me straight in the eye. She said, "To say the exact words, happiness is 'good fortune; pleasure; contentment; joy.'"

"Are you happy?" I asked her.

Lana tilted her head a bit. Her face was stained with dry tears, and she answered, "I could be happier." She looked down at her feet for a moment or two and then back at me. "I told you already, I've stopped denying my feelings for you and you've confessed that you still loved me."

"So what are you trying to say?" I asked her.

"Clark, I don't want to live my life with regrets. Now that I know that you still love me, I can't let you do that to yourself. I love you, Clark, and I want you to be happy."

"But that means you'd have to leave Lex. For me to be happy, you'd cost your own happiness?" I demanded. "Lana, I don't want you to do this."

"I'm not costing my own happiness; I'm letting myself be happy. Clark, if I could name one person in this world who I'm sure would make me happy, then there's one person who could do that," Lana said. She took a step closer to me.

"But your baby …" I replied, trying to knock some sense into her. I could feel my heart beat faster. Everything was happening all at once. I knew for a fact that whatever happens here is going to shape everything that's going to happen in the future. I'm not going to ruin this.

"Funny thing is, I, um, had a miscarriage a few hours after I left you at the loft," Lana said. She gave me a weak smile. "It's like destiny made it that way. I told Lex about it and he said that God was testing our love. And I guess He was, because I only said yes for the baby's sake. I wasn't going to ruin my child's life."

"But you were going to ruin yours," I told her. So she's not pregnant. That totally changes everything. Destiny is altering itself without me doing anything, and I could feel my heart telling me that I was receiving the chance to be happy again. I knew I was.

"And it was the first time that I was thinking about another instead of myself. This is exactly why I said yes to Lex, except, the engagement is broken off now. I called Lex and told him so right after I thought about what you said to me when you came earlier today. Clark, if you've thought me anything, it's to trust your gut," she said.

"What exactly is your gut telling you to do?" I asked. I could feel it now. I knew what was coming.

"This," Lana said. She tiptoed, and kissed me, her arms around my neck. I wrapped my arms around her waist and I suddenly realized: this is it.

This is the best example for the perfect happiness. What's perfect about the moment is that Lana's included. And this time, things are different. She's accepting me for who I am and isn't going to make a big deal out of it. This moment is perfect because right now, while having Lana in my arms, I'm letting myself be happy with the one woman I love. The truth about happiness is that it happens when you least expect it and it was happening, right here. I'm letting myself take another shot at love, and I'm content with that. I'm happy, and that's what matters to me right now.

References

"happiness." Unabridged (v 1.1) . Random House, Inc. 21 Jan. 2007.