MONDAY
His heartbeat and footfalls keep in rhythm with each other as he jogs down the corridor. It's early in the morning, still dark outside, so no one else is around. Even Atlantis seems to be sleeping as most of the lights stay low even as he passes.
He's been edgy. Feeling dragged down by time, space… and what-not. Heightmeyer called it a delayed reaction. John just thinks: this must be the end. Show me the pearly gates.
He's so tired, yet he can't sleep. He isn't hungry. He just… is.
It's been two weeks. Two long weeks since he returned from Kolya's wraith infested fun-house of horrors and Carson still refuses to release him back to duty. It doesn't matter that he's not showing any effects of the wraith enzyme. That his blood work and all other tests have come back normal. The doc still won't let him get back to work.
"Aye, son, but I'm not letting you off-world as of yet. I have my reasons," he said just this morning. Or was it yesterday morning? John's days blend into each other the more bored he gets.
And damn he's so freakin' bored! His teammates haven't been much help either; not since they brought him back. In fact, they've been down right weird about the whole thing. Ever since the debriefing when Elizabeth pretty much flew out after only a few minutes.
She's been the weirdest of them all.
And it doesn't help that they all forgot about Friday. Not that he expected anything spectacular or special, but an acknowledgement shouldn't be too much to ask. Hell, Teyla lives for that sort of thing.
John sighs. He wasn't low enough to bother reminding them. That would make him feel even worse, so he just went about his day… now coming to endless days, stuck in the city without reprieve. So he's been grouchy, big deal. He's entitled.
Elizabeth gave strict instructions that everyone give him space – which he heard about from McKay. "Personally, I think she's a little worried you may go postal and take few of us with you."
"What?"
"It's just a theory; but you have been under a lot of stress lately… especially with the whole premature graying thing–"
"Hey! I have never been and never will be prematurely anything."
"Right. Right." McKay waved a hand. "I meant the wraith aging. You look great. Really." Though the last part was said off-handedly and while his supposed friend was busy with some new ancient device and not really paying John any attention. "Now go away and be… well… find you're 'space' elsewhere, will you?"
Lately, it seems, even Atlantis has been giving John subtle signs that he's not the favored child any longer. Not that he minds the low lights while running… but… there's been other things he's noticed as well.
Less hot water in his shower for one thing.
The worst part is Elizabeth, though. She's been avoiding him. It's the only conclusion he can come to that makes sense. He's tried seeking her out in her office to get her to go to lunch or a take a walk and relax only to be abruptly put-off because she has a meeting to get to, usually with Zelenka or McKay. The minute she sees him in the city she turns and goes the other direction or jumps into a conversation with someone else. She won't look him in the eyes… something he misses with a terrible ache in his chest – though he refuses to dissect that particular feeling right now – and she's been calling him "Colonel" way too much lately.
"It was hard on her," Ronon told him when Elizabeth excused herself so quickly from the debriefing. "She wouldn't turn away from the screen while it fed on you. But she couldn't give in to Kolya… because you said not to."
More light pours into the corridor ahead of him and John's heart, breath and feet halt when a body emerges from the room.
Elizabeth glances down one end of the hall then the other, her startled gaze settling on John as his momentum stops just a few feet from her. She's flushed and skittish, slightly disheveled in a gorgeous sort of way; dressed in baggy sweatpants and a black T-shirt, hardly her normal attire. The deer-in-headlights look would make him laugh if he didn't realize instantly that she was coming out of someone else's room… in the middle of the night.
That is just so wrong! This isn't even his corridor. She's no where near his room… how… No, John. Don't think about that. It's wrong to think that way about her.
But dammit! He is thinking about it. Seeing her sneaking about in that lovely disheveled look that gives him so many naughty thoughts.
But who…?
"Elizabeth," Zelenka whispers as he steps into the hall behind her.
Radek! It can't be.
He's not exactly dressed for company… well, not professional company that is: a T-shirt and shorts and no glasses, as if he's just woken up… or just going to sleep. He's holding something wadded in his hands… it looks like… a pair of pants. Her pants?
The doctor's gaze follows hers and he sees John standing stock still, probably just as wide-eyed and mortified as Elizabeth. Zelenka jumps slightly. "Oh…um… Colonel Sheppard!" He says rather loudly. There's a gasp from Elizabeth, he supposes. Then Zelenka coughs even louder. "Sorry." Shoving the clothes at Elizabeth, the man ducks back into his room and shuts the door quickly, leaving the two heads of Atlantis to be swallowed up in the dim corridor and awkward silence.
Cold sweat drips from under John's hair, stinging his skin. Elizabeth glances around, taking stock. She bites her bottom lip, clutching the clothes to her chest. Her eyes are so huge, so green… as if she's afraid of what he's thinking about her.
Then Dr. Weir emerges. Clearing her throat, she straightens her spine, rolls back her shoulders and nods to John. "Colonel." So very professional, she turns and stalks down the side corridor only to disappear into a transporter before John can fathom what has happened.
That ache in his chest burns, leaving him breathless and dizzy.
TUESDAY
John's been waiting, practicing with his bantos sticks against thin air. He checks his watch for the tenth time. Finally, enough is enough. "Teyla, this is Sheppard, come in." Nothing. "Teyla?"
There's a bit of static over the comm for a moment then: "Um… Colonel?" Her voice is shaky. It's the first time he's heard her voice in over a day… it still steals his breath. "This is Dr. Weir." Yesterday had been more of the same, except that Elizabeth – and Dr. Weir – had been hiding out in the city, not once letting him get a glimpse of her. She even left McKay in charge of the tower while she disappeared… probably with Radek!
Son-of-a-bitch! He wasn't going to let this get to him. He really wasn't. Elizabeth is a healthy, grown woman with needs. It doesn't matter that she's the head of Atlantis… that she's brilliant and beautiful and…and could have chosen anyone besides Zelenka… that she could have chosen him.
Why couldn't she have chosen him?
Her voice is in his head, in his heart, making it ache again. "Um, Teyla had to go off-world a little while ago."
"Off-world?" Okay, now what's going on? Teyla's the one who suggested he hall his ass all the way down here for them to spar. "Our team's on stand down until Carson releases me. You said so–"
"It's a last minute mission, Colonel," she sounds distracted. As if someone is with her while she's on the radio. "I'm sorry, she… I… we should have informed you."
"What do you mean, mission. What mission? Whose team did she go with?"
Elizabeth hedges. "Um… Ronon and Rodney went with her… and Major Lorne, of course."
John throws the bantos sticks and they slam against the wall. "That's my team, Elizabeth! You can't just hand them off–"
Her voice is tight, as if she's holding something back. "Actually… for this particular mission. It's Major Lorne's team. Weir out." She says crisply then disconnects, but not fast enough for John to miss the slight gasp in her voice. If he didn't know better, he'd say she was laughing at him.
WEDNESDAY
He's been standing in the same spot for nearly twenty minutes with no results. He's ready to throw the damn thing against a wall; maybe that will get a reaction out of it. His week has gone from restless and boring to completely horrendous and insufferable.
His team has been confiscated by Elizabeth and handed over to Lorne. Elizabeth has been confiscated and getting hands-on treatment by Zelenka. And Atlantis itself seems to have been confiscated by something that only effects how he affects the city!
He got locked into his own room this morning. The city refused to grant him the open door policy he's been enjoying for over three years. The lights don't come on when he enters a room. And the subtle but warming hum he usually hears in the back of his mind is slightly dimmed. If he's not careful, he just might go postal as Elizabeth feared.
"You're not concentrating," McKay whines.
"I don't have to concentrate Rodney… I do it naturally!"
"Could you say that with a little less smarm? Obviously you do have to concentrate otherwise it would have turned on by now."
"Did you ever consider that maybe it's broken?"
"It's not broken. You're just being difficult."
"Do we know what this thing is supposed to do? What if turning it on blows up in my face… again."
"That is an exaggeration. A little smoke from the bottom does not equate blowing up and nothing touched your face."
"Which is why you're still breathing."
McKay pokes some keys on his laptop, scrunches up his face then turns to look at John with a sour expression. "You know what it is?"
"It's broken."
"No. It's that you've had things too easy all this time and now it's finally biting you in the ass." John's brows shoot up. "Activating ancient technology has been as easy for you as… attracting any woman in two galaxies to your beck-n-call."
"Not any woman, McKay," John grumbles, once again flashing on the image of a sultry Elizabeth sneaking out of Zelenka's room the other morning.
McKay's eyes widen. "Oh… so that's what's got you growling more than Ronon lately? Hmm? Did some woman actually have the gall to not fall at your feet and plead for–"
"McKay!"
"I'm just saying, perhaps your 'natural talents' might be suffering from something… like…"
"Like what, Rodney?" John makes sure his tone conveys a dark warning edge.
"Well… let's face it… you're not as young as you used to be. What with the wraith and all."
"I thought you said I looked even younger."
"Well… outside appearances aside… you can't fool the calendar." McKay smiles. "It's not like I'm not right behind you… by a couple of years. Someday soon I'll be surfing over that hill when… well, I come to it."
"That's not funny, McKay."
"It's kind of funny." He grins again. "When is the big day, anyway? The big 4-0?"
John glowers at him. "As if you didn't know."
McKay's poking at his laptop again. "Well, I know a lot of things, mind you, some inconsequentials get lost by the wayside."
John's teeth clench at the reminder that everyone forgot his birthday. Hell, not that he can blame them, he even forgot, what with the whole almost dying again thing. "Last Friday, thank you very much. Now, if you don't mind. I have more important work to do."
"Really? Beckett released you?"
"Not yet… but he will."
"Just try once more."
John glowers, once again thinking hard to get the device to work. Nothing happens. "I'm telling you it's broken."
McKay's out of his chair and pushes John aside then settles a hand on the device… it sparks to life instantly.
"Now that's unfair!"
McKay shakes his head at John. "You might want to try some word games… or puzzles… helps with concentration in the… later years."
"Hey! I'm not that later!"
McKay pats John on the back. "Whatever helps you sleep at night."
THURSDAY
"Hey, buddy!" John hustles down the corridor. "Ronon, wait up." Ronon stops and turns to face him with raised brows. "You… um… hey… you wanna go to the mainland with me… maybe do some hunting?"
"Hunting?"
"You know… for sport."
Ronon's brows crease. "Sport? Like the wraith hunted me?"
John's taken back. "No ahhh… I mean…" He cringes. "Look. I'm going stir crazy here. I need to get out of the city but Beckett won't release me to go off-world so that leaves the mainland. Now, McKay's working on some ancient device that I swear is broken, Teyla's got some sort of meditation session and Elizabeth is well… MIA and you're… ah… you're free… aren't you?"
"Not really." He starts down the hallway again. John rushes to catch up.
"Really? Why not?"
"I already made plans. Sorry."
"Plans. What kind of plans?"
"Umm. Major Lorne asked me to go with him."
"What? Go with him where?"
"To Belkan."
"There's no mission to Belkan today."
"No, it's a personal trip. He's got a trade meeting with one of the locals for something." Ronon shrugs. "He thought I might like to see some of my people who settled there. He said he'd like to meet them too."
"Oh, he did, did he?"
"Yeah." Ronon stops again and stares hard at John. "You got a problem with that?"
"No… ah… I…" John tries to hide his disappointment. He pats Ronon on the arm. "Have fun."
"I will. Thanks."
A couple hours and several pages of War and Peace later, John heads into the mess hall for a late lunch.
"Colonel."
"Lt. Cadman," John grins, finally a friendly face. "When did you get back?"
"A few hours ago."
"Really? No one told me about the Daedalus returning…"
She looks shocked. "No one radioed you? That's odd."
"Yeah."
"Well…" now she seems slightly uncomfortable knowing he's out of the loop. "I heard about what happened. How are you doing?"
"Fine. How was your trip?"
"Oh, you know… it's all work for me until I get to blow something up…" she grins. "Dr. Weir might talk Colonel Caldwell into letting me join one of the teams this time. I'd love to get assigned to Atlantis full-time."
"Yeah… Atlantis is great…" he says without enthusiasm.
Cadman's expression turns serious and she takes a step toward him. "Are you all right, sir? You seem a little down."
John shakes it off. "Naw… I've just been stuck city side a bit too long." And I miss my team.
Cadman's sparkling grin and pat on the shoulder should be enough to boost anyone's day. "Don't worry, sir. You'll be fine… sometimes it only takes… one more day." And then she's walking away, leaving his a bit disconcerted.
Shaking off his confusion, John turns toward the mess and stops short at the entrance when he hears raucous laughter coming from the far end. Only Ronon makes that much noise when he laughs. John steps into the room, seeing that Ronon's not alone in his merriment. Teyla, Elizabeth, McKay, Zelenka and Lorne are all having a grand time.
And no one thought to invite him.
In fact, the moment Lorne sees him, he gives McKay a nudge and suddenly the entire table is quiet.
John's gaze falls on Ronon. "What happened to Belkan?"
Lorne glances at Elizabeth then at Ronon and finally McKay speaks up. "Gate diagnostics." He shakes his head. "Had to cancel all off-world travel."
"Really? I didn't hear anything about that."
"Well, you wouldn't," McKay offers. "You're still on medical leave for now."
"So… no need to keep me in the loop, I guess, hmm?"
"Not really." McKay jumps as if someone just kicked him under the table. "That's not what I mean." He turns to face John. "You have other things… more important things to deal with right now. We didn't feel the need to burden you with something so…"
"Mundane," Zelenka offers.
"Right." John decides not give in to his resentment, plasters on a false grin and shoves his hands in his pockets. He lets his eyes drift over everyone at the table. They're all smiling brightly, except Elizabeth, whose eyes widen and her face turns a couple shades of pink.
"Colonel… how are you feeling today?" she asks.
Unwanted… not-trusted… unloved to name a few!
"Fine," John's tight smile is starting to hurt is face.
"That's good," she smiles, but her hand flinches on the table and he can see she's a bit nervous. Quite slowly, Zelenka's hand creeps up from under the table and covers hers, giving it a little squeeze.
John's eyes narrow and his heartbeat rages in his chest. Elizabeth bites her bottom lip as she did in the hallway and John's certain that if Zelenka's hand wasn't holding hers, she'd bolt from the table in a second, run and hide from him… again.
He rocks on his heels for a moment, makes a face then smiles again, though he knows it's icy to those on the receiving end. "I'm rather hungry, actually." He turns stiffly and heads for the food line.
As he walks away, he hears Teyla whisper: "Is the headstone marker ready?"
"Yes." Zelenka answers. "Tomorrow his suffering will end."
John grounds his teeth together. That sounds rather ominous. Something is definitely not right here.
FRIDAY
John's lounging on his bed reading a comic book he managed to snag from one of the soldiers when his radio chirps. Since the entire city seems happy to keep him from hearing about such mundane things as the Daedalus landing or the gate being shut down for maintenance, he's decided not to wear the damn thing for the entire day. Too hell with everyone else. If they don't want him around, fine.
He's been moping ever since yesterday's fiasco in the mess hall.
As soon as he returned to the table after grabbing his meal, he found he was once again alone. Not one of his friends had bothered to stay with him and keep him company. It's as if they think he's no longer worthy of them or that he's changed because of what happened when he was taken hostage by Kolya.
Well, of course he's changed! And he changed back, dammit! He's the same person he was last week, last month and last year. Okay, maybe not last year, but that's not the point. Everyone changes over a year. What's changed is his city, his family… the people he cares for…
Elizabeth!
It keeps coming back to that though, doesn't it?
Ever since he got back, she's been looking at him differently. Hiding from him. Avoiding him. And it hurts so much he just wants to pound his fists into the city walls.
And the city. Even it is denying him.
John drops the comic and glances around his room. Maybe I'm not the problem. Maybe I'm in the wrong city!
He thinks back over the past two weeks. All the time Carson kept him in the infirmary. No, he was never sedated. When he was sleeping then. Maybe someone grabbed him… no, no one could take him out of the city without alerting the others. Maybe they've been taken over by something…
When was the last time he thought they were behaving normally? John thinks about it but can't pinpoint the time. The first one to start acting strange was Elizabeth but then it snowballed from there.
His radio chirps again. Grudgingly, John grabs it up and puts it on his ear. "Yeah."
"John? Is that you?"
"Elizabeth?"
"Yes. Sorry to bother you, Colonel. I know you're resting like Dr. Beckett instructed, but… we have a situation."
John kicks his feet off the bed. "What kind of situation."
"Doctor's McKay and Zelenka." She sounds nervous. And there's that lilt in her voice again, the one he heard before. "I'm concerned. They've been off radio for several hours now."
"What's the problem?"
She sighs. "John… they were checking out a new lab they found… they haven't contacted me since they went inside."
"Maybe it's shielded."
"Probably… but… I'm still concerned. I'd appreciate it if you'd go look for them."
"Me? Since when am I the flavor of the month? Beckett–"
"You're back on active duty as of tomorrow, John… but…"
"Tomorrow might be too late. Okay. I'll get Teyla and Ronon–"
"I'm sorry, but they're off-world with Major Lorne again."
"What?" There's a muffled sound over the comm, like someone putting their hand over a microphone. "Elizabeth?"
"I'm here. I'm sure it's nothing. Could you please just check on them for me? They're not too far from you, actually."
"Really." John's already getting his boots on. Something is definitely off about this. McKay's never mentioned a lab around the living quarters. "Which way do I go?"
Elizabeth gives him directions and he heads out… making sure to reach under his bed for the spare sidearm he keeps there, just in case. "I'm on my way."
"Thank you. Weir out."
Elizabeth was right about the room not being far from his quarters. It takes him less than fifteen minutes to locate it. But the door is shut and the city refuses to open it for him. Taking the cover off the control panel, John figures he's seen McKay hotwire enough doors to do it just this once without frying anything… especially himself.
It takes a couple of tries but the door finally swishes open and John is left staring into blackness. "McKay?"
He grabbed the damn gun but not a flashlight: good thinking, John!
"Radek?"
There's a squeal and a gasp off to the left side and John turns toward it only to have the door close behind him, leaving him in total darkness. "Ah crap."
Suddenly the room is bursting with light. "SURPRISE!" And bursting at the seams with people!
John jumps, gun in hand, heart racing. He stares at everyone, his mouth gaping, unable to catch his breath.
"Teyla," McKay says. "I don't think he figured it out."
Teyla cocks her head as she stares at John for a long moment. "I believe you are correct. Are you alright, John?"
"What's… what's…"
"Happy birthday!" Everyone shouts. A moment later a cart is wheeled out and there's a coffin cut-out laying on it, a dummy inside wearing one of John's uniforms…. with very familiar looking pants and a headstone that reads: JOHN SHEPPARD: OVER-THE-HILL BUT YOUNGER AND BETTER THAN EVER!
John's at a loss for words. He didn't guess at all and the shock on his face is evident. "McKay?" he makes it sound like a threat.
"Don't blame me. Elizabeth and Radek had us working all hours to con you. I can't believe it worked."
"You almost caught us red-handed," Radek says, reminding John of Elizabeth's exit from the scientist's room days before.
"Yes. Good work there in the hallway, Radek," McKay snarks, turning to John. "I thought you were more on the ball than that, Colonel. I mean… we were pretty startled to hear him call your name and he only covered us with a cough."
But John only remembers not being able to see passed what was in front of his face: Elizabeth exiting another man's room… in the middle of the night.
He'd been jealous. Beyond jealous. He'd been blinded by it.
He hadn't wanted to look too closely at the pang in his heart, because he knew it was wrong of him. Knew it was wrong for so many reasons and yet, there it is. If he hadn't seen her that morning, looking like she'd been doing what he's been wanting to do with her for so long now… he probably would have figured it out but…
Damn his wounded ego… his inability to face his feelings…
Carson and Cadman arm-in-arm are front and center a moment later. "Sorry, lad… about the delay… but Dr. Weir was certain you'd get into some kind of trouble out there and ruin the whole shebang."
John laughs. "Of course she was." He narrows his gaze on Cadman. "You knew?"
"Of course. How else would we get party favors?" She motions to the decorations around the room. John didn't even notice the black and white balloons and streamers.
"And stopping me in front of the mess hall?"
She shrugs. "Had to give them some warning you were coming." She taps her earpiece. "We've all been wired into the city the whole week. Open mike night at Atlantis. Except for yours, though." She giggles.
"McKay's doing, I suppose."
"Oh, he's been very busy," Carson smiles. "He wanted to cook your goose golden brown, Colonel."
John shakes his head. He really should have seen through all of it. Maybe he is getting old.
The crowd starts singing "Happy Birthday" and parts as another table is wheeled in by Elizabeth and Lorne, topped with a giant cake sizzling with candles.
The look on Elizabeth's face is pure joy as she grins at him, singing happily. Several hands pat him on the back and one rather large hand relieves him of his gun dangling at his side. "Nice reflexes, old man," Ronon says with a wicked smile.
John shrugs. "Well… you know… first thing that goes…" he can't finish the thought because Elizabeth is in front of him, smiling and looking so young and gorgeous. The song ends and "For He's a Jolly Good Fellow" begins, but she doesn't start singing. She's looking at him with those big green eyes, a slight blush in her cheeks. She must have called him on the radio from this very room. They'd been playing him all week. Hell, for two weeks.
"Enjoying yourself?" John asks wryly.
Elizabeth rounds the table and comes up to his side, takes his hand in hers and gives it a good squeeze. "Yes. I hope you are too." Her eyes twinkle as they glance at his lips then back up at his eyes and lock. "Make a wish."
John licks his lips as he stares at her. Her pupils dilate and her smile softens. "You need to blow out the candles for it to come true."
Tearing his gaze from her beautiful face, he leans over and with one breath takes out all the candles. Everyone applauds.
"Speech! Speech!"
John grins. "I'm a man of few words." Chuckles echo. "Thank you. Everyone. I… I'm touched and…"
"Surprised," McKay adds, grinning wildly.
"Very surprised. And… grateful that I could be here with you all." He takes a deep breath, glances at Elizabeth who's looking even more delicious than any dessert. But he pulls his gaze away. "Cake me!"
Elizabeth grins and motions to Lorne. "You heard the man. Give him cake."
Later, John drags himself back to his quarters. He hasn't been this exhausted in a while. The party wasn't even winding down when he finally made his exit.
McKay was regaling Katie Brown with his wicked ways of keeping the city from responding to John for no other reason than to drive him crazy about his age. He doesn't understand how the mad scientist managed it. Something about telling the city that it was doing John a favor… but that would mean the city was sentient at least on some level… John shakes his head. He's too tired to think.
McKay was right about him though. Really, the guy was dropping anvil hints this whole time. He'd just been to… emotional to hear them.
Emotional… not a word John would use to describe himself. But when he thinks about how this all went down, how he felt something was off even before Monday. It all comes down to one thing. One person really: Elizabeth.
Something is still not right there.
She left the party early so he didn't get a chance to say goodnight or to thank her again… or to ask her about why she's been avoiding him. The obvious answer is she was concerned about giving away the party… but that doesn't fly. Elizabeth is a diplomat, has the highest security clearance. Face it, the woman can keep a secret if she has to. Unless something else is wrong.
Something that has nothing to do with a surprise party…
Well. John will just have to confront her tomorrow. And he will. There's no turning back for him now. He's going to have to tell her how he feels and let everything fall as it will. Otherwise…
He palms open his door and nearly falls over in shock.
"Happy Birthday, John," Elizabeth purrs from her reclining position on his bed. Her dark curls are fluffed around her face, brushing her bare shoulders that hold up the thinnest straps of a lacy black negligee that shows more than it hides.
"Wow." Suddenly, John's not so exhausted.
Elizabeth slides off the bed and up to him. She holds his gaze as her hand comes up to his cheek. "Please tell me I'm not wrong to be here," she says softly.
John closes his eyes and bows his head. "I can't."
"What?" Her voice is still soft, but there's a hint of panic edging in.
He opens his eyes. "Is this why you've been avoiding me since I got back?"
Her fingers caress his forehead, his cheek. "I almost lost you again… this time I watched you dying… I…" tears are in her eyes. "I needed to think things through." A soft finger touches his bottom lip and he nearly loses the limited control he has on his own body. "Please tell me I'm not alone in this."
"Of course you're not… but… We both know it's wrong, 'lizabeth." Her breath catches. John shakes his head and smiles at her. "We just have to choose not to care."
Her arms go about his neck and he wraps her up in his embrace, crushing his lips to hers. The kiss is endless, deep, expressing everything he could never put into words.
"You taste like cake," she whispers against his lips when they finally part.
"You taste like Heaven," John says, kissing her again.
Yeah, so he's over-the-hill… whoever said 40 is the end had never met a woman like Elizabeth Weir. As John guides them to his bed, he knows this is just the beginning.
Damn… sometimes birthday wishes do come true.