Chapter One- New Beginnings
I have never once looked back on my relationship with Edward. However scandalous it may be. I had never once regretted the things that we had done, or were willing to do to get our fix. Until now. That two syllable word was mocking me as I held the stick suspended in the air in front of my eyes. My regret, my only regret; was that this child was going to be raised with only a mother. There was no way I was going to take the chance of sticking around Seattle to have this baby come out a carbon copy of Edward Cullen. Everybody would know, his wife would know. I sighed, finally letting the tears that had been threatening to escape spill onto my cheeks. There was a knock on the door, startling me out of my thinking. I had no idea what I was going to do now.
"Bella, come on I have to pee." Alice, god I love Alice. My best friend and confidant. She knew everything, right down to when and how long it took us to scratch our itch. She burst into the spacious bathroom, and stopped dead in her tracks when her eyes found me on the floor; tears streaming down my face. She eyed the offending stick in my hands and then my face once more. She knew that I was only with her brother, she supported us fully; she despised his wife. Her perfectly shaped eyebrow lifted into a perfect arch, and then her features softened. I tried unsuccessfully to control the tears, my eyes were quickly becoming dry and were beginning to burn. This was a most unexpected turn of events. I had never planned this, Edward and I had never planned this. He was supposed to do this with his wife; Tanya, not his girlfriend. I cried harder when I remembered that Alice was moving to Los Angeles this week, god knows when I will see her again. The sob that I had been holding back burst through my lips, and her arms were around me in an instant. Her hand rubbing my back, soothing me. She let me cry myself out. She pulled back, expectantly.
"Let me have it, tell me." I explained everything, right down to realizing that my period was late, officially. Not just a little late, very late. How could I have missed it last month? I even remembered exactly when I thought it happened, we had been completely caught up in the moment. We had been at his parents house for a Sunday barbeque when his emerald eyes flashed to mine across the table. And fifteen minutes later I found myself in his old bathroom, my back sticking to the tile floor. He hadn't had a condom, and I thought for sure I had been remembering to take my pills. Oops.
"Bella, I'm so sorry. I will stay. For a few months." She promised. I couldn't let her do that. She and Jasper had planned this move down to the hour, I'm not going to stand in her way. They were moving for her job, she just wasn't finding any inspiration here in Seattle to create her clothes for her boutique she wanted to open someday. I was an editor for a satellite branch for a publishing company. We weren't swamped either.
"Can I move with you? I wont be in the way Alice, I will find a place quick." I rushed the words spilling out quickly. I didn't regret my idea at all. It was my out to the situation on hand; well part of it. She stared at me, her big brown eyes searching for doubt; she wasn't going to find any. She nodded before she spoke. I had five days to pack my life.
"Are you sure Bella?" She whispered, she would never try to talk me out of anything. But she knew that I tended to doubt myself. I nodded to her, trying to keep the set of tears at bay. I stood, my muscles screaming for having sat crouched for an hour. She cleaned me up, using a cold wash cloth that felt great against my hot skin. I was always so grateful to have her around. My stomach growled, loud enough for her to hear.
"Kung Pao shrimp please." I requested before she even had her hand on the phone. Jasper had a conference in San Francisco for the next week, and would be meeting Alice in LA. And me too now. She sat with me at the breakfast nook as we waited for our take out, chatting to Jasper the whole time. I cringed when she told him the news of me moving too, and then had to work very hard to keep the tears from spilling again when she told him about my secret. I heard nothing but silence on his end. She ended her call when the doorbell rang, and jumped up to get it. She knew the question on my mind when she came back in.
"He doesn't care Bella. He loves you like a sister. He just is nervous about what Edwards going to do when you disappear." she explained. I accepted that. We ate, and then got to work on packing.
For the next few days Alice helped me box up my loft, everything I owned. All my furniture was being picked up tomorrow and was going to be stored in LA while I looked for a place. I was driving my AUDI A5, and the moving truck would be following.
I had gone to the doctor, only to confirm the home test. It was positive; I was indeed pregnant. Officially seven weeks pregnant. I was a nervous wreck the whole time, my foot hadn't sat still the whole hour. I was due January 13th. I already had it marked out on the calendar. I had been so excited when I had come home. Alice was there, we had made a big dinner in celebration. She seemed just as excited as I was. But by the end of the night, I was crying my eyes out again. I had heard his song play on my phone a total of four times. The haunting melody of The Frays' "You Found Me" would go straight to my heart. This whole week I ached to call him, just to hear his voice. I longed to tell him about our creation, but I didn't. Every time I heard his ringer, my whole body ached; literally ached. But I would listen to the messages. At first they were begging to meet me, scratch his itch. Then as I began to hit the ignore button, his voice became pleading. He was worried, it wasn't like me to ignore him. I could hear the confusion in his voice. I missed him terribly already.
*
It was finally moving day, bright and early before the sun even broke the horizon. I was excited, a new start. A new life. I was very nervous about Jasper though, he was the only friend of Edwards that knew about us, and now knew about his baby. I had talked to Jasper on the phone, and he assured me that he wouldn't tell him. He said that it wasn't his place to tell him. It smoothed my nerves for now, but I was still very apprehensive about down the road. Alice was in the car in front of me, as I pulled away from the place I had called home for the last six years. It felt like I was ending on chapter in my life, to start a new one.
"A new start." I told myself. For the first time in a week a smile spread across my face. It was a long, very boring car drive to LA. I had to stop several times along side the road as the morning sickness was beginning to set in. Alice never minded though, she would stop with me, and wait for me to recover. She helped me get settled in the guest bedroom of their new four bedroom home. The first few nights were ok, getting used to sleeping in a strange bed. But after night number four, I could no longer sleep. I was a zombie. And unfortunately, my bright new outlook only lasted a few days. Edward was calling three sometimes four times a day. It was two in the morning when I saw my blackberry light up on my night stand. I leaned over to check the caller. It was Edward, again. I hit the ignore button, letting it go to voice mail. I couldn't stop the tears this time, I missed him terribly. Every time he called my heart broke more and more. And then listening to the message, his erratic breathing; he was hurting too. And I had done it.
"I made a mistake." I whispered into my empty room. It wasn't the first time I have examined my feelings for Edward. For the longest time it was never anything more than a fun romp. But the day I stood next to his new wife, as her maid of honor I felt jealous. I was jealous that I would never have him like this. He would never stand beside me and vow to love me forever. It was the moment in time that I realized that I had fallen in love with him. A smile stretched across my face. Very good memories that day.
The knocking at my hotel room door wouldn't stop. I was already almost drunk, and at the moment did not want to get up. I had finally snuck away from Tanya, telling her that I needed to shave my legs and all my stuff was in my room. The knocking continued, it started to get impatient. I stomped over to the door, yanking it open. When I saw the mop of bronze hair felt my anger melt away. His green eyes sparkling with alcohol. He was almost drunk too. He pushed his way in, swaying slightly. He roughly pushed me up against the wall, and kicked the door closed behind him. I was already in my dress, it barely reached my knees. In an instant his black pants were in a puddle on the floor, he had no underwear on. I was more than ready for him as he lifted me, my legs wrapping themselves around his slim waist. I moaned at how hard he was already, with one swift thrust he was inside me, stretching me.
"ah, Bella. Fuck." He slurred again. My head was hitting the wall behind me, my back was aching. He pulled out, and backed away. My feet hit the floor slowly. Pulling me into the bathroom, he lifted me so I ws on the vanity. I moaned when I could feel his hardness close to me again and he was inside me before I had a chance to think about it. The only sounds filling the room were me moaning, and Edward's body slapping against mine.
"Oh god Edward. Please don't stop." I begged him. He grinned at me, his trademark crooked smile. The one only I received. My orgasm rushed through my body, my back arching off the counter; pushing into Edward more. I was tightly wrapped around him, my legs aching from pulling him closer to me. He kept thrusting, harder every time until he came; falling onto me when he finished. His head resting on my shoulder, he panted as he tried to catch his breath. I kissed his neck, trying to pull him back together. He kept kissing me, his lips full and soft on mine. He brought his hand to my face, cupping my cheek.
"I don't know if I can do this today. I want you more. Your body is amazing Bella." he whispered. I stared at him, my teeth grinding into my lip as I thought of my response. I pulled his pants up for him, and straightened his tie. I put my brightest smile on my face and took a deep breath.
"Edward, go do this. You love her." I whispered back. He stared at me for an immeasurable amount of time. I feared what he had to say. We never discussed these feelings.
"If that's what you want love?" he finally answered, but it sounded more like a question. I had to bite my lip again to keep from telling him no, that he shouldn't marry Tanya. I just nodded to him. He leaned in to kiss me again, my tears threatening to spill over. A loud knock on the door stopped his proceeding. I shut the bathroom door, and then opened the main door to the hallway. Tanya stared at me, her eyes scrutinizing me. I shut the door behind me, straightening out my dress, and walked to the ceremony with her. She commented on my disheveled appearance more than once that day.
I was still staring at the ceiling when my phone vibrated, alerting me to his message. I picked up the offending object, and hit the button for my voicemail. The tears came harder as I heard his voice float into my ears.
"Bella. I don't know where you disappeared off to. But I miss you love, please come back to me. Alice wont even talk to me about it, just tells me that you need time. I miss you." he practically begged. I couldn't help myself as I slipped out of bed, and walked quietly into the bathroom. I had my own bathroom, even though this was Alice and Jaspers home. I ran the water in the tub, and filled it almost to the brim. Stripping down I crawled in slowly, not wanting to get water everywhere. I don't know how long I sat in here, but the bubbles were gone but the water is still warm. I heard a door open and close down the hall, Alice was awake. She had been my guiding light all week. She peered into the door, taking in my appearance before stepping into the bathroom.
"He called again didn't he?" I guess my tears explained it, and she planted herself on the edge of the tub. She heaved out a sigh, and started playing with my hair.
"This was a mistake Alice. I should have stayed." I mumbled. She stopped suddenly, pulling my face so I had to look at her.
"Listen to me, this was not a mistake. What were you going to do when that baby came out with a mop of bronze hair or his eyes? What then? It cant go down like that Bella. This was the right thing to do." she chastised. I think deep down she was very excited about having a pregnant woman and soon a baby around. She wouldn't miss the shopping for anything. I tried my very best to give her a smile. Not my best, but it was a start.
"I don't know Alice. Look, I'm sorry I woke you up at three in the morning." I apologized. I reached forward to let the water out, and Alice was already prepared with a towel as I stepped out of the tub. She helped me back into my pajamas, and then led me back into my room. She climbed into bed with me and then placed her hand on my stomach. I had a very slight bump there. I figured it wouldn't take me long to show some sort of sign, as skinny as I am.
"Can I make a suggestion though?" She asked timidly in the dark. I nodded, almost asleep.
"Tell him" Her voice was like a knife through my heart. I wouldn't, and I couldn't ruin his life like that. She watched me, but didn't wait for an answer. I finally drifted off, her wide eyes still staring at me. When I woke up, I had to dash to the bathroom before I lost whatever was left in my stomach on the brand new carpet. As I hugged the porcelain, I contemplated Alice's words last night. Could I be brave enough to tell him? What would his reaction be? Would he finally leave Tanya? These were the reasons of why I couldn't tell him. I heard my phone chirp again. I groaned loudly as I stood on shaky legs. My body protested the sudden difference. I debated for a moment of just climbing back into my bed. But today is my first day at the LA office. My career was the reason I had ever even met Edward. I sighed, frustrated with myself as I hunted for something decent and comfortable to wear. Everything I even thought about made me think of Edward. We had met our first day of our freshmen year at Dartmouth, and we sat next to each other in at least two classes every year after that. He wasn't with Tanya when we met, and was completely single the first time we had ever had sex. Does that mean I had him first? I laughed to myself. He had unexpectedly showed up at a sorority party, drunk, and hunted me down until he found me by the pool. I didn't belong to the sorority, but Rosalie had. We were both drunk, and ended up naked in the pool house. It was amazing, even though we were both drunk, it had been the best sex of my life. And it continued, we never discussed feelings or even whether we were exclusive. I had gotten my answer to that question when he showed up at Emmett's house with Tanya on his arm in the middle of our senior year. Ahh, memories.
"Bella what are you doing?" Alice's voice made me give a jump from surprise. I must have completely zoned.. She was staring at me, my heartbeat was racing from the scare. I looked down at the shirt I had in my hand, the object that her eyes were bouncing back and forth from. It was Edwards shirt, my favorite on him. I had stole it the last time I had gone over to his house. I couldn't stop the tears that suddenly came. I hated this already.
"Why am I crying all the time?!" I screamed. She looked surprised, and took a step back. She went to my closet, and quickly found me a black pantsuit with a white quarter sleeve button and a black sweater vest to pull over it. She thrust it into my hands, and then grinned at me. I knew this grin very well. She was forming an evil plan. I studied her, craving a hint of what she was planning.
"You're pregnant that's why. Now get dressed." she commanded. I did, and then didn't say anything to her as I headed for my car. I was still sulking when I arrived, and hadn't said anything but hello and nice to meet you until I realized it was almost three in the afternoon. I was sitting at my desk, surrounded by boxes when my found rang. It was the ring for every other caller besides Edward and Alice. I answered, not looking.
"Bella. Please don't hang up." Edwards velvety voice was saturated with panic. I gulped in a quick breathe, trying to control my breathing as well as the tears. I don't know why I had ever thought that I would be able to do this alone.