Author's Notes: This takes place sometime in season four. You will best understand it if you have read the Harry Potter books, particularly book two. Also, this has a spoiler for Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix.
Disclaimer: I own nothing Office related, but I do own a copy of the latest Harry Potter book. Good stuff, Dwight is rightly excited.
Lord Voldemort's Office
When Jim woke up that morning, he assumed it would be a typical Friday: paper sales, talking to Pam, annoying Dwight, eating lunch with Pam, and annoying Dwight. The fact that it was the day that the seventh and final Harry Potter book came out might have occurred to him once or twice, but he didn't think much of it. Then again, Jim had worked with Dwight for years, known all about his Harry Potter obsession, so he should've know that Dwight would be beside himself with excitement, anticipation, and a number of other things.
Jim should have gotten a clue that something needed to be done when Dwight walked into the office that morning, clad in Hogwarts robes, complete with a Gryffindor badge.
Jim was on the verge of doing something when Dwight was annoyingly bragging about having pre-ordered the Harry Potter book.
But, when Dwight stuck a pencil in Jim's general direction and muttered "Avada Kedavra", Jim knew something had to be done.
He casually strolled over to Pam's desk.
"Dwight just stuck a pencil at me and said Avada Kedavra," Jim told Pam matter-of-factly, "I think he's trying to kill me."
"What?" Pam looked up from the forms she was filling out, startled.
"Avada Kedavra is the killing curse, Beasley. It kills people," He told her.
Pam still had a blank look on her face.
"You know, the curse that Voldemort tried to use on Harry."
"Oh!" Pam said, "That one...wait, how do you know all of this, Halpert? Please don't tell me you plan on going with Dwight to get the book at midnight."
"Hey," Jim teased good naturedly, "I'm not the one who cried during the fifth movie."
"I did not cry during the fifth movie!" Pam exclaimed indignantly.
"Oh, ok, then, what were all those cute whimpering sounds when Sirius died?" Jim asked, grinning.
"Allergies."
"Right," Jim smirked, "But what are we going to do to get back at Dwight?"
Pam thought for a moment, "We could convince him that someone is possessed by Voldemort."
"Oh, good idea," Jim said, "But who?"
"Me," Pam replied.
Jim and Pam knew that they would not be able to pull off this prank on their own, so Jim enlisted the help of Kevin, Oscar, and Phyllis. The four of them gathered with Pam around the reception desk at lunchtime while Dwight ate in the break room with Angela.
Jim explained the plan, "Kev, Oscar, and I will be death eaters."
Kevin smiled.
"Pam will be 'possessed'," Jim continued, "We death eaters will be talking about the rise of Voldemort, how our dark marks are burning, and how he is using Pam. Dwight will hear all of this, since he sits next to me. Dwight will go up and see Pam, and overhear her and Phyllis discussing her memory loss."
"Why would Pam have memory loss?" Oscar asked skeptically. He thought this whole thing was rather juvenile, but participated in it because of how annoying Dwight could be at times.
"During the times that Voldemort possesses Pam, she will black out," Phyllis spoke, "It happened to Ginny Weasley in Harry Potter in the Chamber of Secrets."
"Here comes Dwight now," Kevin pointed out.
"Places, everyone," Pam said.
Kevin and Oscar went back to accounting; Jim sat down at his desk and Phyllis stayed at reception. Dwight sat down in his usual spot and got back to work. A few minutes later, Oscar and Kevin wandered over to Jim's desk.
"Hey Jim," Kevin spoke in his usual flat tone.
"Hey Kev, Oscar," Jim replied casually.
"Jim," Oscar said quietly, but just loud enough so that Dwight could here, "The Dark Lord calls."
"I know," Jim said in a tone similar to Oscar's, "The Dark Mark burns."
Dwight stared sharply at the three of them; they pretended to be oblivious to him.
"They say," Kevin said loudly, "That there is a muggle that he sometimes possesses."
Kevin paused dramatically, "They say that this muggle works in this very office. Is it true, Jim? Is Pam Beasley really the key to the Dark Lord's plan?"
"Yes Kevin," Jim said solemnly, "The Dark Lord possessing Pam is the key to all of this. He has had control of her for the past month or so. He could not take over the muggle world without her."
Dwight had heard enough. He got out of his desk and walked over to reception.
"So how long has this been happening, Pam?" Phyllis asked, right on cue, "The memory loss?"
"About a month," Pam told Phyllis, "There are periods where I have no idea what I've been doing. It's scary."
"Pam!" Dwight exclaimed, "I need to see you in the conference room right now!"
Pam followed Dwight, and glanced over her shoulder at Jim, making a face. He grinned at her.
Dwight and Pam sat down at the conference room table.
"Now, Pam," Dwight said seriously, "I have reason to believe that you are possessed by You-Know-Who."
Pam struggled to keep a straight face, "Who?"
Dwight sighed, clearly annoyed with Pam's lack of Harry Potter knowledge, "He-Who-Must-Not-Be-Named has you under his control at certain times. You were just discussing times where you remember nothing with Phyllis, were you not?"
"Yes, I was," Pam said, trying to sound nervous, "So if this You-Know-Who person is possessing me, that can't be good, can it?"
"No, but thankfully I know how to fight him," Dwight replied importantly, "Do you have something or someone that you tell your innermost thoughts to, a diary, perhaps?"
"Not a diary, but there is..." Pam's voice trailed off.
"You need to tell me about it, Pam," Dwight told her, "Whatever it may be, it is imperative that we destroy it. That way, You-Know-Who will no longer possess you."
"Well," Pam said, forging embarrassment, "You remember the blow up doll that Michael had for the sexual harassment lecture?"
Pam led Dwight to the back room of Vance Refrigeration. Bob Vance was in on the plan and had agreed to help them.
"See, she's right here," Pam retrieved the doll, "I tell her everything, she's kind of like my best friend."
"Stand back, Pam," Dwight said solemnly, "This will not be pretty."
Dwight lunged at the doll, screamed "AVEDA KEDAVRA!" at the top of his lungs and stabbed his pencil "wand" into the doll. It deflated slowly.
Just at that moment, Jim ran it. He surveyed the room and saw the doll, dead and deflated on the ground.
"No!" He exclaimed, "My Lord! The muggle Dwight had interfered! I'm sorry, My Lord, I failed...Carbondale? You are in Carbondale?"
For added affect, Jim clutched the dark mark that Pam had drawn in sharpie on his arm.
With that, Dwight took off, determined to go to Carbondale in order to defeat Lord Voldemort and stop all of his evil plans.
Once Dwight was gone, Jim and Pam gave each other high five.
"Nice work, Beasley!" Jim told her.
"Thanks," Pam smiled, "You weren't half bad yourself...you think Dwight will be gone for the rest of the day?"
"If we're lucky, yes," Jim told her as they walked back to the office, "Hey, now that we've gotten back at Dwight, do you want to go to dinner?"
"Definitely," Pam said, "But you're paying this time."