What's worse that losing your son? Losing him, but knowing he's right there in front of you.

What's a guy to do when he's let out from prison after 15 years, and can't find his son who had been adopted just after he got sentenced?

Whatever happens, there's sure to be angst galore.

Disclaimer: I do not own D N Angel.

Warning: There may be hints of shounen-ai. Definitely some depressing moments. Anger. Violence. Language.

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Real Father

Episode 1

"No luck?"

"None."

"Hmm... It's a real pity, you know... A father not being able to find his one and only son."

"Yeah." I raise a glass to my lips, sighing slightly while looking at the bartender through half-lidded eyes. I know he was trying to be empathetic, but it was lost on me. He has no idea what it's really like to have a son that you've never met.

Quite frankly, it sucks.

I have been trying for a whole year to find my son, searching the whole of Azumano for him. It doesn't help that he was adopted 16 years ago and now carries a different name. Heck, I don't even know what he looks like.

Some people might wonder why I'm searching for my son 16 years after he was adopted.

Well, my answer is this: I've been in jail for the past 15 years.

I was finally acquitted of that murder charge, since they found who really murdered my wife. A bastard by the name of Hatsushiba Shima. Catchy name. Catchy person. At least, after 15 years.

I admit, I've become very bitter, but it isn't as bad as you might think. Growing up in my family was rough. We're all supposed to be great artists, and it's true, but I never liked painting. I still don't. Apparently, I was best at it though, and that's how I got my wife.

You see, in my family, the best female artist and the best male artist in the family are 'given' each other to marry in hopes of producing an even better artist as offspring. Talk about incest.

I think my family is one to the only family that still clings to beliefs like that. 'The purer the artist blood, the purer the art.' Some shit like that.

It's a pity that the main branch of the family is dying out. My son and I are the last ones. Heh. I guess that mean we can't go by the traditional family rules anymore. The closest female relative my son has is 23, already married, and I've never even met her, even at the family soirees that were routinely held before I was sent to prison. Tells you how closely related she is.

Prison… My family disowned me the day I was arrested. Couldn't stand the bad press of having one of their own- their best male artist, even- be put on trial for a murder. A lot of my sentencing had something to do with that. Why would a family disown an innocent person? Well, I guess my family didn't know I was innocent either, but it sure would have helped to have a little support, especially since I led a very privileged life and now I'm living like a common dog.

"Hey, Tsurara-san, I have to close up shop. It's nearly 4:00, you should get home and get to sleep," The bartender says, turning to me. I start. He definitely knocked me out of a long-winded daze-rant.

"Yeah," I answer, standing up. I put a hand into my pocket and pull out my wallet. I am tired, I really am.

"Hey- I wish you luck tomorrow. Your son has to be around here somewhere," he says smiling at me cheerfully. He must be nocturnal. I hand him the money I owe him for my drinks and smile back wanly.

"Thanks, Hirokazu, but I don't think I can continue looking for him," I reply, feeling the bags under my eyes. "It's not helping my health, and it's been over a year. I think it's time to give up."

"Now don't say that," Hirokazu says, looking at me sternly. I wince. It reminds me of my childhood. "Say- we could use some help around here. Do you have a job?"

"No," I reply honestly. I haven't been able to keep a job ever since I got out of jail.

"Well, what do you think about working here? You're always here anyways, and the others seem to like you when you're not in a sulky mood. Why not mix some drinks and get paid while you're here?"

"Hmm... I'll think about it," I reply giving Hirokazu a small smile. I seriously doubt I'll take the job.

"Okay. Let me know if you want to take it."

"Right. See you later."

"Night."

---

I'm home. If you can call this place home.

A stark-white apartment. Barely any furniture besides a bed, a table, and a few wooden chairs. Papers overflowing said table and bed. There really isn't any room to sleep in my apartment. Nor is there room to eat, but that's why I always go out. (Besides, it's one more reason to get out so that I can scan the streets for my son. Though, that was in vain, 'cause, really, I don't think I can seriously say 'Oh my god. There's my son,' when I don't even know what he looks like.)

I might as well take a shower. I know I smell like alcohol and smoke, and it's not fun to sleep with that smell lingering on your body.

I step into the shower room and look at myself in the mirror. Hell, I'm a wreck.

Now that I see the bags under my eyes, I want to sleep. I haven't shaved in a week, and the stubble will soon drive me crazy, I'm sure. Perhaps that's why that young child ran away from me today when I picked up her ball to give it to her in the park? My hair... Before it always shone smooth and soft... The most beautiful shade of blue. Now it's frizzy and I can see some grey. I suppose it's lucky that my hair is the shade of blue it is... The grey hairs aren't as noticeable on me as say, Hirokazu.

I shake my head and say, "Gods, Tsurara. You're just falling apart."

I strip down and lay my clothes on the washing machine. I pull open the sliding door to the shower-and-bath room and wash myself off with the showerhead. After I'm fully cleaned and rinsed, I slip into the nice, hot bath water, sighing at the warmth.

How come baths always make you feel better?

Maybe I won't give up looking for my son.

Maybe Satoshi is still right here, under my nose.

Maybe I'll find him.

Maybe...

Tomorrow...

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A/N: And here it is- my fourth story! Hurrah!

What do you think of it so far? Good thought? I think so. -giggle-

And LOOK! First person narration!

Aren't I amazing -laugh-

Just kidding.

Um... Yeah. The whole thing probably isn't going to be in Tsurara's point of view. I'm most likely going to be switching to Satoshi and back to Tsurara, sometimes...

Please review!

--Chiisai Hito