A/N: this literally took tears out of me so please go easy on me. A little one shot about Chuck and Blair. Read and review please

One day

Blair looked at her phone; it was eight thirty am on the 1st of June. Today was the day. Every year on this day she went back to the past. She didn't tell her husband or her children where she was going and they stopped asking her a long time ago. She was unsure if they had ever followed her but she didn't think it mattered. She imagined her husband had worked it out a long time ago. She wasn't ashamed of where she went, she just liked to keep it personal, to keep it private. It was the one-day she put herself first and it was the one-day she had to put herself first. Serena knew but that was because she shared this day with her. She always sent Blair the same text every year, one that said she was thinking of her, she loved her and to tell him she said hello.

Once her husband had gone to work and her children had gone to school she got herself ready. She took the cream dress out of the back of the closet and laid it on the bed. Once she found the shoes and the hairband to match she lifted out the box. The box she had kept for seventeen years, the box that contained the Blair she used to be. The Blair she would never let go of, the Blair that only got a chance to come out once a year. She set the box on the bed and ran her fingers over the top. Part of her was aching to open it, and part of her was begging her not too. People always say she had a broken heart and she did. Even her husband could see that but it didn't make her sad. She had a broken heart because there were so many people who had a piece of her heart in theirs.

She tapped the lid of the box; she knew she wasn't allowed to open it until he was with her. Every year she wanted to cheat and peek in it but she always refrained, he deserved to be included in it. She put the box in her handbag and zipped it up. Her phone bleeped, she knew who it was without even looking. It was from Serena telling her that she was thinking of her, and she would be available later if she needed her. Everything about this day was the same as it always was and that made her both happy and sad.

Blair followed her usual routine; she got dressed, had her breakfast at the table and glanced out over Manhattan. It was ironic that this was the city that never slept. She thought that very thought every year and then rolled her eyes when she remembered how boring she was. She cleared up her breakfast dishes and gave the kitchen a quick wipe down. Once she checked her make-up for the final time she lifted her bag and left.

xXx

The taxi drivers always gave her the same look when she told them where she wanted to go. It annoyed her endlessly because she was relieved when this day came. For a few hours at least she got to be Blair again, just Blair. Not Blair the wife, Blair the mother, Blair from the big office on the twenty seventh floor. She was just Blair. The Blair she had kept in a box because there wasn't room for her. She stared out the window and remembered a time when there was only Blair. When she sat up to three in the morning on the phone because she wanted to, not because she had a problem with work. She remembered when she danced because she liked the song, not because her husband's boss was watching. When she got butterflies in the morning because she was excited, not because she was worried about her children's breakfasts and packed lunches.

Blair liked her life, she liked her job, she liked her apartment, but she didn't love it like she expected too. She loved her children more than she ever though possible but she couldn't say the same about her husband and he knew it. She couldn't say she loved her apartment because it never felt like home to her. She had a home a long time ago and she could never let go of it. And she never wanted too.

xXx

Blair sat down beside Chuck and smiled. She tucked her dress underneath her legs and fixed her hair. It was silly that after all this time she still got nervous. She looked at him for a moment before speak, "hey, can you believe it's been another year?"

She opened her bag and lifted out the box. She set it in front of her, "sorry it's a bit dusty but it's the same every year so I guess you are used to it."

"Serena say's hello. She text me this morning as usual." Blair fidgeted with her dress, she opened the box and lifted out of the photos, "do you remember this? It was taken at one of Lily's parties. I see Lily was up early this morning, she never did get over it."

Blair rested the photo up against Chuck's headstone. "Charles Bass, beloved son, brother, boyfriend and friend. Until we met again." Lily had chosen what to write on it. At the time Blair was so angry at him she probably would have written something rude and inappropriate. At the time she couldn't understand why Lily had chosen to include the word boyfriend but over time Blair realized that she would always consider him as her boyfriend. The ex didn't seem to matter anymore.

She traced his name with her finger, "I know I say this every year but I am sorry. I wish I didn't change my number and then you would have come to me. Maybe I could of helped."

Blair closed her eyes as she drifted back to that day. It had seemed like such a normal day. She had gotten up, gone to meet Serena for coffee, and then when she came back a Gossip Girl blast had changed her life forever. "It's a sad day on the Upper East Side. Chuck Bass left this world today. For once I am not worried about the gossip, I don't care about the circumstances surrounding his death. I just want to send my condolences to B. Xoxo Gossip Girl."

Blair rang Serena who told her it probably wasn't true, but when Chuck didn't answer her calls or Lily's even Serena got worried. Then the call came. Chuck's doorman had broken into his flat when he hadn't seen him in two days, and found him.

A tear slid down Blair's face as opened her eyes again, "I know I say I am not going to cry every time I come here but we both know it's going to happen."

Blair wiped her face, "so what's new with you?"

xXx

Chuck Bass rested his hand on Blair's shoulder. She couldn't see him, she never could but somehow he thought she could sense he was near. For the first year he had followed her everywhere. He had wrapped him arm around her when she lay on her bed and cried herself to sleep. He stood beside her as she wept at his grave. He sat facing her as she broke down in grief counseling. Every time she shed a tear, he shed a tear. He was living the heart wrench with her.

He remembered the first time she smiled again. It was a Tuesday, four months and fifteen days after he had died. Eric had made a stupid joke about a frog and Blair smiled. He reached out and touched her cheek, a second later she lifted her hand and brushed her cheek. He thought it probably was a coincidence but he hoped it wasn't.

Chuck remembered the first time he wasn't with Blair. It was just after she had met her husband and he wanted to make sure this guy was good enough for Blair. Of course he wasn't but he was close as it was going to get. He tried not to intrude but he couldn't help himself. He remembered the night Blair told him about Chuck. He smiled at the happy times, winced at the pain and tried to make himself smile when he hugged Blair. The next two months Chuck became obsessed with watching him, making sure he wasn't up to anything and then for the first time in five years he saw a spark back in Blair's eyes. He wanted to hate the guy but he realized he had to like him for making Blair happy again.

And now Chuck checked in on Blair every now and again. He wanted to make sure she was happy and she had a good life. He went to see her on the important days, her birthday, their anniversary, and every now and again when he needed to see her. If she was having a bad day he checked in with her a couple more times that week, but if she was happy he simply watched her for an hour before leaving her for another couple of months.

He was both happy and sad that she still came to see him. He was happy that she remembered him but he was sad that she hadn't moved on by now. He never wanted her to be in pain for the rest of her life. He stroked her hair, "it's ok Blair, I'm ok."

Chuck watched as she lifted the engagement ring he had bought her out and slipped it on her finger. Blair held her hand up to the head stone "it still fits. I would have said yes."

Chuck held her hand loosely, "I would have kept asking until you did."

Blair played with the ring, "I never told you this before but for the first year after you died I planned the wedding in my head."

Chuck sat down facing Blair. He loved to watch her face as she talked about the past. It was when the sparkle really appeared in her eyes. Chuck rested a hand on her knee, and she glanced down at it. He knew she had felt something and he hoped she knew it was him.

"I wanted to give you the wedding of the century."

"I went through so many different weddings in my head and in the end I decided I wanted a small wedding in the park. I wanted it to be about us. July the 7th, that's when it would have been."

Chuck rubbed her knee gently, "you tell me this every year and every year it sounds more perfect."

A tear rolled down Blair's cheek, "I didn't think I would still miss you. I still don't understand why you did it. Chuck life was hard but it was still worth living."

Blair rested her head in her hands and tried to contain her tears. Chuck rubbed her back and whispered he was sorry into her ear over and over again. She took a few jagged breaths and looked up. "You are an idiot, your suicide didn't hurt you because you are dead now but it nearly killed me."

"I know," Chuck whispered in her ear, "I know."

Blair picked up the photo and traced his face for a few minutes, "I hope there is a heaven and I get to see you one day again because this photo is never going to be enough for me."

"You see me all the time Blair, you just don't know it."

Blair wiped her eyes and started to pack the box up. She played with her ring for a few seconds before taking it off and replacing it in its box. She took one more look inside the box before closing it. "Ok I'm off to feed the ducks now. I'll see you in twelve months."

Chuck smiled at her, "You'll see me in a hour when I come to check on you. You just don't know it yet"

Blair touched his name lightly, "I love you Chuck. I'm always glad I get this one day with you."

"I love you too Blair. I'm always glad I get any day with you."