Greetings new Death Eater,
Congratulations on making the cut. If you did not make the cut, I sent my pet snake to tell you. I am not responsible for what my pet did to you. If she bit you, you're dead. If she hugged you, you are also dead. She's a loving snake. Whoops, I got off topic. Wormtail? Are you writing everything I say? Oh. He's my awful intern. I can't type, so he's doing it for me. Anyway, the following are instructions on how to become an official Death Eater. Mudbloods need not apply.
1: Bring me a latte
2: Beg eternal servitude [If I do not kill you, please proceed to step 3]
3: Prune your family tree of Mudbloods [Do not forget gardening gloves]
4: Return to the help desk where you will receive a complimentary coffee from our expert chef, Snape.
5: Thank him for the coffee [Failure to do so usually results in death]
6: Come to my office on the 1,463rd floor.
7: The elevator is broken so take the stairs.
8: The elevator works, but only Nagini and I are permitted to ride it.
9: The reason behind this rule is that Lucius's hair got caught in the elevator door. Nagini and I don't have any hair, so this does not bother us.
10: Come see me. I will ask you to fill out the application form that can be found on page 2 of your Death Eater Manual.
11: I will send you back downstairs. Nagini will be accompanying you down the elevator, so you are allowed to ride it. Don't worry, hair extensions will be provided.
12: Show the form to Wormtail.
13: He will tell you to stand on the very narrow but very clearly marked trapdoor outside Snape's Latte Hut.
14: The only reason that Crabbe and Goyle are Death Eaters is because they did not fit down the aforementioned trapdoor.
15: Wormtail will open the trapdoor or let you go back up to see me based on the results.
16: Under th4e trapdoor is my basilisk's mother-in-law.
17: You cannot use the elevator because Nagini has already left.
18: Once you come to me I will smile. And preform and evil laugh.
19: You are expected to applaud.
20: I will give you the Dark Mark.
Why do you believe you are what I am looking for?_
Do you own bunny slippers? Yes/No
If you do, will you give them to me? Yes/No
Oh yeah. What's your name? _
Is one of your family members a Death Eater? Yes/No
Does that said death eater have greasy black hair? Yes/No
Does that said Death Eater have the most luxurious blonde hair in the Death Eater Organization? Yes/No {Lucius? Did you break into my test again?}
Do you own a fancy cane? Yes/No {It can be an expensive one that has magical properties and have your wand concealed in it or it could be a stick like the one Snape secretly practices with in his room}
Are you a pureblood? Yes/No
Are you a half-blood and ashamed? Yes/No
Mudbloods, again, need not apply.
How expensive were your last hair extensions [this means you, Lucius]_
Can you spell Voldemort? Yes/No
Can you fit through a trapdoor? Yes/No
Do you know proper elevator safety? Yes/No
Are you a spy? Yes/No
Do you plan on becoming one? Yes/No
Are you bald? Yes/No [I'm the bald one!]
Do you know where you can buy wigs? Yes/No If yes, where?_
Do you know the Unforgivables? Yes/No [If not so, Bellawobbles—I mean—Wormtail, are you still typing? Bella will teach you.]
Rules
Any good [i.e.: Bad] organization is built on firm rules.
No going on elevator without Nagini or I accompanying you. [Yes, Lucius, you ruined it for everyone]
You must have all items on the list found on page 6 of your Death Eater Manual.
You will not perform any activites found on Moe Snape's infamous How to Annoy Lord Voldemort list. Thanks to Moe for putting that together.
Sickness is not an excuse for not attending meetings.
Neither is kidnapping.
Or funerals
Or weddings
Or your wedding
Or any wedding except in the unlikely event that I get married
You will be expected to attend any and all meetings and Dark Lord weddings unless you are dead or attending your own funeral for some cheap laughs.
Nobody kills the Potter boy but me
Even though you might die in action, I fully expect you to take others down with you.
No one except Nagini enters my room
This is not because of my posters.
No one interrupts Bellawobbles and I on a date.
Failure to Follow These Rules
Going shopping with Narcissa
Babysitting Draco
Babysitting Sirus's raccoon
Helping Sirius's raccoon babysit Sirius
Getting a haircut [This means you, Lucius]
Shampooing [This means you, Snape]
Feel free to fill out the form that is found in the story in the comments! I'll tell you if you're accepted!