Authors note: Hey everyone. I'm still new to writing and so I'm not sure how much you guys will like this story :p this first chapter doesn't explain much about the title but it sets things for a whole lot more fun to come please enjoy and review (as I said I'm new to this so please be nice, constructive criticism is always welcome)

Btw I DON'T own call of duty or any of the characters.

Chapter 1: Perk-a-colas, Teleporters and pack-a-punch machines.

''Damn freakbags!'' a certain favourite marine shouted as he shot into a large group of the undead, which had surrounded him, with his HK21.

''Hahahahaha Dempsey is surrounded JOY!'' an insane cackle came for the Nazi German Dr ''I hope you die American.''

''Fuck you Richtofen!'' Dempsey shouted as he blew more Zombie brains on the wall.

''Dempsey I'll help you out da?'' a vodka smelling Russian slurred as he lazily aimed his FN FAL towards the mob, who were around the American marine, getting rather surprisingly accurate headshots for a drunk.

''Nein Nikolai, you take avay all ze fun.'' Richtofen pouted as the Russian helped out Dempsey.

''It is surprising that drunk Russian can aim so well.'' said the group's Japanese warrior, eyebrows rising in shock.

''Nobody cares about what you have to say Takeo, so piss off!'' Nikolai shouted as he and Dempsey cleared away the last of the Zombies that were shambling around.

''Well that takes Care of the last of those bastards.'' Dempsey said kicking a body out of his way.

The four Zombie slaying soldiers walked out into the seating area of Kino Der Toten and had a look at their surroundings. They had arrived at Kino two days ago via teleportation from Der Riese and found themselves in an old ruined and rotten theatre. Not only had they gone to a new location but they also found themselves in a new time. Shortly after they had turned the power on before a swarm of Zombies had charged them and surrounded Dempsey (which is where we picked up on them).

They looked round at the rotting walls and the decaying chairs. ''The film must have been shit'' said Nikolai ''Stiffs everywhere.''

''Hey guys look what I found.'' Dempsey said as he strode over to a red vending machine that read 'Juggernog'.

''Out of my vay Dempsey,'' Richtofen barged pass the marine ''Doctors go first!'' Richtofen reach toward the machine and out came a red bottle. He took the cap off and downed the drink in two seconds flat. ''Yes, she sounds like a sveet little specimen.'' Richtofen said as he felt stronger, his eye then caught a large drape over something big. He waltzed his way towards it as the other three scrambled around the perk-a-cola machine.

''Reach for vodka toooniiight.'' Nikolai sang as he threw the perk bottle away.

''Ahh, this water is pure delight.'' Takeo said with a hint of a smile

''Reach for me Jugger-girl oorah.'' Dempsey said lazily then he look over to where Richtofen was examining a large device which he had uncovered ''YO sauerkraut what ya found?'' he called over. Richtofen looked up in annoyance at the American soldier and said ''If you must know Dempsey it is another teleporter, I'm surprised zat you don't remember them from Der Riese, although with zat stupid brain of yours it really isn't surprising''.

''Can you make it work Edward?'' Takeo asked Richtofen (addressing him by his first name).

''Ja, give me a moment'' Richtofen replied straightening his hat and then pressing a button on the teleporter. It made a beeping noise; Richtofen then stood up and made his way down towards the lobby, when he got there he went over to the teleporter pad, which they had landed on when they arrived from Der Riese, and pressed a small red button on the rim. A wave of electricity ran through the large wire that leads back to the teleporter.

''Zhis vay'' Richtofen said as he ran back towards the teleporter. They all stepped inside the large machine ''Hold on to your stomachs UND YOUR SHPLEENS!'' Richtofen said madly as he pressed a large button and teleporting them instantly.

They landed and Takeo doubled over holding a hand over his mouth. ''Damn, Richtofen can't you do anything about that Sick feeling'' Dempsey said holding on to his stomach and looking a little green before suddenly realising what was right next to him ''OORAH, fuck yeah pack-a-punch!'' he shouted before slinging his HK21 into the grinding gears of the awesome machine and upgrading it to H115 Oscillator, he also put in his M16 and upgraded it to The Skullcrusher.

Richtofen went next and upgraded his MP40 to the Afterburner and also his Crossbow to the Awful Lawton.

Takeo put in his AK-74U and it became an AK-74FU2 and also upgraded his L96A1 to the L115 Isolator.

Finally Nikolai pack-a-punched his FN FAL to the EPC WN and he also put his Colt M1911 pistol in and it became the Mustang and Sally. ''He he Nikolai is well armed'' he said taking his new pistols out of the machine.

''Ja, vell now zat ve are all upgraded I think it is-…'' Richtofen began before being cut off suddenly as without warning they were all teleported again.