AN: A bit different from my other songfics; this one uses the lyrics as dialogue and thoughts in a specific situation. Though it can be read alone, I totally recommend listening to the songs while reading. The first chapter song is "Leave Out All The Rest" by Linkin Park. This will be a two-chapter fic, maybe more. I might just post the second chapter tomorrow but it's been a horribly sucky day so no promises.
Chapter 1 Leave Out All The Rest
"Open up, Bones!" Booth pounded on the door of his partner's apartment. After ten minutes of polite knocking and a half dozen unanswered phone calls to her cell and home numbers, Booth was beginning to worry. If she hadn't called and asked him to come over and go through her parent's file and if her car wasn't parked downstairs he would swear she wasn't home.
One more minute and he was going to break in, black ops style. She'd forgive him, he thought with the hint of a smile, she always does. Booth steadied the files and bags of takeout as he reached for his wallet and his trusty gym card when the door opened.
"God, Bones, you look like hell." He spoke without thinking, blurting out the first thing he thought when he saw the bags under her eyes, emphasizing her pale skin. Her hair hung loosely around her face without its usual curl or shine. But it was Temperance's eyes that scared him most. Dull and lifeless she looked lonely, afraid and weak, three things Booth had never seen in her before.
"I don't believe in-" her voice scratched, grating his nerves like fingernails on a chalkboard.
"In God or hell; I know Bones, let's get you inside." Booth interrupted, pushing her inside her own apartment. He closed the door with his toe and guided her to the sofa, forcing her to sit while he stowed the food in her kitchen. She didn't protest which only added to his alarm. For once Booth was too worried about her well-being to consider his own when he opened her fridge and exchanged the take-out with two bottles of water. Tossing the files on the counter he decided to deal with his partner first, find out what was bothering her, before adding fuel to the fire.
He sat next to her, closer than he usually did, and handed her the bottle of water.
"Thanks." She screeched, twisting the cap and taking several long gulps to clear her throat.
"I was knocking out there for awhile, Bones. Didn't you hear me?" Booth decided to ease into the questions about her ragged appearance.
"I was asleep, I'm sorry Booth. Maybe we should do this another time." She looked around as if lost in her own apartment, not completely sure why he was here, now.
"What happened tonight, Bones?" Yeah, there was no way he was leaving her alone tonight.
"What do you mean?" She wasn't intentionally avoiding the question but the fuzziness in her brain and the fear that still griped her consciousness had slowed her senses.
"Today at work you were fine. When you left the lab at six, everything was okay. Now," he glanced at the wall clock, "three hours later you're a mess. What happened?" Temperance leaned back to rest on the cushion, holding a small pillow across her lap.
"It all came back." She finally answered, throwing Booth into a deeper state of confusion.
"What came back? When? When you slept?" She nodded, "what did you dream about?" He asked, probing gently, hoping she wouldn't shut down and throw him out, kick his ass as he knew she was capable of doing.
The room became silent once again. Temperance sat, still and calm, her eyes focused on some spot on the far wall, her face impassive. Booth twitched, waiting for her to answer and stopped himself from filling the space with unnecessary words. Finally, Temperance spoke, vulnerable and open, she was terrified of what her partner would think, of what her best friend would do but was more terrified of not speaking.
"I dreamed I was missing, you were so scared. But no one would listen 'cause no one else cared. After my dreaming I woke with this fear: What am I leaving, when I'm done here?" Booth's heart literally ached in his chest; he knew she'd experienced some nightmares after the Gravedigger case but nothing to this extent. He wanted, more than anything, to make sure she was never alone again.
"Bones, you're not missing, you're right here with me. If you were… if you were missing again, I know the rest of the squints would be right there with me, looking for you."
"I know," Temperance conceded with a frown as she struggled to analyze her own feelings on the subject, "but before I'm gone, before I die… there's so much I want to do."
Booth tried not to get choked up, thinking of losing his Bones but it was difficult. He could see this amazing anthropologist, the top of her field, a woman who'd brought justice to so many families but could still believe that she was unimportant.
"Whatever you want to do, I'll help you, you know that Bones. We're partners, that's why I'm here." That and I love you more than you can imagine, he added to himself.
Temperance shook her head, she knew the impression she'd given Booth but, in fact, this wasn't about work at all. She tried again,
"This isn't about our cases, Booth. There's always going to be another anthropologist out there who can do what I do. But there's nothing else in my life, no other reason for people to remember me. If you're asking me I want you to know, when my time comes forget the wrong that I've done. Help me leave behind some reasons to be missed." Booth turned and held one hand over Temperance's clasped hands. He tilted her chin until she brought her eyes to his and he spoke, slowly and deliberately.
"Bones, you're an amazing woman. Not just because of your work but because you care so much about others. You are a great friend and mentor; you never stop looking for justice, no matter who the victim is. If you were gone, I would be lost without you. And it has nothing to do with our jobs. Does that make any sense?" She nodded overwhelmed by his touching words. "Bones, what do you want from me?" Booth took a risk, hoping what she wanted was what he'd wanted all along.
"Don't resent me and when you're feeling empty, if you can't remember me, keep me in your memory, leave out all the rest. Leave out all the rest, all of the cases, all of the mess. All the times I've screwed up when put to the test."
"Temperance, you are with me… forever. There will never be a time I will not hold a memory of you and me together. I'll never stop caring for you." Wimp! Booth chastised himself for failing to say the three words he knew he needed to say. Silently he coached himself, don't be afraid, I've taken my beating; I've shared what I made of our time together Now it's up to her.
"I guess I've always known that," Temperance admitted, tearfully, "I'm strong on the surface, not all the way through." She paused, allowing a bit of humility into her evaluation. "I've never been perfect… but neither have you." Booth chuckled and let his hand rest on her shoulder.
"It's not about forgetting all the hurt inside you've learned to hide so well. It's about dealing with it."
"I can't keep doing this, Booth." Catching his blank stare she continued, "Pretending someone else can come and save me from myself. You always save me. You are so great. And I can't be who you are. So, when my time comes, forget the wrong that I've done. Help me leave behind some reasons to be missed. You have it all, a son that loves you and a family that doesn't lie to you, I don't have that."
"Bones, don't resent me and when you're feeling empty, keep me in your memory. Remember what I told you, we're family. My family is your family. Leave out all the rest, just leave out all the rest." Booth now pulled her closer, his arm around her shoulder comfortable.
They sat there for awhile, each contemplating the revelations they'd heard and made.
Temperance felt so small and vulnerable, yet strong in his presence. She thought about her family, about everything they put her through.
"I want to stop forgetting all the hurt inside; I've learned to hide so well. I want to carry it, let it make me strong. And I'll stop pretending someone else can come and save me from myself. I want to be like you, Booth, I want to be your family and have what you have but I can't be who you are. I can't be who you are."
"Bones, you don't want to be me. There are things…. Things I'm not proud of and you don't want to be like me." Temperance sat up, pushing herself away from Booth and watching him carefully.
"What do you mean?" She asked, fully intending on getting to the bottom of this with him.
"I don't want to talk about it, Bones. There are just some things that I can't change and no matter how big or small the family, it won't go away." He rested his head in his hands, trying to restore his emotional control.
"I shared something important, Booth. You need to reciprocate, it's what partners do. Tell me about this, whatever it is."
"Okay, Bones. Just give me a minute."
To be continued…..
AN: For any fans of "Finding Their Own Words" out there, I may be taking a hiatus from that story. The writing's fine but if I don't deal with some stuff in my life I'm going to self destruct. For the sake of my sanity I hope it won't take too long and y'all will forgive me my personal angst.