CHAPTER 1: UNSTEADY

Bellamy:

I stand still, I would be like a statue if my chest wasn't moving up and down from breathing, which thanks to Clarke...I'm still doing. As well as Raven, Monty, Murphy, Emori, Harper and Echo. We all owe Clarke our thanks, more than that actually. But that's something we'll never get to say to her face.

Exactly a year ago today we left her. I left her.

She put her life on the line to save us all. She left to give us power. And.. She didn't make it back in time, she was outside on the ground when the wave hit, the acid wave. And it's my fault for getting in the ship and letting Raven take us off the planet before she made it back. sometimes I think to myself maybe we should have waited longer. Because the power turned on, when we were just halfway here.

My gaze is locked on planet earth, it floats in space thousands of miles away, in the glass I'm looking through I can see my reflection if I try. But I don't want to see myself. I feel a weight in my heart and in my chest, it clouds my mind and drags me down no matter where I go. I haven't laughed or even smiled..in over a year.

I feel tears well up in my eyes as I think about Clarke, and my sister who awaits my arrival on the ground, well.. She's not waiting for me, because she thinks I'm dead. From O's perspective I was outside when the wave hit, and not with them in the underground bunker that we found. Which they should still be in...Unless they opened the doors and are marching the ground.

But I know that she would still stand strong no matter what. Even if she did feel sorrow or pain... She would still stand by her people and be the leader she was born to be. She wouldn't let emotion cloud her judgement, not like I have let my emotion consume mine.

I hear the door creak behind me as it opens slowly and boots smack against the ground making their way towards me, "Bellamy." A familiar voice sighs as the smacking sound comes to a halt beside me. "Raven." Was all I said in return, I didn't really need to answer, But that was my way of letting Raven know I have acknowledged her presence, she has been coming in to check on me for the past year now. Everyday she finds me in here, and everyday she says the same thing. "Clarke wouldn't want this for you Bellamy.." Sometimes she would try to tell me what Octavia would want too. But today she surprised me, instead of all that talk that normally comes, she said instead, "I miss her too. She was my friend, and a good one too." Raven took a deep breath, "and even though they don't admit it...well, except for Monty, we all miss her too. We all cared for her, she was our leader. Our doctor. Sometimes even our teacher, Clarke.. She was our family." I teared my eyes away from earth and locked them onto Ravens face for a second before turning back to the window. But it was long enough to see a tear run down her face as she too stares out at earth. I catch a glimpse of my reflection in the glass, and see that I have dark rings under my eyes. I sighed and turned, my heart feeling like it weighs a thousand tons. "I'm going to go get some sleep." I said as I stared down at the floor, I saw in the corner of my eye Raven nodding slowly at my words. "Okay." She replied, that was all she said before I walked out the door without looking back.

I stopped when I arrived at the door to Clarke's old cell, that's where I have been sleeping since we arrived up here, well, it's where I have been having my nightmares since we arrived up here, not every night. But most. But every night without missing one I sit up against the wall examining her drawings and picturing her with a pencil in hand placing each and every one of them where they are.

I imagine her sleeping on the bed and dreaming of the real world, breathing in the air of the Ark. Sometimes I try to think of the time she first found out that she was being sent to the ground with the rest of them. Did she know it was going to happen before it did? Did all the privileged know? Or did she find out just like the rest of them? I know I found out because I got inside information. But what about Clarke?

I suck in a deep breath and squeeze my eyes shut for a second gathering myself together before I go into the room where I surely, but slowly, fell apart. I open the door and take three steps inside before it slams shut behind me, I walk slowly over to the bed my eyes on the drawings, their texture, the shading, the lines and even their shape, I drag my eyes from the walls and onto the bed where I see something I didn't notice Before. The pillow is placed sideways on the bed from the last time I slept, a small corner of something sticks out of the pillowcase. I practically jog over to the bed and firmly grab the pillow feeling something hard under my fingers that are gripping the bottom of it so hard that they're turning white. My hands find there way to the opening in the pillow case my fingers digging inside and pulling a small black book from its hidden location. This book reminds me of the one Lincoln had. But it can't be. Because how would it get up here?

I open the book, the smell of Clarke's perfume she wore on the first day I met her drifted up to my nose making my eyes water, at the memories it returns to me. The first page is a drawing of Abby, Clarke's mom. Then page after page are more drawings, someone who I am assuming is her dad, Wells,Jaha. And on the very last page an attempt at a self portrait. along with her name written in block letters. CLARKE GRIFFIN I pulled it to my chest and than after a moments hesitation tucked it away in the inside of my jacket. The leather of the book pressing against my side through the fabrics of clothing. I took a deep breath and let it out with a sigh before crawling back into the bed to get some sleep. Because who knows what will happen when I awake?

Raven:

I walk into the control room, where Monty is previously making himself happy playing with the equipment sitting out on the desk in front of him. "Hey Monty, got any news?" I asked halfheartedly as I walked in beside him, only because I was waiting for the usual "not yet. But some day." That usually worked its way out of his mouth But stood up to attention the moment I hear the words "yes, actually, I do." I waved my hands in front of my face feeling the smile on my face getting bigger. But I wasn't going to fight it. Not today, because even with the chance that the news might not mean much...it felt good to smile, and to be happy. To have hope.

"Well? What is it?" I asked, Monty chuckled and stood up from his chair, he looked over to Harper as she made her was towards him and he gave her a quick kiss on the lips, a look of love in his eyes. Than Monty said "Let's wait for the others, shall we?"

Later when everyone but Bellamy was gathered in the control room I sit on the cool hard floor of the space station playing with a piece of red string I found, I'm bored, but than again, there has been a lot of that in the past year, I roll my eyes at how long it's taking for this information to come out of montys mouth, but.. He's dead set on waiting for everyone, which means waiting for Bellamy. Who may or may not be asleep. "Can't we just go and wake him up?" Murphy said angrily sitting in his spot next to Emori, "or just see if he's awake or not?!" Murphy yelled furiously just as the door swung open revealing a tired looking Bellamy standing in the doorway, "what is everyone doing in here?" He asked rubbing his eye with his hand, as his other arm rest against the door frame. "Finally..." Murphy sighed, "now Monty, what's the news?" Emori asked, as Monty got comfortable in his seat, everyone else stood up, Bellamy walked closer, his eyes looking concerned, confused and... curious, I pulled myself from the ground and stared at his hand running over the controls. "Monty?" Echo asked.

"Well, it's complicated... I have spent this time trying to think of the right way to tell you guys but, I don't think there is one so I'll display the facts, and you.. You guys will all decide together. Well, we will all decide together." Monty paused before continuing slowly. "I have a way to get the space station that we have so colourfully named space station...even though it's technically part of arkadia. Down to the ground. But if we go now, than we have a lower chance of the earth being survivable, but.. We have a higher chance of not exploding as we fall to earth." "But..." Murphy urged. "But if we don't go now than we might have to wait, years more before I can find an opportunity to get us down again, but when we do, although, having the better chance of the earth being survivable, we would have a higher chance of exploding on the way down." I could hear Monty's voice crack when he said the word exploding but before I even thought of it Harper was there to comfort him. I looked around the room and saw what I have always been telling myself not to. We have lost hope, and with this little piece of information we have found some again, and we are all clinging to it so hard, willing ourselves to not let go because this sliver of hope, may be our only chance. Maybe I should have gotten some sleep like Bellamy did. If we're going to the ground I'm going to need to be well rested.

I was so lost in thought that I barley realised that no on had talked in a couple minutes. I was just about to answer when echo said..

"I say we go today." Echo was the first one to speak, and when she did it was loud and clear, Murphy stepped forward. "Me too." "And me." Emori stated, "I'm in." Harper muttered. Monty chuckled "well I'm all in for going today..but what about you guys? Bellamy? Raven?" I looked over to Bellamy and seeing the look on his face I instantly knew what his answer would be, "let's go." Bellamy commanded as he walked in closer to the centre of the room, "alright. Today it is then." I said, Monty smiled and began quickly pressing buttons all over the control boards, "alright guys lets get down to the ground! Yes now! Everybody get in your positions!" Bellowed Monty, everybody took their places around the room hooking their arms through straps that have been stuck to the wall, I quickly hooked my arms through my own pair of straps and pulled the dangling straps up then fastened them across my waist, I barley had time to think. I started furiously pulling on them to tighten the straps, a wave of fear crawling through me making me shudder, Monty banged his hand down on a big red button that has a piece of tape with DONT PUSH scrawled across it, than ran to his own pair of straps, he just finished tightening his belt when the ship starting shaking, if we weren't strapped to the wall we'd be flying around the room right about now.

My head banged hard against the metal wall of the space station, I tightened my jaw as If that would help, but I have a feeling that even a giant monkey couldn't save us on our fall to earth if something went wrong.

Bellamy:

I can't think. My head is fuzzy and clouded, and not one clear thought is coming through.

It feels like we've been falling for hours, all I can see when I look around is everybody else trying their hardest not to scream, trying their hardest to stay strong. I felt my hands go sweaty, so much so that it felt like i will slip from my place. I tried to imagine Clarke or Octavia in this situation but all I was getting where blanks, and the harsh reality.

Deep down I know that there's a chance that octavia might not be alive, that something went wrong in the bunker and they suffocated or ran out of food. Or maybe, just maybe, they opened the doors in hope, or because they were losing their sanity and the earth wasn't survivable.

But deep down i also know that it doesn't feel like Octavia's gone. It's like she is still here. Without being next to me. It doesn't feel like she's completely missing. Not yet.

I barley registered it when the space station slowed from the parachute, I was so caught up in my foggy thoughts that had somehow managed to break free. "We're alive." Monty breathed.

Murphy started laughing and Emori sighed and with one hand on Murphy's shoulder rested her head against the wall. Echo is silent, and stares down at the floor probably lost in thoughts of her own. Raven shakes her head in disbelief "so..we are not going to die?" Raven suddenly asked, but the funny thing was it sounded like a statement also. "Well, not from the fall to the ground at least." Monty answered, "good thing we have gotten ourselves an alliance with the grounders, now we have nothing to worry about." Murphy muttered.

"What are you talking about? We still have heaps to worry about, the lives of the others. Food. Water. Where will we sleep? Live? And before we worry about all that we still have to see if the ground survivable or not." I stated, I couldn't help the anger that was heard through my words.

"Are you okay Bellamy?" Raven asked, the concern clear in her voice, "fine." I spat.

"But Bellamy's right, if everything not in a bunker died... What are we going to do for food? Would the water be polluted? And I guess we could live in Arkadia, but that's the only solid thing we have now, the only thing we have a solid answer to." Emori stammered, "clam down, we still have to survive opening the doors first." Echo sighed finally looking up from the ground. "These are still things we need to think about." Raven stated. I could see that things are going to escalate and probably fast, then everyone would become too worried to do anything, I saw Murphy open his mouth to speak, but I beat him to it. "Okay everybody, we are all worried. But that's not going to get us anywhere. Let's take it step by step and make a plan, okay?" I look around the room to be met with stern and concerned faces, but also nods of agreement. "Okay, first we'll open the doors, if we survive that then we'll go look for the others, first we'll check Polis. Than we will try Arkadia-" "don't you mean camp Jaha?" Monty snickered cutting me off. "Wether you call it Arkadia, the ark or camp Jaha dosent concern me." Was my reply, sending Murphy to instantly roll his eyes, "where do we try next? shouldn't we try the bunker next?" Monty asked, "well. The path we'd be taking would work out easier, and maybe we'd come across food on the way or even some good drinking water. Anyway, after we check camp Jaha we can check our home. The delinquents camp. Than there's only one more place to look. The bunker."I finished, "sounds like a plan. I have no problems with this one." Echo said fiddling with the hem of her shirt, "alright." Monty sighed, "I'm in." Raven stated "it's not like I have any other choice right?" Murphy sneered, Raven rolled her eyes and I stared at Emori awaiting her answer. "Emori?" I asked, hesitantly she looked up at me and and in a low voice said, "I'm okay with anything that won't kill us." Than with a sudden jolt, the space station came to a halt.

Finally we are on the ground. But what does that mean? What will be waiting for us outside those sealed doors? Instant death or life? Darkness or light? And what would we find? Will we walk to find that were doomed? That there's no food or non polluted water at all? Would everyone else be alive? All these questions running through my brain, and how much so I want the answers to. But I'm not going to find anything in here. All that's left to do now before I get at least on the path to the answers I seek is to suck it up, and open the door. "All right everyone. Get ready."