A/N: So I was chatting with my girls on twitter and we all suddenly wanted to write angry Lucy because good lord WOMAN DESERVES TO BE ANGRY. I mean at the whole world. THE WHOLE WORLD. So, thanks to Jenna and Iambeck (Yesssssica) for their input on this short but not so sweet piece!
Happy reading!
angellwings
PS - Spoilers for 2x05.
Not Right Now
by angellwings
Lucy was going to scream. Or collapse to the floor sobbing. Or maybe slap someone. Or a combination of all three. She thought convincing Jessica to choose Wyatt would be the most heartbreaking thing she ever did, but she was wrong. Watching Wyatt with her in the bunker was the most heartbreaking thing. Seeing the wedding ring on his finger. Hearing them talk about days gone by with warm laughter and fond looks. Knowing they shared a room. All of that was infinitely more heartbreaking.
And it never stopped. Nor could she escape it. It was her own personal hell.
She hated this goddamn bunker.
If they were still at Mason then she could go home at the end of the day. She would have a space completely separated from Wyatt. It would be better, easier. She could disconnect and let herself heal. But they weren't so she was confronted with everything all the time. She was rapidly reaching overwhelmed.
And Wyatt wasn't helping.
Were all men this dense? He was acting as if everything were normal. Like they could just go back to a world before "possibilities" and 1941 in the blink of an eye. Of course, maybe it was different for him. Maybe he could. After all, he got what he really wanted didn't he? He got Jessica.
What did she have? A mother who arguably loved her but used that love to threaten one of her friends, a secret cult that desperately wanted her dead, a broken heart, and a sister who still didn't exist.
It was a fine time to be Lucy Preston, wasn't it?
As if sensing her thoughts Wyatt appeared at her side reaching around her and into one of the cabinets. His shoulder brushed hers and he gave her a small grin as he pulled down a bowl. She sighed and gave him a strained smile in return. As soon as his back was to her she rolled her eyes and shook her head. The refrigerator opened next to her as she waited on her toast and she heard Wyatt clear his throat.
"So, um, Rufus said he and Jiya are installing that fourth seat today," he offered. "Lifeboat's gonna get a little crowded."
As crowded as the bunker? Was on the tip of her tongue but she held back.
Instead she shrugged and replied. "It was already a little crowded before. What's one more person gonna hurt? Besides, we could probably use two combat trained time travelers given all of our narrow escapes."
He closed the refrigerator door and put the milk down on the counter next to her before replying tersely. "Never had a problem watching your back before. We made it home alive every time, didn't we?"
She huffed and rolled her eyes. "Relax, Soldier Boy. I just thought you might like some actual back up for once. Forget I said anything." And before she could stop herself, she added, "I mean what do I know anyway since I'm, you know, just a teacher."
She saw him grimace as her toast popped up out of the toaster. She grabbed it quickly and threw on to the plate she had out and waiting. She didn't dare meet his eyes as she turned to walk away. She thought that would be the end of it.
She should have known better.
He followed after her.
"Lucy, wait."
She didn't want to wait. She wanted to go. This normalcy he was trying to force was grating on her nerves. But she did as he asked and stopped. She turned to face him expectantly.
"You know, you're not just a teacher. No one here thinks that," he said softly. She saw guilt and regret flash briefly across his eyes as he spoke.
He placed a hand on her arm and it took everything in her not to wince. What was supposed to be a comforting gesture cracked her broken heart a little bit more instead. His eyes looked so concerned and genuine and, damn it, if he wasn't reminding her why she fell for him in the first place. Then her eyes drifted to the hand on his arm and the gold band on his finger and she remembered.
She shrugged off his hand and took a step back. "I'm sure Jess didn't mean anything by it," she said. "It's fine. I shouldn't have said anything."
Wyatt's brow furrowed as stared at the spot on her arm where his hand had just been. "Are you okay?"
She lifted one brow as the words left his mouth and she couldn't help the sardonic smirk that formed on her lips. "Fine," she answered. "I would just prefer it if we kept our distance."
"What? Why?" He asked. He sounded shocked and dismayed.
Seriously? Did he really not understand?
"Why?" She asked with a bitter chuckle. "Really, Wyatt? You're asking me why?"
"Lucy, just because things are a little different doesn't mean-"
She snorted. "A little different? A little different is coming back from the past to find a new Bond film. This. This is not a little different."
His jaw clenched and she saw the muscles there twitch. When he spoke he sounded frustrated. Honestly, she was too, but probably for very different reasons.
"Jessica's back but that doesn't mean we can't still be friends."
"Not right now, we can't," she replied. She was tired of pretending. Tired of lying. She couldn't act like this didn't hurt. Not anymore.
"What does that mean?" He asked in a slightly raised voice. He sounded irritated. "Not right now?"
He was irritated with her? He couldn't be serious.
"It means I can't just shut us off like you can," Lucy snapped. "It means I can't do the casual touches and the intimate talks. I can't watch you and her float around here like you're on top of the world and then turn around and still be whatever it is we've always been. I need time. I need to let go. You need to let me. That is what 'not right now' means."
His face softened as his eyes flashed with hurt. He shook his head with a thick swallow and then said something she never would have expected.
"I-I haven't shut us off. I can't shut us off. Sometimes I wish I could."
She bit her bottom lip as emotions she didn't want to feel assaulted her senses. Sadness, longing, and affection. Stupid worthless heartbreaking affection for the man she can't have. "Please stop." Her voice shook, she heard it. Her tears may not have been falling but they were evident in her voice. "I don't want to know. I can't know."
"Lucy—"
"Where's your wife, Wyatt?"
He froze and the pain in his conflicted blue eyes intensified. He didn't answer her but he did avert his gaze from hers.
"Please, go," Lucy asked softly. "Please. Just go talk to her. Whatever moment of weakness you're having right now won't help either of us, but it especially won't help me. If you want Jessica then go be with Jessica."
"I'm sorry."
How many times had he said that to her since Jessica? Too many.
"I know."
She watched as he turned and walked away. The bowl and milk he'd gotten out earlier was now totally forgotten in the counter. Her toast in the plate she held was cold and hard. Hardly appetizing now. It all somehow seemed to be a pretty accurate depiction of the two of them.
"Having a problem with your Wyatt, I see."
Her grip tightened on the plate in her hand as she slowly turned her head to find Garcia Flynn smirking at her. She was not in the mood for this. For him. And where the hell did he even come from?
"Don't call him that," Lucy sneered. "He's not mine. He's Jessica's. Always has been, and probably always will be."
Flynn stared at her for a long moment before his mouth turned upward into a smirk. He shrugged and looked thoughtfully into the distance as he spoke, "I wouldn't be too sure about that."
Was he teasing her? Or did he know something she didn't? Should she ask? Did her future self write about her and Wyatt in the diary? If she asked and he told her, did it mean it would come to be? Or was the diary even accurate anymore?
Did she really want to know? Did it even matter?
No, she decided. She didn't want to know and it didn't matter. Wyatt made his choice and now they both had to live with it. They had to move forward as best they could.
Side by side, but not together.
Not right now.
Her words to Wyatt came back to her but she heard them differently this time. Instead of bitter, they sounded hopeful. She wasn't even sure why they sounded different. But they echoed in her head for the rest of the day.
Not right now.
No three words had ever described the two of them more accurately.