A/N : Soo this is my first FanFic and I don't know how to go about these. All I want to say is that forgive my typos and grammatical errors because this is just an outpouring of emotions that I had to share after watching the Halloween episode for the 24749262739 time. Rest aside I hope you enjoy this because Ezra just can't be A.
Disclaimer: I don't own any of these characters. If I did they'd probably be in Ezra's apartment tangled up under sheets.
***here goes nothing***
Ezra threw his black cap down in utter remorse. When he had signed up for this, the only thing playing on his mind had been Aria's safety. How this act, which had seemed to be well thought out at first, had ended up sucking him into this twisted, bottomless vortex he did not know. All he could think of right now were Aria's wide doe eyes - eyes that once held that undiminishable sparkle, eyes that were now dull, covered with a glassy sheen of unshed tears. All he could hear were Aria's incensed accusations, the heartbreak she tried so hard to conceal, seeping through the minute cracks of her heart into her voice. He knew the pain this must have caused her – he knew because he felt it himself, like a rusted, serrated knife being plunged into his belly and then slowly twisted. He knew because he knew Aria better than he knew himself. He was attuned to her slightest movements, like how her teeth sunk into the soft, pink pillow of her bottom lip every time she wanted to hold back her tears, as though her teeth would hold back her quivering lip. He knew how her nails dug into the skin of her palms - dug until her skin broke and her knuckles turned white – when she didn't want her face to betray the secrets of her emotions. How she mustered that kind of strength in her pixie-like 5'2" frame was beyond him. But God did he love that in her!
He rubbed his hand over his face in resigned frustration, squeezing his eyes shut as though he could squeeze out the memories of what had happened. But all he could see, brandished on the back of his eyelids, were that pair of desolate obsidian eyes.
**.**
Her eyes raked over the cold, evil lair, pausing briefly on the picture of them at The Brew, holding hands, lost in that charming moment that was the predecessor to a kiss. The look of sweet expectation in their eyes, the knowing, blissful smiles on both their faces. Her eyelids fluttered against her own will, savouring the memory of carelessly being in love, reliving the moment where she was truly where she wanted to be. And how wrong she was! Wanting to be in the arms of the man who had ripped her heart out with his betrayal, carelessly tossing it aside like a toy he had grown sick of.
"You were that monster. The monster that had stalked us, made our lives worse than hell. And to think I confided in you, cried on your shoulder, welcome you to my bed, lov-," at thsi her voice broke and taking in a shaky breath, before she spat out again in a cold, unwavering voice, "Your betrayal might be the worst thing that has happened to me. But I promise you Ezra Fitz, prison is the worst thing that will happen to you and I will make sure of it."
Delivering this thundering little monologue, Aria spun around and stalked out of the room with as much steel as her 4 inch Forever21 ankle strap heels would allow her. Her tears were dangerously on the verge of falling, and she could not – would not – let him see how much this had affected her. Wouldn't give him the cruel, smug satisfaction of knowing he had stolen her heart only to trample over it. She lifted her chin, straightened her spine and walked out of the room, however in her teary haze she walked straight into the muscular walls of Ezra's chest.
"Please Aria, please. Just let me speak, give me a chance," Ezra begged, even his baby blues had a film of tears covering them. And all over again Aria found her heart being sucked into his lies, found herself wanting to believe the sincerity that shone in his eyes. But she couldn't, she wouldn't. She had lost her love, her heart, her pride, her reason to go on. All she had left were her three friends, the friends who had stuck with her through thick and thin. She could fall into this endless trap again because she had nothing to lose, but her friends did; and she wasn't going to do that to them. So she wouldn't.
In a firm voice she said, "I'm not falling for those lies again Ezra. I made a mistake when I did – the biggest one of my life – and I am not going to repeat it."
The finality of each word was like a blow to Ezra's gut, he was left reeling, trying desperately, frantically to bring back the one thing in his life that had meant more than life itself.
**.**
Ezra had joined the A-Team a little after Aria had broken up with him. He hadn't really known that 'A' still existed until he had received a message –
'Looks like someone got jilted. And the student has got some new arm candy too. Nothing spells yummy like another teacher does it? Only this time Aria's getting extra credits in self defence not English.
Still nursing a broken heart aren't you? Meet me at the graveyard at Ravenswood, I've got something that might help.
-A'
Ezra didn't want revenge, he just wanted Aria back; and if she was still tortured by this devil's presence then there was no way he was going to get her back. Charged with the inspiration to get back his reason to go on, Ezra hadn't really given much consideration to the consequences, like what he would say if he ever found out or what risks this job entailed.
However when he learned the details that 'Red Coat' had carefully chalked out to ruin the girls one by one, how Alison was still alive and the gruesome torments that the girls still had to be put through, Ezra knew that he had to stay. Stay and buffer the girls from whatever little harm he could. And that's how 23 year old Ezra Fitz, high school English teacher, whose life was defined by his love for a beautiful 18 year old Aria Montogomery, found himself in the A-Team.
**.**
The minute she had left A's lair all her carefully concealed emotions had scattered all over the place. The tears she had been trying so hard to hold in were now on a free reign, streaming uncontrollably, carrying with it lumps of mascara. Her chest rose in an attempt to swallow in more air that the lump in her throat wasn't allowing to enter. Her sobs came out strangled, broken - pretty much like what she felt right now.
Throughout the ride home Aria had little streams of tears cascading down her porcelain cheeks, leaving trails of black behind them. The taxi driver had turned around the umpteenth time to confirm whether she was fine. Fine. She was never going to be fine. The man she had loved, the man who had known all her secrets, the man who claimed to love her back, the man she thought she knew. That man had so cruelly betrayed her; he had been the fiend who had leeched away every trace of happiness from her life, the man she had stayed up all night fearing. How had this happened? How had she let this happen? How had she trusted him so explicitly?
And just like that memories came rushing into her mind like water from a broken dam. Their first kiss. The first time they had made love. The times they had imagined a future together. Marriage. Children. All of it felt tainted now, yet like some masochist she couldn't stop replaying them like a broken tape in her head. None of the memories felt the same. She didn't feel the same. Her skin didn't feel the same. It felt dirty somehow, like his touch had soiled her skin too. She involuntarily let out a shudder. Wondering if she would ever be the same again.
She hadn't told anyone yet. She wasn't sure she wanted to tell anyone yet, because telling them would only make her feel like an even more colossal fool. She had gone against everyone and trusted the man that most people had warned her against, she had fought her parents, fought the law, only for a man who had betrayed her in the biggest possible way? She shook her head, deciding that the only time anyone would know was when Ezra was well and truly behind the bars. The mere thought triggered a fresh set of tears, however these tears were of a different kind. The picture of Ezra behind bars made her heart ache and she hated herself for it. Hated this weakness. But despite all this betrayal, beneath all this hurt, Aria still loved Ezra. And that appalled her. She had to learn how to survive, if not live, without Ezra. But standing at her doorstep then, Aria had never felt more alone.
*p*
Being in the A Team had its perks, Ezra thought as he sat on Aria's plush leather couch fiddling with his own set of keys to her house and a small map of the shortcut to her house. He could hear her strangled cries as she stood at the doorstep and he immediately jumped out of the couch, opened the door and gathered her tiny frame in his arms. He pressed his lips against the top of her head and ran a soothing hand up and down her back until her sobs subsided. It was like second nature to him, like he was wired to protect her, be there for her when she needed. Just like it was second nature for her body to galvanise against his, mould against his hard chest and soak in all the comfort she needed.
It wasn't until the familiar smell of Ezra - his signature cologne mixed with the scent that was characteristically Ezra's - hit Aria's nose that she realised what she was doing. Immediately she jerked back, regretting the loss of warmth instantly.
Colour rose in her cheeks as she howled,"You have the audacity to step into my house and embrace me like the past hour never happened! And how did you get in anyway?"
Shrugging Ezra said,"Duplicate set of keys?"
And just like that Aria's hurt and temper escalated by leaps and bounds because she was reminded of exactly why he had the duplicate set of keys. Tears were once again brimming over from Aria's eyes, making her wonder how her tears hadn't run out yet. She was hollow as it is.
Impulsively Ezra brushed away a tear that had found its way down her rosy cheek and felt her shudder under his touch. This simple action multiplied the guilt wreaking havoc in his belly, inflicting blows on Ezra's breaking heart. Was she so afraid of him that his mere touch made her shiver?
Holding out a small floppy disk Ezra said, "I swear Aria, I was never in this to harm you. I joint the team after we broke up only to protect you from those monsters. And when I found out more about them, I got sucked in deeper than I intended to be. Telling you anything at that point would simply be like holding a knife to your throat."
At this point, both pair of eyes couldn't contain their tears. Thrusting the disk into Aria's trembling hand Ezra said, "If you don't believe me then here is all the information I have collected on the A Team. Just give me a chance Ar. I did this because I love you. Always have, always will."
In a voice lower than a whisper Aria croaked out in a voice that had suffered through cries of despair, "It doesn't change the fact that you lied to me. You could have told me before you joined them. I can't do this anymore Ezra. I don't love you."
Then silently she mumbled, hoping that Ezra wouldn't hear, "I can't love you."
But Ezra did hear. In that moment he saw a myriad of emotions flicker through Aria's expressive mocha eyes. Hurt, regret and the most surprising under the circumstances - love. And that did it. She loved him. And if that was the case, then come hell or high water, he wasn't going to lose her.
He clutched her arms pulling her closer, rubbing the callused pads of his thumb over her bare skin. He looked her in the eye and said, "Tell me you don't love me."
With tears swimming in her eyes, her voice barely above a whisper Aria breathed, "I don't."
He pulled her a little closer, close enough so that the warmth of his body could provide her with the comfort she needed. Close enough that her body simply melted against his. "Tell me you don't miss me when I leave."
Forcing her voice out over the sudden barrier in her throat Aria said in a voice that was huskier than she intended, "I don't."
With deliberate slowness Ezra rubbed his hands up and down the length of her arms, alighting every cell he touched leaving fire in its wake. Then treating her like the most fragile thing he'd ever seen, looking at her like a blind man seeing the Sun for the first time, he brought her hands to his lips. He ran his lips over each of her knuckles lightly, then turned her hands over and giving her wrists a slight lick. He smirked slightly as he watched her eyes roll back into her head."
In a voice rough with untamed desire and rampant emotions he said, "Tell me you don't feel anything when I touch you like this."
In a voice trembling with want, tears and hidden love Aria sighed, "I don't."
His thumbs still tracing circles on the bare skin of her arm, Ezra pulled Aria closer to him. So close that their noses touched each other. So close that their foreheads rested against each other. So close that she could feel his hot breath on her lips. So close that if he bent down even a fraction then his lips would be on hers.
"Tell me again you don't love me."
"I don't," Aria whispered, her voice quivering, just like her trembling resolve, as she lay her head against the beating of his heart.
"I don't," Aria breathed out, when she realised that she did, more than anything, her voice heavy with the waves if emotion thrashing around, as her tears of love soaked through his shirt.
"I don't," Aria sighed as Ezra's hands tightened around her waist, contentment in finally being home.
"I don't," Aria said as her lips finally met his.
And somehow, they found their way back.