It was not a good sign that the two women awoke in an unfamiliar room, both chained to the wall by their legs. Their eyes fluttered open at the same time. After a brief pause, they caught sight of each other and spread their wings defensively, speaking in unison.

"What are you up to?!"

And then.

"ME?!"

The shorter of the two, a stegoceratops, bared her teeth.

"Don't play dumb, Elkay! Whenever I wake up under mysterious circumstances, you're to blame! . . . Well, except for that ONE time . . ."

"Oh, sure. Nice misdirection, Claire. Sneaky, sneaky. But you're not fooling anyone with your little charade. This reference is beyond my scope. I'll have you know that I haven't even SEEN Saw, so I'm not equipped to do a parody short, even if I wanted to. And yes, I'm ashamed to admit it, but it's worth confessing my crime if it proves that I didn't chain you to the wall of a dingy, old bathroom."

Claire tossed her head.

"Oh, you miserable dragon! I'm not trying to trick you by displacing the blame. Wait. Displacing? . . . Deferring? . . . I know it's one of the 'D' words. Anyway, you're the one disperring the blame by pretending that I'M the one doing so, which is a pretty shameless tactic. But I won't risk sending us into a circle of accusations if you just go ahead and tell me how to solve this puzzle."

The dragon scoffed.

"I think you mean 'trap'."

"Oh, well, you'd know, since you built it!" she snapped.

"HEY! I'm no genius architect, nor am I an engineer, or I'd be boozing it up right now. Frankly, I find it offensive that you'd assume I must be the Jigsaw analogue in this little spoof, presumably because I'm on the spectrum. You're a real bucket of laughs. How would you feel if I assumed you were secretly the Dairy Queen?"

Claire's jaw dropped.

"That was uncalled for! It's not even related to the subject at hand. We aren't trapped in a fast food restaurant; we're stuck in a moldy shithole!"

"How can you distinguish the two?"

Claire pulled on her eyelids and groaned.

"I hate you. I hate you so much."

"Bitch, you made me admit that I haven't seen an iconic horror movie."

"So? I haven't seen Saw either. I don't even LIKE horror movies."

"Lame. That's SO in-character for you."

"What's YOUR excuse?"

"I'm easily startled. I don't like being humiliated in movie theatres."

"Why do you scare ME so often, then?"

"It's funny when YOU suffer. I, on the other hand, have dignity."

"Well, that's very- BOO!"

"AH! Why, you little-"

"Now that the scary part's out of the way, can we PLEASE start escaping?"

"You wanna chew your own leg off? Be my guest."

"Why are you doing this to me. Why."

"I told you, I'm not. And since you're lame as hell, it can't be you either."

"So who's behind this?"

". . . I think it's the reader."

"Wha-at?!"

"Claire, just think about it. We're the only ones here, and the reason we both have no idea what's going on is because the producers knew this franchise could be milked dry- pardon the expression. Point is, as long as people keep watching, it doesn't matter how shitty the premise is."

"Well, okay . . . What do we do?"

"Just sit here and die, I guess. Nobody wants to watch THAT for two hours . . . What are you doing?"

"I'm swallowing wax-coated tape to kill myself."

"Why?"

"So I won't have to listen to you."

"You fucking-"

***SCS***

Elkay snorted loudly as she jolted upright. She had fallen asleep on a book entitled "The Law and You", which was now covered in drool. She yawned and stretched her wings, then clicked her beak three times.

"Wow, what a terrible nightmare. I dreamed that I hadn't seen Saw . . . and that I was in a trap from Saw. Going over spooky legal procedures seems tame by comparison, though I suppose I underestimated the time it would take to learn how to be a proper lawyer. I'd better get back to reading."

So she did.

Happy Halloween!