A DeexRyo fanfic based on the song "Chasing Cars" by Snow Patrol. Mature content – violence, language and some boy/boy love. If it offends you, please don't read.

Disclaimer: I don't own FAKE or the characters within.

And with that...please enjoy...

Never Alone

Twenty years. Twenty glorious, much-too-short years.

We'll do it all
Everything
On our own

Twenty years, from the time he joined the Two-Seventh precinct to exactly three minutes ago, when it all ended.

Twenty years.

And that's all I'll ever have, thought Ryo Maclean in shock, as his back slid down the wall until he was sitting in an untidy pile on the floor, his hands automatically coming up to cover his suddenly weeping black eyes.

We don't need
Anything
Or anyone oh baby

Ryo was dimly aware that his foster son, Bikky, was crouching next to him, wrapping his arms around Ryo's shoulders, sobbing himself. Bikky's wife and lifelong best friend Cal wrapped herself around the other side of Ryo, her hot, breathy tears sliding down her own face and onto Ryo's cheek, mixing with his own salty tears.

Bikky and Cal were in New York this week, as Bikky and the Knicks were scheduled to take on the Chicago Bulls.

Bikky had been drafted by the Knicks after he graduated from UCLA, and he had been playing as a forward with the team for nearly 12 years. He was one of the most well-known sports figures in the world.

And damn was Ryo proud of him.

Only one person was missing from the tragic tableau, the only man who could have stopped the misery. But it wouldn't happen.

Dee Laytner – Ryo's lifelong partner and lover, and Bikky's other foster father - was gone, taken from the world by a drug dealer's bullet. Dee's heart stopped beating three minutes ago – and Ryo's had stopped as well.

If I lay here
If I just lay here
Would you lie with me and just forget the world?

The 49-year-old detective was on a stakeout with Berkeley Rose, both having worked on the case for months. It was the first time Rose and Dee had worked together amicably, and although he felt misgivings at first, Ryo had eventually agreed to switch out being Dee's partner for as long as the case took.

"It's only for a month, Baby," Dee had told him. "Only a month and we'll be back on the beat together."

Dee had given him the grin, the grin that could melt butter and Ryo's heart.

"You and Rose..." Ryo began, before Dee cut him off with a wave of his hand.

"Yeah, me and that prick," he said with a laugh. "Imagine that we'd actually agree to get along. But Ryo, we've got a chance to stop that asshole drug kingpin Sam Flescher before he gets any more kids addicted to his shit. I'm even willing to work with Rose if that's what it takes to stop any more heroin OD's. I'll be fine, you know I will. I promise you."

I don't quite know
How to say
How I feel

Ryo nodded, knowing what stopping Flescher would mean to Dee.

"You know I back you in whatever you choose, Dee," he said quietly. "I just don't have a good feeling about it."

Dee laughed again before pouncing Ryo onto his back on the bed.

"Well, let me see if I can change that, Baby," he said, unbuttoning Ryo's shirt and stealing Ryo's breath with a heart-stopping kiss.

Those three words
Are said too much
But they're not enough

"But it just isn't possible," Ryo vaguely heard himself saying. "He can't be dead. We were just grocery shopping yesterday. We had breakfast this morning. He told me he'd...he told me he'd be home early...he told me he loved me...he told me..."

The doctor placed a gentle hand on Ryo's shoulder.

"Mr. Maclean, I'm sorry," she said. "Mr. Laytner is gone. The bullet shattered his ribs and pierced his lung. There was too much internal damage – there was nothing we could do. I'm so sorry."

Bikky lifted his head from Ryo's shoulder and brushed Ryo's hair back from his face.

"He's gone, Dad," Bikky choked out. "He's gone. We...we have to figure out what to do now..."

Ryo stopped him with a piercing scream.

"NO!" Ryo howled, his hands clenching into fists in his hair as he rocked back and forth on his knees. "Shut up! You don't know anything! Dee's fine, he'll be home in an hour or so and we'll have dinner and everything will be fine! It will be fine, he promised, he promised me it would be fine, oh Jesus, Dee, you promised me!"

If I lay here
If I just lay here
Would you lie with me and just forget the world?

Dee lay next to Ryo, holding him wrapped in his arms, their breathing even and matched.

"Ryo?" he whispered, and Ryo lifted his head to glance at him.

"Mm?"

"You know I love you, Baby," Dee said quietly, placing a kiss on Ryo's forehead. "You know I do."

Ryo's brow furrowed.

"Course I know that, Dee," he said. "I love you too. Always and forever, Dee."

Dee grinned.

"Always and forever, Ryo Maclean, always and forever," he said. "Forever in life – and beyond, if I can negotiate it with God. I mean it, Baby."

Ryo laughed sleepily.

"If anyone can make a deal with God, it's you, Dee," he said with a smile. "But forever, Dee. I mean it, too."

Forget what we're told
Before we get too old
Show me a garden that's bursting into life

The next several days were a whirl to Ryo – funeral arrangements, condolences from family and friends, and beginning the process of living without Dee.

The first night was the worst. Ryo lay curled in the center of his and Dee's large bed, his arms wrapped around Dee's black tank top and clutching it for all he was worth.

Bikky just lay next to his foster father, holding him close and murmuring softly to him. Ryo sobbed incoherently, the drugs the hospital had injected him with to calm him down coursing through him. But he couldn't sleep, couldn't breathe even.

"Bikky, why?" he cried hoarsely. "Why? What did I do? What did I do wrong? Why him? Why did he leave me here all alone? He promised me, Bikky, he promised me, promised he'd be fine, he promised me life, he promised me forever, he promised me! He promised me, and he lied, oh God, Bikky, he lied, he lied, oh Jesus, Dee, please."

Bikky rubbed slow, comforting circles on his father's back.

"Dee loved you, Dad," he whispered. "Dee loved you so much. He never lied about that. He's gone, Dad, but you aren't alone. I promise you, you'll never be alone. I'll be with you, Cal will be with you, and Dad...Dee...Dee will always be with you."

Let's waste time
Chasing cars
Around our heads

Ryo sat quietly in his chair next to Dee's coffin, his black suit drooping on his thin frame. His eyes were hollow and empty as he mechanically accepted condolence after condolence, soothing tears and murmuring words of comfort to grieving friends when all Ryo wanted more than anything in the world was to be anywhere else.

Surprisingly, it was J.J. Adams who gave Ryo the best advice at the funeral. In an ironic twist, J.J., who had chased Dee for years, who had done everything he could think of to make Dee his, was the one who comforted Ryo the most.

"Life is what we make of it, Ryo," J.J. told him in a choked voice. "What you had...what Dee had...it's more than most people will ever have. Dee – you – you were the luckiest people I ever knew. Life is what we make of it, and you two certainly made the most of it."

Ryo made a slight choking sound in the back of his throat as he stared back at J.J., his eyes swimming with unshed tears. The other detective gave him a watery smile.

"Life is what we make of it, Ryo," J.J. repeated. "Don't throw away everything you had with Dee. Keep living, Maclean. Keep living for Dee – he'll always be alive in you."

J.J. turned away with a slight sob, his shoulders beginning to shake. Drake Parker, his lover and fellow detective, wrapped his arms around the slight man, holding him close as he led him away.

Live...for Dee, Ryo thought. I think I can do that.

I need your grace
To remind me
To find my own

Life continued to march on, much as it always did. Ryo continued as a detective at the 27th, despite an offer from Commissioner Rose to transfer to another precinct.

"You can...you can go anywhere you would like, Ryo," Rose had said to him. "We'd be damn sorry to lose you – goddamn sorry to lose you – but if you'd prefer to work elsewhere, somewhere where it won't be so painful, I'd completely understand."

Ryo gave him a sharp glare.

"Painful?" he said. "Commissioner, I'm a detective. Pain comes with the job. I appreciate the offer, believe me, but if I were to leave here, I'd be betraying not only myself, but Dee as well. I'm not a coward, sir. I'm a detective with the 27th precinct for as long as you'll have me."

Rose clapped him on the shoulder.

"We'll have you for as long as you want, Detective Maclean," he said. "As long as you want. You're a fine man and a damn good detective. Laytner...Laytner would have been proud of you, Detective."

Ryo stood quietly and with a nod of thanks to the other man, he stepped out the door, closing it behind him. It was only then he allowed his shoulders to sag.

"Pain comes with the job, sir," he said. "But this job is all I have left of Dee. I'm not so much of a fool as to give that up. Dee made me into the detective I am...without him, I would have been off the force years ago."

If I lay here
If I just lay here
Would you lie with me and just forget the world?

"You heard what Sam said, right?" Leo Grant taunted Ryo. "He's right you know. It was us. We killed your parents."

Ryo screamed until his throat was hoarse and trained his gun on Leo. His finger twitched on the trigger and as he went to pull it and send the other man to Hell, a shout stopped him.

"Ryo!"

Dee stood behind Leo, his own gun pointed at the back of Leo's head.

"Well, well, so this must be your partner," Leo said. "Might I ask why you have a gun to my head? I'm unarmed."

Dee spat at him.

"Hmm," he growled. "Probably because I plan on blowing a big fucking hole in your head before Ryo gets to you first."

Ryo stared at him in amazement. "Dee..."

Leo laughed.

"My, my, so you're willing to take the murder rap for your partner?" he sneered. "That's just beautiful. I had no idea there were any gays on the police force."

Dee poked his gun hard against the back of Leo's head.

"Actually, I'm bi...and a firm believer in equal opportunity," he said. "But that isn't the point, is it?"

Leo chuckled.

"You're looking at murder and you've still got the balls to make a joke, huh?" he said. "Not bad. I like that."

Dee pulled his gun away.

"Shut up and get the hell out of here before I pull this trigger," he shouted.

Leo stepped away and into his car.

"If you insist. Seems like your partner's lost his will to kill me anyhow," he said. "Shouldn't have listened to you, eh? I hope we meet again, Mr. Maclean."

And with that, he was gone.

Dee knelt before Ryo, placing a hand on his shoulder.

"Ryo...you all right?" he said hesitantly. "Didn't I tell you not to make a move without me? Geez, you don't listen to a damn thing I..."

Ryo dropped his head, staring at the ground.

They..." he choked out. "They...they did it. My dad. My mom. They killed them. They said they got the wrong people. They said..."

Dee stepped back on his heels."Holy shit. Hey, Ryo, I..."

Ryo gripped Dee's shirt tightly.

"That's what they said. I heard them," he whispered. "It was...it was a mistake."

Suddenly his head shot up. Dee jerked back from the violent, murderous look in the usually gentle Ryo's eyes.

"He told me to shoot!" Ryo screamed. "He told me to blast him. Leo actually told me it was okay to shoot him! But I couldn't! I couldn't do it! Why? Why?"

Dee wrapped his arms around the shaking detective.

"Ryo, it's all right," he said. "That's how it should have been. You're not the type who could just shoot someone in cold blood."

Ryo threw his head back and shouted to the sky.

"But goddamn it!" he howled. "Why couldn't I?"

Dee just held him close, letting the hysterical man pour his tears out onto his shoulder. The rain poured down around them as Dee breathed in Ryo's scent, gently rocking him back and forth.

"Ryo..." he whispered softly.

Forget what we're told
Before we get too old
Show me a garden that's bursting into life

Ryo knew he would never forget the day Bikky and Cal had come to him, Cal heavily pregnant, Bikky approaching him hesitantly.

"Dad-" Bikky swallowed hard. "Dad, Cal and I – we found out we're having a boy. We – we want to name him Dee, if that's okay with you."

Ryo's chest felt too tight all of a sudden, his throat constricting and his temples beginning to throb painfully. He opened his mouth to speak, but all that came out was a hoarse croak.

Bikky gripped Ryo's hand and brushed his foster father's hair out of his eyes.

"Dad, I'm sorry," he said. "We never meant to hurt-"
Ryo threw his arms around his son's neck.

"Bikky," he sobbed, tears rolling down his cheeks. "I'm not hurt. I'm honored. You have no idea the gift you gave me."

He held out his other arm, and a teary-eyed Cal stepped into his embrace. Ryo hugged the two most important people left in his life.

All that I am
All that I ever was
Is here in your perfect eyes, they're all I can see

And now, 30 years later, as he lay in a hospital bed, surrounded by Bikky, Cal and their six children – Ryo's beautiful, beloved grandchildren – Ryo sighed softly.

He was 79 years old, his body being ravaged by a particularly aggressive form of leukemia. After retiring from the force 10 years earlier, he had spent his life living for his family and for the orphanage where Dee had grown up.

Ryo spent three days a week at the orphanage, teaching the children, helping with what he could around the buildings, repairing and replacing what needed to be, and – his favorite project - helping the children build a garden of their own in the yard.

Penguin had died nearly 20 years earlier, ten years after Dee's own death, at the ripe age of 97. Her replacement, Sister Martha, welcomed Ryo as much as Penguin had, grateful for the man who spent so much of his time and money on the orphanage.

And how Dee would have loved her as well, Ryo always thought.

Ten years ago, Bikky had been inducted into the Basketball Hall of Fame in Springfield, Massachusetts. Ryo had watched from the front row as his son's bronze plaque was unveiled and Bikky Goldman was immortalized, and thought how damn proud Dee would have been.

Six grandchildren had graced Ryo's life – first little Dee, then Jemma, Diana, Lass, Randy and Elena. Ryo's home had been filled with laughter and love every day, and oh, how he cherished his moments with his grandchildren.

How much Dee would have as well, he always thought.

Oh Dee, how much you've missed, he thought with a weak smile. And how much have I missed you.

Bikky took his father's hand, tears rolling down his cheeks.

"Dad, it's okay to let go," he choked. "It's okay. We love you so much, Dad. It's time to go. Time to go be with Dee again."

Ryo smiled at his son and weakly gripped the hand that held his.

"Love...you..." he whispered. "Always...love..."

And with that, Ryo closed his eyes for the final time.

I don't know where
Confused about how as well
Just know that these things will never change for us at all

I'm here, Ryo thought, stepping into the bright white light that enveloped him. A lone dark figure began to emerge at the other end of the tunnel, and Ryo eagerly shielded his eyes, trying to see who it was.

"Dee?" he breathed softly, hoping against all hope he was right.

Brilliant green eyes smiled at him, as a hand reached out to grip his. He was pulled into a tight embrace, soft lips descending down on his.

"Dee..." Ryo breathed again, before his breath was stolen completely from him.

Ryo melted into the kiss, tears rolling down his cheeks. After so many years, so many years of being without Dee, without being held and loved, he was finally whole once again.

"Ryo," Dee smiled. "I told you...together forever in life and beyond, if I could negotiate it with God. And Ryo – negotiations complete. Welcome home, Baby. Welcome home."

If I lay here
If I just lay here
Would you lie with me and just forget the world?

A/N: God damn, I love FAKE. I love everything about it – Ryo, Dee, Bikky, Cal – everything. It's amazing what the mind of one person can do.

Anyway, this plot was gnawing at my head for days. I had to – HAD TO – write it. I hope I didn't disappoint too much, as this is my first FAKE fanfic.

Please review if you like, reviews always make me smile.

DeexRyo forever! -grin-