Mulder's apartment

06:02 pm

November 20th

He skipped work this afternoon. Kersh and Skinner were bossing him around for some stupid useless files he had to dig up.

He left the office without telling anyone. Normally he would tell Scully, but she wasn't around. She had to finish some autopsy and paperwork, not related to one of their cases. He hadn't spoken to her all day. He wanted to call her, but he figured she would like to finish her own work, not being disturbed by him. He lost interest in his work, Skinner kept giving him stupid assignments to keep him busy, to keep her busy. They liked splitting them up. They used to see each other every single day, now days went by without them even speaking or seeing each other.

He started to miss her. He longed for her presence, her scientific knowledge, her ability to keep him sane, her voice, her perfume. Ugh, he hated missing her, it felt like a piece of him was gone. Some nights they would speak on the phone late at night, both not being able to fall asleep, missing the talks they normally had during the day. Catching up with details they worked on that specific day. Talking on the phone until one of them dozed off, he liked talking her to sleep.

He didn't want to stalk her by calling her every evening or night. Although he felt like calling, he wanted her to be a part of his life like she had been for the last 6 years, he refused to disturb her with his need to hear her. Even if she was miles away from him, he could still feel their connection.

He knew she wanted to do her job, finish up as soon as she could, to get to work with him again.

Time would be kind to them and they would eventually work together again every day.

He hoped!

As soon as he got home this afternoon, Mulder slipped into something more comfortable; a light shirt and jeans. This current fall had been really nice, during the days the sun peeped through, warming the Washington area, but evenings got colder. Sunset came around 6 pm, evenings could be long, dark and lonely, winter was upon them. The sudden darkness made him think a lot about his life and his decisions.

His mind wandered off to Scully.

"What if she wasn't assigned to me in the first place...? How would my life look like without her in it? Would there be a possibility of meeting her in any way? Or would I be stuck in that godforsaken basement forever on my own or with some lame, backless co-worker who doesn't get the whole picture?

What if she wasn't a skeptic, would we lose ourselves in endless alien conspiracy theories? Would we still lose ourselves in proving each other wrong? Would I be happier if she believed everything I said, without her trying to prove me wrong?

What if she wasn't as f*cking badass as she is now? Would I still rely on her like I do now?

Would I trust her with my life? Would she still be the one woman I imagine myself be with?

What if that bee hasn't stung her...?

What if... "

He sighed and filled his lungs with fresh evening air coming from the open window in his living room. It had been a sunny day, but evenings got cold and dark.

He took his focus away from the hardwood floor he was gazing at for at least the last hour and turned his misty eyes to the dark night sky filled with twinkling stars. He stood up from his leather couch and moved closer to the window. The dark room he was in comforted him, made him feel at ease, calmed his soul, soothed him. The dimmed light of his fish tank was the only light he needed. Although his brain went into overdrive...

His mind was troubled with all kinds of thoughts about her. Some were nice and heartwarming, others were doubts and insecurities about his complicated relationship with her. With his Scully, his partner, the only one he trusted, the only one he would give his life for.

God... he could be a real ass to her, but on the other hand, he enjoyed trying to convince her of his strange and wicked theories. He almost liked the struggle they were in on some occasions. He admired her strength and scientific explanations every time again. But aside from being a total jerk sometimes, he knew she did like him for the person he is. She isn't a real believer, but that doesn't stop her from standing next to him, every single time. Being at his side in every case, in everything he asked from her. She has been through so much because of his believes and quest for the truth. He was thankful for the perfect partner she became to him.

The stars reminded him of the sparkles she has in her cerulean blue eyes. Pools of endless comfort, trust, and friendship for him. A weak smile formed on his face, while a warm fuzzy feeling overwhelmed him. He shook his head, not to get rid of his thoughts about her, but to keep his puzzled mind focused. He couldn't let himself slip into the dark and dangerous depths of love, a steep abyss into the unknown. Love that existed solely for her, she was the only one he always imagined being with.

As if lightning struck, his mind suddenly cried out "you are in love with her". The moment that came to his mind, his heart began pounding hard in his chest. He licked his lips, covering his face with his hands while closing his eyes, thinking about the one that had caused it.

He stood near his cluttered desk, letting his head rest on the side of his window. Again, he took a long deep breath in, hoping the air would filter and clean his reasoning. But she had conquered his mind and his heart. She was the one who had taken the empty space in his aching chest.

He never felt this way before, she meant the world to him. He could only trust her, she is his everything. Although they had spoken about their feelings, it all stayed very confidential.

Their declarations of love towards each other were mere riddles and puzzles to solve. In the mists of their gazes, they both knew how much they meant for one another. But never daring to speak the three words they desperately needed to hear. Every time he had touched her skin, fireworks explode in his stomach. He felt his heart skip a beat when she looked him in the eyes. He was lost and found at the same time.

One time he had dared to ask her for a dance, he had the courage to stand up and put his hand towards her, hoping she would know what he wanted. Without a doubt she agreed, reached out her hand grabbing his, while he didn't hesitate, pulling her in one fast movement in his secure arms. Pure happiness he felt at that time. He felt complete.

It was so comfortable holding her, swaying her across the dancefloor. Smelling her sweet flowery perfume while she softly brushed herself against him, made him even more sure about his hidden feelings for her. Holding her in his arms made him think about how tiny and beautiful she is. Her face was mesmerizing in the dimmed light of that room, like fine porcelain, flawless.

Her blue eyes pierced right through him as if she could see what he was feeling. She connected with him in a way he had never experienced before. As if they shared something greater than the both of them. Unexplainable tension filled his body when she looked at him. He sensed her soft smiles even when he wasn't looking directly at her. She still made him nervous walking into a room, after all these years. He felt helpless in her beautiful presence, butterflies came alive when she was next to him. Dancing with her made him forget all struggles they've been through. Three short minutes without worrying and feeling completely happy. As if the world disappeared, leaving them alone under the stars.

He wished he had kissed her that night...