Disclaimer: This fiction is inspired by JCS 2000, a video version of ALW's
musical, and of course by the source, which for me is historycal, but not
religious. To all christians: please do not explain to me the things that I
already know. Don't think that I'm illiterate and do not know the role that
the orthodox christian world gave Judas in the story. I KNOW, and I do not
agree. I am not a christian, neither do I belong to any other religious
confession, I do not believe in monotheism, so don't preach me. For me
Jesus is a most intriguing and attracting personae in the history of our
world. As well as Judas…and their relationship is what fascinates me most.
Prologue.
The Crossroads of Time.
I am….I still am in fact, and this is the worst punishment, that God in his cruel and infinite wisdom has invented for me. I am, a nobody, a restless soul that has no way back, or no way forward just an endless go'around of memories, that spin through my mind, which is exhausted to the point of instability. Sometimes I get lost in them, those shadows of my life and I do not know if I want to get out of these dreams of past, sometimes I hardly can…There's one thing I know for sure – I can not get rid of them. I am not given the blissful oblivion, which would end my sufferings.So I keep remembering, keep seeing those eyes of purest blue, that the brightest sky can never match, which withheld so many mysteries, hidden and yet sometimes, so easy to understand. I see His face before my eyes, hear His voice, sometimes when I get too carried away by those illusions , it almost seems like I'm back to those times, enlighted by His presence, that poured more light into our souls, than a sun combined with moon and all stars, could never give. And then, I smile…and it feels like there's hope…but there is not. And every time, I get to believe it's Him, really Him, coming for me, to say that I'm forgiven, that I understood Him in a right way, and what I did was not a bad thing at all, but a part of the Plan, that I can join him, that I can be granted a happiness of merely staying at his feet, like I used to a hundered of lifetimes ago, the image shatters into countless pieces, and it's shards cut my heart, sting my eyes, which can't even shed tears anymore. My tears were dried by the Hell's flames…
All I can do, is just wait…wait without hope for salvation, for I do not deserve one, wait silently, since I ceased crying for mercy, wait patiently, since I ran out of curses, pleas, accusations, questions, an eternity ago…just wait…because I haven't got a prayer for me…no one has, in fact. For I am the rebel, the fool, who not only betrayed the one he loved the most, but who betrayed himself. I am the one who thought he knew better, and who's sinful soul loved a Son, more than God, and not in a way he ever should. I am a liar, who made himself believe, that he was important, and that he was the 12'th wheel in the carriage of history, and that He himself was dependant on his miserable self. I am, the unforgiven traitor who wishes he could go to Hell and back, only to turn back time, and make his crime undone. I am….still am….Judas Iscariot.
And there goes…my story.
To be continued.
Prologue.
The Crossroads of Time.
I am….I still am in fact, and this is the worst punishment, that God in his cruel and infinite wisdom has invented for me. I am, a nobody, a restless soul that has no way back, or no way forward just an endless go'around of memories, that spin through my mind, which is exhausted to the point of instability. Sometimes I get lost in them, those shadows of my life and I do not know if I want to get out of these dreams of past, sometimes I hardly can…There's one thing I know for sure – I can not get rid of them. I am not given the blissful oblivion, which would end my sufferings.So I keep remembering, keep seeing those eyes of purest blue, that the brightest sky can never match, which withheld so many mysteries, hidden and yet sometimes, so easy to understand. I see His face before my eyes, hear His voice, sometimes when I get too carried away by those illusions , it almost seems like I'm back to those times, enlighted by His presence, that poured more light into our souls, than a sun combined with moon and all stars, could never give. And then, I smile…and it feels like there's hope…but there is not. And every time, I get to believe it's Him, really Him, coming for me, to say that I'm forgiven, that I understood Him in a right way, and what I did was not a bad thing at all, but a part of the Plan, that I can join him, that I can be granted a happiness of merely staying at his feet, like I used to a hundered of lifetimes ago, the image shatters into countless pieces, and it's shards cut my heart, sting my eyes, which can't even shed tears anymore. My tears were dried by the Hell's flames…
All I can do, is just wait…wait without hope for salvation, for I do not deserve one, wait silently, since I ceased crying for mercy, wait patiently, since I ran out of curses, pleas, accusations, questions, an eternity ago…just wait…because I haven't got a prayer for me…no one has, in fact. For I am the rebel, the fool, who not only betrayed the one he loved the most, but who betrayed himself. I am the one who thought he knew better, and who's sinful soul loved a Son, more than God, and not in a way he ever should. I am a liar, who made himself believe, that he was important, and that he was the 12'th wheel in the carriage of history, and that He himself was dependant on his miserable self. I am, the unforgiven traitor who wishes he could go to Hell and back, only to turn back time, and make his crime undone. I am….still am….Judas Iscariot.
And there goes…my story.
To be continued.