.
"What lips my lips have kissed, and where, and why,
I have forgotten." - Edna St. Vincent
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Above them, the darkness stretches; black trees sway as they walk past. There's nothing but death in these woods, the sound of their breathing and the whispers of Hollows lurking around them.
"Where are you taking me?" Rukia asks.
In front of her, Ashido keeps walking, his Hollow's cloak shielding him from the cold. Rukia's own fingers are numb; she pulls her cloak around her in a feeble attempt to get warm.
"I asked you where you're taking me," Rukia says. Ashido glances back, then forward.
"You'll see," Ashido says. "Patience." Rukia glowers, rubbing her hands.
It seems like hours before the forest begins to thin. Tramping uphill, the slope they're climbing levels; it gives way to a wide open expanse. Around them, there's nothing but hazy moonlight and the bones of old trees. Ashido is standing at the hill's crest, eyes trained forward, when Rukia finally catches up to him.
"A graveyard," Rukia says. She looks up at Ashido with questioning eyes. "But why?"
"Isn't it obvious?"
Ashido's eyes are cold.
Behind them, she can feel Ichigo's reiatsu flashing in the distance. The wind stirs, and the memory slaps her in the face.
Five hundred days of aching arms and calloused hands from sparring with a wooden sword. The smell of sweat and the sound of her teammate's laughter. Days without sunshine, and Kaien-dono's eyes.
"I don't understand," Rukia says.
"You're just like me," Ashido says. He steps forward, leaning into her. "That grief you bear like a weight in your soul. I can sense it, Rukia." His voice is low in her ear. "You can feel it, too."
He's close, too close, and Rukia can't breathe. She takes a step back, but she's met by the wall of the cave. Reflexively, her hand reaches for the hilt of her sword.
"You're afraid," Ashido says.
"What do you want with me?" Rukia says.
"Nothing," Ashido says, and he steps closer.
Bridging the gap between their bodies, Ashido leans in, a finger's breadth away. He's taller than her, the fur from his cloak brushing against Rukia's skin, and Rukia finds herself pressing against his chest. She closes her eyes when she feels him dip forward, dropping a kiss at the nape of her neck.
"Rukia," he says. She feels his hands brush against her arms, feels her cloak falling to the floor. "Tell me, 'no,'" Ashido murmurs. His thumbs ghost across the collar of her kimono. "Tell me, 'stop.'"
"I-" Rukia's throat is dry. She looks up again and he kisses her on the mouth this time, hands cupping the side of her face.
They lie together on the makeshift pallet, their clothes still stiff from the cold. There is an ambient heat from the dim light in the corner - Ashido's kidou, flickering softly - but Rukia is covered in gooseflesh. She feels Ashido's fingers under the collar of her kimono, peeling it away from her skin.
Neither of them makes a sound.
In the dim half light, she lets him claw blindly up her kimono, his hands sliding up the crest of her ribs and up to her breasts. Thumbs brush against her nipples as he cups them gently, kissing the side of her neck. "Rukia," he says. She bites off a breathy moan as she feels him slide a hand down her thigh. "Shh," he says, and he breathes into her skin, fingers dipping deep inside of her.
In the distance, Ichigo's reiatsu pulses, intermixing with Renji's at a frenetic pace. It feels like sunshine struggling through the clouds.
"Ashido," she says, but his thumb is in her mouth, her heart thudding in her ears, and suddenly he's kissing her again, deeper this time and more frantic, hot mouth against her skin. Hands press against her knees and instinctively she wraps her legs around him, the heel of her foot digging into Ashido's spine.
Around them, their jagged breaths comes out white in the cold air, and Ashido pushes up inside of her.
A pair of calloused hands press against her hips, and Rukia is dizzy from the sensation. He begins to thrust, and Rukia gasps. He's hitting her at the right angle, thrusting deep and clutching her arms. Pushing up against him, her head falls against his chest, mouth slack and panting. He thrusts harder and before she can stop herself, she's kissing his skin, tongue tracing the path of an old but brutal scar.
The sound Ashido makes is guttural, a low-pitched growl, and Rukia is rewarded by another harsh thrust, his fingers digging into her skin. She's close - she can feel it - breath tight and muscles clenching. Ashido seems to sense it too, because all at once he rears up on his flanks, then shoves his face against her shoulder, gripping her tight and ramming his hips inside her. Instinctively, Rukia knows it's Ashido's own desperation that's driving him, his own loneliness and guilt that spurs him close.
When she climaxes, everything is so still. She is suddenly aware of the frigid air, the weight of Ashido's body as he pulses deep inside of her. Fragments of her own heartache. She thinks of Kaien-dono, and it makes her feel ashamed.
Her hands are shaking. She buries her face against Ashido's chest, feels his hands cradle the sides of her face. Rukia tries not to look at him, keeping her head down and avoiding his eyes.
"You were thinking of your friends, weren't you?" Ashido says. Rukia doesn't look at him.
"I'm sorry," Rukia says.
Ashido says nothing. He stands, then readjusts his cloak.
Behind her, the kidou glows, muted light filtering through the cold night air. She watches silently as Ashido moves throughout the cave, jaw tight and tying the tattered sash of his kimono. "Ashido," Rukia says.
He looks up. Light falls on the side of his face.
"Come back with me," Rukia says. She pulls her cloak tight, wrapping it like a shield. "You don't have to be alone."
xXx
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Beyond the mouth of the cave, pale moonlight somehow manages its way through the murky darkness, silhouetting their bodies with a muted glow. Rukia watches as Ashido sleeps, losing track of time as she memorizes each scar and line of the body pressed against her.
In the distance, she can feel Ichigo's reiatsu surging forward. She must have stirred then, because she can feel Ashido breathe, then hold her just a little bit tighter.
A/N: Even though Ashido was only in the anime, I thought he was a really interesting character, and I really liked his interactions with Rukia. Plus my mind's in the gutter, so there.