The Choices We Make

Summary: A short one shot of why Rick had his memory erased and didn't contact Kate after Bilal's repatriation. For a Castle Monday! This takes place after 8X15.

AN: So I thought I'd give this a go. And am I the only one didn't realize that Svetlana was the name of the girlfriend in the "Need to Know" episode? Doh!

Chapter 1: The Choices We Make

From Need to Know – McCord: They know it was you who tipped off the press. Part of me really admires you for the choice that you made, maybe because I'd like to think that there was a time when I'd have done it, but the people we answer to don't feel that way.

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Beckett sat at the counter, slowly sipping her coffee, letting it relax her as she listened to the quiet of the loft.

It was one of those rare days when Castle left first for an early morning meeting at Black Pawn; she had one at 1PP that was cancelled just before she walked out of the door.

So she took the time to orient herself, to get her bearings, before rushing off to work.

She let out a deep breath before pursing her lips.

Things were still not back to normal since she had returned after Castle's confession and her revelations during the Bardot case.

Once again, they danced that same delicate tango that they had when Castle had come back home after being missing for two months. It was if they were walking on eggs, afraid to disrupt the fragile truce that had been established after she watched the recording he had left himself.

She had yet to form a concrete opinion of the video. Part of her forgave him when she saw how fervently he believed in his decision – that doing what he did would keep her safe. But the other part of her yelled almost as vehemently that he had been wrong to do what he did.

And in the end, his sacrifice and their suffering had proven to be in vain and turned into a moot point because she had found out about LokSat anyway. And then she had left to protect him.

Beckett rinsed out her coffee cup and put in in the sink before picking up her purse and keys. She was about to walk out the door when the land-line phone rang. She paused. The only person who used that line was the building's concierge when he rang someone up to their loft and she wasn't expecting anyone.

She picked up the phone. "This is Beckett."

"Good morning, Ms. Beckett. This is Eduardo. There's a Rita here from Speedy Cleaners – she says you called to have your drapes cleaned."

Beckett frowned and then nodded slightly. "Send her up and thank you, Eduardo."

A few moments later, there was a knock on the door and Beckett opened it quickly.

The woman wearing large framed glasses smirked at her. Her dark hair was pulled back into a bun and she wore a blue jumpsuit. "Good morning, Ms. Beckett. I'm Rita with Speedy Cleaners and you called to have your drapes cleaned?"

Beckett nodded in response. "Yes, yes, I did." She hadn't, but…

"Then we'll get right to it," said the woman, rolling in a steam cleaner. "It's very important to get your drapes cleaned on a regular basis. People have no idea how many pesky bugs can be hiding in them," she said, holding a finger up to her lips as she turned the device on and then ran a scan of the room.

After she was satisfied, she turned the machine off and looked at Beckett. "So I see you moved back home. Does this mean you've given up investigating LokSat?"

Beckett took a deep breath. "No," she said truthfully, shaking her head.

Rita nodded. "I thought not. Then there are some things you need to know about why Richard did what he did." She studied Beckett thoughtfully for a moment. "I'm assuming you've seen Richard's dark web recording."

Beckett stared at her. "How do you know about that?"

"Sometimes the dark web isn't as dark as people think it is," she answered cryptically. "But that's beside the point." Rita looked at Beckett. "Richard did what he did to protect you—"

"—from myself," Beckett interjected.

"He knows you," Rita continued. "He knew you would have started investigating LokSat when he returned and told you about them, just like you did when you found out about the operation a year and a half later."

"And it wasn't his decision to make," Beckett said angrily, shaking her head.

"Perhaps not, but would it make a difference if he knew how the investigation would turn out?" Rita asked calmly.

Beckett shook her head again. "I don't understand."

"I think this will explain it," said Rita as she took out a USB drive and connected it to her phone. She then started the recording.

Beckett immediately recognized her father-in-law's voice, but she didn't know the other man.

"This is highly inappropriate, but useful," said the unknown man. There was a pause. "And the intel about LokSat is viable?"

"Yes," said Hunt. "Castle was able to track them down to an airfield in Los Angeles. He managed to escape before they could identify him, but he wasn't able to see LokSat."

Another pause. "Okay, then this is how we play it – let Castle go. I'm sure he'll tell Detective Beckett what he's found since it's connected with her mother's death. We make sure she investigates and use that as a distraction."

"Okay," said Hunt. "What about coverage?"

"Coverage?" asked the man.

"For Castle and Beckett," responded Hunt.

"No coverage – discreet observation only," said the man. "He'll know if we put someone on them and we've lost this son-of-a-bitch too many times to risk that. No, when he takes Detective Beckett out, we'll follow the trail back to him and take him out." A pause. "Understood?"

"Understood."

The recording clicked off and Beckett stood there dumbfounded in the silence.

"How did you get that?" she finally asked Rita.

Rita shrugged slightly. "I have my sources." She disconnected the USB from her phone before speaking again. "It took…us…a while to put together what happened. Castle was supposed to fly back the day that the conversation occurred but we think that he overheard it when he was looking for his father to say goodbye. Then next thing we knew, he was having his memory erased."

"But if 'they' wanted Castle to tell me about LokSat, why would they let him erase his memory?" Beckett asked.

"Agencies don't play well with others," Rita responded. She waved her hand in a theatrical gesture. "And Richard made sure he talked to the right people and gave some very eloquent excuse about his not being able to keep his mouth shut about Bilal if the Russians found him. It would have done Martha proud. And never once did he bring up LokSat, so they were none the wiser."

Rita paused. "When Hunt found out about it, it was too late and he couldn't stop the process without giving up vital information."

Beckett nodded. "So now what? We're still investigating LokSat."

Rita smiled slightly. "Contrary to popular opinion, we do have people in place who will do more than watch. So we wait to see how this plays out."

"But I thought 'they' said—" Beckett started.

"Those two are more alike than you know. Just because someone tells Hunt something doesn't mean he's going to follow it. I think that's where Richard gets it from," answered Rita.

Beckett nodded. "Thanks for the information. Castle will be glad to know someone is watching out for us."

Rita smiled in response. "Well, the last time I saw Richard, we had a little chat. So it was your turn now. But it's up to you what you do with it."

Beckett nodded, pushing a strand of hair behind her ear. She frowned as she looked at Rita. "I'm not sure how to ask this because the opportunity never presented itself until now…"

"About the procedure to erase memory?" Rita guessed. At Beckett's nod, she continued. "Well, it may not be permanent and that's turning out to be true in Richard's case. However, it can be a painful, prolonged experience. And in some cases, it can cause irreversible brain damage and death."

Beckett's eyes widened in alarm. "Is Rick—?"

"No, no," Rita said reassuringly. "The worst case scenarios happen during the process. Dredging up the memories may not be pleasant, but the effects will be nothing worse than a slight headache. Richard will be fine."

Beckett nodded again as her phone buzzed. She quickly looked at it and said, "It's work – I have to take this."

Rita nodded. "Of course."

"And the next time you talk to Hunt, tell him thanks for us," Beckett added.

"About what?" Rita asked. "This conversation never happened. I was just here to clean your drapes. It's amazing how bad people will let them get," she continued as she opened the front door and rolled the steamer out. "Our service is 100% guaranteed so be sure to call if you have any problems."

Beckett nodded as she dialed Espo back and listened to what he said.

She ended the call and then smiled slightly as she sent a text to Castle to let him know about the body drop and where to meet them if he could.

Beckett gathered up her purse and keys and walked out to face the day.

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The End