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Second Best

I was ecstatic for my mom. After all of the years spent alone, struggling, jumping from job to job just to keep a roof over our heads, she was finally getting her happy ending. And Shawn? Shawn was the dad I thought was only possible in my dreams. He was smart, creative, funny, successful and equally as fucked up as I was. Shawn gave me hope. Hope for the future. Hope for success. Hope for happiness. Most importantly, Shawn gave my hope for myself.

Shawn may be Cory Matthews' best friend but he wasn't defined by it; I didn't want to be defined by Riley, either. Until he came into our lives I didn't know that though, I didn't know that there was a Maya who could exist without a Riley; it had been so long since it was just me in my head. But to see Shawn not be defined by his counterpart, to have his individuality shine through, made me want to do the same. Somewhere along the way though I had turned into Riley.

I had always been envious of Riley. Her parents, her apartment, her ability to see the world through kaleidoscope blinders; never having to struggle a day in her life. I wanted that. I wanted it all. So I slowly tried to become her. The hair, the clothes, the attentiveness in class. I knew it wouldn't change the outcome of my life but could it change the verdict of the triangle ? I doubted it but I still tried. I believed that if I looked and acted like her then maybe Lucas would choose me over her, I could finally get the guy I had my eyes on for years; I would finally come out on top. But that was never going to happen, was it? So I made the decision to take myself out of the running. It was better that I bowed out gracefully, with my head held high and pride still intact than to get to the finish line only to once again be second best to Riley Matthews. I didn't want to resent her.

I hugged my mom and Shawn, congratulating them one last time, said goodbye to the Matthews and excused myself claiming that I needed to go home to shower before the purple paint hardened anymore. Home was the last place I intended to go though. There was only one place I could go to clear my head and rid my body of all the anger that built up throughout the day - the swings.

The swing set sat directly across the street from my apartment building to the right. It was, at one point in time, a schoolyard but the school had since been closed. The neighborhood couldn't afford to keep it running but that also meant they couldn't afford to knock it down. It was the perfect escape in my eyes. Close enough to home that grandma wouldn't worry when I was younger but deserted enough to find peace. I had spent countless nights on the swings, pumping my legs until the moon and the stars encompassed my body as if hugging me. I was free up there. Free from judgement, free from pain; it was like breathing for the first time.

I had been swinging long enough for my legs to feel a slight burn when the clattering of the rickety metal fence broke me out of my reverie. I didn't need to look over to know who it was; it was Lucas. He was probably the only person besides myself that came here and he was the only person who knew to find me here outside of my family.

"Hey." he said as he approached the swing set.

I replied with the same sentiment as I began my descent.

"What are you doing here ?" I asked as my toes touched the ground.

"Looking for you." he said as if it was the most obvious thing in the world.

"Why?"

"We need to talk, Maya."

"Didn't we do that already ?" I had a feeling our conversation wasn't over when I left Riley's. Lucas wasn't the kind of guy who let things go, especially if one of his friends were involved. He needed to make sure everyone was okay and taken care of before he was satisfied.

"No. You talked and I listened but nothing got resolved." he said as he sat on the swing next to me.

"Sure it did." I said defensively. " The triangle no longer exists, you don't need to worry about hurting my feelings or losing our friendship. You and Riley are free to be together, no road blocks." I couldn't bare to look at him and see the pity on his face so I stared at the spot on my worn Converse as if it held the secrets to the universe.

"What makes you so sure I was going to pick Riley?" It was his turn to be defensive.

"That was always going to be the outcome, Lucas. Since the day on the subway, it was always meant to be you and Riley."

"Why does everyone keep saying that?" Lucas asked quietly, almost as if he were asking himself and not me.

"Because guys like you don't normally choose girls like me." I murmured, the spot on my shoe still holding my attention. I wanted this conversation to be over with, I didn't need anymore reason to feel bad about myself. Was it too much to ask to just move past this? I wanted to go back to being Maya. Maya before the triangle, Maya who didn't care what people thought, who acted first and thought later. I wanted to be the Maya before she loved Lucas. Things were easier then. Well, as easy as they were going to be.

"Guys like me?"

"Yea, guys like you." I finally looked up to face him. "Star athlete with the perfect hair and award winning smile. The good Ole All American Boy that you can't wait to bring home to Mama, kind of guy." Hurt and betrayal instantly washed over his face. This was going from bad to worse and I didn't know how to fix it.

"You, above everyone else, should know that that's only on the surface." And I did know. Lucas and I, despite our constant bickering, we're incredibly close. We had spent countless nights here or on the phone just talking about everything and nothing. We knew each other's fears and hopes of the future. He knew about my crippling fear of never succeeding, of never being more than Riley's troubled friend, and I knew his fear of never living up to his father's impossible standards. We knew everything there was to know about each other, more than Riley or Zay would ever know.

"I know but I also know it's the guy you want to be, the one you feel you should be. You want to be someone's knight in shining armor and I'm no princess."

"I don't want a princess or some fairytale that Disney has made people believe is real life." I saw in his eyes the words that he couldn't get out, the words I wouldn't let him say. Lucas chose me.

"Lucas-" I began to protest. Why, I don't know. This is what I wanted but when faced with it I was terrified.

"It's you, Maya. Since the day on the train, it has always been you."

"Riley-" My last ditch effort before I threw caution to the wind. These next few moments could ruin my life long friendship with Riley and I wasn't going down without a fight.

"Riley is an amazing friend but she'll never be more than a sister to me."

"Then why spend all this time choosing?"

"There was never any option besides you but I didn't want to hurt Riley. I was hoping she would come around to the idea of you and I."

"She still believes Pluto is a planet." I deadpanned causing both of us to chuckle at our innocent friend's expense.

"I know. Eventually I realized she was never coming around so I rushed to her apartment to tell you immediately. I couldn't keep doing this weird limbo thing anymore. It was straining all of us."

"Why me?" I had to know how I had finally came first to someone. It's something I had never had, not even with my mom.

"Because you piss me off, Maya. All day, everyday you piss me off and I wouldn't change it for anything. You keep me on my toes, you're spontaneous and wreckless but you have the biggest heart out of everyone. The real question is, why not you? You're amazing, Maya, and I know you don't see it for yourself but I plan on changing that."

"Ya know, Huckleberry, if we're going to be together you can't get all insightful and soul searching constantly. It's a real mood killer." My decision was made. Though I loved Riley and our friendship meant the world to me, it was time I put myself first. It was time I let myself feel happiness. Riley was going to be upset, she may stop talking to me but in that moment I didn't care.

"Does that mean you'll finally go out with me?" Lucas asked with a shit eating grin on his face.

"Is that your way of asking me?" I teased.

"Yes."

"Then yes, Ranger Rick, I will finally go out with you."

We smiled those disgustingly, adoring smiles, that I swore you only saw in the movies, at each other as he pulled my swing to his. His left hand rest on my cheek as he placed a tender, love filled kiss on my lips. It was like nothing I had ever experienced before and I never wanted it to end. I knew our new found relationship would bring trouble followed by some teen angst that would create a never ending list of "What ifs" but I was ready for it. I wasn't afraid to face it as long as he was by my side. I didn't know how long our relationship would last; a year, five, maybe even eternity, but I knew that it would all be worth it because regardless of what we would face, I would always be his first choice and he would be mine.