Aaah! First story... a little bit terrified.

I wrote this a wee while ago, originally as a present for a friend of mine. It's lovely and cheesy.

Please review! Constructive criticism will be muchly appreciated.

And, of course, I don't own any of these characters. Sigh..

The rain plummeted down like a curtain around me, mixing with my tears, washing the betrayal from my body.

I hadn't meant to let it get this far. When it first happened, all those months ago, I had promised myself it wouldn't happen again. But it did. I was lying to myself when I thought I could stay apart from Jacob. He filled the gap that Edward didn't, fulfilled the needs that Edward couldn't. When I lay there, in his arms, I was happy.

It was the ultimate treachery – I knew that. To sneak around, to sleep with the enemy, it was the worst thing I could do. Each time I told myself this was it; this would be the time Edward guessed, when he uncovered my dirty little secret and finally saw me for the monster that I was. Yet I kept going back to La Push, week after week, spending more and more time with Jacob. And while every intimate moment we shared was bliss, the happiness I felt was not enough to stifle the intense feeling of guilt that rained down on me when I was away from him. It grew stronger and stronger as the months passed.

Because my heart would always be pledged to Edward. Even though after two years of our relationship he still wouldn't commit to our physical relationship, I loved him more than I could ever love anyone. And I didn't want to hurt him – I hated lying to him – but I was in too deep.

So it was with this feeling of guilt in my heavy heart that I crossed the invisible line between Jacob's world and Edward's world, towards Edward's open, waiting arms. I took a deep breath and swallowed the sobs that were building in my throat as he wrapped his arms around me in a cold but loving embrace.

'You're soaked,' he muttered into my hair. 'Did he make you walk here by yourself?'

I shook my head. 'No, I offered to walk. He had stuff to do,' I mumbled. It was partly true. Jacob didn't make me go alone. But I wouldn't tell Edward about how I made Jacob promise to stay away. How I made sure Edward and Jacob would never be in a close range of each other. I wouldn't risk Jake's overactive imagination exposing the truth.

A low growl issued from inside Edward's chest. 'I bet he did,' he mumbled. Then he added, so quietly I don't think it was intended for me to hear, 'Stupid dog.'

The car journey back to Edward's house was quieter than usual. The easy chatter that normally filled the Volvo was absent, and in its place was an awkward silence, broken only by the soft lull of classical music in the background.

I turned the heater up a bit more and wrapped my arms around my waist to warm myself up. Edward had both of his hands fixed strangely on the wheel, and his eyes never left the road.

This was peculiar, and worry began to gnaw at my insides. Did he know? Had he somehow discovered what was going on behind his back? Impossible, I told myself. With Alice's visions impaired by her inability to see werewolves and their surroundings, there was surely nothing to lead Edward to suspect something out of the ordinary. As far as he was concerned, I was friends with Jacob Black, and nothing more. At least I hoped that was the case.

I shut my eyes and let my head fall back against the seat. In no time at all we reached the Cullens' house. Edward got out in silence and went to stand by the front door. He didn't bother to open the passenger door for me. I stepped out of the car and trudged up the path towards him, feeling hollow inside.

There was no one else in the house. I had never seen it so empty before. It seemed colder, bigger, and much more ominous somehow.

It was when we reached Edward's bedroom that unease finally took hold of me. He opened the door and ushered me inside, before gesturing to the black sofa on the other side of the room. I walked past him and perched on the edge, afraid to meet his gaze, afraid of what I might see there. Fury? Hate? Those I could have managed. Those I deserved. But it was the pain, the sadness that I was scared to see. I had never wanted to hurt him.

'Bella,' he said, breaking the perfect silence with his perfect voice. I flinched as he said my name, seeking out traces of the emotions I didn't want him to feel. But I couldn't hear any anger in his voice, or even pain. I looked up into his angel's face, and to my astonishment he was smiling. I stared at him, too startled to smile back.

'Bella, I've been thinking...' He took a deep breath. I took one too and held it; the panic was still gnawing at my stomach. 'I really appreciate how patient you've been with me since we've been together. I know you have other wants and... desires sometimes... and I'm so very sorry I haven't been able to fulfil them for you. I've been so selfish Bella, and I'm grateful you've waited all this time to share these experiences with me.' He stopped – a sheepish smile on his face.

I was shocked. This wasn't where I had expected this conversation to be headed. He really had no idea. He was apologising to me – thanking me for being faithful. The panic was all but gone completely now, and in its place was a feeling of guilt so strong I felt tears welling up in my eyes.

'You have to understand though, as I've told you before, you're so breakable, and I couldn't bear to risk hurting you,' he raised his eyes to the ceiling, struggling for words. 'But now... if you'll let me... I'd like to try this. I love you Bella. I wouldn't want to do this with anyone else.'

My heart almost broke. Edward paced shyly across the room and sat next to me. I couldn't meet his eyes. With one icy hand he held both of mine. The other he placed on my cheek, guiding my head to face him. 'Will you let me try and make you happy?'

I couldn't speak. I just stared at him, the tears threatening to spill down my cheeks. This couldn't be happening. Not now. I couldn't let him do this. I couldn't let him give himself to me, when I had already had myself stolen a long time ago. I held his gaze without saying a word, and he seemed to take my reaction as an encouragement. He moved closer to me, smiling a stunning – albeit nervous – smile. He pushed me down gently, so that I was laid on the sofa with him atop me, and I couldn't muster the will to stop him. Surely I should let him though? If he was finally ready, after all those years, surely I shouldn't be the one to break his spirit. He began to undo the buttons of his shirt whilst he looked down at me, and for the first time I saw trace of naivety in his butterscotch eyes. This really meant something to him...

Don't do this Bella! A voice in my head shouted at me, startling me. You stop him right now!

The tears rolled down my cheeks at last as for once I listened to myself. 'Edward,' I gasped when his cool lips brushed my neck.

'Mm?' He mumbled into my skin. Summoning the scrawny amount of willpower I had, I pushed against his marble chest. The action wasn't strong, but it was enough to cause him to remove his lips long enough for me to concentrate.

'Edward, I can't do this.' Eventually he sat up and looked at me, cocking his head to the side. Seeing my tears for the first time, he brushed my cheek softly with the back of his hand.

'What's wrong?'

'I can't...' I was shaking my head frantically, tears pouring down my face. The guilt had drowned my self-control.

Edward frowned. 'But I thought this was what you wanted.'

'It was. It is! But Edward, there's something I need to tell you,' I sobbed, internally cursing my conscience for making me do this. He shuffled back on the sofa, allowing me to sit up. He went to hold my hand in his but I moved mine away. I stared straight ahead, unable to look at his worried face.

I was hyperventilating – I could hardly breathe through the sobs – but I knew I had to do this now before I broke down even more.

'Edward, I... I've been... sleeping with someone else,' I choked out, but that was all I could manage. I dropped my face in my hands. I listened, waiting for some kind of reaction. I wasn't sure what, but I assumed some sort of emotional outburst was on its way. I hoped it would be anger. He deserved to be angry at me. I deserved to be hated by him.

But after a few minutes of waiting, he still made no sound. Eventually I chanced a look out of the corner of my eye. At first I thought he had left the room; he was no longer sitting next to me. But as I lifted my head up I realised he was standing by the window, still as a statue, looking out over the forest. There was no expression on his face. It was blank. I hated this more than if he had been angry.

'Edward,' I whispered, though my voice was raspy from sobbing so hard. He didn't look at me. 'Edward I'm sorry.' I tried again after a few seconds of silence. He still didn't look at me. 'I didn't mean t-'

'I think you should go now Bella,' he cut me off, and his voice was hard. I squeezed my eyes shut and willed myself not to fall to pieces yet. Then, calmly and quietly, I stood up and left the room. I didn't look at Edward again, and I'm pretty sure he didn't look at me.

I didn't stop walking until I was outside and out of view of the Cullens' house. Only then did I fall to a heap on the damp forest floor. I hugged my arms around myself and cried like I never had before. I had known this would happen though. I hardly expected him to love me or stay with me once I told him. This was my fault, and I was getting what I deserved. And in a strange way it felt good to tell him, because at least I wouldn't have to lie again, and I couldn't hurt him anymore. Well done Bella, the voice in my head muttered bitterly. The one person in your life that made you truly happy and you've lost him. It was true – Edward was the only one I would ever love. Even though I cared for Jacob, my feelings for him were based mainly on what he could offer me physically. My feelings for him could never compare to my feelings for Edward.

The rain started again then, but I barely noticed it.