"I had a late night." Emily said.
"Shift at the bar?" Alison asked.
"I had a date."
"Oh I didn't know you were seeing anyone." Alison said, some hidden feeling visible behind her eyes.
"It's new."
"Be careful, Em. Love isn't always nice." Alison said obviously referring to Elliot. Or Archer. Whoever he was.
"Trust me I know."
"I just can't believe that he wasn't who he said he was." Alison said gripping her cup of tea on Lucas's couch.
"You loved him didn't you?" Emily said trying to be a supportive friend. "Friend." That always felt weird to call herself with Alison. She was never friends with Alison. She was always in love with Alison. From her perspective, you could either be in love with someone or be their friend. You couldn't be both.
"I don't know. I thought it did." Alison said truthfully, "I think some part of me always knew that it wouldn't last."
"Lately I've been thinking nothing does." Emily said.
"Nothing?"
"Except for the fact that nothing works out like you plan it to." Emily said.
"Isn't that kind of a good thing though?"
"No." Emily said looking down.
"I think th-"
"Well I've got to go." Emily interrupted, "Shift at the Radley."
"Oh ok, well I'll see you later right?"
"I don't know. I'll try to make it." Emily said as she quickly left the apartment.
Emily has been distant lately. I guess everyone has. But Emily has lost that warm innocent way about her. Alison feared that the world and everything that happened to all of them just sort of chipped that away one day at a time. Her sister chipped that away.
Emily changed so much from when they were kids. Her mermaid was now a strong and vicious shark but that's only because the waters got too rough for mermaids. I guess animals adapt.
Alison had changed too. She got stronger, less afraid. She was kind now. At least she thought so. God if she could go back she would do so many things differently. She would have let Mona sit with them at lunch, waved to Lucas in the halls, gotten closer to her mom, she would've never disappeared. And most of all she would have told Emily Fields that she was in love with her. That was always her biggest regret. Emily Fields is the one that got away and after all is said and done, she just wished she had treated her better. She wished she would have not played with her emotions or led her to believe that her feelings were one sided. Because they never were. Alison loved Emily more than she even let herself realize. And it hurt that Emily didn't need her anymore.
[Hey are you coming? I was excited to have some company. None of the other girls can come. It's my one night away from Mary and I want to spend it with someone.] Alison texted Emily.
[Yeah sorry I'm late. I'm coming.] Emily replied.
Here Alison was still holding on to hope that Emily might still want to be with her. Why is she keeping that hope though? Emily has dated so many people, including whoever this new bitch was. It's not like Alison has been living in the heart of Emily though all of her girlfriends and all the time apart. There's no way. But still Alison cared way too much and thought through the night way too seriously. She popped popcorn, she put blankets on the couch, she fixed her hair, just like old times.
Alison heard a door open, "Hi Ali. I'm sorry about being so late." She didn't knock. Alison loved that even after all this time she didn't knock.
"Oh it's fine. I thought we could watch a movie."
"Like old times." Emily smiled slightly. That's the first time in months Alison has seen that smile.
"You said today that nothing lasts. Here's proof that if you try really hard, things can."
"That's really nice of you Ali. I don't know the last time I did something for fun. Just because I wanted to."
"Well it's movie night and I picked your favorite." Alison said putting it in, "get excited."
Emily pulled a blanket over her knees and smiled. There it was again. It was beautiful.
Alison sat down next to her.
"So who's this new girl you've been seeing?" Alison said letting her jealous side slip out.
"Oh he's not a girl."
"What?"
"I'm just kidding." Emily said cracking a slight grin at the corner of her mouth.
"Seriously." Alison said chucking.
"Her name's Sabrina."
"Do you like her?" Alison asked.
"Yeah. It's new. Sometimes dating someone new is just kind of.. I'm kinda tired of the dating scene. I just want someone I don't have to figure out. I just want them to get me without so much talking. So much awkward conversation."
"Yeah me too." Alison said. Turning to the TV. "Me too."
"Come on, was that not just the best movie you've ever seen?!" Emily said as the credits started to roll.
"Em you've made me watch that movie fifty times," Alison smiled, "you just think the girl is hot."
"And it's a good movie."
"She doesn't even seem like your type anyway." Alison said.
"She's blonde. Blondes are always my type."
Alison chuckled awkwardly.
"Okay that was so not meant as a back-handed comment at you. I know we're just friends."
"Yeah." Alison smiled sadly.
"Well thank you for this Ali," Emily said trying to break up the awkwardness in the room, "I really appreciated the movie choice and the popcorn and everything."
"Anytime Em."
"Well I'll see you tomorrow right?" Emily said gathering up her things, "we're going with Toby to look at Archer's bank account statements.
"Yeah I'll be there." Alison said bringing Emily into a friendly hug.
"Let's do this again."
"I would love that."
Emily started to walk out the door.
"Hey Em,"
"Yeah?"
"I hope you find that person you're looking for." Alison said kindly.
"You too Ali."
As Emily walked back to her car Alison saw the moon hanging low and orange in the sky. It scattered light around the street that was usually pitch black and it reminded her of an October night in freshman year with Emily at the kissing rock. It was the last time she'd seen the moon so large and orange.
"Look at that moon." Emily said sitting next to Alison, their backs leaning against the kissing rock.
"It's beautiful." Alison said back.
"Why are you so different when you're with me Ali? " Emily said looking over at Alison.
"I'm not different." Alison shrugged.
"You're real with me. I know who you really are. Why don't you show other people that?"
"Because when you're vulnerable Em, you get hurt."
"Maybe it hurts more to not be vulnerable."
"Well I'm not wise like you Em. We're different. You're kind. I'm not." Alison replied.
"You're kind. And you're beautiful. And you're strong enough to do whatever you want to do. Including being the person that I know you are."
Alison grabbed Emily's hand and interlocked their fingers creating warmth in the cold.
"I just can't." She said looking down.
"That may be. But you can always be who you really are with me." Emily said.
"Are you?" Alison asked.
"Am I what?"
"Are you who you really are?" Alison questioned.
"I think so."
"With Ben?"
"He's a nice guy." Emily said rubbing her thumb on the top of Alison's hand.
"Does he make you feel alive? Does he make your heart race?"
"No." Emily confessed.
"Who does?" Alison asked.
"You know who does."
Alison rested her head on Emily's shoulder. "Yeah I do."
Emily woke up and clouds covered the sun outside of her window. The house was silent. So silent that it kind of hurt to listen to. There was nothing to distract her from her thoughts. And they were loud. Being with Alison last night was kind of strange. They hadn't spent time alone together since they were kids and it was almost like it was happening for the first time all over again. She woke up with those "Alison feelings" that she used to have when she was 15 after Alison would lightly peck her on the lips and play with her emotions. You know, butterflies, feeling like she could cry, laugh and scream all at the same time. But most of all she just had an insane craving for Alison. She just craved being around her and seeing her smile, she felt her youth slip back into her heart again and it felt good. And scary. Very scary. Her phone rang. Thank god. Some distraction.
"Hey Aria."
"Hey how was your night last night?" Aria said.
"Interesting."
"What did you guys do?" Aria asked.
"We watched a movie."
"What movie?"
"Pinky Promise." Emily said.
"That's your favorite. Did she pick that out?"
"Lets not talk about Ali right now. Did you find anything with Spencer?" Emily said.
"Woah, Woah, Woah, Em. I'm not letting you off so easy. Did something happen last night?"
"No. Nothing."
"Em."
"I swear Aria nothing happened between Ali and I." Emily replied quickly.
"Did you want something to?"
"No of course not." Emily said. "Nothing has happened between Ali and I for years."
"Nothing is a relative term." Aria replied, "What about that kiss last summer when you came back for your dad's funeral.
"That was nothing." Emily said thinking back to that day.
"Are you okay Em?" Alison asked. "I mean trust me I know what it's like to go to a parents funeral. How are you doing?"
"Compared to what?" Emily slurred.
"Are you drunk?"
"Maybe."
"What can I do to help Em?"
"You can kiss me."
"Stop it Emily you know thats not what you really want. You're not thinking straight." Alison said.
Emily stepped towards her and placed a hand on her waist removing the space that existed between them.
"You know you want to kiss me." Emily whispered into Alison's ear.
"I do but—"
Emily interrupted her by placing her lips firmly against Alison's. She could taste the liquor on her lips. Alison stepped away.
"We shouldn't." Alison said.
"We should." Emily said kissing her again.
"Emily stop." Alison replied pushing her away gently. "You're drunk and sad and you need to go home. I'll drive you okay? Come on."
"Aria it meant nothing. We're not teenagers anymore. A kiss is just a kiss. I was drunk."
"Em, can we just be real with each other right now? I'm your best friend. Just talk to me about it. What was it like? Do you feel anything for her anymore?"
"Of course I do. I've never stopped having feelings for her. You know that."
"So was there any kind of chemistry when you spent time together?"
"I don't know. She was kind of… over attentive. Here Em, let me get you a blanket. Here Em, let's watch your favorite movie. Hey Em, who's this new girl your dating. Hey Em, lets do this again. After all these years Aria, she still has the amazing power to have complete control over my emotions. You'd think I would have figured it out by now."
"How do you know she's playing with your emotions?"
"Because she's Ali. That's what she does. No matter how much you change you can't replace the very core of who you are." Emily replied.
"That's not the very core of her. I know it and you know it."
"I'm scared Aria."
"Love is scary. But who's to say that you can't have a happy ending Em?" Aria said comfortingly. "Who's to say that we all can't?"