So this was originally going to be apart of my other zades one shot story but i liked it so much I decided there is a possibility I could turn it into a multiple chapter story so have decided to publish it here instead. I hope you enojy

- J

It was raining outside, she could hear the tattletale pitter pattering from where she was sat, curled up on the bay window a thread worn emerald blanket pulled around her shoulders tucked around her as she stares out and waits. If she squinted hard enough she'd have been able to see the rain but her eyes were too clouded with the tears yet to fall from her pale blue eyes to be able to make out the small streaks of freezing water thundering to the ground outside.

"It's getting colder isn't it?" The voice brakes the deafening silence and she lifts her head bringing her hands up to wipe away those last few tears before she turns her head in the direction of the voice stopping as she catches a glimpse of him. His blonde hair was a mess, stuck up in all directions, so unlike his normal style yet, he suited it and it gave off a vibe not that she could really explain what vibe that was she could just sense it in the air. His eyes… god his eyes, they hadn't changed, they were still that subtle, but vibrant blue that was so much like the sea on a cold winters day, a kind of murky grey underlining so pale it was hard to notice just by glancing at him from afar.

"Yes… it certainly is…" He smiles one of those smiles, the ones she loves so much and he comes closer sitting down beside her as she shuffles slightly so she was sitting up instead of slouching, making enough room for him to just about squeeze on as well. They settled into a comfortable silence, neither one of them daring to utter a word, too afraid of what might be said, too afraid of what needed to be said.

"You know what today is don't you?" She was shocked by the steadiness in her voice, there was no stutter or shake as there was so often these days, ever since that day she'd had a hard time keeping it together enough when she was around those sickening hero's, but around him… all that strength seemed to double, the shake was gone and her voice sounded almost normal, like it hadn't happened, like none of it had happened.

"Yes I know…" From the corner of her eye she could see him tear his gaze away from the frosty fields beyond the window to look at her his head tilted back slightly a look of pity on his face. She squeezes her eyes shut turning her head just enough that he would be out of view before opening them again shaking her head slowly.

"Don't…Not today…" He follows her gaze, turning his head back to stare out the window again, accepting the fact that she didn't want to talk about it, that she couldn't talk about it. Not with him. Not now, perhaps not ever. She didn't know how much time had passed as she sat there the sound of her heart pounding in her ears, the only sound in the sullen silence that seemed to have washed over them, before she heard a slight creaking coming from besides her indicating that he had moved slightly forwards, towards her.

"Zelena, I know that you don't want to talk about it but… perhaps it might do you some good if you… if you…" Her head snaps round a fire suddenly blazing in her eyes, as she fixes a level stare on him and she watches as the small ounce of courage he had built up slowly trickled away as he visibly swallowed, realising his mistake.

"If I what Hades, if I talk to you about it? If I tell you what I'm feeling… if I tell you about the fact that every night since that day I have spent in tears. I have tried so hard Hades, so damn hard not to let it show, to keep it all inside buried where it can't hurt, but it hasn't worked, they've noticed…. They've all noticed, not that they care, Regina only confronted me due to 'sisterly concerns' but even I could tell the only sisterly concerns she had were those of what I could be capable of if I don't get help… you've heard what they say… what they all say Hades, your there even when they don't know you are, even if they don't believe you are…"

She doesn't know where it comes from, but there is a sudden hardness to her voice and if she could see what he could she'd see a girl wild with emotions, with eyes that held so much pain and suffering it was a wonder she was still feeling anything at all. Truth was she didn't most days. Most days she would wake up and she would focus on some point high above her the thoughts in her head running rapidly from those of grief… to blame… to what ifs – the list was endless.

Then she'd get up and she'd go through the normal routine of getting herself ready… ready to leave the house, to slam her walls into place and to raise the mask once more. Ready to go into town and have breakfast with Regina, and to smile and to laugh and to internally scream that it wasn't right. That she shouldn't be doing this, she shouldn't be pretending, she shouldn't be hiding, she shouldn't be existing… she should be living.

"No… I think it might do you some good if you go there… I think you might find that the answers you have been looking for are right in front of you… you've just got to go there to see them…"

The fire in her eyes suddenly dies down, extinguished by the softness of his tone, extinguished from the slightly tilt of his head and from his eyes… it was always his eyes. From his eyes which showed such raw emotion, such pain at seeing her in such a state, seeing her so controlled by these feelings of guilt, of hurt… so controlled by these feelings he could do nothing to stop.

She turns, her mind replaying his words over as if they were stuck on a loop as she surveys the room in which they were sat. The room was bare of any decoration, besides a small golden photo frame sat up the dresser in the corner, a picture of a bubbling one year old and a red haired mother sat on a tartan picnic blanket in the middle of autumn only three months prior. The people in the picture hadn't know it was being taken, so their focus isn't on the camera instead they are pointing at something in the distance, ducks if she remembers correctly, but they could have been pointing at clouds. The days all seemed to blur together into one big hazy pile of smoke within her mind and she often found it hard to separate them out in order of events. The walls were a soft blue, the same exact colour of the eyes that now stared at her, waiting for a response as she let her eyes sweep over the neatly made bed and the rows up rows of books lined up on the bookshelf in the corner.

It wasn't till she looked back at the man before her that she finally let out the breath she didn't realise she had been holding, the intensity of his gaze seemed to chase away whatever fear she had left in her. The look of utter love that was written as if in ink across his face seemed to almost obliterate those strong feelings of terror that had been welling up in her moments prior to this.

"Okay… okay I'll go… but we go now and we go together" A sudden smile crawled its way onto his face not one of those smiles, the ones he did so often yet not enough, no this one was different this one showed of feelings of pure happiness, of pure joy that she had agreed to do such a small… yet such a big thing.

"I wouldn't have it any other way." And with that a small ghost of a smile flicked onto her face, and unlike all the others, all the ones she did these days it was genuine and as he noticed this his eyes shone brighter and his smile grew. He stood then straightening out his tie before spinning slowly on his heels to look at her waiting half a heartbeat before extending his hand out towards her, and with one big burst of courage she slipped her fingers into his and rose from her huddled position, shaking away the shackles that had held her there, it that house for so long as she took a step towards him, a strange feeling of wonder slowly growing within her.

She should have brought a jacket, that's the first thing she thinks to herself as they stop in front of that door, the one that keeps that room hidden from view. She wasn't wrong when she had said it was cold earlier and as the sun had begun to set the air seemed to thicken as the winter frost slowly began to sink in, preparing for a long night.

"It's not too late you know" She turns to look at him drawing in a breath before turning back to look at the door the words 'Regina Mills, Queen' staring back at her and she shakes her head. She had to do this, she had to go inside the office and she had to look around and she'd find the answers that she was looking for, she knew she would.

A shaky hand reached forwards as she took a step towards the door her fingers gripping onto the door handle as she pauses shutting her eyes as flashes of a time when she had done just this came racing towards her. She quickly shook them away and she twisted her wrist the clicking sound of metal sliding against wood altering her to the fact that all she had to do was push and she'd be free to enter. She felt a slight pressure on her shoulder and she turned her head to look at it following the hand that had been placed there up till she was staring into his eyes and that was all it took, one look and she pushed the door open, her breath hitching in her throat as it swung open to reveal the room beyond.

She shuffled forwards her feet seeming to want to disobey the orders she was giving to move forwards, she heard the all too familiar clicking sound which indicated that he was following her as she moved deeper into the room, her heart clenching with each step she took. After what felt like hours she finally stopped, right in the centre of the heavily decorated room that belong to her half-sister. She swung her head around to the side images suddenly flashing before her eyes, they were so quick but they stung just as much as if they had been in slow motion or even going at a regular speed. There were so many though it was hard to separate them all as she heard them the words repeating over and over again: I thought love was enough for you… but now I realise- nothing ever will be…

She slammed her hands down over her ears as a sudden gut wrenching sob escaped her lips the reality of what she had realised coursing through her so fast it was like an electrical current was being shot around, as if her veins were the wires and everything else it touched was smouldering.

"Zelena…" He didn't try to approach her this time, instead he hung back watching her with an affection gaze from his position a few feet behind her. She slowly brung her hands down from where they shielded her ears instead moving to cover her mouth as she sunk to the ground the last bits of strength within her slowly fading away as she looked around trying to see past the blur the memories suddenly going into hyper speed around her. Robin on the floor, unmoving. Her sister with tears streaming down her face, pleading with Zelena. And Hades…. Hades turning into a pile of ash blue flames licking at his body as he fell with Zelena stood sobbing in front of him her hands out stretched as if to save him, he body frozen as the realisation of what she had done had come crashing down on her.

"Your… you're not real… you're not here… are you?" she turns to look up at him tears streaming down her face leaving stains filled with guilt and regret wherever they touched. His lips came together in one of those tight lipped looks of sorrow he often used when dealing with her in the past and he shook his head and another anguished cry was pulled from somewhere deep within her.

"No… no I'm not"

Am i a horrible person or can you forgive me...? This literally made me cry just writting it not counting all the times I cried reading It back to check it...

And important question...:

• Should I turn it into a multi chapter story or was this enough...?

- J