Author's note: this is just a random little one-shot. I can relate to Andy here. XP

Three's Company

And here they were again… Anders stared up at the ceiling with his fingers laced over his stomach. He had given up on trying to get the covers out from under the dog. Toad, as his lovely lady Hawke liked to call the beast, now slept soundly between them.

Toad smacked his lips and then continued to snore loudly – in his ear. Anders' eyes narrowed dangerously. He turned his head to glare into the face of the mabari dog. The dog was massive and weighed much – because of all that muscle, Anders was sure. It was impossible to move the dog, if not because of his weight, then because of his stubbornness. He could not be forced away from Hawke; mabari war hounds chose a life-long master and the bond between them ran deep.

Yes, Anders was a cat person. It had been made abundantly clear before. Of course, he didn't mind having Toad around – he fought well and he made Hawke smile… It was a rare thing to see her smile nowadays and he had to give credit where it was due.

"Toad…" At the sound of his name, the dog's head lifted with a snort. "I'd appreciate it if you got off the bed!" He was whispering. He'd hate to wake Hawke up; she was extremely grumpy when her sleep was disturbed.

The dog yawned – deliberately? – and rolled onto his back, legs going in all directions. His tongue lolled out of his mouth. Anders sighed heavily and got out of the bed. He'd sleep somewhere else tonight!

"That was a close call…" Hawke murmured as she approached him, running a hand through her dark hair. She looked over her shoulder at the green-eyed elf. "Are you all right, Fenris?"

"Peachy…" he grumbled.

Anders was dealing with sleep-deprivation. He'd slipped up and had almost allowed Fenris to drop in battle. Who could blame him? Really?

"Well, I noticed it in time. You're fine now, so no complaining."

He and Fenris weren't the best of friends, no, but they both valued Hawke's friendship (or love in Anders' case). They could play well together when necessary. Someone else normally needed to be with them, of course. Heated arguments turned into physical altercations otherwise.

Fenris' dark eyes landed on him. It was an intimidation tactic, but it would take more than that to scare Anders. He wasn't even in the mood for this! All he wanted to do was go home and sleep… He looked at Hawke, half-tempted to ask her if they could just go back and crawl under the covers. If he couldn't sleep, they could just make love for the rest of the day. Yeah… That was a good plan.

Well, it would've been a good plan. Ow! Ow! Ow!

Toad was in the midst of a dream, kicking his legs and letting out strange yelps. Each time he kicked, the claws on his back foot scratched Anders' thigh. This dog…! He didn't know what to do anymore. If he were the dramatic sort of man, he'd probably break down and cry. Of course, he was willing to bet that he'd lose Hawke's respect the moment that happened.

"Toad, you insufferable mutt, move!" He pushed at the dog's shoulder. Toad lifted and shook his head. He stared at Anders for a long while before leaning close and licking the man's face. Anders groaned.

This dog was a total nuisance! Maybe this was the Maker's way of punishing him? It wouldn't surprise him… He sighed, rolling off of the bed. Even in the dark, his eyes found the dog unerringly.

"Why?" he finally questioned. "Is it jealously? Do dogs get jealous?"

Toad snorted and rolled over, one of his legs falling across Hawke's stomach. "Hey, that calls for some serious paw-slapping!" Anders whispered frantically. The dog ignored him. With another sigh, Anders sat at the foot of the bed, running both hands through his blonde hair. "I don't understand… Why do you make things so difficult? Is it so wrong to want to be happy?"

Toad's ears perked up, but he kept his eyes closed. He listened as the mage used pretty words like "love" and "forever". Toad could be selfish at times, but he wasn't all bad. He knew that Anders made his mistress happy…and he'd give anything to see her smile.

Lazily, Toad lifted his head and scratched his face with his back foot. Yawning, he stared at Anders' back for a moment before crawling to the foot of the bed. He grumbled as he came up beside the mage and Anders stared at him with a semi-shocked expression.

"You really can understand me, can't you?"

Toad grumbled some more as a response. Anders gave a short laugh and patted the dog on the head. "I can't believe I'm actually saying this, but…good dog." It was Toad's turn to sigh.

Anders, quite pleased now, moved up the bed and was actually able to get under the covers with Hawke. He grinned, wrapping one arm around the woman. Chest pressed against her back and face buried in her hair, Anders was finally comfortable enough to sleep…

He woke to the sound of a female's laughter…and the smell of putrid breath. Toad now stood over him, licking his face over and over and over again. Hawke stood at the door, laughing hysterically at the sight. "Your hair…!" So, the dog had gotten to his hair, too? "It gives new meaning to the term 'cow-lick'!"

There was no denying the light in Hawke's pretty blue eyes. She was truly amused. Anders might have been, too – if it weren't for the fact that the dog was destroying his image.

Toad wagged his short, stubby tail happily. Anders sat up, but that didn't stop the dog from continuing to lick his face. The Maker really was trying to punish him… Damn…

"This. Is. So. Gross!"

Complete!