The Pride Contemplation

by Gal8

An idea I had for a while. In honor of Pride Month.

Disclaimer:

I do not own The Big Bang Theory.

A/N:

This story is something I wanted to write for a while, and I think writing it in honor of Pride Month is the right time.

I hope you'll enjoy it.

"I can't do it… I can't." Ethan told his sister for what felt like the millionth time.

"You can. I'll be by your side the whole time. I promise." Diana told her brother.

"They won't approve." He whispered, fear in his voice.

"They will." She sat next to her brother on the bed, hugging him tightly.

"He won't." Ethan was now crying.

"I have a good feeling that he will. But you don't have to do it if you're to scared. You were the one who told me you think it's time…" Diana calmed her brother.

"I know, but every time I think of dad's reaction I'm changing my mind all over again. He was never good with changes. We know it. and mom says he used to be even worse than the version we know." He said as he sat straight.

"Yes. you are right, but you are still his son whether he likes it or not. it's not like you murdered someone. You simply love men. Other than that, you are the same annoying little brother I know and love." Diana pushed her brother lightly.

"I wish everyone would look at it that way." Ethan said softly.

"You'll do great, and if mom or dad will give you any trouble I'll deal with them." Diana said softly as she wrapped her arm around her brother's shoulder.

Diana and Ethan had a year difference between them, they were both attending Princeton; Diana was in her second year and Ethan was in his first year. At first, they joked about attending Princeton to annoy their dad, but the more they learnt about it they found out that it's actually a really good college and has some amazing programs. When they told their parents, each at their own time, that they wanted to attend Princeton, and not as a joke, Sheldon had a hard time accepting it, but eventually he accepted it after long conversations with Amy and his kids.

When Ethan told his sister, two years ago that he's going to tell their parents he wants to attend Princeton she was so happy and promised she'll be by his side, but she never imagined that this conversation will lead to him coming out to her about his sexual orientation.

At the time Ethan came out to his sister, he was head over heals in love with one of his classmates back in high school, but he never had the courage to come out and even figure out if the guy was interested in men, a thing that made him depressed and made him a loner.

When he took a tour at Princeton a year ago, he met Josh, who was in his first year and they started to talk and even exchanged numbers, a thing that Ethan never did so quickly. as the time passed, their conversations got more and more frequent until one day, during one of their talks in the middle of the night Josh confessed to Ethan that he like him in a romantic way and that he's gay. Ethan had trouble to respond to Josh's confession and told him that he needed time to think about it, but the more he waited the more miserable he felt.

For two weeks he felt like crap, not speaking to his parents or his sister, and everyone, including his friends in Pasadena, were worried about him. During those two weeks Ethan realized that he likes Josh. Really likes him, and he called him and confessed to him how much he likes him and that he couldn't wait to start college.

Ever since Ethan started college, he and Josh started dating regularly and exclusively and when they had their first kiss Ethan couldn't believe how happy he was, living close the person he likes, but that happiness only grew when they had their first time together and eventually when Josh confessed his love for Ethan, and Ethan said it back for the first time.

And now, here he was, back in his room on summer break, knowing that Josh spending his summer in California as well, trying to figure out how to come out to his parents, afraid that his father will have even harder time accepting the fact that his son was gay than his son attending Princeton.

Ethan thought that if everything will go well, he'll invite Josh to meet his family, and if not… well at least he can go and be with him.

"Do you have a boyfriend?" Diana cut off his musing,

"What? Why?" He asked her, shocked.

"I know we don't see each other on campus a lot, but whenever I saw you, you were always with this brunette, tall guy, laughing and sometimes holding hands. And now you really want to tell mom and dad. I can't help but wonder if that guy is your boyfriend." Diana said quietly.

"Yes." Ethan said whispered.

"YAYYYYYY. MY BROTHER'S IN LOVE!" Diana yelled, tears prickling in her eyes

"Shhhh… they'll hear you!" Ethan calmed his sister down.

"Sorry… but I'm so happy for you! how did you meet? How is he? What's his name? Do you love him?" Diana fired questions at her brother.

"Calm down. We met last year when I went on a tour at Princeton and we talked pretty much every day since then except for two weeks, when he confessed that he likes me as more than just a friend. That was when I was in a crappy mood for two weeks and realized that I like him as more than a friend as well and called him to tell him that. His name is Josh, He's amazing. And yes… I love him." Ethan told his sister.

"Does he love you?" Diana asked.

"Yes. he actually said it first." Ethan smiled shyly.

"Awwwww." Diana sighed.

"Do you have any plans for the future?" Diana asked.

"Not really… we really want to see how college goes and where it'll take us professionally, but we both think of moving to New York after college and we thought about maybe renting an apartment close to campus at some point during the upcoming year." Ethan said shyly.

"Wow. You guys are serious." Diana was shocked.

"Kind of. I don't want to jinx it though." Ethan said seriously.

"Yeah… I understand that." Diana said in understanding.

"So… what's his major?" Diana asked with curiosity after a few moments of silence.

"Theoretical Physics." Ethan sighed.

"No!" Diana laughed.

"Yes…" Ethan put his head between his hands.

"Well… at least dad will like him for his major." Diana laughed hard now.

"Sis! Josh will combust if he'll meet him. he was so shocked when he heard that my parents are Dr. Amy Farrah Fowler-Cooper and Dr. Sheldon Cooper, the inventors of the super asymmetry theory." He said with a sigh.

"Really? Are you sure he's not in it in order to meet them?" Diana couldn't help but wonder.

"Yes. he called me, shocked about it, after you tagged us all in your Facebook post about their recent work and how proud we are of them." Ethan said.

"Was it before or after he confessed to you that he likes you?" Diana asked, still not convinced.

"Two months after he confessed." Ethan reassured her. "And we rarely talk about them. other than that time and some anecdotes… and well, these last few weeks. He knows I'm considering telling them." Ethan said with a heavy sigh.

"Well, he sounds like a decent guy and it seems like he makes you happy. I still want to meet him and check him out, but if our family history proved us something, is that theoretical physicists and neuroscientists are the best match to ever exists." Diana said with a comforting smile. Their parents could be strict with them, they could argue with each other and with them, but their love both for her and her brother and for each other was undeniable and crystal clear.

"When will you find your theoretical physicist or neuroscientist?" Ethan asked his sister, changing topics.

"Well, I'm a political science major. I don't know what the best match for political scientist is." Diana chuckled and Ethan chuckled as well, hugging his sister.

"It'll happen for you as well. I know it will." Ethan said with surety

Two and a half weeks has passed since Diana and Ethan talked about Ethan coming out to his parents. It was at dinner on a Thursday that Ethan decided he was completely ready about telling his parents. He also talked a lot with Josh and asked for advises, since Josh already came out to his parents. It wasn't an easy ride for Josh; it took them a while to adjust, but eventually they accepted him. Ethan haven't met them yet, but they knew about him and that he is not just Josh's friend, and they saw how happy Josh was since he and Ethan started dating. It'll take a while longer before they'll meet each other, but in the meantime, they prepared themselves and were happy that their son was happy.

Ethan and his family ate dinner quietly, and Ethan decided to take this opportunity and ask them to eat dinner just the four of them tomorrow, instead of with their parents' friends. He put down his fork and cleared his throat.

"Mom… dad…" He said quietly and three pairs of eyes were on him.

"Yes?" Amy and Sheldon asked him together.

"Can we have dinner tomorrow… just the four of us?" Ethan asked.

"Why?" Sheldon asked immediately, fear in his voice. he sensed that there was something important behind his son's request and was scared that his son will tell him he's changing his major to geology.

"I… I want to tell you something… and I want to do it tomorrow at dinner." He said quietly. Diana's eyes opened so wide that they were about to come out of their place and she started to choke on her food.

"Is it good? Is it bad? Oh dear, you're changing your major to geology…" Sheldon started to panic and Amy put her hand on his and with the other one, handed her daughter some water.

"Sheldon calm down. Let him tell us…" Amy calmed her husband.

"I'm not changing my major dad. If it's good or bad… well… it depends how you see it. I hope it'll be good… or at least okay." Ethan said honestly.

"Okay…" Sheldon said with suspicion and Amy just nodded.

"Also… I want to bring a friend…" Ethan added, not looking at his parents.

"Really?" Diana spat out, shocked.

"Yes! Really." Ethan gave her a firm look.

"But you wanted all four of us. If your friend will come we'll be five." Sheldon was now confused.

"Well… the five of us dad. Please. I think you'll like him… he's majoring in theoretical physics and he was so impressed by your work on the super asymmetry theory." Ethan started to tell him a little bit about Josh.

"Fine." Sheldon sigh. He was confused about why is it so important for his son that his friend will come tomorrow for dinner, but he couldn't resist him for too long. if it's important to him that his friend will come to dinner, then he won't stop it.

Up in his room, Diana and Ethan were talking about dinner the next day.

"Are you crazy?" Diana whispered yelled at her young brother.

"No… Yes… I don't know… look… I talked about it a lot with Josh in the last two and a half weeks and he offered to come for moral support if I'll need it. at first, I said no but eventually I decided that I need him next to me." Ethan said with a sigh.

"Are you going to introduce him as your boyfriend?" Diana wondered.

"I don't know yet. Not at first. I'll see how things will go at dinner." Ethan said softly, desperation in his voice.

Amy and Sheldon were sitting in the leaving room after dinner, watching a documentary, but neither of them paid attention to it. it was Amy who broke the silence.

"Are you thinking about dinner tomorrow too?" Amy asked her husband.

"Yes!" he turned to face her.

"What is it that he has to tell us? Also, why does he need his friend?" Sheldon asked Amy.

"I don't know… I hope everything is okay with him…" Amy wondered.

"Do you think he's changing his major to geology and his friend is actually majoring in geology?" Sheldon asked his wife, scared.

"Why would he lie to you about his friend's major?" Amy asked Sheldon confused.

"To make me like him… I don't know…" Sheldon said with a heavy sigh.

"I don't know…" Amy answered truthfully.

It was a sleepless night to all the members of the Cooper family. Sheldon was confused about his son's request and so was Amy, but unlike her husband, Amy put two and two together during the night and came out with four, but put a pin on it, in case she was wrong. Either way, she prepared herself mentally for her son's news.

Both Cooper kids were worried about their parents' reaction to Ethan's news and Diana was preparing herself to stand by her brother and his boyfriend and Ethan was afraid at how his parents will react to the news and to meeting Josh for the first time while he's coming out to them, but he decides that he won't back out now. He needs to do it and he needs Josh to be there while he's doing it.

Josh was coming to dinner at 6:30. Half an hour before dinner was served in order to have some time to talk with everyone and help Ethan calm down a little.

It was 6:30 sharp, when there was a knock on the door at the Cooper's house and Ethan went quickly to open the door, yelling "I'll get it," in the process.

Josh chuckled to himself as he heard his boyfriend, but he could also hear the nervousness in his voice.

Ethan opened the door and came out for a moment, before he let Josh in.

"Hey." He smiled and took his boyfriend's hand in his, as if it was a source of energy, which for Ethan that's exactly what Josh was, amongst other things.

"Hey… you're nervous." Josh said softly as he caressed Ethan's hand with his thumb.

"I'm terrified. I told them yesterday that I want to have dinner just us because I want to tell them something and my dad nearly had a meltdown because he thought I'm going to change my major to geology." Ethan whispered with a sigh.

"Why would you study that? you're way too smart to study that." Josh observed.

"Crap. I'm dating my father." He whispered with a soft chuckle.

"Is that a compliment?" Josh asked confused.

"Tell me after tonight." Ethan took a deep breath and opened the door and at the same time he released Josh's hand even though it was the last thing he wanted to do.

"What took you so long?" Sheldon said as he saw Ethan coming back inside with Josh behind him.

"I had to tell Josh not over react when he'll see you and mom in person. He's a huge fan of your work." Ethan half lied. He warned Josh about it when he told him he needed him by his side while he's telling his parents about them.

"Good thinking." Sheldon said firmly. He looked at the young man next to his son. A tall brunette man with brown eyes and a little scruff. He wore a light gray button shirt and black pants and black shoes. Sheldon couldn't help but notice that the man was playing with a silver band he had on his right index finger, a thing that absentmindedly made him play with his own wedding band on his left ring finger.

"Why won't you sit down in the living room and we'll be right with you." Sheldon said, trying to sound as nice as he could.

Ethan led the way to the living room and Ethan sat down in the chair, and Josh immediately sat on the couch in the spot that was closest to where Ethan sat.

"It'll be okay." Josh whispered to Ethan as he put his hands between his legs.

"Hey! I'm Diana." Diana came to the living room and sat next to Josh with a huge smile on her face.

"Hey, I'm Josh." Josh introduced himself.

"I figured." Diana said with a chuckle.

"You look much cuter up close." Diana said as she examined Josh closely and Josh looked at Ethan with confusion.

"I told you that she saw us together on campus." Ethan reminded him.

"Oh… right. Thank you?!" Josh asked with confusion.

"She gets her bluntness from both our mom and dad." Ethan apologized.

"What did you say about me?" Amy came into the living room with some appetizers before dinner was ready.

"I told Josh that Diana got yours and dad's bluntness. Well as far as the stories Penny and Bernadette told us over the years, I guess that's where she got it. unless she's adopted." Ethan teased.

"Yeah… she's definitely our daughter. I carried her for nine months and three days and been in labors for 12 hours and she was next to me the whole time ever since. She's definitely our daughter." Amy said flatly to her son.

"And there you have it." Diana said with a sigh.

"Dinner is ready." Sheldon came and announced firmly, not living any room for arguments.

"What are we having?" Josh asked Ethan as they walked to the dining room.

"Spaghetti with tomato sauce and hot dogs cut up in it and some salad." Ethan said simply.

"Sounds good." Josh said with a soft smile.

"It is. It's my mother's recipe." Sheldon said.

"I'm sure it is, Dr. Cooper." Josh said and Sheldon looked at his son with question.

"I swear I didn't tell him to call you that." Ethan said to his father as he went to sit in his seat, gesturing Josh to sit next to him.

At dinner everyone was quiet and didn't talk except for Josh who complimented about the spaghetti.

"So how did you two meet?" Amy finally asked Josh and Ethan.

"Um… I met Josh last year, when I went on a tour at Princeton. He was at his first year there at the time." Ethan said as he glanced at Josh.

"He was looking for information about the physics department and I was the one who explained to him about our programs." Josh said.

"Leonard could have told you that." Sheldon said as he put more spaghetti on his fork.

"But Leonard went there almost thirty years ago dad. Things probably changed." Ethan said firmly.

"You could have asked your mother. she worked there." Sheldon kept being stubborn.

"I did. when I decided that I want to major in neuroscience." Ethan said with anger. He started to feel that it was all a mistake. Under the table he felt Josh's finger holding his lightly and he took a deep breath.

"Anyway… we started to talk then, and then exchanged phone numbers and now that I'm at Princeton, we became really close friends." Ethan said, squeezing his boyfriend's finger.

"That's good to hear that you have someone there." Amy said honestly with a soft smile. She looked at her son and the young man sitting next to him, and she knew she was right. The only person who could miss it is Sheldon.

"Thanks mom." Ethan said and looked at her. once he saw the signs of tears in his mother's eyes and the soft smile she gave him, he knew she understood how close Josh and him really are and that was her way of telling him that she approves.

He squeezed Josh's finger twice and once he looked at him, Ethan nodded at him, but before he was able to say anything, Sheldon broke the silence.

"So… what are you to my son? Are you his drug dealer? Are you trying to make him change majors? And what's with that ring on your finger? Are you a gang member?" Sheldon said with annoyance.

"Sheldon!"

"Dad!"

Amy, Ethan and Diana said at the same time.

"Well, we all sit here, waiting patiently for Ethan to tell us whatever it is that he wants to tell us, but instead we're making small talk with his friend, that for some reason had to be here tonight." Sheldon said with anger.

"Damn it, dad!" Ethan spat out.

"You will not curse under my roof." Sheldon berated his son.

"Then stop attacking my boyfriend!" Ethan yelled at his father. There was a tense silence now.

"Your…Your boyfriend?" Sheldon stuttered.

"Yes. my boyfriend." Ethan said with a deep breath.

"You mean… he's a boy and he's your friend?" Sheldon tried.

"No dad… I mean yes, he is my friend, but Josh is my boyfriend… in the romantic sense of the word. He's my partner like mom is your partner. I… I'm gay dad." Ethan finally said.

There was an even tenser silence around the table and after a few moments Sheldon got up and left the house, Amy following him.

No one said a word around the table and Ethan simply laid his head on Josh's shoulder in exhaustion.

"Still a fan of my dad?" He asked him softly.

"We'll see how it goes. I'm still not sure about your mom either." Josh said honestly.

"Oh she accepted us. I was trying to make you look at her before my dad started talking to you the way he did. She looked at us with teary eyes and a smile. I guess she figured it out somehow and she approves." Ethan said.

"How do you know your sister didn't say something?" Josh asked him

"Because I know for two years and she never suspected a thing until now." Diana said firmly.

"Oh…" Josh said and kissed Ethan's top of the head.

Amy went after Sheldon to the park near their house and sat next to him on a bench.

"What the hell Sheldon?" Amy asked him the minute she sat down.

"What?" he crossed his arms on his chest.

"Our son is telling us a major thing that's going on in his life and you're acting like a 5 year old! what is the matter with you? I thought you were past your tantrums!" Amy berated her husband.

"You know I don't like changes." He made an excuse for himself.

"Cut the crap Sheldon. there is no excuse for what happened there. Do you know how Ethan must feel right now?" Amy asked him, tears in her eyes.

"How should I know?" He asked her.

"Are you kidding me?! Sheldon he probably thinks you hate him for being gay." Amy said harshly.

"I don't like changes." Sheldon repeated.

"Sheldon stop acting like a baby or so help me god. Do you understand that there's no change here? The only change is that now we know about it." Amy put a hand on her husband's thigh.

Sheldon sighed heavily.

"How long have you known?" he asked her.

"I figured it out during the night." Amy answered truthfully.

"How?" He asked her.

"Because it all made sense… he wanted to talk to all four of us, and then insisted on having his friend over as well and how he tried to make you like him. he never did this with any other of his friends." Amy explained to Sheldon how she got to the conclusion that their son is gay.

"That is true." Sheldon said as he scanned his memory.

"Do you think they're serious?" Sheldon asked her.

"I don't know." Amy answered.

"Do you think they love each other? Do you think he's good for Ethan? Do you think he got bullied because of it?" Sheldon started to panic.

"Calm down Sheldon." Amy caressed his thigh in soothing motions, happy to see the protective father she knows Sheldon really is.

Sheldon took a deep breathe, trying to calm himself down.

"We can go inside and have a conversation with them. that is, if they haven't left yet." Amy said and Sheldon nodded.

As they approached their house they saw that Ethan, Josh and Diana were standing at the door and it looked like Josh and Ethan were about to leave and Amy and Sheldon started to walk faster towards the house. They saw that Diana pointed them out to Ethan and Josh and they looked towards them.

"We were just leaving." Ethan said firmly as his parents came into earshot.

"Wait." Sheldon said.

"What?" Ethan looked at his father with fire in his eyes.

"Just… wait… stay." Sheldon begged his son and Ethan nodded and they all entered the house and sat in the living room; Ethan, Josh and Diana on the couch and Sheldon on the chair next to the couch and Amy brought an extra chair to sit next to Sheldon.

Both Sheldon and Ethan held their partners' hand for moral support.

They sat there in silence for a while until Sheldon took a deep breathe and started to speak.

"First, I want to apologies for how I reacted. You know I'm not good with changes." Sheldon told his son, which his son did not accept.

"I'm not falling for that dad. You're almost sixty not five." Ethan told his father and Sheldon nodded.

"You're right. I'm sorry. I behaved poorly." Sheldon said quietly.

"Thank you. I accept your apology." Ethan said as he caressed Josh's hand.

"So… um… how long have you known?" Sheldon asked.

"I guess always, but I knew for sure two years ago." Ethan said quietly.

"And… did you tell anyone else?" Sheldon asked quietly.

"Just Diana." Ethan answered truthfully.

"You knew?" Sheldon asked his daughter, outrageous.

"Yes." she confirmed.

"For how long?" Amy asked her.

"Two years." Diana answered. Both Diana and Ethan felt like they are being interrogated.

"Why didn't you say anything?" Sheldon asked her.

"Because it wasn't my place to say something, dad." Diana explained.

"But what if someone would have hurt him?" Sheldon asked now looking at his son with worry.

"I was lucky enough to not being bullied. I kept to myself and away from trouble. You know that. they always told you that on Parents' Day." Ethan reminded his parents.

"And to your question dad, I would have kicked their asses if they had done something to him." Diana answered Sheldon, a thing that both made him cringe and calmed him down.

"How long have you been dating?" Amy moved to a nicer topic.

"Officially, almost a year, but as Ethan said we started to talk a year ago when he came to tour Princeton." Josh answered and both Amy and Sheldon looked at the man who was holding their son's hand.

"Is that why you wanted to attend Princeton?" Sheldon asked his son suspiciously.

"No. you know I've been wanting to attend there for two years. I told you that before my tour there. I didn't even knew Josh when I told you I wanted to attend Princeton." Ethan snapped at his father and Sheldon only nodded.

"So… during the time you talked before you actually started dating… did you talked to other men as well?" Sheldon bluntly asked Josh.

"Dad! That's between us!" Ethan was shocked, but also a little grateful for his question. He always wondered about that but was too afraid to ask Josh about it.

"It's okay…" Josh calmed Ethan.

"No. I haven't. And I'll save you the rest of your questions by telling you the following: I knew I'm gay for two years before I told my parents a year ago, but I never had a boyfriend before Ethan. Ethan is my first serious relationship and I love him as much as you love your wife. I would die before I'll let something bad happen to him, and if your next question is what my intentions towards him are, then I'm telling you right now that I want to spend my life with him." Four pairs of eyes were now staring at Josh with shock.

"Um… what…?" Ethan stuttered.

"You heard me." Josh said flatly.

"Let's talk alone for a moment." Ethan grabbed his boyfriend to the kitchen.

"Are you crazy? I know you love me, and I love you too, but practically proposing in front of my parents the day I'm telling them I'm gay? Do you want to kill my dad so badly? I know he was an ass before, but he's trying…" Ethan whispered yelled at Josh when they were alone in the kitchen.

"No! I am not. I may have carried away a little, but it's all true. I want to spend my life with you." Josh said, putting his hand in his pocket.

"But what about college and where it'll take us?" Ethan asked.

"We both want to move to New York, we both want to teach at Columbia, basically our paths are pretty much the same, but the only difference is our departments and fields of study. And it's not like we're getting married tomorrow." Josh said with a little tremor in his voice.

"I know… I… I want that too, but I don't want to jinx it or ruin it with having so much hopes." Ethan sighed.

"I know you don't want that, and I don't either, but I've been thinking about it a lot and I can't help but reach to the same conclusion; I want you in my life. always." Josh said softly, lowering his head.

"I want that too." Ethan whispered back and Josh looked up at him with tears in his eyes and kissed him softly.

They took deep breaths and went back to the living room.

"Is everything okay?" Amy asked the two men.

"Yes. it is." Ethan said with a wide smile as they sat back on the couch.

"Josh, you seem like a decent man and I can honestly see that you are making my son happy. I guess it will take me a while longer to adjust, but what's important here is that you're making my son happy and if you'll ever cause him any sort of pain, you'll be in trouble." Sheldon said with protectiveness, surprising everyone in the room.

"Thanks dad." Ethan said with tears in his eyes and Sheldon smiled softly at his son.

If that young man says he loves his son as much as Sheldon loves Amy, then he can't help but approve of this man. he knows he would have accepted his son no matter what his news were, even if he were changing his major to geology, but Sheldon will always be Sheldon and it will always take him a while longer to adjust to changes.

"You never answered my question about your ring." Sheldon suddenly realized.

"I'm not in a gang. That's a promise ring that I got a while ago, when Ethan and I started to talk about our future and what we want to do after college. I felt like I needed to wear it tonight." Josh said shyly and Ethan looked at him shocked.

"I told you I want to spend my life with you." Josh simply said in reaction to Ethan's look.

"I got you one too, but I didn't plan on giving it to you now. Also, you don't have to wear it." Josh said as he pulled a similar silver band and handed it to Ethan, who took it and examined it closely.

"Thank you." Ethan whispered and put his ring on his right index finger and smiled at his boyfriend with tears in his eyes.

Sheldon and Amy looked at their son and then exchanged looks. Their son was happy and they could feel it and that was all that mattered.

Sheldon took Amy's left hand in his and kissed her rings softly. He couldn't be the person he is today without her. granted, he still has things to learn, but the man he was before he met her was only a blur now, and as he looked at his son and his boyfriend and how happy they are he knew it wouldn't take him as long as he first thought to adjust to the idea his son has a boyfriend, and he silently thanked a deity he still didn't believe in, for sending Amy into his life and teaching him compassion, acceptance and tolerance.