Hope you enjoy this. It's a standalone so there wont be a sequel but I hope this doesn't deter you.
Review, cos I love it and I wanna know if you do.
It's not as simple as it may firstly seem...
Somebody else
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I hear the laughter
I know that something specials going on
I hear the passion
When you mention his name
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I watch her through the window as she talks to Susan. I see the light radiate from her as she smiles, as her lips part and she speaks his name. Never have I seen her smile with such hope in her eyes, with such joy on her lips. And I feel tears prickle my eyelids because I'm partly responsible for that happiness and that's all I ever wished for. I want to make her smile for the rest of her life.
The nurse bustles in and straightens the blanket, chatting as she works. Susan kisses Abby's cheek and leaves, heading in my direction.
"Congratulations." She whispers, enveloping me in a hug. "Why aren't you in there?"
"I wanted to give you two time to talk." Susan nods.
"Well, I must say- He's utterly beautiful."
"Thanks." I choke out. She kisses my cheek and shoves me towards the door. I smile at her and enter the room.
"There you are, I was wondering where you'd disappeared to." She smiles again and my lips part in reply. Leaning slightly, I brush my lips on hers.
"He's…gorgeous. And he's ours."
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You're talking on the phone
And you tell your friends
That ever since he came
Everything's different, everything's changed
And baby we both know
What this means for you, for me
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"Yeah, it's really strange having a baby in the house." Her laughter tinkles around the kitchen as she clamps the phone to her shoulder and shakes the bottle. "I'm just so…scared."
"Why is she scared of you?" I say to my son as he gurgles and waves his arms around. "You're not scary." He seems to agree. "But those diapers of yours…phew, we could use you as a weapon!"
I hear Abby say goodbye and hang up the phone then clatter some pans and appear at the door.
"Hey you two, fancy coming to help me here?" She says, smiling. "Actually, stay right there." She disappears again.
"I think she is looking for the camera. You are too cute mister!" I tweak his nose and he giggles manically before grabbing the offending hand and ramming a finger in his mouth to chew on with his baby gums. And I'm correct, as she comes back armed with the camera.
"Hold still!" She clicks the shutter. "Perfect, both my boys butt naked."
"Hey! I'm half dressed. He's the only one without shame." I point to the naked, giggly bundle on my sweat panted lap. Abby grins and slides onto the sofa next to us.
"I love it when you two are just…being together. Bonding and stuff. That way he won't freak out when I go back to work." At that Ollie let out a loud squawk. Abby looked amazed at our son. "Did he understand me?"
"No, I think he realised he wasn't getting any milk from my finger."
"Awww baby, I forgot your milk didn't I? Am I bad mommy?"
"No." I say, softly. For months she's been driving herself crazy about not being the perfect mom.
"Now you stay here with daddy and have a chat, and I will go and get your milk." She gets up and wanders into the kitchen. I hear the microwave start to hum.
"Right son, now you're growing up I think you should know something…girls are scary"
"Here we go." Abby holds out the bottle. "You wanna do it since he's settled there?" I shrug.
"Yeah, I'll finish up here then come and help you do dinner." She nods. "Ollie? Come on little one, dinner time." He looks sleepy so I tickle his feet and he wakes up. I pop in the teat and sing him some nursery rhymes while he guzzles. He finishes quickly so I burp him and we go into the kitchen to 'help' ie I stand by the table and put out the cutlery and Ollie chews on his fist. Finally Abby's done…doing what ever she was doing to the pizza and we sit down to eat. Ollie sits in his car seat and me and Abby talk about when she's going back to work.
"Seriously, Kerry's given you 2 months. Take it!"
"But we'll be living off one pay."
"Plus child benefit." She smiles.
"Sounds so…strange to say we're parents. I never thought I'd have the chance."
"It is weird. This little thing is our responsibility."
"I'm still worried that I won't be good enough. That I'll something wrong and mess him up." I reach across the table and catch her hand.
"Abby, does he look like a kid who could be easily messed up?" I point to our son who at that precise minute decides to learn to frown and ends up screwing his face up in the manner of a cartoon goat. Abby can't help but laugh.
"True." She giggles and Ollie shoves his fist back into his mouth. "I love you so much."
"I love you too. Now, I bet you ten bucks he needs a new diaper."
"Oh, that is so unfair. What are the odds? He wasn't frowning was he?"
"I think it was more… straining. Off you go, and remember to wash your hands when you're done." She swats me with a tea towel.
"Come on then Ollie, let's get you cleaned up. Daddy would have just left you."
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"…and the wolf said 'I'll huff and I'll puff and I'll blow your house down.'"
"Abs, I think we can safely say he's asleep. And has been for…oh, a good 20 minutes."
"Shut up you." She pokes me in the belly. "You've had your hugging time, I want mine." I stand up and open my arms.
"Come get me." She pokes me again and turns away to gently lie the sleeping baby in his cot. He stirs but doesn't wake and we creep out silently.
"Is that hug still on the cards." Abby says as we lay on the sofa. I stretch out my arms again and she wriggles up my body to rest her head on my chest. We stay like that for a good few hours, just being.
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Somebody else now
There's someone between us
There's somebody calling in the middle of the night, yeah
And I can't sleep now
For all of the crying, yeah
And I know when you hold him tight
He's the best part, best part of our lives
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"Mama, uck- fog."
"Honey, shush the baby is trying to sleep."
"Mama!"
Abby laughs and scoops Cosmo up.
"Hey Cosmo, do you want some ice cream."
"Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah." The blonde boy giggles and leaps from Abby's arms. They go into the kitchen together and Susan rolls her eyes.
"Great, more sugar for the calm child."
"At least she can't eat ice cream yet." I point to the baby lying in her arms.
"Thank heavens; otherwise I think Abby'd be plying her with the stuff too. Can you hold her for a second, I need a pee."
I take the little girl who yawns and attempts to suck my nose.
"Daisy, Daisy give me your answer do, I'm half crazy, all for the love of you…" I try singing to occupy her and it works so we spend a few minutes finding songs for me to massacre. Suddenly I hear a fake cough.
"John, hand over the baby." She laughs, "I repeat, release Daisy or Ollie gets it." Susan holds out my precious baby who yawns sleepily and twitches his leg. Ollie is only 2 weeks younger than Susan's second child, Daisy, so we spend a lot of time together, sharing diaper rash remedies and things. Cosmo turned two a few weeks ago so the apartment rattles with noise sometimes.
We swap babies and sit chatting til Abby returns with a sticky Cosmo. Since all other laps are occupied, Cosmo decides he needs a hug too, so Abby ends up with a sticky stain on her arm.
After a while all three kids fall asleep so we adults have time to chat.
"Isn't it different having him now: instead of constantly waiting for him to arrive." I say thoughtfully.
"Yeah, but it's amazing too, just holding him in my arms." Abby snuggles into my chest.
"You guys looked knackered, I'd better be off. Say bye to Ollie for me." Susan stands up and collects her two. Abby carries Cosmo down to the car then returns when Susan drives off. I'm already cooking dinner so she lies down and watches some telly.
"Abby? Honey, dinners ready." I wander into the sitting room and see her flat out asleep on the couch. Ollie starts to cry and I rush to pick him up before he wakes his exhausted mother. But she doesn't stir, just sighs and rolls over. I throw a blanket over her frame and eat my dinner before it gets cold.
"So Ollie, what have you done today?" He cranes his neck, looking at me for signs of pacifier/bottle. I grin and hold out the warmed bottle which he opens his mouth for. I spend the next ten minutes alternating between shoveling food into my mouth and rocking the baby. Once we both finish eating I stoke the fire for Abby, run a bath for Ollie and we play 'splash' and 'washing hair'.
"Hey Ollie, mouth shut." I pour over some water to rid his fluffy hair of bubbles and he squeals with laughter. I manage to get him out without too much fuss-normally he starts to cry when we let out his bath water. I snuggle him into his jammies and a blanket and we proceed to the living room.
"Hey why didn't you wake me? Has he had a bath?" Abby looks up and I nod.
"You needed some sleep so I left you. I'm sorry." I give her a kiss as Ollie tries to separate us for his kisses.
"Oi cheeky boy, mommy and daddy need kisses too." Ollie smiles and babbles something incoherent then lays his head on her belly.
"He's sleepy. What time is it?"
"7pm. Do you want me to put him down so you can eat?"
"Sounds like bliss, dinner in silence for the first time in five months." I pick up him up off Abby's belly and lay him against my shoulder. She pushes herself up and kisses me and then Ollie before going to heat up her dinner.
Ollie goes down quickly and quietly, sucking his fist with the other arm looped round a little brown bear I bought the day we brought him home. His name is Pickle and Ollie seems to like him a lot.
He only wakes twice in the night and I go both times. I wanted to be a proper dad to him, to make up for certain things. Plus Abby hasn't been getting much sleep recently cos Ollie got a cold. Figured it's my turn to be sleep deprived.
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I watch from a distance
And I see the way you talk to him so close
And I'm not the only one you want to hold
And surely we both know
What this means to you, to me
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I wake up to the sun shining through the curtains and I yawn. It was Ollie's first birthday yesterday and we seemed to celebrate more than he did. He sat in the middle of the floor looking slightly perplexed as everyone piled oddly shaped parcels up in front of him. Like they always say, he liked the wrapping better than the presents.
Our little boy is growing up so fast; we bought him his first party clothes which he adored- a little pair of cords and a t-shirt with 'I blame the parents' written on, along with a little pair of trainers. We had a kid's party which consisted of all the ER's kids running helter skelter round the garden, screaming. Of course Daisy and Ollie were too little to run so they sat on laps, also screaming.
After everyone else had gone and the kids had been put down for the night me, Abby, Susan, Chuck, Luka and Sam sat around talking and drinking our favourite tipples- coke for me, OJ for Abby, lager for Chuck, white wine for Sam and Susan and a good red wine for Luka.
Now I can hear Abby downstairs talking to someone so I traipse down.
"Hiya John, how are you?" Sam smiles,
"Tired," She rolls her eyes and shifts the bag in her arms. "What are you here for?"
"Just came to pick up my bowl." I nod. "Well I'll be off now. See you at work." She hugs Abby one armed and waves as I see her out. When I return Abby is washing up so I wrap my arms around her waist and sigh.
"He's all grown up now." I say sadly.
"Hey, you make it sound like he's ready for college or something!" She swivels round and kisses the tip of my nose. "Silly."
Both of us start as we hear the beginnings of Ollie's wake up mode. Abby get to the door before me so I let her go and return to the sink to finish the dishes. When I'm done, I go in search of my wife and son. As I round the corner to his room I hear her low soft voice talking.
"Hello Ollie baby, we're in a wriggly mood today aren't we. Stay still so mommy can clean you up. You're a special little boy aren't you? Yes you are. Mommy and daddy's special, smiley, little boy. Love you Ollie." I hear the rip of the new diaper and her murmuring as she does up his baby grow and pulls on his sweater, kissing his cheeks as she went. "Shall we go and see if daddy wants to go swimming?" They toddle out the door together, with Abby bent over holding his hands as Ollie wobbles on his chubby legs and giggles like a loon.
"Swimming sounds great. Why don't you go and feed him and I'll pack us some bags." I squat in front of them and kiss first Ollie then Abby who both smile and kiss me back. I love them both so much.
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Girl I'm never gonna walk away
For what we've got together
Cos you need me now more than ever
I can only pray that we will always be together
I'm not walking out
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"Yes, it's Oliver Jacob Carter. O-L-I-V-E-R C-A-R-T-E-R. 11th of April 2006, yes that makes him 4 this coming April. Okay, thank you. Goodbye." I hang up the phone and smile at Abby. "All done, Ollie is enrolled in pre-school." She smiles and bites her lips.
"He's growing up so fast." I can see tears in her brown eyes as I envelope her in a hug.
"I know and it's so amazing." I feel her nod against my chest. "Do you think…maybe…we should tell him soon?"
"Yes. I've been thinking about that recently and I reckon now is best." I nod.
"Ollie, can you come here?" My voice reverberates through the house and I hear the patter of his socked feet running. He barrels against my leg and laughs.
"I was the fastest ever!" he says, grinning that infectious grin that spreads across his freckled cheeks.
"Yeah, you were. Now me and mommy want to talk to you about something very important. We need you to listen really nicely but remember, we love you so much."
"Okay." He nods.
"Well…" I stall, thinking of a way to say this.
"A long time ago, when me and daddy got married we wanted a baby." Abby takes over, sitting down next to me and pulling Ollie into her. "But we waited and waited and no baby came so we went to the doctors and he told us that Mommy couldn't have babies." I say.
"But you had me." He frowns.
"Well, when we found out I couldn't have babies we phoned up some people who told us that there was a lady who had a baby we could have."
"Me?"
"Yeah baby, you. It's confusing, we know but me and daddy needed to tell you. Even though I didn't look after you in my tummy until you were born, it doesn't mean we don't love just as much as we would if I had looked after you."
"But that lady- she didn't love me?"
"No sweetie, she did love you but she knew how much daddy and me wanted you and she didn't have a daddy for you. When someone gives someone else a baby, it's called adoption. You're adopted, but you're no different to any other children at all. You don't even need to tell people if you don't want to." Ollie nods and looks at me.
"Are you my real mommy and daddy? Are you going to give me back if I'm naughty?" At that I wrap my arms around him.
"No, we're not giving you back. You're ours and no one else can have you. Even if you're naughty." I tweak his nose and he giggles. Abby goes over to the cupboard and pulls out a book.
"Ollie, this is a story that we can read so you understand everything. We'll read it tonight in bed, okay?" He nods. She puts the book down and comes over to us both, curled up in the chair. "Can I join in?"
After a lot of laughing and tickling we end up with me lying on my back on the sofa, Abby curled up and tucked down beside me and Ollie on his tummy on top of my tummy. We doze for a while, content in the warmth and safety of each other.
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"…And Dom said that my real mommy thought I was dirty so she threw me out with the trash." Ollie's bottom lip quivers and he begins to wail. Abby throws a horrified look at me and I gape. We never banked on bullying because of the adoption. She scoops him up, tissues and all and holds him to her body. I can just hear her whispering in his ear.
"No one threw you out; no one thought you were dirty. In fact, we thought you were the bestest baby ever, you were the cutest and the smiliest and the nicest baby ever born, and we've seen lots of babies in the ER. But you were special and so we took you home. Now you tell this Dom that we picked you to be our special baby. And if he isn't careful, your daddy will put him in the trash." Ollie laughs. "Okay, maybe not the last bit but everything else you can say to Dom. You okay now?" He nods. "Well, go have a big hug with daddy and I'll get you a cookie, mister cookie monster." She kisses the side of his head and puts him in my arms then kisses the side of my head. Ollie and I both throw disgusted looks at each other and pretend to wipe the kisses off then giggle when Abby raises an eyebrow. When she returns with the cookie we sit down and watch Sesame Street til it's time for Ollie's bath and bed.
"Finally, we found out why he's been so quiet. If it happens again, I'll ring the principal." Abby lays her head on my chest and sighs. "Now…about what I said last night."
"I think we should definitely ring Carole in the morning." She raises her head and kisses me gently before laying her head back down.
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And it's never felt so right
I know when we hold him tight
He's the best part, the best part of our lives
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"Presenting, for the first time in the ER… drum roll please…Ava Rebecca Carter." I scoop the baby from her car seat and turn round. Immediately Haleh and Chuny begin to coo, stretching out her little fingers and admiring her dark hair. Even Kerry softens slightly at the new baby.
Ava surveys the crowd, yawning and stretching but not crying once. She's not really a loud baby, but prefers to watch silently. It was unnerving at first because Ollie had been so vocal but it's nice not to have a constant noise going on.
"How is Ollie?" Sam asks, tickling Ava.
"He loves her. Really loves having her around. I think it was a good time to have a new baby, when he had settled in pre-school. He even helped me decorate her room before we brought her home and he folded up the baby clothes for me."
"She's beautiful Carter." Luka said.
"She's almost…Hispanic."
"Yeah, she is. And she's perfect."
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