Reflections:
How long had it been? A month? Six? There was no way to tell. Down in the hell-hole I call my home, days seem to run together. Only the occasional stroll through the world outside provides me with some idea as to how much time has passed. Even my own mind cannot comprehend how long it has been. The last clear memory I have…I wish I didn't. How could I have let her go? I had her, she was ready to give into my love. Until he showed up…
She was looking on me with fear. But not for herself. No… it was that arrogant fool she was fearing for. The one who knew not when to cut his losses and leave, to let the poor girl alone to live her own life.
"You try my patience…make your choice." Those were the words spoken. Those words burn into my thoughts. "Make your choice." And indeed she did. I don't understand why she choose as she did, but that matters little now. She's gone.
My days go on. I don't know why I'm still here. On more than one occasion I had almost taken up that gun in my desk and put it to use on myself. Why did I hesitate? Hope that she would return to me? I doubt it. I fear. I know that. I fear the unknown. Suicide is a sin, but I am damned in this world already, why worry about the next?
But no…no. I go on. I move mindlessly through the routine of the day, paying little attention to whatever is happening around me. Sometimes I lose hours at a time, where I have no recollection of where I've been, or what I've done. Is this how I want to live?
I could find another girl, I know I could. But none can equal the beauty of the one I let leave. No…I didn't let her leave. She was taken from me. Taken by that man she claimed to love. By that…monster. Yes. That is what he was. A beast with a man's name. I curse his name, I curse Erik.