Conversations
By Kay
Disclaimer: For Shinigami's sake, I don't own Everworld! Or Jalil, Christopher, or Etain. (I'm convinced Etain is evil, though. Bwahaha.) However, the pillowcases I steal from Jalil's room ARE my property. Mweh. ::cackling ensues::
Daisuke!Muse: ... -_-;;; Just get on with it, baka.
Author's Notes: Waah! My EW slash! Erm... kinda. ^_^;;; My real longer one is still in progress. This was done in a hyper fit of giggles, oh dear. But it's serious-ish! And slashy implications on Christopher/Jalil, baby! Rock on! ::dances:: No matter if it's horrible, sucks badly, and I can't write worth anything... as long as it has Jalil!
Jalil: You're so mean to me... making me talk to ETAIN...
:D I know.
Daisuke: He's right, you know. You're very mean to him- everything you write with him has some form of Jalil torture... ::pokes "unfinished" pile:: And you never finish them! BAKA!
;_; ... I know. But I did this one! NOW- one with the fic!
Jalil: ::sighs:: Someone help me...
^_^ No way. Oh- and NOTE- what happened in the last book see, is that the tunnel- they said it was being closed off by the dwarves before April could get out, so Christopher, David, and Jalil had to hold 'em off... info for the ending, y'know.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
She found him huddled in a heap in the corner of the room King Baldwin had given him.
It wasn't that she was exactly looking for him specifically, in the first place. Etain barely knew the boy her future husband was relying on, so his power and riches would grow. All she knew was a few of his manners, a tiny collection of impressions she'd gathered from her time with him, and some things Christopher had told her absently. It wasn't much to go on.
But he was someone besides the dwarves around her, a person she could talk to, now that the wait for the others to return from Hel was becoming unbearable to sit through.
Sitting in her room, she couldn't help but think foreboding thoughts. That Christopher wasn't alive anymore. That her heroes, their saviors, were most likely dead. Those were thoughts not best dwelled upon, and she had sought out company in the only other person who might understand her feelings of uselessness- the one not allowed to go.
Etain barely knew him, but he was someone who was connected to Christopher and the others. That was enough.
"Jalil," she said softly. "Are you alright?"
At first, looking down on the dark figure in the shadows cast by the stone walls, she'd thought he was crying. His skinny arms wound around his knees, drawn up to his chest so he could bury his face in them. It was a position of a child crying, in her lands. His shoulders were moving slightly, his slender fingers tightly clenched into fists.
"Yeah." His answer was clear, and it startled her that when he looked up, his face was devoid of tears or pain. "I'm fine... what did you need me for?"
The Druid female stood uncertainly, confused a little by the calm tone in his voice, but still noting the hidden depths of quiet exhaustion and wary resignment in his dark eyes. Unlike the outward expression of indifference and aloofness gracing his features, it was his eyes that gave him away if someone bothered to look close- she could see the fear lingering in them.
Sighing, Etain leaned against the wall beside him, and slid down until she was seated next to his hunched figure. Jalil didn't say a word.
"I was lonely," she finally said softly, eyes glimmering in sadness. "I fear for Christopher and your friends, and the wait is very long."
For a moment, she thought the tall dark-skinned boy wasn't going to speak to her, but after a moment, Jalil's tired voice drifted lightly into the tense atmosphere.
"Yeah... you could say that." His lips quirked bitterly. "Something like that."
"I know we do not know each other very well, Jalil. Yet you aren't a stranger to me, and we both care for the same people. I am sorry if I'm bothering you."
"It's alright," Jalil muttered, lifting his head further out of the protective gesture of his arms. His body posture relaxed, to Etain's relief, and he even graced her with a tiny smile, although it looked slightly forced. "You must be really worried about Christopher, right?"
"All of them," Etain corrected, a slight amused smile slipping onto her warm face. Then she laughed- lightly, a little breathy, as though unable to really dwell to hard on why she was laughing in the first place. "But yes. Christopher."
"He'll be fine. They all will."
Etain nodded quietly, feeling the knowledge just as he did, that the statement had been made only in a dream sense. It wasn't the truth, far from the result the mission might bring, but it felt like they should have some hope of their friends' return, after all. She knew, seeing the worry that lined his eyes and by just the subtle shifts of his movements, that he was just as worried as she was. If only in different ways of showing it.
That struck a memory, and Etain recalled Christopher remarking once, in an offhand, exasperated way, that "Jalil never cares for anyone but himself." And a few other things, all in the kind of irritated tone only an affectionate friend might use. Somehow, now, she didn't really believe it.
"Are you really going to leave him alone?" Jalil finally asked, breaking the hanging silence from it's perch between them. It was more of his awkward way of breaking the ice, feeling uncomfortable with the Druid.
That, and he really did want to know.
Etain smiled sadly, but nodded. "I have no choice but to go to King Baldwin. Many things ride on my decision to do so. I only hope I haven't picked the wrong path..."
Jalil shrugged uneasily, his shoulders merely jerking up in reaction. "It had to be done, though. He'll be fine in the end."
"Of course," she responded warmly, suddenly glancing over at him with a smile. "He has wonderful friends to see him through everything, doesn't he?"
A shadow of doubt and uncertainty flickered across Jalil's face, before fading into a smooth mask of stone. "Something like that."
"I watch all of you, at times when you're together," Etain continued, her smile fading into a tired almost painful expression. "Perhaps none of you can see it, but you are all very strong together. It's a bond that promises great opportunities in the future... being able to trust someone is a good privilage to have."
"We don't always trust each other," Jalil said finally, shifting in his position uncomfortably again. His already dark eyes were shadowed by a veil of faded, vague consideration. He was thinking about something, Etain knew, but as much as she'd like to see what was working in the boy's mind, nothing showed through.
He gave a tiny sigh, more like a huff of air exhale that sounded all-to loud in the empty room. "Christopher and I, especially. We don't get along very well sometimes- we spent about half our time fighting and beating the crap out of each other when we first appeared... here."
Etain was surprised when he nearly grinned at the last statement, lighting his face up slightly with something she couldn't place. Like he thought it was funny.
"You get along very well, now," she pointed out. Trying not to sound like it was an accusation.
"Yeah, well... he's not so bad, when you get to know him." Again, Jalil shrugged sharply. "Christopher's really strange. He does have his good points, sometimes. On small occassions."
Intrigued and a bit wary of where this would go, Etain smiled encouragingly. "I find him very charming- he has something about him that makes him likable. It's very wonderful."
Dark eyes flashed suddenly, and Jalil frowned- not at her, but at the ground again, staring at the smooth, hard granite beneath their forms. "Is that why you love him?"
There it was- and Etain held her breath momentarily, surprised again by the tone of his voice and his actions. This one caught her off guard- the surpressed irritation in his words, barely visable through the way he spoke them. If anyone else was listening, they'd believe he had something ridiculous, like a crush on Etain herself- yet it was different, it was-
"I do love him," she answered, pausing before adding, "But he only believes he's in love with me."
Jalil's hands tightened and he quickly pushed them together, grasping one of the fists he'd made as though angry with it. She grew silent for a moment as he seemed to debate over that, emotions flashing like a raging storm through his eyes, betraying the mask of cool nothing on his face.
"He seems to think it's real," he finally said flately. It still sounded like an accusation.
Etain sighed heavily, and lowered her head as though there was a large weight on it. "Christopher sees me as I am, and loves me- perhaps that's why I return that feeling. However, I am not what is good for him. I also know for a fact that someday, if I were to act upon his feelings, he'd realize I am not the one he actually wants."
"So he's in love with your image," Jalil finished, sounding just as tired. Then he winced, paused, and muttered, "Sorry. You love him-"
"I'll be fine," she waved her hand. It was a final, firm gesture despite the fact her hand was trembling slightly, tremors running down her fingers. "There will be another, I know. Or perhaps I'll learn to love King Baldwin, as well."
"Christopher would explode if he heard that," Jalil said, and there was a genuine smile on his face. She smiled back, accepting it and laughing a little at the joke, feeling all the tension previously between them fall away suddenly. They were on common ground now.
"He would," Etain agreed, giggling slightly. "Yet I cannot take it back, because it would be a merciful fate for me. To love the one I'm going to marry."
"It might help."
They both laughed again, filling the empty room with the warm, familiar sound. Drowned out the anticipation and dread felt from the long wait to see the news that their friends and cared for ones were either dead or alive. Tried to clamp down on the insecurities and doubts, and in some cases, the repressed feelings that threatened to overcome them both.
"We're really not very different, are we?" Etain said, breathlessly, still laughing. "We both are in the same predicament, aren't we?"
"What's that?" Jalil asked, his breathing slowing down at his calmed. His dark eyes glimmered curiously at her when he asked.
The blue-eyed druid made a slight face, very different from her serious, casual one she wore. Then she smiled. "We're both stuck in this- waiting for the people we care about. Stuck in an image we can't get out of. Worse, we both cannot be with the one we love."
Jalil was nodding in understanding until the last sentance, when he grimaced sharply. She laughed at him again, sadder this time, as though understanding and forgiving.
"I'm not in love with anyone," he reprimanded sharply, frowning hard at her. "I don't know anyone here, anyway. Besides, love is usually caused by hormones, a stronger feeling, not just based on-"
"I never said you did," Etain protested before he continued, but didn't say anything more on the subject- instead, she ran a slim hand through her limp hair, wondering internally when everything would end. Then, she said, "Nevermind... I believe we should hear word, soon. Surely it would not take...?"
He shook his head quietly, his frown softening as his mind turned to the darker thoughts they'd both tried avoiding. "Maybe. I didn't exactly have a watch last time we went to see Hel, you know."
"A watch...?"
"Nevermind." Jalil sighed, looking up at the cieling. "They'll be alright."
She nodded again, knowing he was lying and trying to convince them both, yet accepting it for something that maybe could be a truth- possibly. "David is a fine warrior, and April is very strong. Christopher is brave, they will come home."
"Home..." Jalil whispered. "They'll come home. Funny, that word means a lot more to me than it used to. You're right, they have to come back. We need them to win this battle against that bastard, Ka Anor, everyone does."
Etain recognized the words tagged on, the unspoken, 'We need them, too.'
"They've changed a lot since we came here," Jalil continued, leaning back against the wall and slowly letting his legs fall into a more comfortable position, still up but bent at the knees, farther away so he could lean back without hurting the small of his back. His hands folded on his stomach.
"Were they very different before you were brought here to save us?" Etain asked, also shifting to become more comfortable. She noted the differences in him, as well- staying with the Druids was doing him good physically, putting something on his bones besides skin. He was still thin, but less attractively so, more of a slender type. More graceful, if she remembered his workings from earlier, while building things to help them get an edge in the upcoming battle.
She also wondered if anyone else was noticing the changes.
Then, she remembered he was talking, and looked at him. Jalil didn't seem to notice her contemplation while not paying attention.
"... and April's become tougher, I've noticed. Sometimes I think she has a need to prove herself now. And then, there was the thing with Senna..."
"The witch," Etain acknowledged, her face contorting in slight pain and wariness. Imeadiatly, Jalil glanced at her in chargin.
"Sorry, I forgot... your father..." He was embarrassed now, flushing slightly in awkward guilt.
"It's alright," she assured him quietly. To prove it when he looked at her dubiously, Etain graced him with a gentle smile that lit up her face. "Jalil, I speak the truth. My father was a great man... he will be well remembered and cared for, but I have grieved as I need to. There are other things to worry about now."
"True," Jalil agreed, frowning. "We have so much to do- I, I feel useless-"
"I, too, feel useless." She gazed up at the cieling, letting her eyes close. "All we can do, however, is wait for our heroes to return, though. Isn't that right?"
There was a long silence, and then, he whispered, "I wish I'd gone with them."
I know, she wanted to say, wanting to comfort the slightly covered anguish in his voice. I know you wanted to be with them. You don't belong here, where you can worry and fret about everyone's survival. Such a more complicated person than you appear, aren't you, Jalil?
However, all she said was, "If it had been your own choice, I know you would have. Do not trouble yourself over it."
"Yeah, sure. Easy thing to say, but harder to do." He frowned, and let out an angry, disgusted exclamation of a word she didn't really understand. "Jesus, it's taking so long-"
"They'll be fine," she whispered to him, echoing his earlier words, using the same comforting tone.
"We can't know that, we-" Jalil stopped himself, flinched, and then continued. "We have no way of knowing what's even happening, or how long it will take them. There's no way to get back their... if they're missing, we can't get back their bodies. To- to bury them and stuff. No way of knowing. Sucks, man."
The entire speech was heated, and spoken in halting, jerking tones, as though he were fighting the words before they came out- but Etain understood perfectly. Waiting was bad enough... but they had no idea how long...
And then, what if there was still the endless hope? That some time, in a few days, a week or so, they'd still come out alive?
"They'll be fine," she repeated in a near-whisper.
As if hearing her plea, pounding footsteps were heard up the stairs beyond Jalil's room, rushing, and loud voices. Right away, they were on their feet, running for the door, heart's pounding- flinging it open to see familiar faces-
Etain saw the hope reflected in her own face was on Jalil's. The same dreadful, painful, disbelieving hope.
They opened it, and came face to face with a flushed, panting, incredibly filthy, tired, ragged, desperate, frowning, oh-so-wonderful to see David Levin.
He was in horrible condition, but completely alive, and at the moment wincing from some pain in his leg. Before either of them could say anything, ask any question, he snapped, "Jalil! I need your help, the dwarves are trying to close off the tunnel, and April's still in there-"
It was a whirlwind, Etain dazedly thought, but Jalil seemed to take it in stride before nodding curtly. He ran off, disappeared down the steps, David following him close behind as they ran off.
David had made it. Did Christopher? April- he had said she was still in the tunnel, the one being closed off by-
With a gasp, Etain flew down the stairs after them.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Tired and weary from strain and action, everyone had went to bed after the comotion had calmed down. Frayed nerves were still loose and easy to scratch into irritation, so most of the people who'd been in Hel's lair immeadiatly went for their beds, and fell into blissful, uninterrupted sleep. King Baldwin had ordered that none awaken them until a later time.
Etain found Jalil again, slipping out of Christopher's room.
She met his eyes, smiling tiredly as the dark boy nodded in reassurance.
"He's asleep, like the others," Jalil murmered, a tiny hint of his relief shining in his eyes. "They'll all survive, no one was wounded severely. A lot of sleep and some rest will help..."
With a weak feeling rushing to her knees, relieved and suddenly free of the burden- the long, incredibly hard wait they'd both suffered- Etain sat down on a bench outside the hallway of rooms. She stared at the floor, feeling tears burning behind her eyelids.
A hand hesitantly touched her shoulder- firm, assuring.
"Jalil," she said softly. "We came very close to losing them, didn't we?"
There was a loud, drawn out silence. "Yeah, we did," he finally said, sounding just as weak as she did, although a bit more in control. "But we didn't. That's all that matters, got it?"
She nodded, looking up at him, seeing his dark exotic eyes softly worried in the dimly lit hall look down on her in concern. Etain had to smile again at it- in the course of a few hours, and a small conversation, she had fastened a good friend for herself. They were in small ways alike, merely little things, but they were good enough that she knew they counted.
"Thank you, for staying with me during the day."
Jalil shrugged, sitting beside her restlessly, but smiled at her in return. "I guess I probably needed the company, anyway. It would have been pretty boring."
Etain nodded, and without warning, touched his face. He stiffened in alarm and surprise, eyes widening innocently- before only giving her an uncomfortable, searching look. The close quarters disturbed him.
"I feel much better after our talk," she explained quietly, not removing her hand from touch of friendship and gratitude. "I don't have to worry about Christopher anymore."
Surprise and uncertainty flickered to life in his eyes, glowing like a tiny ember or flame caught in the ash spheres. "Why?"
"Because you will take care of him for me," Etain said simply. She let her hand drop.
Jalil stared at her.
"You didn't like me very much before this," she explained fondly. "I at first believed it was because you did not trust my people. However, after watching... I realized you were only looking out for Christopher's welfare, protecting his best interests. You knew... that I would hurt him somehow."
Jalil squeezed his eyes shut and nodded quietly, leaning forward to bury his face in his hands. Not denying it- merely accepting the words with a haunted bitterness.
"When did it happen?" Etain whispered, her voice hushed in the dark hallway.
"I don't know," he answered hopelessly, a funny hoarse sound in his voice. "I... maybe... after we left the fairies and Nidhoggr. Sometime after that. But not... not much after... I don't think, at least.
"I don't know..." he laughed harshly, bittersweet amusement intermixing with it, clashing. "I can't even think about it anymore. It's just there."
Etain was silent, speechless. She gazed sorrowfully at the boy now clutching his dirty, worn jeans so hard his knuckles were pale. He looked up at her, grief mixing in with irritated bemusement.
"I didn't mean it," Jalil whispered, sounding tiny and scared. "It just happened."
"I know," she finally forced, taking a trembling hand and placing it on his back, feeling it tense and then relax under her touch. "I know, poor boy."
"Don't pity me," he said flatly. "I hate that... I don't like it."
Etain bit her lip savagely, but didn't say a thing about the dark repressed pain in his tone. She had suspected for quite a while, but it was quite another situation to hear it said by him, see the raw knowledge he knew himself.
"Christopher... I can't help him anymore. He'll get over me, though. Maybe he shall-"
"What?" the boy next to her asked, looking up. His face was still dry, empty. But his eyes were brimming with frustration and irritation. "He'll fall madly, drastically in love with me? Propose? Suddenly realize, hey! Jalil, man, he's really great, you know. I think I could probably be madly in love with him. Because, after all, I know I'm a huge fan of *guys*-"
He broke off the sarcastic dialogue, burying his face in his hands again. Muffled, he mumbled, "I saw how he reacted to Ganymede... how... he's made it pretty obvious that I have no chance. And do I even want one?"
"Yes," Etain said subtely. "You definatly want one."
That gave another bitter, amused bark of laughter, and he finally stood up. Didn't look at her very much, only glanced sideways at her still profile, still sitting silently where she'd sat. He bit his lip and avoided her hard, determined gaze.
"It's just some phase. Most teenagers go through the same thing, I've read about. So I'll be fine-"
"You love him, too," she said.
Jalil scowled, although she sensed it, rather than saw through to his face shrouded in darkness. Their wills clashed momentarily, silently appraising each other in frustration, trying to make each other either give in. In the end, the slender teenager let out a breath of quivering anger.
"Okay. Okay, you win. I love him." His voice cracked. "I love him, Etain... it's so screwed up and hopeless and horrible..."
Etain rose, nodding smoothly as if expecting this. For a moment, she thought they seemed to have switched places- now, she was the calm masked one, and he bore the weight of deep, painful emotions. And in reality, they had switched, or soon would, she knew.
"If you love him, you'll do as I say..." she said. "Make sure he doesn't do anything foolish, Jalil. Please..." Her tired, scared eyes lifted to his own. "I can't be his any longer, I must go to King Baldwin. Please, never leave him like I am."
Jalil stared at her, and narrowed his eyes. Then, in a resentment oriented voice that really didn't hate her at all, "I would never leave..."
"Good." Accepting it with a tiny dip of the head, she walked towards the end of the hallway, for her own room. Jalil watched her quietly go, and frowned when she stopped to look back at him over her shoulder.
Etain smiled sadly- something he was becoming frequent with. "Somehow... I don't think I loved him as much... as you will.
"And someday he'll find that he loves you as well."
Then, she swiftly whirled and exited the hall with a loud bang of oak door against the frame, leaving him to stare after her, heart pounding painfully beneath his delicate ribs. Jalil sighed.
'And someday he'll find that he loves you as well.'
Feeling more exhausted and overwrought with emotion than he ever had, the dark eyed boy quietly slipped into his own room, and without undressing, slid beneath the smooth sheets. He closed his eyes, pressing his face into the pillow.
Sleep was a long time in coming, and he couldn't say it was entirely dreamless. Things were plaguing them all, after all.
And in every one of his dreams, the phantom arms he wished would hold him ran away for a blue-eyed girl who held his heart, but could not give hers. And he was left upset, alone, and always, always forgotten. Although he never understood why, when Christopher obviously hadn't been with him to remember him in the first place. And would probably never be.
Sometimes, Jalil later decided, life was rather screwed up.
In fact, conversations like the one he had made it even worse.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~
THE END:
... ^_^;;; DUDE, I suck at writing Everworld. I need to go back to just anime. Or at least post something I didn't write in a short amount of time, hurrying and half asleep because it's very late and I ran out of Pepsi...
::giggles:: Anyway. I know it was bad, but... ayiii, I'll do better next time! I promise! Take care, everyone! ::hugs:: AYI!
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
By Kay
Disclaimer: For Shinigami's sake, I don't own Everworld! Or Jalil, Christopher, or Etain. (I'm convinced Etain is evil, though. Bwahaha.) However, the pillowcases I steal from Jalil's room ARE my property. Mweh. ::cackling ensues::
Daisuke!Muse: ... -_-;;; Just get on with it, baka.
Author's Notes: Waah! My EW slash! Erm... kinda. ^_^;;; My real longer one is still in progress. This was done in a hyper fit of giggles, oh dear. But it's serious-ish! And slashy implications on Christopher/Jalil, baby! Rock on! ::dances:: No matter if it's horrible, sucks badly, and I can't write worth anything... as long as it has Jalil!
Jalil: You're so mean to me... making me talk to ETAIN...
:D I know.
Daisuke: He's right, you know. You're very mean to him- everything you write with him has some form of Jalil torture... ::pokes "unfinished" pile:: And you never finish them! BAKA!
;_; ... I know. But I did this one! NOW- one with the fic!
Jalil: ::sighs:: Someone help me...
^_^ No way. Oh- and NOTE- what happened in the last book see, is that the tunnel- they said it was being closed off by the dwarves before April could get out, so Christopher, David, and Jalil had to hold 'em off... info for the ending, y'know.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
She found him huddled in a heap in the corner of the room King Baldwin had given him.
It wasn't that she was exactly looking for him specifically, in the first place. Etain barely knew the boy her future husband was relying on, so his power and riches would grow. All she knew was a few of his manners, a tiny collection of impressions she'd gathered from her time with him, and some things Christopher had told her absently. It wasn't much to go on.
But he was someone besides the dwarves around her, a person she could talk to, now that the wait for the others to return from Hel was becoming unbearable to sit through.
Sitting in her room, she couldn't help but think foreboding thoughts. That Christopher wasn't alive anymore. That her heroes, their saviors, were most likely dead. Those were thoughts not best dwelled upon, and she had sought out company in the only other person who might understand her feelings of uselessness- the one not allowed to go.
Etain barely knew him, but he was someone who was connected to Christopher and the others. That was enough.
"Jalil," she said softly. "Are you alright?"
At first, looking down on the dark figure in the shadows cast by the stone walls, she'd thought he was crying. His skinny arms wound around his knees, drawn up to his chest so he could bury his face in them. It was a position of a child crying, in her lands. His shoulders were moving slightly, his slender fingers tightly clenched into fists.
"Yeah." His answer was clear, and it startled her that when he looked up, his face was devoid of tears or pain. "I'm fine... what did you need me for?"
The Druid female stood uncertainly, confused a little by the calm tone in his voice, but still noting the hidden depths of quiet exhaustion and wary resignment in his dark eyes. Unlike the outward expression of indifference and aloofness gracing his features, it was his eyes that gave him away if someone bothered to look close- she could see the fear lingering in them.
Sighing, Etain leaned against the wall beside him, and slid down until she was seated next to his hunched figure. Jalil didn't say a word.
"I was lonely," she finally said softly, eyes glimmering in sadness. "I fear for Christopher and your friends, and the wait is very long."
For a moment, she thought the tall dark-skinned boy wasn't going to speak to her, but after a moment, Jalil's tired voice drifted lightly into the tense atmosphere.
"Yeah... you could say that." His lips quirked bitterly. "Something like that."
"I know we do not know each other very well, Jalil. Yet you aren't a stranger to me, and we both care for the same people. I am sorry if I'm bothering you."
"It's alright," Jalil muttered, lifting his head further out of the protective gesture of his arms. His body posture relaxed, to Etain's relief, and he even graced her with a tiny smile, although it looked slightly forced. "You must be really worried about Christopher, right?"
"All of them," Etain corrected, a slight amused smile slipping onto her warm face. Then she laughed- lightly, a little breathy, as though unable to really dwell to hard on why she was laughing in the first place. "But yes. Christopher."
"He'll be fine. They all will."
Etain nodded quietly, feeling the knowledge just as he did, that the statement had been made only in a dream sense. It wasn't the truth, far from the result the mission might bring, but it felt like they should have some hope of their friends' return, after all. She knew, seeing the worry that lined his eyes and by just the subtle shifts of his movements, that he was just as worried as she was. If only in different ways of showing it.
That struck a memory, and Etain recalled Christopher remarking once, in an offhand, exasperated way, that "Jalil never cares for anyone but himself." And a few other things, all in the kind of irritated tone only an affectionate friend might use. Somehow, now, she didn't really believe it.
"Are you really going to leave him alone?" Jalil finally asked, breaking the hanging silence from it's perch between them. It was more of his awkward way of breaking the ice, feeling uncomfortable with the Druid.
That, and he really did want to know.
Etain smiled sadly, but nodded. "I have no choice but to go to King Baldwin. Many things ride on my decision to do so. I only hope I haven't picked the wrong path..."
Jalil shrugged uneasily, his shoulders merely jerking up in reaction. "It had to be done, though. He'll be fine in the end."
"Of course," she responded warmly, suddenly glancing over at him with a smile. "He has wonderful friends to see him through everything, doesn't he?"
A shadow of doubt and uncertainty flickered across Jalil's face, before fading into a smooth mask of stone. "Something like that."
"I watch all of you, at times when you're together," Etain continued, her smile fading into a tired almost painful expression. "Perhaps none of you can see it, but you are all very strong together. It's a bond that promises great opportunities in the future... being able to trust someone is a good privilage to have."
"We don't always trust each other," Jalil said finally, shifting in his position uncomfortably again. His already dark eyes were shadowed by a veil of faded, vague consideration. He was thinking about something, Etain knew, but as much as she'd like to see what was working in the boy's mind, nothing showed through.
He gave a tiny sigh, more like a huff of air exhale that sounded all-to loud in the empty room. "Christopher and I, especially. We don't get along very well sometimes- we spent about half our time fighting and beating the crap out of each other when we first appeared... here."
Etain was surprised when he nearly grinned at the last statement, lighting his face up slightly with something she couldn't place. Like he thought it was funny.
"You get along very well, now," she pointed out. Trying not to sound like it was an accusation.
"Yeah, well... he's not so bad, when you get to know him." Again, Jalil shrugged sharply. "Christopher's really strange. He does have his good points, sometimes. On small occassions."
Intrigued and a bit wary of where this would go, Etain smiled encouragingly. "I find him very charming- he has something about him that makes him likable. It's very wonderful."
Dark eyes flashed suddenly, and Jalil frowned- not at her, but at the ground again, staring at the smooth, hard granite beneath their forms. "Is that why you love him?"
There it was- and Etain held her breath momentarily, surprised again by the tone of his voice and his actions. This one caught her off guard- the surpressed irritation in his words, barely visable through the way he spoke them. If anyone else was listening, they'd believe he had something ridiculous, like a crush on Etain herself- yet it was different, it was-
"I do love him," she answered, pausing before adding, "But he only believes he's in love with me."
Jalil's hands tightened and he quickly pushed them together, grasping one of the fists he'd made as though angry with it. She grew silent for a moment as he seemed to debate over that, emotions flashing like a raging storm through his eyes, betraying the mask of cool nothing on his face.
"He seems to think it's real," he finally said flately. It still sounded like an accusation.
Etain sighed heavily, and lowered her head as though there was a large weight on it. "Christopher sees me as I am, and loves me- perhaps that's why I return that feeling. However, I am not what is good for him. I also know for a fact that someday, if I were to act upon his feelings, he'd realize I am not the one he actually wants."
"So he's in love with your image," Jalil finished, sounding just as tired. Then he winced, paused, and muttered, "Sorry. You love him-"
"I'll be fine," she waved her hand. It was a final, firm gesture despite the fact her hand was trembling slightly, tremors running down her fingers. "There will be another, I know. Or perhaps I'll learn to love King Baldwin, as well."
"Christopher would explode if he heard that," Jalil said, and there was a genuine smile on his face. She smiled back, accepting it and laughing a little at the joke, feeling all the tension previously between them fall away suddenly. They were on common ground now.
"He would," Etain agreed, giggling slightly. "Yet I cannot take it back, because it would be a merciful fate for me. To love the one I'm going to marry."
"It might help."
They both laughed again, filling the empty room with the warm, familiar sound. Drowned out the anticipation and dread felt from the long wait to see the news that their friends and cared for ones were either dead or alive. Tried to clamp down on the insecurities and doubts, and in some cases, the repressed feelings that threatened to overcome them both.
"We're really not very different, are we?" Etain said, breathlessly, still laughing. "We both are in the same predicament, aren't we?"
"What's that?" Jalil asked, his breathing slowing down at his calmed. His dark eyes glimmered curiously at her when he asked.
The blue-eyed druid made a slight face, very different from her serious, casual one she wore. Then she smiled. "We're both stuck in this- waiting for the people we care about. Stuck in an image we can't get out of. Worse, we both cannot be with the one we love."
Jalil was nodding in understanding until the last sentance, when he grimaced sharply. She laughed at him again, sadder this time, as though understanding and forgiving.
"I'm not in love with anyone," he reprimanded sharply, frowning hard at her. "I don't know anyone here, anyway. Besides, love is usually caused by hormones, a stronger feeling, not just based on-"
"I never said you did," Etain protested before he continued, but didn't say anything more on the subject- instead, she ran a slim hand through her limp hair, wondering internally when everything would end. Then, she said, "Nevermind... I believe we should hear word, soon. Surely it would not take...?"
He shook his head quietly, his frown softening as his mind turned to the darker thoughts they'd both tried avoiding. "Maybe. I didn't exactly have a watch last time we went to see Hel, you know."
"A watch...?"
"Nevermind." Jalil sighed, looking up at the cieling. "They'll be alright."
She nodded again, knowing he was lying and trying to convince them both, yet accepting it for something that maybe could be a truth- possibly. "David is a fine warrior, and April is very strong. Christopher is brave, they will come home."
"Home..." Jalil whispered. "They'll come home. Funny, that word means a lot more to me than it used to. You're right, they have to come back. We need them to win this battle against that bastard, Ka Anor, everyone does."
Etain recognized the words tagged on, the unspoken, 'We need them, too.'
"They've changed a lot since we came here," Jalil continued, leaning back against the wall and slowly letting his legs fall into a more comfortable position, still up but bent at the knees, farther away so he could lean back without hurting the small of his back. His hands folded on his stomach.
"Were they very different before you were brought here to save us?" Etain asked, also shifting to become more comfortable. She noted the differences in him, as well- staying with the Druids was doing him good physically, putting something on his bones besides skin. He was still thin, but less attractively so, more of a slender type. More graceful, if she remembered his workings from earlier, while building things to help them get an edge in the upcoming battle.
She also wondered if anyone else was noticing the changes.
Then, she remembered he was talking, and looked at him. Jalil didn't seem to notice her contemplation while not paying attention.
"... and April's become tougher, I've noticed. Sometimes I think she has a need to prove herself now. And then, there was the thing with Senna..."
"The witch," Etain acknowledged, her face contorting in slight pain and wariness. Imeadiatly, Jalil glanced at her in chargin.
"Sorry, I forgot... your father..." He was embarrassed now, flushing slightly in awkward guilt.
"It's alright," she assured him quietly. To prove it when he looked at her dubiously, Etain graced him with a gentle smile that lit up her face. "Jalil, I speak the truth. My father was a great man... he will be well remembered and cared for, but I have grieved as I need to. There are other things to worry about now."
"True," Jalil agreed, frowning. "We have so much to do- I, I feel useless-"
"I, too, feel useless." She gazed up at the cieling, letting her eyes close. "All we can do, however, is wait for our heroes to return, though. Isn't that right?"
There was a long silence, and then, he whispered, "I wish I'd gone with them."
I know, she wanted to say, wanting to comfort the slightly covered anguish in his voice. I know you wanted to be with them. You don't belong here, where you can worry and fret about everyone's survival. Such a more complicated person than you appear, aren't you, Jalil?
However, all she said was, "If it had been your own choice, I know you would have. Do not trouble yourself over it."
"Yeah, sure. Easy thing to say, but harder to do." He frowned, and let out an angry, disgusted exclamation of a word she didn't really understand. "Jesus, it's taking so long-"
"They'll be fine," she whispered to him, echoing his earlier words, using the same comforting tone.
"We can't know that, we-" Jalil stopped himself, flinched, and then continued. "We have no way of knowing what's even happening, or how long it will take them. There's no way to get back their... if they're missing, we can't get back their bodies. To- to bury them and stuff. No way of knowing. Sucks, man."
The entire speech was heated, and spoken in halting, jerking tones, as though he were fighting the words before they came out- but Etain understood perfectly. Waiting was bad enough... but they had no idea how long...
And then, what if there was still the endless hope? That some time, in a few days, a week or so, they'd still come out alive?
"They'll be fine," she repeated in a near-whisper.
As if hearing her plea, pounding footsteps were heard up the stairs beyond Jalil's room, rushing, and loud voices. Right away, they were on their feet, running for the door, heart's pounding- flinging it open to see familiar faces-
Etain saw the hope reflected in her own face was on Jalil's. The same dreadful, painful, disbelieving hope.
They opened it, and came face to face with a flushed, panting, incredibly filthy, tired, ragged, desperate, frowning, oh-so-wonderful to see David Levin.
He was in horrible condition, but completely alive, and at the moment wincing from some pain in his leg. Before either of them could say anything, ask any question, he snapped, "Jalil! I need your help, the dwarves are trying to close off the tunnel, and April's still in there-"
It was a whirlwind, Etain dazedly thought, but Jalil seemed to take it in stride before nodding curtly. He ran off, disappeared down the steps, David following him close behind as they ran off.
David had made it. Did Christopher? April- he had said she was still in the tunnel, the one being closed off by-
With a gasp, Etain flew down the stairs after them.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Tired and weary from strain and action, everyone had went to bed after the comotion had calmed down. Frayed nerves were still loose and easy to scratch into irritation, so most of the people who'd been in Hel's lair immeadiatly went for their beds, and fell into blissful, uninterrupted sleep. King Baldwin had ordered that none awaken them until a later time.
Etain found Jalil again, slipping out of Christopher's room.
She met his eyes, smiling tiredly as the dark boy nodded in reassurance.
"He's asleep, like the others," Jalil murmered, a tiny hint of his relief shining in his eyes. "They'll all survive, no one was wounded severely. A lot of sleep and some rest will help..."
With a weak feeling rushing to her knees, relieved and suddenly free of the burden- the long, incredibly hard wait they'd both suffered- Etain sat down on a bench outside the hallway of rooms. She stared at the floor, feeling tears burning behind her eyelids.
A hand hesitantly touched her shoulder- firm, assuring.
"Jalil," she said softly. "We came very close to losing them, didn't we?"
There was a loud, drawn out silence. "Yeah, we did," he finally said, sounding just as weak as she did, although a bit more in control. "But we didn't. That's all that matters, got it?"
She nodded, looking up at him, seeing his dark exotic eyes softly worried in the dimly lit hall look down on her in concern. Etain had to smile again at it- in the course of a few hours, and a small conversation, she had fastened a good friend for herself. They were in small ways alike, merely little things, but they were good enough that she knew they counted.
"Thank you, for staying with me during the day."
Jalil shrugged, sitting beside her restlessly, but smiled at her in return. "I guess I probably needed the company, anyway. It would have been pretty boring."
Etain nodded, and without warning, touched his face. He stiffened in alarm and surprise, eyes widening innocently- before only giving her an uncomfortable, searching look. The close quarters disturbed him.
"I feel much better after our talk," she explained quietly, not removing her hand from touch of friendship and gratitude. "I don't have to worry about Christopher anymore."
Surprise and uncertainty flickered to life in his eyes, glowing like a tiny ember or flame caught in the ash spheres. "Why?"
"Because you will take care of him for me," Etain said simply. She let her hand drop.
Jalil stared at her.
"You didn't like me very much before this," she explained fondly. "I at first believed it was because you did not trust my people. However, after watching... I realized you were only looking out for Christopher's welfare, protecting his best interests. You knew... that I would hurt him somehow."
Jalil squeezed his eyes shut and nodded quietly, leaning forward to bury his face in his hands. Not denying it- merely accepting the words with a haunted bitterness.
"When did it happen?" Etain whispered, her voice hushed in the dark hallway.
"I don't know," he answered hopelessly, a funny hoarse sound in his voice. "I... maybe... after we left the fairies and Nidhoggr. Sometime after that. But not... not much after... I don't think, at least.
"I don't know..." he laughed harshly, bittersweet amusement intermixing with it, clashing. "I can't even think about it anymore. It's just there."
Etain was silent, speechless. She gazed sorrowfully at the boy now clutching his dirty, worn jeans so hard his knuckles were pale. He looked up at her, grief mixing in with irritated bemusement.
"I didn't mean it," Jalil whispered, sounding tiny and scared. "It just happened."
"I know," she finally forced, taking a trembling hand and placing it on his back, feeling it tense and then relax under her touch. "I know, poor boy."
"Don't pity me," he said flatly. "I hate that... I don't like it."
Etain bit her lip savagely, but didn't say a thing about the dark repressed pain in his tone. She had suspected for quite a while, but it was quite another situation to hear it said by him, see the raw knowledge he knew himself.
"Christopher... I can't help him anymore. He'll get over me, though. Maybe he shall-"
"What?" the boy next to her asked, looking up. His face was still dry, empty. But his eyes were brimming with frustration and irritation. "He'll fall madly, drastically in love with me? Propose? Suddenly realize, hey! Jalil, man, he's really great, you know. I think I could probably be madly in love with him. Because, after all, I know I'm a huge fan of *guys*-"
He broke off the sarcastic dialogue, burying his face in his hands again. Muffled, he mumbled, "I saw how he reacted to Ganymede... how... he's made it pretty obvious that I have no chance. And do I even want one?"
"Yes," Etain said subtely. "You definatly want one."
That gave another bitter, amused bark of laughter, and he finally stood up. Didn't look at her very much, only glanced sideways at her still profile, still sitting silently where she'd sat. He bit his lip and avoided her hard, determined gaze.
"It's just some phase. Most teenagers go through the same thing, I've read about. So I'll be fine-"
"You love him, too," she said.
Jalil scowled, although she sensed it, rather than saw through to his face shrouded in darkness. Their wills clashed momentarily, silently appraising each other in frustration, trying to make each other either give in. In the end, the slender teenager let out a breath of quivering anger.
"Okay. Okay, you win. I love him." His voice cracked. "I love him, Etain... it's so screwed up and hopeless and horrible..."
Etain rose, nodding smoothly as if expecting this. For a moment, she thought they seemed to have switched places- now, she was the calm masked one, and he bore the weight of deep, painful emotions. And in reality, they had switched, or soon would, she knew.
"If you love him, you'll do as I say..." she said. "Make sure he doesn't do anything foolish, Jalil. Please..." Her tired, scared eyes lifted to his own. "I can't be his any longer, I must go to King Baldwin. Please, never leave him like I am."
Jalil stared at her, and narrowed his eyes. Then, in a resentment oriented voice that really didn't hate her at all, "I would never leave..."
"Good." Accepting it with a tiny dip of the head, she walked towards the end of the hallway, for her own room. Jalil watched her quietly go, and frowned when she stopped to look back at him over her shoulder.
Etain smiled sadly- something he was becoming frequent with. "Somehow... I don't think I loved him as much... as you will.
"And someday he'll find that he loves you as well."
Then, she swiftly whirled and exited the hall with a loud bang of oak door against the frame, leaving him to stare after her, heart pounding painfully beneath his delicate ribs. Jalil sighed.
'And someday he'll find that he loves you as well.'
Feeling more exhausted and overwrought with emotion than he ever had, the dark eyed boy quietly slipped into his own room, and without undressing, slid beneath the smooth sheets. He closed his eyes, pressing his face into the pillow.
Sleep was a long time in coming, and he couldn't say it was entirely dreamless. Things were plaguing them all, after all.
And in every one of his dreams, the phantom arms he wished would hold him ran away for a blue-eyed girl who held his heart, but could not give hers. And he was left upset, alone, and always, always forgotten. Although he never understood why, when Christopher obviously hadn't been with him to remember him in the first place. And would probably never be.
Sometimes, Jalil later decided, life was rather screwed up.
In fact, conversations like the one he had made it even worse.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~
THE END:
... ^_^;;; DUDE, I suck at writing Everworld. I need to go back to just anime. Or at least post something I didn't write in a short amount of time, hurrying and half asleep because it's very late and I ran out of Pepsi...
::giggles:: Anyway. I know it was bad, but... ayiii, I'll do better next time! I promise! Take care, everyone! ::hugs:: AYI!
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