/Random probably overly fluffy KakuHida oneshot for the prompt: "You sell bibles door to door and keep showing up at my house and I'm horribly unreligious, but you look like you're trying so hard and are kinda cute so I don't have the heart to tell you to fuck off" AU
When the doorbell rang at exactly 9AM on Sunday for the eighth week in a row, Kakuzu had to resist the urge to hit his head on the table top. Really, when would this guy get the hint and just skip the damned house?
He knew he should just be rude and just tell him to fuck off, maybe slam the door in his face for good measure [worked like a charm on all the other door to door salespeople], but in reality, it was just much too difficult to get angry at him. He just looked so damned enthusiastic every time he stopped by, so Kakuzu managed to be polite every time he denied him. But he still kept coming back like what the actual hell.
When he opened the door, he was met with that same obliviously happy smile that put girl scouts to shame and the introduction he'd memorized by now.
"Hello, my name's Hidan, I work for-"
The Church of Jashin, and I'm here to spread word of His teachings through scripture and invites to the church. He finished in his head. He hadn't realized until too late he'd said it out loud too, in a rather bored and irritated tone.
Hidan didn't seem to take note of his tone and instead looked absolutely ecstatic that he'd memorized it. So this prompted him to launch into a very passionate lecture to try and persuade him to consider attending the church.
In reality, Kakuzu wasn't listening to a single word he said; he couldn't care less about the man's religion, so he merely settled for observing him patiently until he finished. Really, why did he have to be so freaking adorable? In his opinion, that was totally cheating, though the priest didn't seem to be aware his looks were much more convincing than his words.
It took him a few seconds to realize that Hidan had finished his tangent and was staring at him expectantly, and Kakuzu couldn't help but almost feel guilty for not paying attention. Almost.
"I'm sorry, but-"
Shit. His eyes were watering. Fuck, he actually looked like he was about to cry. Shit. Shit.
"I'll take a brochure.." Kakuzu said hesitantly, relaxing when Hidan immediately brightened again and handed him one.
"My number's on it, if you have any questions." He said, and Kakuzu wondered if it was just his imagination that he sounded suddenly kind of seductive and after seeing the smirk Hidan threw his way before turning and leaving to go to the next house he knew it wasn't and he really hoped he hadn't reddened at all.
He left the brochure alone for 2 whole days before calling the number typed at the bottom. Because he did have a question even if it was totally unrelated to the brochure itself, but really, he was just curious.
The phone rang several times before he got an answer in the form of a laid-back 'hey'.
Hoping he wasn't making some horrible mistake, Kakuzu said, "This is Kakuzu. I had a question.."
"I'm listening."
Kakuzu took a deep breath, and asked, "Are you single or..?"
He wasn't sure what he was expecting from this; really, how could someone like him not be taken?
"Yeah, I'm single."
He was shocked, to say the least, but suddenly hopeful. "Would you want to go out sometime?"
"Sure," Hidan agreed, then added, "Monday, 8AM, address is on the brochure."
Kakuzu narrowed his eyes at the smug sound in his voice and glanced at the paper to confirm his suspicions. It was the church, the time during the day's lecture.
"You're joking, right?"
"Take it or leave it."
Kakuzu considered hanging up on him, but remembered just how cute he'd been preaching on his doorstep and suddenly the prospect didn't seem quite so bad. Though still, he wasn't sure there could be a worse arranged date.
"Fine, I'll go to your church, but I swear you owe me a second date at a coffee shop or something."
"Sounds good to me, seriously."
Kakuzu sniffed. "Just so you know, you're paying for the coffee for being a manipulative bastard."
The priest just laughed. "Based off the last two words you said, I highly doubt that."
He ended up being right; he made Kakuzu pay after getting just about the most expensive thing he could on the menu, ignoring the glare he got and threatening Kakuzu with puppy dog eyes.
Kakuzu hated to admit it, but they really were his weakness. But still, it had definitely been worth it.