Listen to the words that will tear us apart
Disclaimer: The characters and other things from The Vampire Diaries don't belong to me. Credit goes to the rightful owners.
They both knew the truth and it never needed to be said. Unless it was to deal the final blow, a cruel kindness that was called honesty.
I hate you—the first truth, the easiest to say out loud.
Elena hated Damon. He killed her brother, in front of her, without rhyme or reason.
His actions justified her hatred. He deserved nothing less and to forgive him would be short of betraying her family, her brother.
Damon knew this. He understood it with blinding clarity, the guilt attached to it barely concealed in his taunting. It was eating him inside to know he couldn't make it right, that he didn't know how. But it didn't mean he would stop trying, even if it broke a heart that didn't even beat.
I'll save you, over and over—the second truth that put the first one in question, but was left unspoken.
Fire, accident, magic, stake, or just an arrow—everything and nothing would get in the way of protecting the other.
Even when Elena should have wished Damon dead, she pleaded for his life, stopped her own friend from ending him.
Even when staying away would have been easier to nurse his wounded pride, Damon's instincts always placed him in between Elena and whatever danger, without thinking if that arrow could have been a wooden stake through his heart.
No anger would ever be enough to match the pain that the death of the other could bring. A life was spared when it was put on the line—it was done but the reason was always left unsaid.
It only hurts if you care—the third truth, the one they've carried around like a weight that anchored them to each other.
Elena could hurt Damon, drive him off the deep end and feed his instinct to not feel. She knew this. Consciously or unconsciously, she understood the pain she could cause him—what words, and what gestures it took for the pain to sear him enough that she saw more than a glimpse of his vulnerability. Because she knew he trusted her, he would believe her and that he loves her.
Damon could hurt Elena, worse than physical pain, because he knew her and lose control in the ways she feared he would. He could never do it directly but sometimes it was more devastating to watch the horror unfold before you, at the hand of the person you trusted with your own life. He said the words that made her believe that she was no different from Katherine—the evil that she never wanted to become. And never to be forgotten—Damon killed Jeremy. It is what it is.
I care, I do, and I love you—the fourth truth, that only one was brave enough to show but did not know how to love with a broken heart.
He didn't know how to love her. Damon only understood obsession, longing and desire—he lived with these long enough.
But vulnerability, selflessness and guilt—these were emotions impossible to a man who was told so many times he wasn't worthy.
Damon understood little about the trouble with love but he knew he needed her forgiveness. He started with humor and sarcasm, hoping his wit would wear her down. He moved on to saying the words that they both wanted to hear, no matter how untrue—he saw the ring, he knew Jeremy wouldn't die. Then he was blunt in asking if it was irreparable—their friendship, whatever everything else that was between them, all of it.
But loving her meant he would tell her his tragic little secret.
"I need to know the truth. When you broke Jeremy's neck, did you know he was wearing the ring?"
"No."
No excuse, no apology would ever be enough. The disappointment on Elena's face as he uttered the single syllable answer erased all hope that she would let him in her soul ever again. It could not be undone.
I lost you today, for the rest of forever—the last truth, the only one left to live.
They only needed to dance, a step forward and another back, in perfect tune to all the lies. They only needed to keep moving until the music faded and time managed to heal them.
But it unraveled faster than they could mend and the truth spilled out in a moment they could never take back, never ready for but was ever inevitable.
Elena wanted to forgive him but he kept giving her reasons to need to run farther away from his darkness. Damon wanted to fight but he couldn't escape the guilt, knowing he hurt the one person who ever tried to understand him, protect him and see someone in him worth saving.
Love—the one truth that could have changed things and now, it's the one that doesn't matter anymore.
Elena can no longer imagine it, even in a dream, with the ghost of his touch on her cheek.
"Yes, you have lost me forever."
And Damon, as he listened to his heart breaking to the sound of her voice, can no longer believe he deserved it.