Chapter 1.

During that same night, Edward begged me to try sharing my thoughts with him again. I thought that the whole idea might not even work, what with me being mentally mute, but it had worked - so vividly too.

"Please?" Edward begged in his smoldering eyes, I thought about it for a minute. Wondering if my eyes will be like that when all my own human blood was drained from my body and my eyes were like topaz instead of scarlet rubies, would they be as dazzling as his eyes are and would they dazzle Edward the way that his dazzled me?

"Okay, be prepared, it might not even work again. I still need a little more practice. What do you want to see?" I said. Pondering on whether or not I could do it again. The feeling was extraordinary, having Edward in my head, finally. Able to show him the human feeling that I had felt, showing him the reactions that I hid.

"Whatever you want to show me, I just want to see something." he pleaded, he stood up from our big soft white bed. Knowing that I would give in and show him something that he would love.

"Right, this is the strongest and happiest recent memory that I have. Oh and it makes the very top of my list of my best nights." I wrapped my arms around him, forced my shield around us and showed him the time from Isle Esme. This was the time when he had done my side of the bargain after I had done my part and how I woke up covered in feathers and completely overjoyed but only to find that Edward was miserable. I remember that this was the time he couldn't understand why that I would be happy despite of all the "pain" he had caused me. How I wished he could read my mind back then! But now I would tell him why I'd been happy and why I wish he wasn't so disgusted with himself. I was only human. Was. I don't think there is anything I missed from being human. I am so ––

"That was the best night of my life too. Or existence. But I was too disgusted with myself. I have told you before, Bella. I can't live with myself if I ever put any harm in your way especially when I am the danger, I have warned you before how that one careless touch could kill you, break you. I've warned you how dangerous I am when I let my guard down. But you were determined and I wanted to give you what you want. I never meant to hurt you. I have never been so horrified with myself before, I love you, Bella. You must know that, and it would kill me to ever hurt you again, physically or mentally. And ––"

I put my finger to his lips and shushed him, he had made a long speech and on the path he was going, I knew I had to stop him. I knew him too well to know that this vision would cause him pain again. Obviously I had been foolish enough to believe that seeing my mind was enough to make him forget the pain and the horrification. Edward will always be Edward no matter how unbreakable I had now become.

" Edward Cullen, you will never never talk about the pain you've caused me, such a long time ago. This was nothing you had control over. It was something we both had compromised on. You understand? So, if someone had to take the blame, it would be a fair share between you and me, so don't try to blame yourself. It's all been forgotten, you've just said that this night was the best night of your life too. Edward, do you think that I showed you this night to cause you pain?" I hesitated, waiting for his response but he seemed content, in control so I continued.

"I showed you this because I wanted you to feel the happiness that I had felt that moment. I wanted you to feel how many new and different emotions I had felt. And that I love you full to the brim, seriously, I think I would have burst with love that morning if you hadn't ruined the moment."

"I know, but I can't let that happen again."

"Umm, Edward. I think you are forgetting that I am as unbreakable as you are now. I might actually hurt you more than you would hurt me." I corrected him, remembering what had happened in the last few days.

"Sorry, old habits die hard. It's just I've been so careful for so long, and its hard to let my guard down. I guess you're right, you are strong than I am now. Stronger than Emmett too." Edward said, grinning, flashing these brilliant teeth at me.

"You know, you sort of interrupted the good part, and I was just getting to it. So would you be willing to continue that?" I offered hoping that he would say yes.

"Edward? Well, I was hoping that maybe I could put my shie ––"

He didn't even give a chance to finish my sentence, he put his lips on mine. We both shivered with pleasure. It didn't feel like this when I was human, he was always way too moralized and hesitant to do anything like this. It was like Isle Esme all over again, except this time, we are on the same level.

Everyone had been so sure that I wouldn't want Edward like this for a long time. They all thought that I would be just like Bree, the newborn. Ruthless, thirsty, thirsty for blood, more than anything else. All of us had been surprised that I could control myself though now I feel the same as I did when I was human ; the way that I wanted Edward seem to never change. I guess I was always a little odd, I mean, who goes to this tiny little town on the edge of America only to find that they are surrounded by mythical creatures and eventually become one of them. Somebody with luck like me. I am glad that I came to Forks, I can't even imagine my life without coming to Forks. Living my life without Edward, ugh! Unbearable and unthinkable would not even do it.

"Can you focus? You do realize that I am in the middle of kissing you, right?" Edward demanded. I've completely forgotten that Edward is kissing me and that made me ponder, I could never get used to his perfection and the way his eyes looked into mine like he could do this forever.

"I'm sorry, you just made me ponder." I answered honestly.

"About what? I can't believe it! I made you ponder while I was kissing you, I was hoping for some kind of response." Edward bellowed. I hope I didn't hurt his feelings, I mean after all, this was all I seemed to be capable of.

"Just wondering how my life would have turned out if I hadn't met you, if I didn't come to Forks. I know it would be nasty, but I just wondered what if I didn't have this life. What if I didn't have Reneesm ––" His face stopped me, he looked like he was in pain. I have no idea what I had done, what did I say?

"Are you regretting your decision? Are you saying that you regret coming to Forks? That you've even met me? I have told you that there is no going back now that you are changed. I knew I should have waited until you were absolutely sure, I shouldn't have changed you. I would have waited until you had woken up, but you were dying, in front of my very own eyes because of our child, no because I wasn't careful enough and I couldn't resist..."

Edward babbled on and on about how he should never have come back, and should have left me. It took me a while to catch all the words and then each of them clicked like a puzzle, fitting in all the right places. Then I finally realized what he was talking about.

"Hang on, wait, are you saying that I regret falling permanently in love with you? Edward, as I have assured you thousands of time before, the way I feel about you will never change and have never changed. If it were possible, I love you more now than I ever have. I love you no matter what. When you left, there was like a hole in my chest, like I was empty, like you have taken my soul ––no pun intended––it was only my body, the outer shell that was there in Forks and everything else, every part of me was with you. Somewhere far away. I thought you knew how I feel about you and you returned that too." I tried to convince him. If you call me stubborn, then I wouldn't want to know what you are going to call Edward.

"But what you said just now, you said that you thought about the life without me, without Forks and without Renesmee. I just thought that you didn't want this eternal damnation." Edward explained.

I know I couldn't lose my temper over this, tonight, I need to make him see that I was as altered as he. And my life, no, there would be no life without him.

"I wouldn't have a life then. Without you, Renesmee or the rest of the family. There would be no life, and I guess I was kinda sick for thinking about these things. I promise you this, I love you more than anything. I would give everything just so I could love you more. You are everything beyond my expectation, and I really hate it when you think that you love me more. Now where were we before my imaginations got the better of me?" I told him.

Then my hands were all over his body, fumbling for the buttons of his shirt. Then I remembered the last time I did that, he had pushed me away. But this time he seemed as eager as I was and continued. He swept me in his arms but didn't break our kiss and carried me to the bed. Within a second, he had ran to Renesmee's room to check that she was soundly asleep. When he returned, he closed the door ever so lightly so we could have some private space alone. Alone, that was the key thing. I studied his face for a second, he looked hungry, not in the sense that he was thirsty but it had looked like he was hungry for more of demolition, I then saw the blue room in my head and wondered if that was the damage that had been done by one vampire, what would happen to our cottage when there are now two? He growled. His eyes didn't part my glare, he stared at me with anticipation. He walked gracefully ––the suspense was killing me–– deliberately slowing his pace. Finally, after what it seemed like a century of walking, he had reached the bed, reached for me. Then our lips found each other like magnets and I removed what was left of his shirt, tearing it to shreds. Just as he did with my clothes. Then the night went on blissfully.