Prodigies sit around a poker table in the rec room. To the dealer's right is an empty seat, waiting for an occupant.
To that seat's right sits Mukuro Ikusaba, the Ultimate Soldier. Her training makes her one of the most skilled combatants in the world, but whether that training is of any use at a poker table remains to be seen.
To Mukuro's right sits Peko Pekoyama, the Ultimate Swordswoman. A disciplined and experienced fighter and deceiver, she is likely to be a formidable player.
To Peko's right sits Byakuya Togami, the Ultimate Affluent Progeny (slim version). At the least, he will not be lacking in confidence during the upcoming game. He has overcome many challenges in his life; perhaps this simple game will be nothing to him.
I am the dealer, and I am content to observe. Presiding over a poker game between students of Hope's Peak Academy should be an excellent learning experience. Witnessing such talented individuals as they gamble will be my pleasure as the Ultimate Gambler.
"Hey, Ludenburg," Fuyuhiko says to me. "When's this fourth player supposed to get here? I want to get this started."
Fuyuhiko Kuzuryu is spectating, here in support of Peko. Also spectating is Junko Enoshima, the enigma that is Mukuro's sister and the Ultimate Fashionista. Both spectators sit at a table behind me, from which they will be able to watch the players as the tournament unfolds. I reply to Fuyuhiko.
"He should be here momentarily. I promise it will be worth the wait; this should be a very entertaining evening."
"Well, I hope so," Junko chimes in. "Card games are so slow. You guys had better make this exciting!"
Byakuya adjusts his glasses. "I'm not here for your entertainment. I'm here to win. Your fun is not my priority, so don't expect me to dance for your amusement."
Junko merely sticks her tongue out in reply. How delightfully childish. Speaking of childishness…
The door to the rec room opens and the fourth player steps into the Rec Room. Enter Kokichi Oma, the "Ultimate Supreme Leader." This underclassman has become notorious as a compulsive liar and an insolent conversationalist. Not a single person at Hope's Peak Academy claims to understand what goes through his head. His words, actions, and mannerisms are often immediately followed with contradictory words, actions and mannerisms. He is one of the most perplexing individuals in history.
With a reputation like that, how could I not invite him to join us in a poker game?
I gauge the room's reaction to the newcomer. Byakuya regards him with his typical unfriendly indifference. Mukuro and Peko have neutral attitudes toward him, if anything simply relieved that the fourth player has finally arrived. Fuyuhiko gives him a casual, though not especially familiar, wave. Junko has a difficult expression to read. For whatever reason, she wears a poker face as she looks at him. I wonder what emotion she's hiding. I also wonder if she'd be a better player than Mukuro. Oh well, too late to change the roster now.
"Hello, everyone!" Kokichi sings. "Wow, it's a full house, isn't it? No pun intended." He strolls up to the empty seat with an abundance of swagger and not a care in the world. "Looks like some people brought a plus one. No fair, nobody told me I could have an entourage!"
I ignore his complaint. "Very well," I announce. "Now that we are all here, we can begin. I shall briefly explain the rules." I delicately clear my throat and prepare to fill the role of an officiator. It's time to run the show.
"The game is No Limit Texas Hold 'Em. This will be a winner-take-all tournament: no cashing out early, and no buying back in. Play continues until only one player remains. The buy-in is ten thousand yen. Are there any questions?"
"Yes," Kokichi says with faux intensity. "Big question. How do I play poker?"
"Are you serious?" Mukuro asks, bewildered.
"Of course he's not serious," Junko interjects. "He's messing with you. Come on, sis, get a clue!"
I keep a calm smile, knowing that I have invited this powder keg to my table. I am prepared to handle him with care. "I'm afraid there is no time for a tutorial, Kokichi, but worry not. The game is easy enough to learn as you play. Now, does everyone have the buy-in?"
I receive cash from all of the players with no complaint. Forty thousand yen is a small amount of money in the grand scheme of things, but I'm not here to enjoy the stakes. I'm here for the play. Oh, hold on a moment.
"Hmm, Byakuya," I say, "You seem to have given me one hundred thousand by mistake. The buy-in is ten thousand."
"Ah, my bad," he says. "Here, let me take that back… there you go." Byakuya acts like it was unintentional, but he does a poor job of hiding his smugness. He clearly enjoys being the kind of person who can simply throw around a hundred thousand yen like it's nothing.
"Hey, look guys, Byakuya's flexing!" Kokichi exclaims. "Wow, I'm so impressed! Being rich is super cool."
Being called out takes the wind out of Byakuya's sails. He glowers at Kokichi and says, "Well, let's get started, then."
"Of course," I say. "Allow me to distribute the chips. In the meantime, Fuyuhiko, could you get our players some drinks?"
"Why do I have to do it?" Fuyuhiko complains. He clearly dislikes receiving orders. I wonder if I can drive him to submission, and what the most effective way to do that would be. Well, that's a game for later. Right now, I just need to get him to do this.
"Because I suspect that Junko would mess with them in some way."
The accused gasps indignantly.
"Hey! Come on, Celeste," Junko says. "Do you really think I'd just mess with everyone's drinks for no reason?"
"Yes," I reply.
"Yes, definitely," Byakuya adds.
"Absolutely," Peko says.
"I trust her!" Kokichi lies.
"You probably would," Mukuro concludes. Junko clutches her heart and reaches out melodramatically.
"Et tu, Mukuro?"
Fuyuhiko cuts in. "Well, what do you all want? Byakuya?"
"I'll take water." Byakuya is, of course, too good for the sweet drinks of the masses.
"I'll have tea." Peko makes a safe request for a simple drink.
"Gimme some Red Bull!" Kokichi demands. I think that adding caffeine to the messy equation that is his thought process will cause him to be even more annoying to the other players than he is now. This should be very interesting!
Mukuro is examining one of her chips. "Water for me," she says without looking up. Of course, the Ultimate Soldier chooses a beverage for its practicality.
"Tequila!" Junko exclaims. She receives a variety of looks from the rest of the room ranging from those of surprise to those of annoyance to, oddly, an unnerving evil grin. I don't know why Kokichi is making that face.
"I'm, uh, pretty sure we don't have booze in the rec room," Fuyuhiko informs her. Junko sighs.
"Alright, I'll have a Diet Generic Something-or-Other."
Fuyuhiko goes to take care of the drinks as I finish distributing the chips. Each player has a starting value of ten thousand.
"The blinds will start on my left and move clockwise," I explain. "Byakuya is on the small blind, and Peko is on the big blind."
"Let's get started, then," Byakuya asserts. He and Peko put up the blinds. I deal everyone their first hand. The poker tournament has begun.
Mukuro folds, Kokichi calls. Byakuya makes a bet.
"Two thousand," he says, putting that value of chips into the pot.
"Ooh, someone's coming out swinging!" Kokichi comments. "Give us a minute to settle in, why don't you?"
"I fold," Peko says, folding. Either she doesn't have confidence in her hand or she wants to wait and practice reading her opponents before getting into a significant play. I'll give her credit, she is a bit of a challenge to read at first.
"Yeah, I fold too." Kokichi gleefully pushes away his cards. Byakuya wins the first hand by stealing the blinds. I'm sure that will continue to work for him. I believe entire tournaments are commonly won this way. Okay, perhaps I should ease up on the sarcasm in my internal monologue.
Play continues for several more hands. We see a few flops, but no hand gets past the turn before all except for one person folds, that person generally being Byakuya. He is betting aggressively while the others are playing conservatively (including, to my surprise, Kokichi). The Ultimate Affluent Progeny has control of the game.
"You'll all have to do better than this," Byakuya says boastfully. "At this rate, I'm going to have a very boring victory."
"Hey, don't blame me. These cards are garbage!" Kokichi looks at me with a juvenile, accusatory smile. "I think somebody's stacking the deck."
"Please," I say, "Let us play for more than ten minutes before we start accusing me of rigging the game. There is an order to these things."
"Alright, fair enough. Cheater."
As we move on to the next hand, Kokichi turns his attention to Peko. "Hey, sword lady! You've been pretty quiet so far. What's going through your head? Thinking about stabbing?"
Peko brushes her hair with her hand. "I'm paying attention to the game. I don't think conversation is going to help me win."
"Why do you want to win so bad? Don't tell me you're like Byakuya. Do you have a big ego that you're too much of a baby to let get stepped on?"
Byakuya is visibly annoyed but says nothing.
Peko looks to Fuyuhiko for a signal. Her eyes ask, should I tell him?
Fuyuhiko shakes his head, the universal signal for no.
Peko says, "I could use some extra spending money." I suspect, however, that she has no shortage of cash. I know what she and Fuyuhiko are hiding, but I keep that information to myself for now.
Kokichi puts a finger on his chin and smirks nefariously. "Oh, I see. Well, I guess we'll find out soon enough." Play continues in relative silence.
Two hands later, Byakuya makes another heavy bet pre-flop.
"Five thousand." He pushes as much into the pot.
Peko folds. Mukuro folds. Oh, here. Finally, it's getting interesting.
"I call!" Kokichi says excitedly as he matches Byakuya's bet. I look between the competitors. Byakuya's eyes dart downward for a split second. He clearly wasn't expecting a call from anybody. Looks like he's gotten complacent. Kokichi seems to have caught what I caught, and grins from ear to ear.
"Oh? Are you ready for the flop? You seem a bit excited. I get it. I'm excited, too!"
Byakuya says nothing and shows no other signs of his emotions. He looks at me expectantly, and I reveal the flop. It consists of a Jack, Seven and Nine of differing suits. Byakuya leans back.
"Check."
Kokichi leans forward and stares deeply into Byakuya's eyes. The two would make a lovely couple, I think. One of the marriages that end in divorce or homicide, most likely, but still a lovely couple.
"I'm going to let you in on a secret," Kokichi says. "You can't win this game."
Byakuya is unfazed. "Why is that?"
"Because I know when you're bluffing. And you'll never know when I am. Except when you do." He shoves all of his remaining chips forward. "All in. What do you say, Byakuya? Want to dance?"
Byakuya stares, fuming. This hand has not gone how he planned. It's obvious now to anyone who knows what to look for that he doesn't have anything. There's only one move for him now. He folds wordlessly, conceding the pot to Kokichi.
"Yay! Money!" Kokichi eagerly claims the pot and becomes the new chip leader. I raise the blinds, and play continues.
A couple hands later, Peko has made a pre-flop bet for a change and been called only by Mukuro. It seems now that these two players, who until now have been mostly inactive, will show me how they compete. The two exchange glances, but no words yet. I deliver the flop.
Peko seems to have mixed feelings about the flop, from what I can tell. She probably has a hand that's good, but not great. Mukuro has a decent poker face, but it won't be too difficult to figure out where she stands. Peko checks.
"Three thousand." Mukuro bets three thousand, which would make quite a sizable pot if Peko were to call. Now Peko has to make the read. She hums thoughtfully.
"I wonder," she says rhetorically, "Are you bluffing?" The question catches Mukuro off guard.
"I'm… how am I supposed to respond to that?"
"Oh, come on, Mukuro!" Junko shouts. "You aren't supposed to say anything! You're just supposed to sit quietly and look stoic and cool. Jeez, it's like you've never played poker before."
"Oh. Um…" Mukuro tries to appear "stoic and cool." The result is amazing.
She stares at Peko and cocks one eyebrow while furrowing the other. She purses her lips slightly and has one eye half closed. The fearsome Ultimate Soldier looks like, in the most flattering terms, a confused duck. Now I know that having her play was a good idea.
Kokichi bursts out laughing. In labored breaths between fits of laughter he says, "Oh my god. Mukuro, you're so… Bwahahaha! You're so cool! Ahahaha!"
Mukuro blushes and hangs her head in adorable embarrassment. She's certainly not the most socially apt person in our class. That will likely work against her.
"…I fold," Peko says, disturbed. As I expected, Mukuro looks disappointed by Peko's decision. Mukuro has played very carefully so far; she seems unwilling to put any chips in the pot unless she's confident in her chances. This is more of a weakness than a strength; it will make her difficult to beat on any hand she chooses to play, but also will make it hard for her to get ahead if she remains this predictable. The hand concludes with Mukuro making a small profit.
"Come on, Peko," Fuyuhiko comments. "You should have played that one out."
Peko is visibly annoyed. "How can you say that without knowing what my cards were?"
"Well, I mean, that doesn't really matter, right? You could have just bluffed and taken the pot."
"Oh, now I get it," Kokichi says. "Peko's the one playing because Fuyuhiko sucks!"
"That's not—" Fuyuhiko starts.
"Yes, exactly as you say," I interrupt. Fuyuhiko is, as he might say, "pissed," but he gets himself under control and does not argue with me. A wise decision.
"Not to worry," Peko tells him. "I'm still going to win."
As it stands, Kokichi is the chip leader, followed by Mukuro, then Peko, then Byakuya, still recovering from the wound Kokichi dealt to his pride.
"Oma," Byakuya says. "Do you have experience playing poker? As much as I hate to admit it, you seem to know what you're doing."
Kokichi gasps. "A compliment from Byakuya Togami? I can't believe it. I'm honored! No, I don't play poker very often. Most people are really bad at it, so it's never much fun. You guys are different, though! You're all pretty fun, even though most of you barely know what you're doing. I especially like how Celeste keeps staring at each of us with that creepy smile. Hi, Celeste!"
"Hello, Kokichi." I deal the next hand without dropping my "creepy" smile. I don't think it's creepy. I'm very charming. He's the creepy one. Wait, am I letting him get to me? Dammit. Get ahold of yourself, Celeste.
This time, Kokichi is on the big blind. Byakuya, Peko, and Mukuro each call on their turn.
"This should be fun," Kokichi comments as he checks.
All players are in the hand as I present the flop. It consists of the Five of Hearts, Eight of Hearts, and Ace of Clubs. On his turn, Byakuya makes a pivotal decision.
"All in," he says. Two words that so often precede heartbreak or shame. Byakuya says them like they carry a weight he is comfortable bearing. His hand is good, from what I can tell. He's bet everything on it, so it had better be.
Kokichi chuckles. "That was a bad decision, dear Byakuya. Not a good move at all, no sir."
Peko folds. Kokichi continues trying to provoke Byakuya.
"You're so screwed. I feel like spelling it out for you! You're S-C-R—"
"I call," Mukuro declares.
"Oh," Kokichi says. He leans lazily on the table. "Well, that's fine, I guess. You kids have fun!" He folds.
"Yeah!" Junko shouts. "Kill him, sis! Rip out his intestines and jump rope with them!"
Peko narrows her eyes. "That's a little too graphic."
Byakuya turns over his cards. An Ace and a Ten. He has a pair of Aces.
Mukuro then shows her pocket. An Ace and a King. She has the same pair, and a devastating advantage.
"Urgh!" is a rough approximation of the sound Byakuya makes. Kokichi snickers, but Mukuro watches the table intensely. She knows the hand isn't over yet.
I give the turn. Three of Hearts, useful to nobody. The room holds its breath.
The river. Jack of Spades. Tough luck for Byakuya.
"Mukuro wins the hand with a King kicker," I announce. Mukuro smiles with relief, while Byakuya sighs in frustration.
"Dammit. That's annoying." Byakuya stands from the table.
"Aw, come on, Byakuya!" Kokichi says. "Don't leave so soon. Stay and watch!"
"Why would I do that?"
"Because I love you!"
Byakuya's face darkens. He looks at me and mutters, barely audible.
"Let me know when you do this again. I won't lose to him next time."
I remain cheerful. How could I not, with everyone having so much fun? "Of course, Byakuya. Have a pleasant evening."
Without another word, Byakuya departs. And now there are three. I peek at the cards Kokichi folded. He had a Three and a Nine. He was audibly bluffing after Byakuya went all in. Good to know, I suppose.
"Man, that guy's a pain," Kokichi remarks. "Why'd you invite him, Celeste?" He acts as though he isn't aware of the irony. I won't point it out directly.
"Because even a tremendous pain can have value in the challenge it presents," I say. "Now, let us continue, shall we?"
Mukuro is the new chip leader, with Kokichi not far behind, and Peko not far behind him.
"Yeeaaaaaaaaaaaaaah," Junko draws out. "You go, Mukurooooooo. Woooooo!" She punctuates her cheer with a hiccup. Ah, this is unexpected.
I calmly ask, "Junko, are you feeling okay?"
Junko replies with a belch. It is as I thought. I will act appropriately.
"Open question," I state. "Who got one of my guests wasted?"
All eyes turn to Fuyuhiko. With suspicions focused on him, he goes on the defensive.
"Woah, hey, why are you looking at me? I didn't do anything. I don't know why she's like this."
"You got the drinks. What did you give her?" Mukuro asks. If looks were weapons, hers would be a knife poised to stab.
Peko cuts in. "Junko is not drunk," she says simply.
"How do you know?" Mukuro questions.
"Her face not having turned red, the size of her pupils being normal, and the fact that she's acting exactly like a stereotypical drunk all indicate that she hasn't actually had a drop of alcohol. I've seen drunk people. She's faking it."
Junko is quiet for a second, then she crosses her arms and scowls. "Jeez, way to ruin my bit." Mukuro sighs.
"Huh?" Fuyuhiko says. "It was a joke?"
Junko grins mischievously. "Yep! Mukuro was in on it. We had this whole sequence planned, it was going to get real dramatic. I was even going to fake vomit! It would have been great, but Miss Party-Pooper there went and ratted me out."
"It's okay," Kokichi says cheerfully. "You and Mukuro are garbage actors anyway, so I don't think we missed out on much."
Junko gasps. "How dare you. How dare you! Mukuro," she whines. "Kokichi hurt my feelings. Come hold me!"
"Okay, sis," she says, and starts to get up.
"No, no, don't actually do it. Play the game!"
"Oh, okay." Mukuro remains seated.
"I'm so sad…" Junko mumbles, making Mukuro concerned once more. If Mukuro grew up receiving this many mixed signals, it's no wonder she might have difficulty reading people at a poker table. She can't even read her own sister.
"Hey, Hindenburg," Kokichi says to me. "You didn't actually buy Junk-O's lame act, did you?"
I won't bother correcting his pronunciation of names. "Of course not," I answer. "I was, you might say, 'playing along.' I figured it might be interesting to watch what she did."
Kokichi chuckles. "Yeah, same here. Guess that means Fuyuhiko was the only one that fell for it, huh?"
Fuyuhiko blushes and doesn't make eye contact with anyone. Poor boy, he's embarrassed that he was deceived. It's a wonder that he gets along with anyone in this room, however, if he isn't used to that.
"With that scene over," I say, "let us resume play. We still have a full match ahead of us."
I deal the next hand. It and the two that follow pass uneventfully. The players study each other, and I study them. Each is trying to get a sense of how the others think, while concealing his or her own thoughts behind the veil of a poker face. Peko and Mukuro have fairly normal poker faces: emotionless, attentive, and intimidating to the weak-minded. Mukuro's is inconsistent, though; she can hide misgivings about a bad hand, but she too easily gives away when she feels good about one.
Kokichi is another story. His expression and apparent mood changes so frequently and so dishonestly that it is impossible to tell which of the signals he is giving off can clue an observer in to the truth of his hand. It is an unconventional style, and one that is difficult to pull off. He's managed well so far, though.
I deal another hand and am pleased to see two calls and a check. All three players will be in for the flop. Taking a quick look between the players, I find no solid indicators yet on the quality of their hands. Let's see how the flop goes.
I reveal the Two of Clubs, Eight of Clubs, and Queen of Spades. Kokichi can barely wait for his turn.
"Five thousand!" he says, gleefully betting as many chips. As far as anyone can tell, he has a good hand or a terrible one; both are equally likely.
Peko looks troubled. It seems her cards are not performing to her satisfaction. She folds, eliciting a groan from Fuyuhiko. "Be patient," she advises him. "There's still plenty of time."
Mukuro hesitates for a second, then decides to compete with Kokichi. "Call," she says. After moving her chips to the pot, she looks down and avoids eye contact.
I give the turn. Queen of Hearts. Mukuro checks. Kokichi takes a deep, dramatic breath.
"I'm going all in!" He proclaims, shoving the remainder of his pile into the pot. If Mukuro calls, the winner of this hand will be a behemoth and the loser will either bust or be doomed to bust. All eyes are on the Ultimate Soldier.
Mukuro bites her thumb, considering the options. She isn't concerned about hiding her feelings anymore, now that Kokichi has gone all in. She's doing her best to weigh her options, and it's easy to see that she's conflicted.
Kokichi taunts her. "I'm going to tell you what Kaito tells me whenever he's desperate for my attention. Call me! Call me! Please, call me!" He bangs his hands on the table to punctuate his begging. He could easily be bluffing, but it's hard for Mukuro to know whether that is the case. Kokichi decides to poke her further.
"Remember, if you lose this many chips, there's no way you can come back from it. So, choose carefully." He bangs the table again. "But seriously, call me!"
He seems to have had the desired effect. Mukuro's loss-aversion instincts kick in, and she folds wordlessly.
"Boo!" Junko shouts. "Weak! Lame!"
Kokichi pushes his cards to me without revealing them to the other players. I decide to take a look for myself. He had a Queen and a Four: three of a kind. It really was a strong hand. Was he trying to get Mukuro to call, after all? Very strange. I would have handled that differently.
Regardless, Kokichi is the chip leader, Peko is in second, and Mukuro is in last with a tragically reduced stack. I raise the blinds once more and deal the next hand. Nothing noteworthy happens in it.
By this point, I've learned a few tells. When Mukuro likes her cards, she peeks at them twice, whereas she only looks once on a mediocre hand. Peko tilts her head slightly down when she has a good hand and shifts her jaw a tiny bit when she's bluffing. Kokichi is an indecipherable mess of odd behaviors. All of my poker experience gives me little help in determining whether doing a disco dance in one's seat is indicative of bluffing.
I deal another hand. Kokichi folds immediately, and cries crocodile tears over how bad his cards are. He surely doesn't get to play games like this very often; any casino would kick him out within five minutes of him sitting down at a table.
Peko calls and Mukuro checks. We'll see the flop. I lay down the first three community cards: Five of Hearts, Ace of Hearts, King of Spades.
Mukuro scans the table, doing calculations in her head. After a moment, she bets.
"Three thousand." This is half of Mukuro's remaining chips.
Peko is a statue. If she's concerned about anything, she gives the other players no indication. After a few seconds, she calls.
The turn. Three of Hearts.
Mukuro has begun sweating. She's clearly feeling some pressure now. She tries to get a read on Peko. I guess she doesn't find anything, because she looks frustrated. She continues to think.
"Come on, Mukuro!" Junko says. "Do something! Anything! Well, don't fold, but do anything else! Or do fold, that could be fun." Kokichi nods, apparently agreeing with every word she says.
Mukuro gives her stack a steady push to the middle of the table. "All in," she announces. Everyone watches Peko for a reaction.
Peko relaxes as she immediately says, "Call." Mukuro instantly suspects that she's made a mistake.
Mukuro reveals her cards first. She has pocket Kings, giving her three of a kind.
"Yes! Despair!" Junko shouts. Wait, did I hear that right?
"Come again, Junko?" I ask.
"This pair! This pair of Kings, it's awesome! Nice hand, sis!" Oh, I see. She doesn't understand yet.
Peko gracefully turns over her pocket cards. She has a Six and a Seven. To be exact, she has the Six of Hearts and the Seven of Hearts.
"Damn straight!" Fuyuhiko shouts excitedly. "Nice one, Peko!"
"It's not a damn straight," Kokichi corrects, "it's a damn flush."
"Oh, hush," I tell him.
Peko remains silent, but I can see in her eyes that she's pleased with this situation. Mukuro and Junko on the other hand, are distressed. Junko, in fact, seems inconsolable.
"Why?! Why, God? Why do bad poker hands happen to good people?" Junko asks the sky. No heavenly being offers any reply.
Ignoring the dubious claim that Junko and Mukuro are "good people," I put down the river. Ten of clubs, which has no effect on the outcome.
I announce, "Peko has a flush, while Mukuro has three of a kind. Peko wins the hand, and Mukuro busts."
Peko collects the pot. "Don't feel bad," she says. "You played the odds, but luck didn't go your way this time. In a game of chance, something like this is bound to happen."
Her words are comforting to Mukuro, who immediately brightens up. "Yeah, I know," she says. "It's alright, it's only money. I'm just sad because I was having fun playing. I think I really like this game."
"In that case," Kokichi chimes in, "I want to play with you again! But next time, we'll bet our houses. Loser becomes homeless!"
"Mukuro might be fine with that," Junko comments, "But I live there too. If I'm going to live in a dumpster, I want it to be because I suck at poker, not because she does. So, you'll have to play with me instead!"
"That might be fun," Kokichi grins. "I look forward to it."
"Will you be staying to watch the rest of the tournament?" I ask the recently defeated sisters.
"No, I think I should head home," Mukuro says. "Junko, do you want to stay?"
Junko springs to her feet. "Nope! Let's blow this pop stand." She struts out the door. "Bye-onara, bitches!" Mukuro follows closely on her trail.
"Bye, bestie!" Kokichi calls after her. "We're besties," he informs the rest of us. I doubt that, but at the same time it wouldn't surprise me. Kokichi and Junko seem to have plenty in common.
And then there were two. If I'd had to guess at the start, this was the most likely final pair. Kokichi has a small lead over Peko in chips.
"Well," Kokichi says, "I always figured that if anyone in this school could beat me at poker, it'd be a scary lady with red eyes."
"Why, thank you," I reply.
Peko gives me a questioning look. "Was that a compliment?"
"I choose to receive it as one. There is no shame in being a 'scary lady,' Peko."
"I don't mind being intimidating. But, scary? That seems a bit much." It looks like Peko has some insecurities about her demeanor. Well, to each their own, but I have no problem with how people perceive me. I wonder, do we look "scary," as Kokichi suggests, because of our red eyes? If so, perhaps others see Peko and I as similar people. Alas, I'm getting distracted. I deal the next hand.
As play continues, Kokichi continues the conversation. "So, so, so," he says, "Fuyuhiko, why did Peko drag you here? Can't she play poker by herself?"
Fuyuhiko hesitates to respond. "Well—I mean—"
"It would be more accurate to say that he dragged Peko here," I interrupt. "Or, perhaps one could say that I dragged them both here."
"That sounds interesting!" Kokichi says, eyes lighting up like fireworks. "Why'd you make them come here, Celeste?" I suppose he's ignoring the suggestion that Fuyuhiko did the dragging.
The actual reason is that, like with all the other players, I was interested to see how Peko Pekoyama would behave in a poker game. She didn't strike me as the type to join without an incentive, however, so I arranged a situation in which she'd have an obligation to participate. I have not been disappointed. However, all I tell Kokichi is, "I needed more players."
"Speaking of players," he says, "Why aren't you playing with us? I thought you liked poker."
Peko answers before I can. "There would be no point," she says. "Celeste is one of the most talented gamblers in the world. To play against her as an amateur would be like challenging Ryoma Hoshi to a match of tennis. We would be hopelessly outclassed."
I add, "I wanted everyone to be able to enjoy the game, so I abstained from play to give all players a fair chance to win. Does that make sense?"
Kokichi shrugs. "Sure, but it must be awfully boring to sit and watch a bunch of amateurs play this game you're so good at."
"I assure you, it is not."
Play continues. Chips move back and forth between the players, as neither Peko nor Kokichi gains a clear advantage. When Kokichi makes a couple of big wagers, Peko simply folds. I think it's time to raise the blinds once more.
"The blinds are now 1000 and 500. Let's increase the pace, shall we?"
On the next hand, Kokichi opens with a bet. "I bet you can't call me," he taunts.
Peko squints, trying to read Kokichi. As we've learned over the course of the evening, this is a very difficult task. Nonetheless, Peko looks like she has seen something useful.
"I see that and raise six thousand," she says.
Kokichi gasps. "Ah! A re-raise? How could you be so cruel? I thought we were friends!" He sobs melodramatically. With a trembling hand, he reaches for his cards. "I… I fold. Oh, the betrayal."
Peko allows herself a slightly smug look of satisfaction. She falls a bit short of a smile, but it's easy to see that she's pleased. Fuyuhiko shares the feeling.
"Alright, good shit!" he comments. "At this rate, you've got it in the bag."
"That doesn't mean anything," Kokichi comments. "'At this rate, you've got it in the bag?' What is that even supposed to suggest?"
"Hey, I wasn't talking to you, asshole."
"Gasp!" Kokichi says, notably without gasping. "Watch your language, motherfucker!"
"Bitch, I—"
I cut him off. "If you two are done playing 'Ultimate Vulgarity,' we can resume our poker tournament."
Fuyuhiko yields. "Yeah, yeah. Alright."
I take a look at the stacks. Peko is—oh, this is interesting. She's tied with Kokichi. It seems like he set this up on purpose with the size of his bet. Does he have something planned? There's only one way to find out, I suppose. I deal the next hand.
Peko, the small blind, looks at her cards and calls. I can't tell yet how good her hand is.
Kokichi immediately moves with reckless abandon. "I'm going all in!" he shouts. And he does it, the fool. He goes all in. I normally wouldn't put it past anyone to go all in before the flop. The pressure of a situation or particularly good hole cards can push anyone to make what I consider to be a poor decision in general. But there's something that makes this particular play especially stupid.
"You didn't look at your cards," Fuyuhiko notices. "What the fuck, you didn't look at your cards! What the fuck?"
"Didn't I?" Kokichi looks down at the top of his cards, under which he has not yet peeked. "Huh. Whoops. That's probably not good."
I would like to make any of several possible comments. I might simply confirm that yes, that probably isn't good. I could tell Kokichi that his thinly veiled attempt to undermine the integrity of the game by intentionally putting himself in a weak position does not amuse me in the slightest. I could offer him the chance to withdraw his bet, risking the ire of Peko and Fuyuhiko if I show him such leniency. I could, instead of saying anything, simply walk over and slap him several times for this offensive display. However, I will do none of those things. Regardless of how I feel, there is still a game to be played. There is at least one decision yet to be made.
All eyes are on Peko Pekoyama and her pot-sized stack of chips. She looks at her cards again, at Kokichi (who still hasn't looked at his cards, so he can't possibly be read), and at the pot. She's thinking very hard about this hand, and I don't blame her. A difficult tournament has led up to this moment where her decision could lead her to win or lose it all. I'll grant Kokichi this, he's created tension very well. I'm still mad at him, but this will be great to watch.
"What are you thinking, Peko?" Kokichi inquires. "Something wrong? Afraid to pull the trigger when neither of us knows which way the gun is pointing?"
"Something like that," she replies. She turns to Fuyuhiko. "What do you think?"
"I don't know," he says. "Let me see your cards—"
"No," I say firmly. "Peko must make this decision on her own. If you look at her cards, I will consider that cheating and disqualify her."
Fuyuhiko growls and sits back down. He can be annoyed with me all he likes. I want to study the Ultimate Swordswoman. Though I've forbidden him to play the hand for her, Peko still asks him for advice.
"What should I do?" she says. "I don't want to throw away the match, but I may not get another chance like this."
Fuyuhiko sighs. "I don't know. You might have a good chance, but I don't know. It's up to you, Peko."
Peko bites her lip. I think this is the first time all evening that she's been visibly nervous. Fuyuhiko's expression softens.
"Hey," he says. When she turns to look at him again, he offers her a smile. "Whatever happens, it's fine. Make the best choice you can, and it'll be fine. I'm not going to hold it against you."
Peko is calmed by this. She takes a deep breath, in and out. She looks at Kokichi determinedly, with her red irises giving special meaning to the phrase "fire in her eyes."
"Call." She moves her chips into the pot with a single steady push. This will almost certainly be the final hand, then. Let's waste no time.
"If you would," I say, "will the players please show their cards?"
Peko turns hers over first: The Jack of Hearts and Jack of Diamonds. Statistically, a strong set of hole cards, but far from unbeatable. Still, with Kokichi's cards unknown, they have a good chance of winning the hand and the tournament.
"Alright, not bad!" Kokichi says. "Now, let's all look at mine together and see how screwed I am. Here we go!"
He turns over his cards. We see the Jack of Clubs and Seven of Hearts. With a weak set of cards by comparison, Kokichi faces a great disadvantage.
"Hell yeah!" Fuyuhiko shouts. "Read 'em and fucking weep!"
Kokichi sniffles. "Why are you so mean to me? What did I do to deserve this? Waaaahhh!"
"Woah, wait, I didn't mean actually start weeping. Cut that shit out!"
Peko has a clear advantage, but we still have five cards to see before this game is over. I reveal the first three. On the flop are the Seven of Diamonds, the Two of Spades, and the Seven of Spades. In one fell swoop, the tables have turned dramatically. As it stands, Kokichi has three of a kind to Peko's two pair.
"Oh, what the fuck?" Fuyuhiko complains. "This is bullshit!"
"Not bullshit," I say. "Simply the luck of the draw." Fuyuhiko channels his anger and frustration into the dirty look he gives me, which I meet with my typical polite manner.
Peko is visibly upset. With a scowl and gritted teeth, she says remorsefully, "Young—Fuyuhiko, I'm sorry. This is my fault. We wouldn't be in this situation if I had folded."
"Huh? 'Young Fuyuhiko?'" Kokichi pries. "Is there an 'Old Fuyuhiko' I don't know about?"
Young Fuyuhiko gives Kokichi another death glare (something he has practiced quite a bit tonight), then addresses Peko. "Hey, don't worry about it. Like I said, no matter what, it's fine."
Peko nods solemnly. "Okay." She looks at me expectantly. Two more cards and the winner will claim their winnings.
I give the turn: Five of Diamonds. The card is of no use to anybody.
"Come on," Fuyuhiko mutters. "Come on!"
"Well, good game, guys," Kokichi says. "It's been fun!"
Peko is still staring at me and at the community cards. She hasn't given up hope yet, but we all know there's only one card in the deck that can save her, and only one chance to draw it. Her odds are as low as they could be.
I show the river: Jack of Spades. Well, I'll be damned.
"Kokichi and Peko each have a full house," I announce. "Kokichi has Sevens full of Jacks, Peko has Jacks full of Sevens. With the bigger house, Peko Pekoyama wins the hand and the tournament."
"Yes! YES!" Fuyuhiko shouts. Showing no restraint, he laughs, runs over and grabs Peko in an embrace. "You did it! Yes!"
I have never seen Peko smile before. I would describe what I'm currently seeing as a moment of pure humanity from someone who seldom expresses herself as an emotive human. I can practically feel the warmth in her blushing face and relieved smile by simply looking at her from where I sit. It takes a lot to move me, but I am moved somewhat by the sheer joy these two experience in this moment.
One might expect such joy for the winners to be matched with despair from the loser, but Kokichi has his typical carefree smile. He seems to be enjoying himself despite his dramatic defeat. No, rather, he seems to be enjoying himself because of it.
"Well," he says, "That wasn't boring at all. Good game! For realsies."
Fuyuhiko and Peko seem to simultaneously remember that there are other people in the room. They quickly create distance between each other and try to act as though they aren't particularly close.
"Yes," Peko says sheepishly, "good game." She stands up and walks over to me. "Now, I won. Will you give it to me?"
"Of course," I say. "I never fail to uphold my end of a wager." I reach under my chair to retrieve a black briefcase. "It is in here," I tell her. Peko takes the briefcase and holds it delicately, hoping to prevent the contents inside from being damaged.
Fuyuhiko reaches out his hand. "Here, let me see." Peko gives it to him and he walks over to a far corner of the room, away from everyone else. He opens it up, looks inside, then closes it again. "Yep, this is it. We've got it."
"What is it? What is it?" Kokichi asks insistently.
"You, Mukuro, and Byakuya were just playing for money," I explain. "But to get Peko to participate, I offered her further stakes. A side bet, if you will. The contents of that briefcase are her bonus reward for winning."
"What is it? What is it?" Kokichi repeats, unsatisfied with my answer. Peko and Fuyuhiko stare at me wide-eyed, obviously worried that I'll reveal the truth to Kokichi. Oh, come now. You both should think better of me.
"It is something I won from Fuyuhiko in an earlier wager. I will reveal no more, as I was asked not to do so by our winner."
"Thank you for that," Peko says. To Fuyuhiko she asks, "Shall we go?"
He nods. "Yeah, let's get out of here."
As they make their way out the door, Kokichi says, "Hey, Peko."
Slightly surprised, Peko turns around. "Yes?"
"Did you have fun?"
Peko thinks for a second. Then she says, with her lips again on the verge of a smile, "Yes, I suppose I did."
Kokichi puts his hands behind his head and smiles. "Good. Looks like there's a first time for everything."
I wave. "I hope to see you play again some time."
"I'll think about it," Peko says. Then, she departs with Fuyuhiko. They make a lovely couple. They're the kind that don't hate each other. I look forward to the day they admit it.
And now, I'm alone with Kokichi. I sit silently, thinking about the tournament. Each player brought something to the table, and each was interesting to observe. My objective going in was to observe how the Ultimate students would gamble, and how their histories and talents might affect their play. They were all fun to watch, at least. If I observe more play between the students of Hope's Peak Academy, I imagine I could learn a lot about how different humans approach competition and gambling. Oh, he's trying to get my attention.
"-leste? Hello? Anybody home?"
"Yes? What is it, Kokichi?"
"I said, what are you thinking about? You got real quiet, and I'm getting bored."
"Oh. Well, the tournament is over. You are free to leave. Wait, actually…" I suddenly have an idea.
"Are you going to ask to make out with me? Sorry, I know I'm charming, but I'm not interested."
The mental image he just created nearly causes me to gag. I take a second to recover. "No. I was going to ask if you wanted to play a game with me."
"Oh, really? I thought you were too awesome to play games with normal people. Didn't you say something about how it wouldn't be fair? You were like, "Something, something, I'm super awesome, bow down to me, lowly peasants."
"I do not think you will win," I say, "but it seems like that doesn't bother you, judging by how willing you are to throw a game."
"Hey, it wouldn't be game throwing if I'd won!"
"Regardless, would you like to play?"
"Hmm, okay," he says. "What do I get if I win?"
"Forty thousand yen. Peko forgot to collect the prize money."
Kokichi laughs. "Yeah, okay. That sounds interesting. Get ready to lose, Sunshine von Ludendorf!"
"That is not my name."
"Well, it sounds just as ridiculous."
Let it slide, Celeste. This is simply how he operates. Moving on.
"Just to be clear," I say. "I have a reputation to uphold. Win or lose, the results of this game do not leave this room." I do think he may actually have a chance to win. I haven't figured out how to read him yet. I always do, though. I just need more time. Kokichi is a puzzle, and I intend to solve him.
"Whatever," he says. "You can just say you won no matter what. It doesn't matter to me."
And so, we play a game of Texas Hold 'Em. We have an interesting conversation. We try to read each other's thoughts. We make bluffs, bets, checks and folds. And, as always, I emerge victorious. It was fun, though. He's certainly not boring.