Young and Beautiful
Full Summary: 'Will you still love me when I'm no longer young and beautiful?' He murmured, his voice light, but there was no reply. There was no longer anyone there to reply him with a gentle, "I will". Slash. SSHP. One-shot.
Disclaimer: I don't own any of them, no matter how much I want to own Severus.
Warnings:
-The pairing is SSHP.
-There will be lots of OOC.
-Slash.
-Character death.
-For greater effect, please listen to the song 'Young and Beautiful' - Lana Del Rey
Harry Potter roamed the halls of Hogwarts aimlessly, sliding the tips of his fingers across the walls, feeling the cold and rough stone underneath his touch, caressing them as if it was his lover. Years ago before Hogwarts was repaired, rubbles and dust were everywhere, scattered across the whole expanse, like dead bodies of the deceased that had sacrificed their life defending their home.
I've seen the world, done it all
He had already lost count of how many times he saw the light in a man's eyes dim until it faded into nothing. It was so gradual, almost like the sun disappearing over the horizon, only to be replaced by night in its darkest hour. It made him understand clearly that death was lurking in a corner, reading to strike on anyone in the unexpected hour.
Had my cake now
He had witnessed the downfall of Voldemort, his lifeless body crumbling, dropping down like any other man - like a mortal. Then he was famous all over again, with the media flocking towards him like a moth towards light and the Wizarding population thanking him endlessly for their peace that may not last long. His name was known all over the Wizarding community and none didn't know his actions against Voldemort and Death Eaters.
Diamonds, brilliant
People expressed their gratitude with gifts, showering him with all sorts of things, leaving him a great sum of money in his Gringotts vaults for the next generations of Potters.
And Bel-Air now
Time passed in a haze, starting with his two best friends getting married and having children. His godson Teddy was put under his custody and he had spent his time raising him like his own son while he became an author and wrote books. Then another blink of eyes, the children received their Hogwarts letter and they were worrying about the Sorting all over again.
Hot summer nights, mid-July
The cicadas chirped again, as the heat reminded him of the summer holidays he had spent with the Dursleys before he became of age. The sun had burnt his skin when he was outside weeding in the heat but he had always gotten around it with the help of his magic regulating his body when it's night time. What the Dursleys never figured out was the short amount of time he had spent talking to Severus at night before bed.
When you and I were forever wild
The shadows of them kissing lingered around the dungeons, the astronomy tower and the Forbidden Forest haunted Harry for years when he started to teach at Hogwarts. The times when they shared a little smile when they thought no one was looking, the detentions that Severus would give him every now and then and all the lessons they had to have in order to prepare for the upcoming war reminded Harry of his presence whenever he sat in the dungeons, touching the places Severus has touched.
The crazy days
Severus and Harry dueling with each other, spells of different colours flying across the Room of Requirement, lasting for a while before Severus pinned Harry to the ground, waiting for Harry to admit defeat. Then Harry would smile and pull Severus down for a kiss, both grinning like love sick fools like there was no tomorrow.
The city lights
They had shared dinners in Muggle London during the holidays many times; both adorning casual clothes as they strolled down the streets. The whole world lit up when night overwhelmed the city, flashing lights and shop signs glowing, replacing the lack of sunlight at dark. Now whenever Harry ate at their favourite restaurant, the owner would ask him about the man that always accompanied him, but each time he would shake his head with a loving smile on his face, replying the owner with a soft, "Not today."
The way you'd play with me like a child
Severus had spending his mornings staring at Harry with an amused smile when Harry unwrapped his Christmas presents that was given to him from his friends, then joining him when Harry demanded his presence when he started opening Severus' presents for him. With the lack of celebrations of Christmas in both their childhoods, they spent the whole day making up for the time lost.
Will you still love me when I'm no longer young and beautiful?
He could still remember the day when he smiled childishly at Severus, who returned him with a fond smile as they visited the amusement park to enjoy some time off training for the approaching war. They had disguised themselves with magic to prevent anyone recognising them and under Harry's suggestion Severus had made Harry seem more feminine, so that they wouldn't attract any attention when they held hands in the public just like any other loving couple.
Will you still love me when I got nothing but my aching soul?
Severus offering him his comfort when Harry described what had happened during his fourth year when he was taken away by a portkey to retrieve Voldemort's body. Severus had gently taken his hand, held it up to his lips and looked at him in the eye, told him that it wasn't his fault and that it was the mad man's for murdering such a young man who had a bright future in front of him. He had told him that Harry didn't deserve all these burdens thrust upon him – that he was just a child that deserved to be treated as one.
I know you will
When Professor Lupin turned into a werewolf in front of their eyes and Severus had stretched open his arms like a mother hen, guarding the Golden Trio behind him, protecting them from being bitten by the werewolf during a full moon. Harry had looked up to see his protector, only to see his determined face, his jaw clenched, glaring at the werewolf's actions, poised – ready to attack.
I know you will
The many times when Harry had looked sheepishly up to his professor who appeared furious at the explosions that he caused during class, the worry in his eyes were nothing but true as he demanded his friends to send him to the infirmary to check for any injuries other than being burnt by the boiling substance in the cauldron. Then he would apply salve for him during their said detentions at night.
I know that you will
The deep and low "You're dead" that was always murmured every time Severus managed to pin Harry down or whenever he had hit him with a spell that could be the killing curse in battle. Then he would point out what Harry had done wrong or what he had lacked until Harry understood, then they would resume duelling again.
Will you still love me when I'm no longer beautiful?
His emerald eyes sparkled as much as Dumbledore's eyes twinkled when he was young, as described by Hermione when he had shown her some of the memories in the pensieve. Now his eyes were a dull forest green, lacking all the emotions that were buried deep within the window of his soul.
I've seen the world
He was no longer a child from the moment he was marked by the Dark Lord. He had seen the inhumane things Voldemort and the Death Eaters had done through occasional visions. He had also seen the pain Severus went through every time when he was called to Death Eater meetings and had always refused to sleep on those nights - the pain of Severus being tortured by crucio was unbearable.
Lit it up, as my stage now
He was another legend that was told in many books, another light wizard after Dumbledore that had saved the Wizarding world from the Dark Lord's clutches. He was told to children as the hero who had fought and defeated the bad guy and was the one who kept the boggarts underneath the bed away.
Channelling angels in the new age now
He had brought on a new age where Grindelwald and Voldemort didn't bother them anymore, where there were no Dark Lords that are rising in power when Harry Potter still lived and walked on Earth. He had hoped that even if there was one raising in power, that no child was going to be burdened by the weight of the whole Wizarding world's life on their fragile little shoulders like he did.
Hot summer days
The Battle of Hogwarts was on the second day of summer, the first year where Harry was not at the Dursleys'. But from that day on, there was no Severus Snape that would tutor him through the two-way mirror during the nights when he had completed all his daily chores. That summer that year was the first summer he spent in solitude in Grimmauld Place.
Rock and roll, the way you'd play for me at your show
Harry finding Severus' violin at their home at Spinner's End, when Severus had gently scraped the dust of the case, opened it and lifted the violin and played for him after Harry had begged with his best puppy dog eyes. When the song ended, Severus had promised Harry that he would teach him how to play when the war was over, but at the end he couldn't keep the promise. Now Harry had learnt how to play the same violin through the notes Severus had left him.
And all the ways I got to know your pretty face and electric soul
Severus chuckling gently when Harry fell into the trap set by the twins and laughed when Harry had looked at him with a small pout, not happy about what had happened. Then when Severus had ceased down his laughter, Harry would give Severus a small smile before Harry would leave to plan revenge on the twins.
Will you still love when I'm no longer young and beautiful?
Severus planting a kiss on Harry's forehead before letting Harry return to the Gryffindor tower after their detentions, then Severus would catch him roaming around at night with his invisibility coat draped over his head. Then Severus would pull the coat off him, pin him against the wall and demand him to go back to bed, until Harry would smile mischievously and kiss Severus on the nose, only to be met by a growl of frustration.
Will you still love me when I got nothing by my aching soul?
Harry staring at the empty grave on the anniversary of Sirius' death, with his hand wrapped tightly by Severus, offering his silent company as Harry mourned over his godfather's death. Then Harry had spoke, introducing Severus again as his partner and told Sirius that he was sorry that he had found love in his rival back at school. Severus had ended up apologising to Sirius, even though he would not had heard him from the other world.
I know you will
Severus hugging Harry from behind when Harry looked crestfallen, his chin gently rested upon the top of Harry's head and Harry leaned back against him, accepting the comfort from his snarky professor who was unusually quiet when Harry did this.
I know you will
Severus entering the washroom with such rage when students came reporting that his partner and his godson were fighting, but faded as soon as he saw the panic in Harry's frightened teary eyes. He had gave him a meaningful stare before he had started mumbling the counter curse as Harry knelt down, his hands trembling to help his school rival up as soon the wound was healed to prevent water from getting into his airway.
I know that you will
Harry casting his protronus again, only to find the stag had shifted its shape into an eagle that represented Severus. He had turned to look at Severus, who had an amused smile on his face before casting his own patronus, revealing a panther that represented Harry. He had let the two entwine and dance around each other before they disappeared into thin air again, leaving a trail of white smoke.
Will you still love me when I'm no longer beautiful?
Severus sending his patronus to guide Harry to the Sword of Gryffindor, a small smile forming on his face when he had saw Harry recognise the patronus and panicked as he turned to search for his shadows, before he covered his face and grinned like a little kid at the thought of Severus seeing him in this state.
Dear lord, when I get to heaven, please let my bring my man
When he comes, tell me that you'll let him in
Father tell me if you can
Harry had known there was a very high chance for them to die in battle and he was willing to sacrifice himself to protect Severus if necessary, but Severus had gently caressed his cheeks, telling him that he was the only one who could defeat the Dark Lord and that he was not willing for Harry to die. They had made a promise back then and Harry had struggled to keep it over the years, living his life just like Severus had told him to.
Oh that grace
Severus' figure when he strode across the hall, his robes billowing behind him, creating a silhouette that masked over Hogwarts, determined to protect the students there. His face had been as empty and cold as it should be when his partner Harry Potter stepped in front of him, both acting the best as they could.
Oh that body
Harry and Severus spending their last night together, making love to each other, touching and caressing the warm body in front of them, reminding themselves that they could be cold and forgotten the next day when the battle began. They had clutched each other tightly, both desperate like there was no tomorrow. In fact, there had been no tomorrow.
Oh that face makes me want to party
Severus' relaxed form when they were alone together in the dungeon, Harry doing his assigned essays and Severus marking student assignments on the same table opposite of each other. Harry would always stare at him and he would always look up and return him a raised eyebrow before Harry ducked his head down again.
He's my sun
Severus was the adult figure that Harry had missed during his childhood, but he was also the lover that he desired. He was also the mentor and teacher that taught Harry in the best way he could, putting him through challenges and believing in him without condition.
He makes me shine like diamonds
Harry dodging and firing spells with such grace, each move flowing with agility, putting one enemy down after another. There was nothing to fear with his friends behind his back supporting him and with the deceased guarding him. If Severus had been there, he would have been proud of what his student had turned out to be.
Will you still love me when I'm no longer young and beautiful?
Harry unbuttoning his shirt, revealing scars to the healer. Each of the scars was caused by spells and weaponry, marking him like an artist painting a picture. The scars that scattered across his torso each told a story, a story of his childhood, his war and his life.
Will you still love me when I got nothing but my aching soul?
Harry waking up each morning with his wand and knife on his bedside table, staring at them both for a full few minutes before picking his wand as well as Severus' wand up to go to become the perfect man. He had held the knife towards himself, considering the after effects if he committed suicide, but he had always put the knife back onto the table gently, eyes shimmering with determination.
I know you will
Severus and Harry bickering with each other like an old married couple, one of them cooking while the other sets up the table, complaining about small things the other person had did; despite for the fact they had just spent days like a new married pair on their honeymoon. They had lived a fair few days domestically and they had deserved to live one for the rest of their lives.
I know you will
Harry putting white lilies on Severus' grave every so often, then sitting in front of the tombstone, talking to it as if it was Severus sitting in front of him listening to him. Harry had spent a lot of time staring at the tombstone, raising a glass of wine, half expecting it to respond. But Harry would always leave at the end of the day, standing up sorely and patting the tombstone gently in goodbye.
I know that you will
Harry putting both of the wands into his holster, one brown in colour and one ebony black. He had taken Severus' wand to keep, rather than letting it buried with Severus. He would occasionally caress the wand, feeling the wood grains underneath graze his fingers and would imagine Severus was still alive and well, flicking his wand every day for daily work, no matter how little they were.
Will you still love me when I'm no longer beautiful?
"Say Percy, who is that teacher talking to Professor Quirrell?"
Will you still love me when I'm no longer beautiful?
"The bravest man I ever knew."
Will you still love me when I'm no longer young and beautiful?
Harry sat down on the edge of the astronomy tower, staring straight ahead, his emerald eyes twinkling like they once had. His face was marred by wrinkles as time caught up to him and his voice wasn't as clear as they were before. His hair was grey and his hand shook occasionally, but never when he had a wand in his hand. He leaned against the wall next to him and watched the grounds of Hogwarts.
At the end, it was no more but memories beneath the grey.
'Will you still love me when I'm no longer young and beautiful?' He murmured, his voice light, but there was no reply.
There was no longer anyone there to reply him with a gentle, "I will".
The sun gradually rose, the birds chirped in the distance as the breeze picked up its pace. Suddenly the sky was in flames, viciously painted in red and warm colours, casting the night away. Harry looked down to the two wands in his gnawed hand, feeling his heartbeat slow down in peace.
'I know you will,' he said, his smile so sure of himself that no one dared to deny him. 'I know you will.'
Tears were formed on the edge of his eyes, but they never fell. He watched the sun rise fully, sunshine pouring down onto the grounds of Hogwarts, lighting up the whole place like the lights in Muggle London. He then closed his weary eyes, his eyelashes flicking gently, a bright smile forming on his face as he bathed in the sunlight. The edge of his eyes crinkled as he did and with the tension in his body gone, he looked like another old man that was accepting his fate.
'I know that you will,' he whispered, reassuring himself.
The tight hand that clutched onto the two wands gradually relaxed. He cradled it until his hand slumped down onto his side with a gentle thud. The two wands rolled off the edge and fell, landing onto the grass down below with one on top of the other.
Holly entwined with ebony, gold tangled with silver and emerald interlaced with black.
He could almost see the man's robes flicking behind him as he strode, the same as ever.
Still young and beautiful.
"Will you love me when I'm no longer young and beautiful?" he asked.
"I will," the other man paused. "You know I will. I know I will."
"…I knew you will. I know you will."
Fin.
Afterword:
This was inspired by a video with the background music being 'Young and Beautiful'. The line 'I know you will' – full of false confidence and reassurance of oneself when the outcome was unknown. Knowing Severus never saw Harry grow old and Harry wishing that Severus was still alive, but hoping that he would still love him after all this time was heartbreaking.
The website always stuffs up the format and spaces between the lines, so I'm sorry if it seems a bit weird. It's better with some spaces interlaced now and there. It gives more feels. For better effects, listen to the song while reading it.
There was no specific timeline throughout the whole flashback, just random moments Severus and Harry had shared with each other. The end was something that just came into mind and flowed onto my hands when I typed it. The last bit in italics can be thought as a flashback or Harry imagining Severus up, or Harry and Severus talking to each other in the other world, whichever you prefer.
Thank you for reading.
- Mad Hatter 13/1/15