Title: An Old Lady Needed Her Bags Carried And...

Pairing/s: None

Disclaimer: obito isn't dead he's alive madara didnt kill him ha... hah a...

Summary: Kakashi is never going to win an argument ever again.

"Shit," was not generally the first word Hatake Kakashi thought upon waking. On most mornings, it was something more commonly along the lines of, "four hours counts as a good night's sleep, right?" or "I wonder how long my cute little team has been waiting for me this time." (Occasionally it was "sensei" or "obito" or even "rin", but that only happened after a long night of hard drinking nowadays and therefore didn't count.) The morning after the war officially ended, however, Kakashi's first thought was a definite "shit," followed by a good-old-fashioned "fuck my life" and quite possibly mild hysterics.

Mission debriefing. Hokage's office. Really, really late. Obito. Shit.

Kakashi had always been a very clean, very hygienic person. But—(mission briefing. Hokage's office. Really, really late. Obito. Shit)—for some reason, it wasn't too difficult a decision to ditch the shower today, just this once.

Kakashi threw his uniform shirt over his head, dove into his pants, paused just long enough to double check his weapon's pouch and count the various sharp, pointy objects hidden within. He didn't stop to put on the flak jacket—that he could do on the way. Breakfast hastily inhaled, teeth hastily scrubbed. Kakashi was out the door with his vest in his hands.

The first time Kakashi could ever remember being late was the day Obito's funeral was held. It had been a small gathering of former classmates and senseis. No family had shown up. Until that point, Kakashi hadn't been aware Obito didn't have any to come. The closest thing to an Uchiha there was Kakashi himself, because he couldn't, couldn't, couldn't turn off the damn eye no matter how hard he tried.

Kakashi had nearly missed the funeral, trying to cut out that eye.

Fortunately, Rin was a lot smarter than Konoha's resident boy-genius.

"He'd hate you forever if you didn't show up," she'd informed him seriously, her hand warm on his cheek. "And he'd call you an ungrateful bastard if you cut out that eye. Come on. He gave that to you to protect us, right? How're you gonna do that with only one eye?"

Kakashi had slowly lowered the kunai aimed at his head. He almost didn't notice when its place in his hand was replaced with Rin's small fingers, curling around his palm.

"Let's go," she'd whispered, and Kakashi had found himself a shocking twenty minutes late for his best friend's funeral. It was something he'd decided he probably wouldn't tell Obito, now that Said Uchiha was both alive and back in Konoha. Rin was right. He'd probably kick Kakashi's ass.

Excuses, excuses, Kakashi thought frantically as he slid into his flak jacket. No, none of his past excuses would work—they were all badly-replicated variations of Obito's old covers. Something different. Honesty! Wait, no, Obito would tease him forever about sleeping in. Naruto and Sakura would tease him about his alarm clock not going off. Sasuke would do that stupid half-snort, half-grunt thing. Tsunade would hit him. Dammit.

Kakashi checked his inner clock. Well, he wasn't that late. Maybe if he went really, really fast, he'd make it. Short cuts were always good.

Kakashi hopped a fence and took to the rooftops.

When Kakashi was six, before his dad had popped off, Minato had snuck him in to see a movie. In those days, Konoha's rating system had been less age-based and more rank-based, but Kakashi wasn't quite a Chuunin yet and Minato didn't have the money to pay for both of them anyway. So he'd snuck them in through the hole of a fence and they'd watched a really sappy, vaguely pronographic movie for two hours before Kakashi managed to convince Minato to leave. He was pretty sure his sixteen-year-old sensei's eyes were glistening slightly.

"It was so tragic!" Minato had exclaimed later at Kushina-san's house. "She really loved him, and he betrayed her! And then there was part where they—"

That was the one and only time Kakashi could remember tag-teaming with Uzumaki Kushina. For the next hour, they'd eaten popcorn and played cards while Minato-sensei struggled with the gag in his mouth.

Okay. Kakashi could see the Hokage's office looming in the distance. I can do this. I can make it—shiiiiiiiiiit.

Ninjas did not trip. Ninjas did not stumble. Ninjas most certainly did not fall off of rooftops.

Though, granted, ninjas also generally did not wear green jumpsuits or high-kick other ninja while screaming, "My Eternal Rival!"

"Dammit, Gai!" Kakashi shouted, before hitting the ground with both feet. He caught his balance and then glared up at where Konoha's Green Beast, Maito Gai, was grinning down at him from the rooftops.

There was probably a time in Kakashi's life where Gai didn't randomly challenge him to stupid contests. Kakashi didn't remember it, though.

He did remember his first fight with Obito. They were eight and Minato-sensei just barely managed to keep them from killing each other. Thinking back, that was actually probably the first time Kakashi had put Obito in the hospital—but it was certainly not the last.

"You stupid jerk!" Obito had shouted after him from his hospital bed, waving the cast of his broken arm. "You think you're so smart! Why don't you get that Rin really lo—"

Kakashi had closed the door to Obito's room before he'd heard the last of that sentence.

"I see you are late for the mission debriefing!" Gai boomed now, to the resignation of Kakashi's ears. "As Per Usual!"

"It's not even a mission debriefing," Kakashi muttered. "It's a What-The-Fuck-Do-We-Do-Now-That-The-War-Is-Over meeting, mixed with What-The-Hell-Just-Happened-Why-Is-Everyone-Dead. And we're also trying to decide what to do with Obito and Sasuke, since they've both kind of committed atrocious crimes. Tsunade-sama just didn't know what else to call it."

"This is True," Gai agreed. "Either way, you are late."

"Shit!" Kakashi scrambled back up to the rooftops. "There's no way I'm going to make it in time at this rate!"

"Is there any Particular Reason why you would Choose to Wish to be On Time this Day? Since you Have Not been On Time since the Day he died?"

Kakashi froze. Relaxed sheepishly.

"Well—" he scratched at the back of his head "—since I found out Obito was actually alive all this time, I've started to think that maybe…"

"Yes?"

"…Maybe… his death fucked me up a lot, back then. More than I realized." Gai snorted. Kakashi glowered and swatted at him."Oi! I'm serious here, Gai! …Anyway, now that he's back, it's a little embarrassing to admit how much him dying affected me. Especially since he turned out to be less of a hero than I made him out to be." Kakashi lowered his hand, sighing mournfully. "He literally has that to lord over my head for the rest of my life. I'm never going to win an argument with him again."

"I See," said Gai. "And if he Realizes you've picked up his Habit of Being Late…"

"It'll just make things worse. He'll tease me forever."

"Ah." Gai straightened, sticking out his chest. "There appears to be Nothing For It! You must be On Time! I will help you, Esteemed Rival!"

Kakashi's eyes narrowed suspiciously. "And how exactly—woahoahoah!"

Kakashi was thrown over Gai's shoulder before he could blink, landing hard on his back. For a moment, he was dazed, stars dancing in his vision. Then he shook his head and looked up at the heavens with the most honest, despairing expression of "why me" he'd ever made.

"Oh, not this shit again," he muttered.

In a split second, Gai had torn off his weights and was tearing for the tower at lightning speed, Kakashi bobbing on his back. (Kakashi decided then and there his mind had purposely blocked out memories of a Time Before Gai, in a last-ditch effort to keep at least one part of his life sacred and maybe a little less gay than the rest. With Gai's ass bumping so close to his crotch, he needed it.)

Kakashi wasn't late for training the day his dad died. The exact opposite, really: Kakashi had been early for training, and had trained so hard for so long he actually fell asleep on the field. Looking back, he was pretty sure Minato had known the instant he'd shown up, but his sensei didn't say anything. When Kakashi collapsed on the grass, Minato picked him up and carried him home.

Kakashi can remember his eyes opening, feeling his sensei's strong back beneath him. It was a feeling that would be repeated the day Obito died, and later when Rin died.

Nobody carried him home the day Minato died. Thirteen years later, Kakashi was the one doing the carrying instead.

Kakashi wondered what Naruto would say when he found out how much of his sensei's personality was due to Obito's death. Maybe it would make him complain less loudly when Kakashi was late for a mission. Sakura would definitely be gentler about it, at least. Sasuke… no, Sasuke would not cut him any slack at all.

Neither would Obito. Kakashi swallowed. They were almost there… just a few more rooftops…

They flew through the window with just a few seconds to spare. Kakashi was launched off of Gai's back and into the wall, but it didn't matter! He jumped to his feet, throwing his fists in the air.

"Not Late!" he exclaimed.

Sakura threw a book at him.

"Oh, yeah?" she shouted. "Say that to our faces! We've been waiting here for three hours, Sensei!"

Kakashi turned slowly. Six pairs of eyes glared back at him. One pair glinted in evil glee.

Behind him, Gai cleared his throat. "I suppose Now would be a Regrettable Time to Inform you that you Purposely Set Back your clocks Ten Years Ago, and Never Changed Them Back. Remember?"

Kakashi's heart sank. Oh, yeah. He did remember that. He'd done it to piss off the Third Hokage. It'd worked so brilliantly he'd left them like that. His current team had appreciated it just as much, as had everyone else who'd fallen victim to his late habits.

"Ten years ago," Obito drawled with a small, (evil!) smirk. "You run into any old ladies who needed their bags carried in all that time?"

Kakashi stared back. Obito's right eye looked gentler when it wasn't red. Softer. More like the pussy, sensitive crybaby Kakashi remembered from all those years ago.

"…Yeah," Kakashi said, smiling beneath his mask. "I did, actually. And I have the candy to prove it, too."

fin