Brown and Blue
Sometimes he cried in his sleep.
Not that that should have shocked anyone. The man cried at everything. When Mirajane got happy, when Lisanna was sad, when it was raining, when it was snowing, when she agreed to go on a date with him, when she promptly denied that date because he was crying, when she decided to accept the offer again after he was able to collect himself.
Elfman Strauss was just a man of many tears.
But there was something about the way that he cried in the darkness that was strange.
His usual sobbing jags were very different than the way she would find him at night. For one, he was very public with his tears during the day. When he was happy or sad. It didn't matter. He would cry almost as often as Juvia (though luckily, his tears were in sections of the day instead of all at once). He wasn't even bashful about it, for as much of a man as he claimed to be. Tears were manly to him.
During the day at least.
The first time it happened it was about the second time that he'd slept over at her apartment. And when she awoke to find that he wasn't in bed, she thought that he'd just left in the middle of the night. It happened a lot more than she'd like to admit. Though men did find her attractive, she usually only, uh, attracted the wrong ones. The ones that had to be home to their wives conveniently right after being with her.
She'd thought that Elfman was different. Mainly because, obviously, he wasn't married or dating, so there was no cheating aspect to their relationship. And he seemed to genuinely enjoy other things than just her body and her willingness to put out if you complimented her enough and got enough drinks in her.
Still though, she knew that he still lived with his sisters and figured he didn't want them to worry or something and scurried off home before the big bad demon noticed his absence.
As she laid there though, in the darkness of her bedroom, she heard something. At first, she thought that it had to be coming from another apartment. The wall that the head of her bed was against led to the living room of the apartment adjacent to her. She assumed that it was just coming from there.
Then she realized that the sniveling she was hearing most definitely was coming from her living room.
Pushing up slowly, she blushed when she found that she'd only slipped on a pair of panties that night and hadn't even thought to put a glass of water at her bedside. She'd need to do that. Some aspirin too. 'cause gosh, her hangover was going to be major, she was sure.
At the moment though, she was still a little tipsy and almost tripped over Elfman's shoes, which were at the edge of the bed. Frowning down at them, she found her balance against one of her dressers. She could tell then that yes, it was certainly Elfman that was out there sobbing, no doubt seated on her couch.
With a slight sigh, she slipped on a shirt before she headed out there to go ahead and get it over with. She had to either kick him out or at least get him to be quiet. She couldn't sleep with him crying. As much as she hated to admit it, she did rather like him.
A lot.
"Elfman?" she whispered softly as, upon entering the living room, she found him just as she thought she would, seated on her couch as he hunched over and sobbed into his hands. "Are you…alright?"
Just like that, he was sniffling and trying to get the tears to stop as he got to his feet and turned to face her.
"Evergreen," he got out, his voice still heavy with the evident leftovers from him being all choked up. "I-I was just… You should go back to bed."
"Are you okay? Did you get hurt or something? Or are you just…happy?" That was usually the source of his tears. "Elf?"
"What are you talking about?"
He was coming over to her then, towering over her in a way that with any other man would make her feel uncomfortable. With Elfman though, it made her feel secure. She didn't know why, it just did. Because even though she knew she could protect herself, she was a member of the Thunder God Tribe after all, there was something about having him there too. It had been an adjustment, leaving the girls dormitory at Fairy Tail and into her own place. Not that she hated it though.
"You were crying," she said slowly as he only stared down at her in the darkness. "Weren't you?"
"Of course not," he said, smiling then. She wasn't wearing her glasses though and didn't want to look him in the eyes. Just in case. "I was just… I pray every morning, you know? Since I got my sister back? It's a big deal to me."
She blinked. Then she said, "You do it at three in the morning?"
"Are you questioning my religious practices?"
Ugh. Rolling her eyes, she turned to head back into the bedroom. "Whatever. Just come back to bed when you're done…praying."
He sniffled. "I am now. Can I come…come back to bed?"
"I didn't kick you out, idiot."
"Well I was only asking to be polite," he grumbled, heading into the room after her.
That was just the first time though. Through the eight months of dating they did (with random breakups here and there because, well, they might care for one another, but they were still them), she found him out there crying numerous times. It wasn't though normal tears either.
A few times, she wouldn't go out there and get him. She'd just go to the bedroom door, open it a little, and listen in on him. They were real tears. Like he was in pain or something. And he would stay out there for an hour at least, never letting up. He would literally sob and there was nothing she could do for him. Because the second she let it known that she was up, he'd straighten up, the anguish would disappear, and he'd be back to normal, boating about being a man and how lucky he was to have a real manly woman there to let him stay the night.
She'd tried to broach the subject with Lisanna or Mira before, as she figured they'd know something about it, but never rightly found the words to express her fears. She thought that there was something wrong with him. Or wrong with her that made him behave that way.
Not to mention, how could she talk to them about it when, really, half the time she denied the relationship with their brother? Both Lisanna and Mira seemed to like her enough, fine, but they had to dislike her at least some what, right? She wasn't sure. Mira had that fake happiness with everyone and Lisanna, well, she was mostly wasting all her time with Natsu and Lucy, so Ever rarely saw her that often.
She'd tried to bring it up to Elfman too. Ask him directly about it. But the words got jumbled and she lost her drive. Because if she crossed a line with him, made him upset, then what? Maybe it was something personal. Maybe he was really praying. And if that were true, then shouldn't she just leave him to it? Spirituality was something that she knew both he and Mira kept close at heart, as they truly did believe it was divinity that brought them their sister back, that it had to be more than just miraculous that the Anima was there at the right moment to absorb Lisanna and take her to Edolas.
Evergreen didn't have that. Some big tie in to the church. She'd only ever wanted one thing in life, honestly, since she was a little girl. And that was to be a fairy, so really, there was no reason for her to care much about anything else. Not that she doubted any of Elfman's beliefs, whatever they were; she just wasn't as devout as him. Life wasn't about that to her, being thankful for what you had. It was about wanting more. Craving more. That was practically her idol, Laxus', whole motto.
Still though, it bothered her more than she'd like to admit. Because, though she would never say it, she was pretty sure she did love him. Almost certain. She hated the fact, of course, but that didn't change it any. He meant something to her. He was the first guy that actually returned her affections. Not even Laxus, Freed, or Bickslow had been that way for her. They just thought she was useful in battle. And maybe, yeah, Freed and Bickslow considered her a friend, but nothing more. And she was pretty sure Laxus just saw her as a tool.
But Elfman actually liked being around her. He liked taking her places. And spending money on her. And staying the night, the whole night, without even thinking about running away. He cared about her too. Maybe just as much. Maybe…maybe even more.
So eventually she decided that it was her job then, to at least figure out what exactly was going on with him and if she could help.
One night, as she laid in bed after being awoken by the sound of him wailing in the other room, Evergreen decided it was as good a night as any to tackle what was going on. So after slipping on her glasses, she climbed out of bed.
She didn't call out to him as she left the bedroom for once. She only walked as quickly as she could over to the open living space and towards the couch. Sitting down next to him, she made the large man jump as she just as quickly moved to touch his arm.
"Hey," she whispered as he dropped his a hand from his eyes. It was wet with his tears as she moved to take it into her own.
"Hey."
"You don't have to hide from me," she told him softly as she looked up at his face. He was sniffling, rubbing with his other hand at his eyes. "I know that you get emotional, silly. Aren't you the one that tells me crying is manly?"
"It is," he told her. "But I'm not doing it right now. I-"
"If this is how you pray, Elf, then you have got to find a new god."
"Evergreen-"
"What you crying about? Huh?" She wouldn't look away. "Elfman-"
"I'm fine. Let's go-"
"Is it me?"
"Huh? No. I-"
"You only ever cry like this when you spend the night with me. Or so I assume. Is that what's wrong? Do you not want me, Elf?"
"No," he said, his voice taking a different cadence then as he shifted on the couch so that he could stare down at her. Reaching out, he took her cheeks into his hand and leaned down to kiss her forehead. "It's not you. I promise. You know that I…that I… I love you, Ever. You make me cry, fine, but just cause I love you so much and want to be good enough for you and-"
"Then what is it, Elfman? That makes you act like this at night? Why-"
"I have…I have these dreams," he finally said, letting go of her face as he turned back on the couch so he was facing forwards.
"About what?"
"My…my sister. Lisanna. And about how I…I killed and how Mira cried and how…" He sniffled. "I hear it still, in my head, when I'm sleeping sometimes. I-"
"But she's here, Elfman," Ever told him with a slight frown. "You know that. She's safe. She-"
"But I killed her, Evergreen. What don't you get about that? I killed one of the only two people in this world that ever needed me." He hunched over again, hiding his face in his hands. "And now, every time I look at her, it's with the same eyes that stared at me when I struck her. When I killed her. She trusted me and-"
"She didn't die though, Elf. She-"
"But what if she had, huh? What if-"
"What do you want? You got your little sister back. So why are you still so hung up-"
"Because I can't sleep! Every time I do I replay it and I-"
"Hey." She moved closer still, reaching out to take his head in her hands that time and force him to look at her. "What is it, Elfman? That you can't sleep? Because it wakes you up?"
"Yeah and-"
"Then wake me up, doofus. And let me get you back to sleep."
"I-"
"You know that I love you too, don't you?"
"Ever-"
"And if you can't see anything other than Lisanna's eyes, then think of mine." She was staring at him then, her glasses being one of the only things saving him from being turned to stone. "I mean, I know that they're not nearly as pretty as her blue ones, but I like to think-"
"Your eyes are amazing. You're amazing." He moved to kiss her head again then. He did that a lot. At first, she felt like a child when he did it. Like he was a father or something, putting his child to bed. Slowly though, she learned to appreciate that he could be that gentle with her when he had a monster inside of him. "I mean it, Ever. What I just said. I do love you. I know I've never said it before, but-"
"Then let me help you," she said then, reaching up with her hands to wipe away some of the tears still bunched up under the eyes that he shared with his siblings. "Elf, I know I'm rigid sometimes, but I do love you."
He bowed his head then, to rest his forehead against hers and she only grinned.
"I love you too," he whispered. "And your brown eyes."
"They're not nearly as nice as your sister's. Either of them."
"That's not true."
"Then why don't you ever dream of me?"
He grinned then, finally, and her job felt accomplished, if only for the night.
"Because when I do," he said softly, "you complain about me rubbing up against me in my sleep."
"I didn't say it had to be a wet dream, idiot!"
After a few more minutes out there on the couch, Evergreen got Elfman to head back to bed with her, both falling together into it, him seemingly fine once more.
"I really did have a training session to get to in the morning," she told him as she settled into her side of the bed. "Elf."
"I'm sorry. I didn't mean to wake you. I only-"
"Hey." She laid a hand on his chest, using it to push up so she could stare down at him as he laid on his back. "From now on, when you have that dream, you do wake me. Because…you're my boyfriend, Elfman. And I care about you. If you're hurting, I'm hurting. Alright?"
And even though she usually hated it, the smile that spread across his face then made her feel good. Because someone loved her. Not her abilities or her body, but her.
Elfman Strauss loved her.
"Alright," he whispered as she moved to rest her head against his chest once more. "Same with me. I'm here for you too, Evergreen."
'Yeah," she sighed, snuggling closer to him. "I know."