The first moment they have together is on the beach.
Sure, Merle and Davenport have had moments alone together, but not moments, moments so quiet that they almost forgot the other was there. Moments where they are the only two people in the world, no matter how true or false that may be. It starts off simple enough, two older men watching the waves in complete silence. Davenport has never seen Merle so at peace outside of tending to his garden on ship, singing to his plants- hell, he may even be happier here, on the beach, than with his plants.
Davenport, however, is not at peace; not on the inside. Inside, he is fighting a losing battle with himself, searching for a way to tell Merle that, for a decade now, he has been completely, absolutely, head-over-heels in love for the cleric.
His hands were trembling with the thought of being held, dwarfed completely by Merle's own (the thought of the pun gets a nervous laugh out of him, and Merle chuckles too, though at what, Davenport isn't sure.) As the sun began to set, Davenport's trembling worsens and his courage continuously wanes. That's when it happens.
Without a word, Merle takes Davenport's hand in his, fingers intertwined, and squeezed gently.
The captain's heart almost explodes. His face and ears were bright red, brighter than the robes of their uniforms, and, oh no, is he hyperventilating? Calm yourself, damn it! You're the captain of the Starblaster, not some village boy with a crush!
And yet, neither of them let go for long after the sun sets, until they've fallen asleep on the beach and woken up by their crew calling after them.
They don't talk about it for a long time. But Davenport knows he's not seeing things when he catches Merle's eyes and sees them twinkle mischievously
The second moment takes place on the Starblaster.
They lost Lup, Taako, and Magnus halfway through the year, and things had been hard the four of them left, Barry most of all. He rarely left the libraries of this world, bringing back tomes to the Starblaster to pour over their contents in the solitude of his quarters when it was too dangerous to stay planetside. Lucretia was Lucretia, never the one to be very social anyways. That left only Merle and Davenport.
The memory of their night on the beach, as completely and absolutely innocent as it was, felt sinful to Davenport. He'd had male lovers before, done things that even now he felt too ashamed to think about, but just holding the cleric's hand had felt like he was crossing the line. This was his coworker, his crewmate, his employee. He should be keeping his distance. So why had he jumped on the first chance to help Merle with his plants?
Mostly, he's just standing a few feet from Merle, watching nervously as he sang and tended his plants. Merle collected seeds from every world they visited, taking care to replicate their biomes almost perfectly and writing down notes whenever he found something he considered interesting. Though Merle didn't seem to notice, Davenport certainly took note of how the plants would lean towards them, petals opened a little wider, and follow him as he walked away, almost drooping as he left.
I know the feeling, Davenport thought.
"Hey, Captain?" Merle called as he spritzed the cacti with water. "Come over here, I wanna show you something."
The gnome almost tripped over himself scrambling to the other man's side. "Yes, Merle?"
In front of them was a small, wilted cactus in a pot, its petals drooping lazily. "I'm… not always going to be around, Captain. And someone needs to be here, to take care of the garden. Now, it's not much, but this lil' guy… he needs a special touch. He need some time on his own, before he can join his brothers. I've got too many plants to take care of, but… I was wondering if you wouldn't mind taking care of it for me."
Davenport swallowed the lump in his throat and took the pot, scrutinizing it. He remembered seeing others like it about two cycles ago; Merle had received it as a gift, for helping the locals set up a greenhouse to help their crops during the long, harsh winters. It was certainly much better looking when they had first gotten it, that was for sure.
"What… how exactly do I…"
Merle tore out a page from his notebook and handed it Davenport, then moved through the room, gathering the items that he would need to care for it. "It likes being told secrets and sung sea shanties at least once a week, but the more you tell it, the better. You'll have to give it five spritzes of water every day and change the soil once a month. It won't grow too big, and you can use its petals for tea."
Davenport was then shooed back to his room with instructions on where to put it to maximize growth and happiness, along with a lot of jargon he couldn't make heads or tails of. When he was alone, he stroked a finger along a little petal and smiled.
Maybe sharing secrets with this thing wouldn't be so bad.
The third moment happens after the parley.
Watching Merle's smokey form suddenly dissipate had taken a toll on everyone, but it had felt like a stab through the heart for Davenport to see it. When he had seen Merle reappear on the Starblaster, he had wanted to just run up to him and hug him, or punch him in the face- or both! But he had refrained, thanking Merle for what he had done.
The second time, however, felt far worse.
With no one left to care for them, Merle's plants were bound to wilt. Davenport had only experience with the small plant the cleric had given to him (and it had blossomed beautifully with his dirty secrets), but he had decided to take it upon himself to care for the plants. He was the one closest to Merle's room, after all. It wasn't because he wanted to feel closer to the man.
At first, Davenport couldn't make heads or tails of the gibberish instructions that had been left behind. They were written in a mixture of dwarven and common slang, forcing the captain to get Lucretia's help in translating, but even then it was just as nonsensical. Every plant had its own way of being cared for, and, if the instructions weren't followed to a T, they would wilt, smack him, or both.
The captain pleaded with them to give him a chance- he wasn't Merle, but Merle would be back soon, they just need to hold on a little longer.
They didn't listen, of course. But that didn't phase him.
Slowly but surely, Lucretia and Davenport began to make sense of Merle's writings, and the flowers began to bloom again. The day that Merle returns, Davenport makes it a point to show his work. Merle checks over every single one, his smile growing wider with each plant.
"Well I'll be damned, they must really like you!" said Merle. "They look wonderful!"
Davenport's ears turned red. "Well, it wasn't just me, Lucret-"
Merle grabbed Davenport by the cheeks and kissed him square on the cheeks with a resounding smack. Davenport let out a surprised noise, staring wide-eyed at the other man as he pulled away. "Merle…?"
The cleric grinned and pat his bright red cheeks. "Just think of it as a thank you, oh captain, my captain."
The fourth time takes place in bed.
Merle was a heavy sleeper, and a loud one at that. But, as Davenport had found, he couldn't quite sleep without it. It was almost like white noise, he'd once told the others when they asked him how he could stand it.
Tonight, however, neither man was sleeping. Merle had invited the captain to partake in some new tea, which they had discovered a little too late to make them more awake than tired. They spent half the night drinking tea in Merle's quarter, sitting in his bed and talking. Then, the cleric's hand, slowly, almost fearfully, rested on top of his. Davenport almost dropped his teacup in surprise, meeting Merle's uncertain gaze.
"Captain, I've… been thinking-"
Davenport snorted at the thought of what the twins would've said to that, then covered it up with a cough.
"We've spent a lot of time together, and we've gotten… close. Or, at least, I'd like to think we have. And, seeing Lup and Barry, it made me realize, I… oh Pan, how do I say this without making a damn fool of myself? Captain, I like you. I like you a lot, and I don't know if you feel the same way, but I just had to get it off my chest."
Davenport gaped at Merle so long his mouth began to dry out. Merle must have taken his silence for rejection, as he began to babble out an apology and pull his hand away. When the captain took his hand, however, he immediately clammed up.
"I like you too, Merle," Davenport muttered, unable to look him in the eye.
They were both silent for a moment, until Merle started laughing. Caught up in the sheer ridiculousness of their situation, Davenport joined, leaning against the cleric's shoulder. Their laughter died down and they turned to each other, Merle with a mischievous glint in his eye.
They spent their night doing far more than sleeping.
The fifth moment is their last moment.
They are playing a card game of their own making; the turns take at minimum five minutes to complete, often longer with how they fill the silence with words. Merle is holding Davenport's hand across the table, stroking the back of his hand with his thumb. They have been completely silent for some time now, when Davenport's head shoots up.
"Holy shit… I think it's my birthday," he says in bewilderment. "I, I guess we got to start… I guess we gotta start caring about stuff like that again.."
Merle looks up at him. "What are you, like, 130, 140?"
He laughs nervously. "Yeah, I don't know, do we count those years? I- I certainly didn't age during that- Jesus, Merle! We're going to get older now!"
Merle hums, a small, sad smile on his face. He doesn't tell him that he's happy to grow old with Davenport.
There's a pause before Davenport speaks again. "Do you- do you think we'll be able to have normal lives after this? Nobody's ever had a life like ours, there's no...rule book. I don't even know where to begin."
"Why would you want a normal life? Normal lives… suck!"
Davenport laughs, squeezing Merle's hand.
"Like, this game, we play this game, we just sit here. It's just a way to kill time! C'mon, Skipper, you don't want to just kill time all the time!"
"I know, I just- How do you wanna live, Merle? Like, I don't have a- this mission has been my life for a century. I don't know what I want to do."
"You wanna know what I'd like to do? I'd like to move to the beach. You know why? Because with the ocean, the scenery is always changin', and I want the scenery to always be changin', man. I don't wanna be lookin' at the same thing all the time… I wanna see a million, billion shells… I wanna watch rain come sweepin' in… That's, that's the life, right there! Change it up, man! Keep it interesting!"
As Merle speaks, something is happening to Davenport. He drops his cards, sweat beading on his forehead. He blinks rapidly, barely registering what the other man is saying. He's... forgetting. He's trying to remember their moments together on the… on the beach? No, no, it was a… a bed? There was definitely a flower involved right?
He's forgetting, forgetting, he doesn't want to forget-
He forgets.