Disclaimer: I don't own the rights to Power Rangers.
Author's Note: This is set after Eye of the Storm. I always thought it was fitting that Dustin's fear was of falling, since he's an Earth Ninja after all; which is what inspired this piece. It's been a while since I've been on this site, and even a longer while since I've written any fanfiction, perhaps that excitement explains how this ended up being so freakishly long instead of the short drabble I had originally intended it to be.
Warning: mentions of suicide.
IN DUST
by Tangerine Tales
After their fight with Eyesac, Sensei rather perceptively let the Rangers off without his usual debrief. He dismissed them with a cryptic, "If you want to go over the events of the battle, you know where you can find me." – a statement empathetically pointed towards the Wind Rangers, the only ones in the group who had suffered through the collar's illusions. "Get some rest Rangers, you deserved it today."
After the group broke off (making plans to practice on the Tsunami Cycles the next day), Dustin found himself on the rooftop of his old middle school. It was way after school hours and the gates were locked, but a good ol' Ninja Streak took care of such issues. Four storeys up, he dangled his legs over the ledge, looking down at a weather-beaten playground that had seen better days and chalk-stained concrete from games ages past. The night breeze chased drying leaves across the school grounds below. He watched, absently toying with the Power Disc on his morpher.
It had been a long couple of weeks, and it felt as if Lothor was preparing for something greater. Lothor and his goons – his breath hitched at the thought of a specific individual who was on Lothor's side. It wouldn't be good to go down that train of thought again. He plucked out the Power Disc with a decisive snap.
"I thought I'd find you here." Dustin turned around, squinting to make out the figure in the darkness of the school roof – Tori.
He shrugged carelessly. "Just needed some air."
"Yea… Way up here?"
He didn't care to reply.
"Do you want to talk about what happened just now?"
She took his silence as a cue for her to take a seat next to him on the ledge. The quiet filled the little space between the two Rangers.
"What did you see, Dustin?"
As if the use of his name broke him out of his reverie, he faced her. "I was falling," he said, carefully. Although Shane and Tori had divulged to the group what fears they'd seen when wearing the collars, Dustin held back – an absence which may have drawn more attention if Tori hadn't quickly diverted the topic of conversation to the Tsunami Cycles, after noticing the expression on her friend's face. "I know it wasn't real, but it's like, I could feel that… that I don't know, that thing in your stomach when you're falling."
He broke off, staring hard at the Power Disc clutched in his hand. The symbol of the Earth shone back at him, reflecting the light from the moon above. "But, then again, it's not the first time I didn't wipe out after a fall, right?"
"Dustin…" she reached over to take his hand.
"I think my head's still all messed up from that," he continued, as if he hadn't noticed. "I wake up, sometimes, thinking about it – but I don't know, man. It was years ago. Maybe if I weren't such a space case or –"
"You are not a space case."
He snorted. "Yea, because anyone would accidentally help to power up one of those monster things, or walk off a building."
It had happened in middle-school, when he still went by Waldo (whatever possessed his parents to give him that name, he would never know). His family had just moved to Blue Bay Harbour from Angel Grove, and Waldo pined the loss of being re-located from Power Rangers central to what seemed like a slow-moving town.
His parents secretly hoped that the move would pull their son out of his super-hero craze, but all it served was to plunge him greater into the world of comic books fantasy. It was hard to resist the allure of make-belief when reality proved to be so dull in comparison. And so, on the first day of school, Waldo ended up wearing his home-made Power Rangers t-shirt and a cape to class (an outfit so natural to him that it didn't seem as if it would be much of a problem). To a room full of fourteen year olds, however, it was quite the contrary.
A lack of friends, Waldo could handle. He never needed the company of many to be satisfied, particularly when he could escape into the closest comic on hand. Bullying was a different story: it was easy, at first, to chalk up all the little shoves and trips to boys will be boys, which Waldo took in his stride; but the rough-housing became bolder, and he soon found himself having to hide bruises and cuts. His parents had enough on their hands to worry about. Just like a superhero, he consoled himself. This is exactly what Clark Kent does.
It was rather exciting at first—exactly like having a double-life that he had always desperately craved; and there was one point, he wore these injuries like a badge of honour. But there came a point when everything amassed to something greater than he could handle, and he found himself on the top of the same roof. If you're just like a superhero, you'll be able to fly off the building even if you jump off, he wasn't sure who put that thought in his head, whether it had came from him or from one of the boys' taunts.
"It's like, when I jumped that day, something deep inside me really just wanted to die. I was just really tired, y'know?" Dustin paused, as if trying to make better sense of the memory in his head. He hadn't quite told anyone, not even Tori, what happened after that before. "I already made my peace with just wiping out. No one really needed me around anyway. It was great for the first few seconds. But, suddenly, I started freaking because it seemed so stupid. And all I could think was what would my parents think, oh God I've let them down again."
"Then as I was falling, I swear this is going to sound crazy, but it felt like the Earth was calling to me. Not the planet, but Earth. Maybe it was like a dirt dive or something, but I think I fell into the ground for a few seconds," he said, slowly. It was a miracle, the doctors had proclaimed. That the boy fell four storeys and survived with only a broken leg and arm, and several superficial scrapes – it was almost impossible.
Waldo changed his name the moment he got out of hospital: Dustin – reborn in the dust. Things got better after that: the school year closed; he ended up in the same class as Tori, who soon became his best friend; Shane transferred to the school the following year, and it hadn't taken long for the three to become a group.
"Sometimes I think about what would have happened if I really – you know, really crashed and burned that day. I mean, I'm glad I didn't, because then I'd never have you guys, or be a Ranger, or start to bike."
He shook his head. "But sometimes, I don't know – it feels like you guys would be better off without me."
There, he'd said the words that had haunted him for the past few months. Dustin stole a glance at Tori, who looked stunned into silence. He continued brazenly on – might as well say everything before he lost the nerve.
"The whole thing with Marah as well… I should've just listened to you guys. But I really thought she wanted to change. She sounded so sincere. I could understand what she was saying, about how it feels to have everyone bagging on you—" He shook his head, as Tori opened her mouth to protest. "It really could have cost us, and it was my fault."
"I just… Marah, that Eyesac dude, they just brought it all back. Like I'm still that dumb kid that does stupid things, that doesn't think things through. I'm sick of being that kid," he spat the last few words. His hands were shaking with the effort of speaking. "I'm scared of feeling like that again, to think that I really wanted to be done with all of this," he gestured to the expanse that surrounded them. "But here I am, still the same stupid kid."
Tori squeezed his hand, threading her fingers through his. "You're so much more than that Dustin. We need you. I don't even think we'd be together if it weren't for you!" That much was true: Dustin had been the one who eagerly invited Shane to everything the pair got up to when he first arrived in Blue Bay Harbour; Dustin had been the one who had first discovered the Wind Ninja Academy and who had dragged the trio there to join.
"Who else, besides you, can get Cam to lighten up? Or welcome Blake and Hunter so readily into our team; teach Shane and me how to ride the Tsunami Cycles?" she continued. "You're the glue that keeps us all together. We'd be at each other's throats all the time if you weren't around."
She reached over and plucked the Power Disc out of his other hand. "There's no one more worthy of being a Power Ranger than you, Dustin," she said, snapping the disc back into his empty morpher.
Dustin released a long breath – it felt like he had been holding that in for a long, long time. "I don't want to feel that way again, ever again," he turned to face Tori, his eyes unreadable.
"You're not alone."
As if prompted by an invisible cue, both Rangers moved forward to close the gap between the two with a hug. "You'll never be alone," Tori repeated, trying to transmit as much positive energy of love and comfort as possible in the physical embrace.
"Thanks Tor…" The two broke apart, still holding hands. They sat in comfortable, companionable silence for a while, watching the stars and the flickering lights of the distant city. The night was still and calm.
Dustin stood up, perched on the ledge. "Think we should head back? I don't want to over-sleep again," he said, sounding much lighter than he had at the start of their conversation. "Cam will probably explode again if I'm late one more time."
Tori grinned. "Let's go. Race you back?"
Dustin looked down, past the edge of the building, down the four floors. He smiled, as if finally making peace with something. "You're going to eat my dust," he answered, with a laugh. The pair counted down from three, and streaked off into the night.
You'll never be alone anymore.