"Chihiro. Chihiro. Chihiro!"
Somewhere in the distance I heard a faint voice calling out to me, whoever it was that person needed me to get to them urgently. The voice kept getting louder and louder as if the person was running away from something and was headed straight in my direction. The next thing I knew, a piercing bright light engulfed my entire body.
"Ugh!" Raising my left arm up to shield my eyes against the horrible bright sun, I propped myself up on my bed.
"God Chihiro, I know you're a total pig but how could you sleep in today of all days," that voice in my dream spoke.
I rubbed my eyes and adjusted my vision and saw my best friend Riiko standing next to my now open window. Riiko was the first friend I made since moving to this town and we've been joined at the hip since then. No one knew me better than her, 13 years of friendship and still going strong. Although I have to admit, there were points in those 13 years where I resented her a bit for being the stunningly pretty girl that she is. With her long, wavy jet black hair, porcelain skin, sharp nose blah blah blah, it's no wonder that majority of the boys we know vie for my doe-eyed friend's affections. Of course that leaves me, the painfully average best friend on the side-lines. Straight brown hair that goes just past my shoulders and average facial features, I'm really nothing much to look at. Not ugly but not strikingly beautiful either. Which is why it still amazes me that I'm the one who's getting married first.
"Now hurry up, we have so much to do today. And we seriously don't have any time left, you keep procrastinating and putting this off we have to do it NOW," with that last word Riiko gave me a violent push that shoved me off my bed and onto the hard, wooden floor.
"Oww! Okay I'm up! Aish, just wait for me downstairs," I forced myself onto my feet and tenderly rubbed the side of my hip that broke my fall. I could feel Riiko rolling her eyes behind my back as I shuffled into the washroom to get freshened up for dress-shopping.
I didn't have so much as a lousy piece of toast before I was hurried out of the house.
"You didn't even let me have my morning coffee!" I protested and to which Riiko groaned and handed me a tumbler of warm coffee she'd been holding at her side. See? What did I tell you, this girl knows me the best. Happily, I took the tumbler and took in the caffeine I knew I needed to get through the day.
"I thought we might try LANNA Boutique first because it's pretty close from here. Unless you wanna go straight to Lucifer's? They're the only two places that can deliver the dress on time if you need any alterations in 5 days."
"Eh, whatever. You decide, I'll follow," I shrugged indifferently.
Riiko folded her arms and frowned at me, looking as if she's about to have a go at me but stopped herself, must've remembered her promise to me the other day. She'd vowed not to get on my case about not being typically excited about my upcoming wedding to one of the most eligible men in town. I've heard it from her at least 100 times already and another 50 from my mother.
"LANNA Boutique it is then," she decided. Honestly, I do find it a little strange myself that the maid-of-honour is far more interested in all this wedding business than the bride. I've never been a complete girly-girl but I mean, I didn't expect to be this…indifferent about the wedding. When Kosuke proposed, I felt happy but not, well, not overjoyed. The feelings I should be feeling are always just half-there and something is preventing them from going on full power. Kosuke is…a great guy. He's doing well in his career as a lawyer, he's kind and funny and sweet and not bad-looking at all. But to spend the rest of my life with him, I'm just not entirely sure it's what's meant for me. Sounds a lot like wedding jitters huh? That's what I write it off as anyway but deep down I know my uncertainty is not because I'm getting cold feet.
Three train stops and two bus stops away, we were standing outside LANNA Boutique's modest entrance with a couple of nice but not outstanding dresses put on display in the front window.
We were greeted by a shop assistant called Aiko and she presented a catalogue for us which we breezed through, more interested in seeing the actual dresses than in print. Now that I'm actually here, I felt a little intimidated by the white gowns all in one room. It's a constant reminder that I'm about to sentence myself to life with another human being in a matter of days.
I picked a few of dresses and Riiko helped select a couple for me to try on.
"Seriously though, whoever heard of a bride choosing her wedding dress after deciding on her bridesmaids' ones?" she smirked as she handed me her selections.
"It's harder to make decisions about yourself."
"Tch. You're the complete opposite of Bridezilla Chihiro."
Each dress that I tried on received glowing appreciation from Aiko, obviously paid to sell them, and much more reliable critical opinions from Riiko. But there was one dress that I really liked. A strapless flowy dress made of such soft silk it felt as if the dress was spun from the ocean itself. The dress was simple, only a bit of design in the folding at the front and at the bottom as it cuts at different lengths but that's why I liked it. Simple but elegant.
"Are you sure? Don't you wanna take a look at other boutiques before making a final decision?" Riiko asked me when I said I'd already made my choice.
"I'm sure. This is the one," I gently pulled at the sides of the dress, feeling its soft silk material against my fingers.
"But this is only the first boutique, we haven't even gone to Lucifer's. You might find one you like even more there."
"No. I want this one," I said firmly.
As Aiko went to get the paperwork for the dress rental and all, I noticed Riiko standing near the entrance with her arms crossed. Oh boy.
Walking up to her, I said "Shouldn't you be happy? We managed to get a dress at the first boutique we went to, means we didn't have to waste anymore time right?"
With a sigh, Riiko paused for a moment before looking at me and I knew what was coming. "Chihiro, I just don't understand. Why aren't you excited about all this? Why did you leave the most crucial decisions to the very last minute?"
"Riiko remember your promise."
"Oh forget the promise! I'm asking you as your best friend. Is something wrong? Do you, I don't know, not love Kosuke?"
"What? Of course I love Kosuke!"
"Then what is it!"
"It's not him. It's…" I paused. What do I tell her? I didn't even know what the problem was so how can she expect me to deliver an explanation. "Complicated."
"Complicated how." It wasn't a question, it was a statement challenging my answer. I knew Riiko wouldn't give in so easily to a pathetic excuse as 'it's complicated' but hey, worth a shot.
"I don't know! I love Kosuke and he's perfect and everything but there's something inside me, screaming at me that this is not what's supposed to happen. I don't know what it is but just something's telling me this isn't meant for me," and so I confessed to her the feelings of doubt that have been swelling in my heart and mind ever since Kosuke's proposal. I felt like a weight had been lifted off my shoulders now that I've finally told someone about the weird vibes and hoped that Riiko could help me decipher them.
"Woah. Sounds to me you've got a serious case of cold feet," was her response and all at once that weight was thrown back at me.
"It's not cold feet! It's something else!"
"Uhhh yes, yes it's cold feet. It's okay Chihiro! The thought of spending an eternity with just this one other person is daunting but this feeling will be replaced with unbridle joy once you're standing at the altar, face to face with the man of your dreams," Riiko smiled warmly and put her hand on my shoulder. I couldn't believe it, if even my best friend couldn't understand how I'm feeling, then who can. So I gave up and agreed with her that it was probably just cold feet getting the better of me.
The days passed and I still had to do a bunch of wedding preparations which I'd been putting off, not to mention packing up my apartment to move into Kosuke's. So, in this busy and hectic period, I hardly found time to spend with my fiancé. But he somehow managed to get through to me via the phone the night before.
"How's Riiko been treating you?"
"Ugh. Don't even get me started," I groaned and heard him chuckle over the phone. The warmth in his laughter gave me a sense of comfort that I'd been lacking these few days.
"She has your best interests at heart. I've missed you though. You with your procrastinating ways leaving my last few days painfully void of Chihiro-ness." I smiled at this, how can you not?
"Anyway, you better get some rest. Big day tomorrow. I love you, Chihiro."
Something hit me in the gut as I heard his last couple of sentences. "Mmm, love you too." I said it in a rush and quickly hung up. Shit. I'm getting married.