Like a Boss: Riku Edition

by Do a Barrel Roll

While hiring Riku for the Dark Side, Maleficent decides to figure out just what Riku would do if he joined her. Riku replies...with a totally ridiculous song parody that sums up his life in just a few sentences. Parody of The Lonely Island's "Like a Boss"

If you haven't seen or heard "Like a Boss" by The Lonely Island, this fic may not seem as funny as it is. If you have...well, you'll see. Watch the music video for best results.

Disclaimer: I don't own Kingdom Hearts, "Like a Boss" by The Lonely Island, or Final Fantasy VII.

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Like a Boss

Maleficent read off a black and green clipboard as the next possible Dark Sider walked into the room, his sleek silver hair blowing behind him as he sat down in the oversized office chair. "So..." she glanced down at the clipboard. "Riku, is it?"

Riku nodded. "Yes, that's me. Riku. I'm the man."

Maleficent raised one eyebrow at Riku's ridiculous yellow and blue attire before continuing with her little interview. "It would appear that you want to join me."

"Well, yes. I need the darkness to find Sora and Kairi, and to be even more awesome than I am now. I have qualifications already, since I already destroyed my home world."

Maleficent rolled her eyes. "I see. And just what would you do if you joined me?"

Riku grinned with pleasure. "Well, the first thing I'd do is USE THE DARKNESS!"

"LIKE A BOSS!" said an ominous voice in the background, though Maleficent could've sworn it was Pete. The boy must've put him up to this.

"Share a paupau!"

"LIKE A BOSS!"

"Slice up buildings!"

"LIKE A BOSS!"

"Fight an emo!"

"Like a boss!" Zexion exclaimed cheerfully, making an out of character cameo.

"Wear a blindfold!"

"LIKE A BOSS!"

"Steal ice cream!"

"LIKE A BOSS!"

"Go bishounen!"

"LIKE A BOSS!"

"Eat dis pear!"

Midway through fighting Cloud at Olympus Coliseum for the umpteenth time, Sephiroth had the unusual urge to shout, "LIKE A BOSS!"

"Get possessed!"

"Like a boss..." a deep, eerie voice trailed off, no doubt the future possessor.

"Grow my hair out!"

"LIKE A BOSS!"

"Control the Heartless!"

"LIKE A BOSS!"

"Be a douche bag!"

"LIKE A BOSS!"

Maleficent blinked, for once unsure of what to say. "How...quaint."

She also couldn't shake the feeling that this strange boy was going to do everything he mentioned and worse.

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I just summed up Riku's life in one song parody...Try reading it as a montage with all the events from the game pictured.

Ten points to whoever caught the Advent Children reference!