Sorry I took this down guys, I needed it for a creative writing class and the professor was weird about previously used work. Anyways its back up, so enjoy it again or for the first time!
'Cause when the daylight bends I'll follow you,
And if the pavement ends I'll drive it off the road
When the daylight bends I'll follow you wherever you go,
Wherever you go
From afar, that's how he see's her, always from afar. During school, through the halls, in their classes, there's always the distance that keeps them apart, the distance between there bodies and the distance between their hearts. The miles that have grown between them are filled with memories, some good and some bad, some that brought them together and some that pushed them apart. He holds onto these memories as tightly as he can, grasping at them wildly with his fingers while praying they don't slip away like the girl in them has.
I'd say I miss you but think I'd choke on the words
Dreamt a picture and you don't know how it hurts
I've been thinking just how to tell you
He can still remember the way her smooth skin felt next to his, how the warmth from her body radiated heat when they laid next to each other. The feel of her fingertips still dance along his back every now and then, the light taps and movements of her soft hands having left lasting permanent imprints and patterns on his body, like a road map with no destination. The scent of her soft, long blonde tresses clings to the pillow case that lays next to his, every night his senses filled with her sweet perfume. His sheets are still tousled from where her legs had intertwined with them and the mattress holds the permanent shape of her frame, the bed having memorized every curve and bend of her delicate body as it waits for her return. And yet despite these memories that have entangled themselves in his covers, the pillows and the blankets hold no one but him, his body only ever met now with the cool, dark abyss that has become his bed.
She smiles more often now, the way her lips curve upward making his heart flutter and pang in the same rhythm. He's glad that she's happy now, her life back in tact the way it was before he screwed it up. Her body's returned to it's normal size and her status is back to quo, the parts of her life having been pieced back together perfectly. Of course he thought he might have been one of those pieces in her puzzle but apparently he's not, shoved to the side and getting lost beneath his other hopes and dreams that lay scattered on her floor. Despite the daily ache in his chest and the constant lump in his throat he smiles for her and lets her be, knowing if she needs him or wants him she'll come to him. He still has this hope, like a child holding fireflies and waiting for shooting stars that she'll realize they were meant to be despite everything, and that she'll find him in the crowded halls and kiss him in spite of the chaos that surrounds them. She used to say that, "If you don't find your love in this life you always have the next," but he doesn't really buy into that too much. You see he has his love and he found her in this life, the only thing missing now is the timing.
So he waits for her, the time passing slowly for him as he does so. The minutes drag on for hours and the hours feel like days, his weeks and months blurring together like swirled colors in some God awful broken kaleidoscope that she stepped on. He finds an odd comfort in riding past her house late at night, something that happened spontaneously now having become his nightly ritual. Its in these moments, the ones he spends holding his breath as he slowly rides past her drive during the cold winter nights that give him hope and warm reassurance, soothed by the possibilities of what might be and could happen. He stares up at the gold light that illuminates her window, the warm glow shining like a lighthouse and leading him to her, his heart, his home. He often wonders what she's doing up there in her room night after night, thinking about the books she reads and the music she plays and he fantasizes about her dancing around and singing. He hopes to catch a glimpse of her, even a mere fleeting one but he never does, content with the shadow that moves along the wall and lets him know she's up just as late as he is.
Graduation rolls around, the summer sun shining brightly on her flushed cheeks and making her skin glisten like the light from her bedroom window. He watches intently as they call her name and she waltzes to the stage, the small blonde seeming to glide across it as she receives her diploma. Her lips are curved upward beautifully and the smile on them lights up her eyes, the crowd going wild as she offers them a small wave. He continues to watch her as she lightly bounces down the stairs, bubbling excitedly as she sits back down in her seat. She had made it, even after all the obstacles she had faced she had made it, now free to get out of the town that had trapped her and away from the people that had slowed her down. He had never meant to be one of those people and he wonders if she thinks of him that way, the boy who held her back only wanting to be the boy who held her hand. Instead of talking to her and finally confessing his feelings he watches as she hugs her mom and her sister, her arms wrapping around them so tightly he thinks he can feel it from his stance. She's grinning ear to ear as a blonde curl slips out of her cap and into her eyes, her response to merely brush it away as she has done him. It's not until her back is to him and her figure grows smaller that he convinces himself to head home, knowing he would see her again that night.
'Cause when the daylight bends I'll follow you,
And if the pavement ends I'll drive it off the road
When the daylight bends I'll follow you wherever you go,
Wherever you go
The leaves change colors as autumn settles in over Lima, the small town flooded with deep shades of mahogany and ginger as October rolls around. Despite the warm hues and the impending holiday spirit everything is cold and dark as he rides around, his emotions mirroring the dullness that hangs in her darkened bedroom window. She's off at college for the year, probably pulling late night study sessions and enjoying her freedom wildly. He's glad for her and the opportunities she's getting, knowing she deserved every one of them, yet the idea of her so far away makes his stomach churn in an awful sort of way. He doesn't know why he continues to hurt himself like this as he drives down her road but he does, still holding out his childlike hope that he'll be surprised and find her shadow on the wall.
He get's his surprise in late May, when he rolls through her neighborhood and finds her window lit up like morning. She's home for the summer and he doesn't think he's ever felt so alive in his life, her mere presence in town more than enough to make him forget about those grueling past seven months. He sits on her street for hours just staring at her window, knowing how insane and creepy he looks yet wanting to catch a glimpse of her. He wonders how much she's changed, if her eyes still twinkle and if her hairs still as long as it used to be, remembering every detail of her face as his own breaks into a smile. He continues to lose himself in photographic memories and the tapes of her voice he recorded in his mind, the sudden darkening of her room flinging him back into reality. While he's sad to see her turning in it's ok, because at least he knows she's in her own bed and no one else's. He cranks up his engine and he takes off, his fire for them reignited and ablaze by just the simple flick of her switch.
But just as soon as she's come though she's gone once again, taking the color and sound from his life as Lima drifts back into its previous deserted and hollow state. While emptiness fills him and sadness surrounds him he knows that everything will be fine, marking the lonely days in his mind one by one until their summers come around. And autumns and winters and springs pass him by, the months throughout unnoticed as he roams around the lonely, dark town in search of meaning. Its not the leaves that clutter his cracked drive or the snow that clings to his windshield wipers every year that remind him he's alive, but the feel of summer's warm breeze whipping against his cold skin that gives him his first sign that she'll be back anytime now. While the months in between their summers are hard, her illuminated bedroom window always restores his faith in her returns. She always comes back to visit and escape, until one year she doesn't. Her window remains darkened all summer long and the panic he feels over her whereabouts consumes him completely, every scenario and possible outcome having played out in his mind like an awful movie reel. He knew she had graduated from her university that month but he'd figured that meant she'd be back for good now, fear and dread putting out the spark of optimism he had previously lit for her return. He still checks every night but is only met with the blackness in her window and the stillness of her room, each time he rides by a newer and deeper kick in his gut. The last week of their summer approaches and his knuckles have turned whiter with each day that ends, knowing that their time together is dwindling just as rapidly as the season. He'd been holding out for those few warm months with his childlike hope still intact, thinking that maybe she'd make it into town for a quick trip to see her family. He continues to dream of this visit wholeheartedly, that is until he see's the headline in the paper that crushes it all.
The words are bold and black as they shine up to him from the tattered beige paper, causing him to wonder if it's the contrast or what they form that make his eyes burn hot. It takes him a moment to read the sentence, his lips repeating the syllables as his mind refutes their meaning. Underneath the title a photo is included, and even in black and white she still colors his world. Her lips are still curved upward and her eyes shine even brighter than before, able to glow even from within the newsprint. But this time the feeling he gets is different as he stares down at her, the world that she once dazzled now crumbling around him slowly as he stares at the band on her finger. His reaction is delayed but powerful when it hits, reality stinging almost as painful as the tears in his eyes. His chest tightens unbearably as an all too familiar ache spreads throughout his body, the thud of his broken heart beating slowly the only reminder he's alive as he loses his ability to breath. His stomach twists in an excruciating knot as it sinks to his feet, his fairytale having knocked the make believe breath right out of him. His visions quite blurred and his movements erratic as he tries to focus through the foggy thoughts that cloud his mind, fumbling around for his keys as he stumbles to his truck. The light, her light, he hadn't seen it all summer, so he drives madly towards her house to prove the print is wrong. When he arrives he finds it's on, cutting through the night sky sharply and all the prayers he had mumbled on the way. He looks up and sure enough see's the dark outline of her body as she flutters around her room. So he watches as she moves in and out of the window and he waits for some sort of sign, receiving his answer when another shadow joins hers on the wall.
I had a nightmare
Woke to the sound of your voice but you don't sleep here
I lay awake in the dark
I've been screaming but you don't hear me at all
He doesn't remember the past ten years that have gone by, knowing he's physically been there but not having one recollection of the life he's been "living." He used to have a reason to breath, something to look forward to and something to dream about, but without her he became lost and started throwing things away, like purpose and values, beliefs and desires. The only knowledge he even has that he's still here is the throbbing in his head and the pain in his heart that keeps him up at night. He often checks his pulse sometimes just in case one of his wishes had actually come true and he isn't in fact really alive, staring in the mirror at his reflection and wondering who's behind it. The weeks and months have collected around his sullen eyes and formed deep wrinkles beneath them, too much whiskey and not enough sleep leaving them bloodshot and weary. His skin is rough and his scruff darkens his features, a few gray hairs here and there reminding him that he's a young man no more. His mouth is always dry and his lips crack when he moves them, not having much to say anymore and only opening to the strangers that keep him company on the nights when things get unbearable. He knows what he's become and yet he has no capacity to care, continuing on his destructive path with any bottle or woman he can find.
He knows what she would think of him if their paths ever crossed, her eyes would darken with gloom and her lips would tremble with pity. She'd probably reach out and rub his face the way only she could or say his name the way only she could, her sad demeanor enough to drag him out of his funk and into the light. But since she doesn't come around anymore he doesn't ever think about that happening, that is until the next time he sees her. It's five in the afternoon and he's making his way through his third round of beers, staring aimlessly out the window as other people carry on with their lives. Its here that he catches the sight of her, not even needing a second glance to know that it's her in front of the window. What would've looked like a flash of blonde hair to a passerby is instead the locks of blonde curls that used to slip so lightly through his fingers, the quick moment jerking him from his stupor and back into her life. Just as quickly as he sees her he's out of his chair and into the crowd, pushing through the people and following the back of her down the sidewalk. Its then that he realizes it's summer again, the warm sun casting rays off her tresses and reminding him of why he loved this season so much in the first place. He finally catches up and knows for sure it's her, having memorized the way her legs moved in simple strides years ago. He matches her pace as he walks behind her, his mind frantic with thoughts of what he would do when she stopped. The fear he had carried of seeing her again is now gone as he fantasizes about her face, wondering if her eyes still had their innocent sparkle and if her cheeks still hued pink when she blushed. But it's not her face that he notices when she does finally stop and turns, his eyes falling down to the swell underneath her dress.
Her stomach is swollen and round as it protrudes underneath the yellow fabric, all too reminiscent of how it used to when they were younger. She's standing patiently on the corner with her hands on her tummy as she strums her long fingers gently against it, smiling down and turning her curved lips into a round coo. He wonders what she's saying to her unborn baby girl or boy and if she'd ever done the same to theirs, the way he see's her belly now different than before. The fatherly pride he used to feel is now replaced with a bitter twinge as he realizes that it's not his baby she's carrying, but someone else's, someone better, someone she loves. Jealousy gnaws at his insides as he thinks about the infant that rests in her womb, knowing that this is the way she had always wanted it. A baby made with love, a baby made in a marriage, a baby made with a man who wasn't him. He wonders if she ever thinks about her other baby, God knows he does every night, and if the thought of their daughter ever led her to thoughts of him. She probably doesn't think about her past anymore though and why would she, not when she has so much ahead in her future. Their past and their baby and all the things that go with them are probably shoved in the deepest corners of her mind as they take full stage in his, she having re-cast the roles with a new leading man and perfect child star. He knows deep down in the blackest pit of his stomach that she'll never love his baby as much as she loves her husbands, so he stops thinking about their days long ago and goes back to staring at her on this one.
His thoughts are suddenly interrupted as a figure breaks his view, a tall man coming between him and her and taking his place beside her, the place that had once been filled by his own shoes. He watches in horror as her arms wrap around the mans neck and she pulls him down, his hands finding their way towards her stomach and rubbing it as they embrace. They stay this way too long and when they finally do part she's lit up like a Christmas tree, excitedly talking and telling him something important while she moves his hands around. The two of them rest on a spot beneath her belly button and their faces tense in unison, suddenly springing up and squealing as they study her stomach. He knows what they're doing and he knows why they're so ecstatic, having placed his own hands in the exact same spot when it was his baby in there. His ears are ringing loudly and every inch of him hurts but he continues to watch, feeling her warmth and happiness despite the grief that plagues him. She's still reeling from their moment and she pulls her husband towards her, the shiny band on her finger glinting in the light as if the scene in front of his wasn't reminder enough. Her lips begin to purse and her eyes close lazily and he knows what's about to happen so he turns away, letting the sting of his tears flood his eyes and drown out the scene around him as he heads back to his stool to drown out the pain inside him. And yet despite the soreness he feels he still rides by her old place, feeling as if in some weird way he owes it to them, and suddenly he feels like he's seventeen again when he sees her light burning, just like the hope he can't shake for her still does.
'Cause when the daylight bends I'll follow you,
And if the pavement ends I'll drive it off the road
When the daylight bends I'll follow you wherever you go,
Wherever you go
The years trudge on slowly and her window remains dark, the moments since he's last seen her one long haze as he wanders through what's left of his life. His eyes are much paler and cluttered with crows feet but they still search for her smile through the streets, while his ear with weakened hearing still long to hear her laugh. He's old and he's tired, his body frail and fragile just like the brittle heart that's somehow been beating in his wheezy chest all these years. And yet despite the time that's withered his skin and the chapters of his life that have begun and ended, through the darkness of it all his hope as led him on, maybe dimmed but always lit. He's still clung to the belief he has in them, not the one where they spend their lives together, but the one where he gets to see her just one last time.
He gets his wish finally, and the next time he sees her is the last time he sees her, echoes and whispers having spread through town like a cancer that she's back in Lima. So he gets into his rattling truck and he makes his way slowly to her house, finding that it's not in her bed that she's sleeping in and it's not her light from the window that leads him to her, the rays from the sun shining through a tiny glass panel in the hospital door letting him know that he's finally found her. His breath hitches piercingly in his throat as his eyes find their way to hers, taking in every inch of her as her presence awakens him from his sleep. Her hair is streaked with gray but it still shines brilliantly and her lips are chapped dryly but they still curve up happily, time having added its years without taking her beauty. He doesn't really know if he believes in angels but the sight of her convinces him they're real, her very presence still able to spread a warmth throughout him that he may never be able to explain. So he visits everyday, unbeknownst to her or the family members that frequent her room, the glimpses he catches of her through the plate glass bringing back every old feeling he ever buried beneath his pride and anger. Some days she just sleeps and rests while others she opens up those hazel eyes and looks around, him not minding either as he watches her breath in and out everyday, each spike and lull on the LCD taking her a little further and further away. The days pass him by quickly but the moments linger on in his mind, every moment he steals giving him the strength to see another sunrise. Until one day his visit is halted by a nurse, who's standing by the bed as she tucks the sheets in neatly. She fluffs the pillow tenderly and adjusts the blankets carefully before she turns to leave, pulling the door behind her quickly as she flicks the switch off. Her light no longer guides him and her presence no longer fills him as everything is replaced with the darkness of her room, the only warmth he receives from her now trickling down his face as he stands in the shadows.
Its raining when they lay her in the ground, the cemetery flooded with water and people as both fill up the space around her grave. There are flowers scattered along the gray headstone that commemorates her life but none of them are her favorite, the daisy in his hand dripping raindrops as he waits his turn to place it. He remains hidden in the back during the short ceremony, realizing his current position mirrors that of the one he held throughout her life. And soon enough words are spoken and hymns are sang, the group parting ways as they fill the air with sobs and cries. He waits patiently as they all file out, avoiding the faces he recognizes and ignoring the ones he doesn't, until one pair of eyes meet his and make him tremble to his core. They're resting sadly on the face of young man, his cheeks streaked with rain or tears, he doesn't know, and they're staring through Puck like they had years before. Its then that he realize they're her eyes, living on through the baby he had seen in her years before. An odd pang shoots through him as he connects with these eyes, wondering if momentarily she isn't looking back at him. He finally blinks and when he reopens his lids her son is gone, wandering along in the crowd as they trek through the mud. He takes this opportunity to finally approach her, this moment the closest he had been to her since he laid beside her all those years ago. His mind runs rampant as his lips go numb, knowing he should say something but not having the words she deserves. He thinks about their lives, how different they had been and how intertwined they always were, and he wonders if she ever spent a second of hers on him.
Its here when he remembers her old saying that, "If you don't find your love in this life you always have the next." Her words play over in his mind repeatedly as he places the daisy on her casket and for the first time, he truly understands the meaning. Her light, her warmth, the life she gave him, are all gone now to rest with her beneath his feet. And yet despite it all he still holds onto his hope, like a child holding fireflies and waiting for shooting stars that he'll see her again, maybe not in this life but certainly in the next.
'Cause when the daylight bends I'll follow you,
And if the pavement ends I'll drive it off the road
When the daylight bends I'll follow you wherever you go,
Wherever you go
From afar, that's how he see's her, always from afar. Above the trees, through the clouds, in the stars, there's always the distance that keeps them apart, the distance between there bodies and the distance between their hearts. The miles that have grown between them are filled with memories, some good and some bad, the life that brought them together and the death that pushed them apart. He holds onto these memories as tightly as he can, grasping at them wildly with his fingers while praying they don't slip away like the girl in them has.
Wherever you go
Wherever you go
Wherever you go