I watched the Collector ship fly away, knowing that half the colony was on it. I pressed my jaws together as I stared at the sky and subconsciously folded my hands into fists. My fists were shaking. There was nothing I could do and it frustrated me. They overpowered us. I was barely able to stall them before the GARDIAN cannon activated. All I could do was to make sure none of my squad died by fighting on the forefront, drawing the enemy's attention to me. I was barely able to stand of exhaustion.
"No! Don't let them get away!" the mechanic from before came running out of the bunker, staring at the Collector Ship, while running around in frustration and desperation. He was frantic and I couldn't blame him. The only one I was blaming right now was myself. I was confronted with my powerlessness in this fight, during this encounter with the Collectors.
I looked at the ground, unable to face that mechanic. "There's nothing we can do, they're gone." I said in a grim tone. I closed my eyes. Many colonists had been abducted like this and God knows what the Collectors were doing with them. Right now it hit home. I finally realized that many families were missing a brother or a sister, or a cousin, or a nephew or a niece, or a father or a mother, or a son or a daughter and the list could go on and on.
"Half the colony is in there! They took Egan and Sam... and Lilith. Do something!" the mechanic shouted. I felt so guilty and ashamed I couldn't even reply anymore. I didn't have the nerve to make up excuses. I just couldn't do it. I was a soldier, a Spectre. My duty was to protect innocent people like the colonists and I couldn't do it... I failed.
"Did what we could. Tried to save many people as possible." Mordin said as he came to my defense. Garrus came to stand next to me as he put his hand on my shoulder. I was surprised, but this was actually a pleasant one. "You did more than most, Shepard." he said, trying to cheer me up. I looked at him, feeling moved by his words. I was too exhausted however and only gave him a small smile.
"Shepard?" the mechanic repeated. He stopped in his tracks. "Wait. I know that name." he finally realized as he turned around to face me. "Sure, I remember you. You're some type of big Alliance hero." he continued. That's when a familiar voice spoke. My eyes widened as I realized whose voice it was. I looked at the direction I thought I heard the voice coming from. They said: "Commander Shepard..." I thought my ears were playing a trick on me. And when I finally found her, walking towards me, coming from behind the crates I thought my eyes were playing a trick on me.
There she was. Small face, deep brown eyes, full lips, black hair tied in a bun. She still wore her trademark white and pink heavy armor. Just like 2 years ago.
"Captain of the Normandy. The first human Spectre. Savior of the Citadel." she summed up as she continued to walk towards me. When she finally stood in front of me she slightly turned away from me to face the mechanic: "You're in the presence of a legend, Delan." she concluded. It was ironic. Hearing these praises. I didn't like it. Half the colony was abducted, I failed and I didn't deserve such an introduction. But those feelings were overshadowed by surprise, relief, shock and confusion. Why was she here?
The mechanic didn't seem impressed: "All the good people we lost and you get left behind. Figures." was his cynic response. He left after that, while saying something. I didn't hear him though. I was focused on Ashley. I just looked into her eyes that were staring back at me. Relieved and happy to see me. She was smiling at me.
I didn't know what to say or how to react. She walked up to me and held out a hand. I looked at her hand and it took a while before I held it and shook it.
"I thought you were dead, commander. We all did." she finally spoke again after we let go of the other's hand. I thought a while about what to say to her, but I couldn't think of anything better than: "It's been too long, Ash." I thought it would be more appropriate to smile back so I forced myself to do that. It must've looked tired and bitter. All of this was too overwhelming and tiring for me.
My response didn't seem to be the one she had wanted to hear however: "That's it? You show up after 2 years and act like nothing's happened?" That took me by surprise. I hadn't expected her to go in the offensive. The tired smile I had on my face faded quickly and made way for a confused expression.
"I would've followed you anywhere, commander. I thought you were gone... I... You were more than our commander!" I was baffled. Why did all of this sound like an accusation? This is not the reaction I had expected. Somehow I felt even more tired than before.
Her implied accusations sucked the energy out of me. My shoulders slumped, slowly the little sparkle of energy and emotion there was left in my eyes faded and left a glassy and hollow look. There was only so much I could take in one day... Ashley didn't seem to notice however. She was too absorbed in her own emotions. "Why didn't you try to contact me? Why didn't you let me know you were alive?" she asked as she stared intensely into my eyes, genuinely hurt. Genuinely blaming me.
I broke off eye contact and looked at the ground, trying to understand where this was coming from. Trying to figure out how to react to this. I closed my eyes. Why was I being pushed into explaining myself? I had done nothing wrong. The moment before I fell into a coma I was attacked and forced to defend myself, the moment I woke up from the coma in the Cerberus facility I was attacked and forced to defend myself. My life consists only of fighting. My squadmates were sometimes the only people I could find cover and comfort in against the storm. It was the same with Ashley... And right now Ashley was the one causing the storm.
I abruptly opened my eyes. That realization stirred something up in me. I felt insulted and angry. I had no reason to explain myself! Anderson knew I was alive, he probably told her. She could've contacted me too! I was the one who was comatose not the other way around. I looked at her, trying to stay composed, ignoring the storm of thoughts that were floating in my mind. All the things I wanted to yell at her for my defense.
"I was out for 2 years..." I started to explain calmly. "And after I woke up the first thing I did was investigate the reason behind the missing colonists." I continued. Ashley let out a condescending chuckle. "So you're saying you had no time to send me an email? Bullshit!" she yelled. That did it. All these feelings I tried to hide away just exploded. I felt wronged, cornered. Whatever I said was not good enough, everything I said was questioned.
"CUT IT OUT!" I just finally barked. Ashley didn't see that coming, but I didn't care. I continued to yell at her. "I was practically dead for 2 years! The last thing I remembered was the Collector ship attacking us. The first thing I did when I woke up was fighting my way through security mechs to get away from the research facility, I slept in for 2 years. I didn't even know it was 2 years until they told me. I didn't even have the time to collect myself before they sent me to investigate Freedom's Progress! And you're whining over the fact that I didn't contact you? I had my hands full trying to have a grasp on the situation, trying to have a grasp on my life. Not even the council had my back. The only ones who have my back right now are the ones on the Normandy!" I didn't even remember what I had said, everything I had bottled up just came out right then and there. I couldn't even tell whether I was making sense and I didn't care.
Ashley got over her initial confusion soon. As she listened to my excuse her cynical expression slowly returned, but I didn't notice it. I was too angry, too frustrated, too hurt to notice. "And your buddies from Cerberus..." she simply said. My eyes widened. She knew? More importantly... Knowing my personality, my character... She really went there? She would really hold that against me...? "Surprised?" she smiled coldly. Her smile faded as soon as it appeared and now it was her turn: "We've had reports about you and Cerberus but I didn't want to believe they were true, but since you're here it looks like it is." she coldly concluded.
"Reports? You mean you already knew?" Garrus asked surprised. "Alliance intel said Cerberus could be behind the missing colonies. We got a tip that this one could be the next to get hit." That shocked me. She got a tip that this could be the next target... She was lured here. And I was sent by the Illusive Man himself. He mentioned the possibility that it was me they were after... This whole colony's abduction was staged by the Illusive Man himself. I gritted my teeth at the thought. That man really couldn't be trusted.
Ashley in the meantime continued to speak, while I was deep in thought. I didn't hear half of what she said, but I did catch the last accusation she threw at me: "-that you were working for the enemy." she ended her accusations. I quickly turned my gaze to her, intense, angry. "Are you serious?!" I hissed. Ashley didn't understand and just angrily yelled back. "Damn right I'm serious! You probably don't even realize it, Shepard!" she shouted. My eyes widened. I couldn't believe my ears. She saw those aliens, she saw the advanced technology they had and she saw the husks, yet the only enemy she saw was Cerberus. I had enough. Whatever I said she wouldn't understand.
"Next thing you'll say is that I'm behind the abductions, huh? Whatever can make you shove the blame to me and away from you, isn't it?" Ashley seemed offended by that, but couldn't let out more than a gasp. Huh... The one who should be offended is me.
"I tried so hard that I almost got myself killed out there, Ash. I tried everything I could do to save the colonists, yet they escaped under my watch. And the only thing you're focusing on is Cerberus." It was my turn to throw accusations around.
"Don't you think I know that they're not to be trusted? Do you seriously think I would voluntarily work for them, if there was another option, knowing what they're capable of? I went to the council and I barely get reinstated as a Spectre. They spoke of treason, you know that? Instead of helping me, they threatened me. What else could I do? Do you see any options? The fact that the best thing Alliance intel could come up with was that this was done by Cerberus should tell you how far they got their heads up their butts. We got bigger problems than Cerb-." Ashley interrupted me: "How can you say that..?" she muttered in disbelief. Her eyes were wide open, staring at me in shock. I guess I had gone too far in her eyes. I regretted nothing, however.
"I wanted to believe you were alive, but I never expected anything like this..." she continued to mutter. Her shock soon changed into anger yet again: "You've turned your back on everything we stood for!" she yelled, obviously beside herself.
She hit a nerve. I was enraged. I took a big step toward her, grabbed her by her collar and pulled her towards me. "You can claim whatever you want about me.." I hissed. "But the last thing I did was betraying my beliefs. Colonists have been abducted and the only thing the Alliance did was to send one soldier to check whether Cerberus had something to do with it, instead of sending an army or a team to prevent it from happening. They sent you instead of sending actual help!"
Ashley didn't struggle and just glared back: "Oh so now we're the bad guys, huh? What did they do to you at Ce-" I wouldn't allow her obsession with Cerberus to overtake this conversation again. "Who gives a damn about Cerberus?!" I barked into her face. "Colonists have been abducted! Unknown aliens are doing it! We saw husks! That should tell you who is behind this!" My face came a little closer to hers, intimidating her. She was more intimidated by what was reflected in my eyes however. They were wide open and they showed a mix of fear, desperation and rage. I thought back at the vision I got from the beacon. "This whole thing stinks of Reaper involvement, Ashley..." I just said in a soft voice, shaking with fear. "Do you realize what it means if the Reapers invade? All life will be wiped out! All life will be harvested or turned into husks to help the harvesting. Cerberus or the Alliance or the Council won't mean a damn thing in front of that kind of enemy! If I have to stand with Cerberus to be able to fight the real enemy, I will do it. And I'll be expecting a knife in the back anytime. For that reason I need people I trust at my side. To keep their eyes open and have my back when either side attacks." Ashley just stared at me, not responding. Acting like I had lost my mind. I felt a hand on my shoulder. It was Garrus'.
I turned my face to look at him. He shook his head. I guess he was trying to say that there was no reason for me to continue butt heads with her. That she wouldn't understand. I pushed Ashley away and turned my back to her.
"I expected you of all people to understand, Ashley. I thought you would help me against this threat." my voice involuntarily cracked as I said it. "I don't know about you..." she started talking. She mentioned my name instead of calling my commander and it sounded like she was saying a dirty word: "Shepard... But I still know where my loyalties lie. I'm an Alliance soldier. It's in my blood." She said with conviction. I sighed. She didn't understand after all. I overestimated her...
"I see." I simply responded. I looked over my shoulder to look at here: "Then this is where we part ways. I don't stand with the Alliance or Cerberus or the Citadel. None of those names and formalities will matter when we're dead, wiped out by the reapers. What I stand by is the protection and preservation of life. Cerberus is giving me the resources and support to take on the Collectors who are a threat to human colonies, human lives. The Alliance doesn't want to acknowledge this problem, so the choice who to go to is simple for now. I don't need you and your shallow allegiances..." I spoke in a soft voice. I decided to return the exact insult back at her: "Williams..." I said in the exact same tone she had used to call my name. With that I faced forward and started walking away, leaving her behind.
I had enough of this colony...