A/N: I've been writing this story on and off for the past few years. It's mostly written now, so I figured it was as good a time as any to post it.
"...he's more myself than I am. Whatever our souls are made of, his and mine are the same; and Linton's is as different as a moonbeam from lightning, or a frost from fire." - Catherine Linton; Wuthering Heights
Her mother used to tell her the origin of soulmates as a bedtime story. They used to be common, back in the ancient times, those creatures who sported four arms, four legs, a head with two faces. As time went on, the Gods grew jealous, and out of fear of the soulmates rising up and destroying them, they ripped the soulmates apart, one soul forced into two different bodies. Creatures with one face, two arms, and two legs. Forced to wander the earth alone, the soulmates cried out to their goddess of love, to plead with her to give them a sign, anything to lead them to their other half, for they were not meant to wander the earth alone. The goddess eventually took pity on the lost souls, and branded each fated pair with a matching identical mark upon their wrists. Placed upon their bodies on the day and hour that they turn eighteen, the mark was the only clue they had that would lead them to their soulmate. Some found their soulmate within moments. Some had to wait years, decades even, wondering, and searching. Still others never found their other half. Some met their soulmates when they were children, and others met their soulmates in the final days of their life. There was no exact science to it, it was simply the way Fate worked, and Fate wasn't always a kind mistress.
And some days, Riley would watch as her mother absently traced her infinity symbol, an exact replica of the one her father had. They had met when they were children, and fallen in love fairly early. Her father had been sure that they were soulmates, even when her mother was not. It had led to a few breakups over the course of their time together, though something, that her father would later call fate, always led them back to the other. And when they both had their matching marks, her mother, in a symbol of faithfulness, and eternal love, proposed to her father, even as young as they were. Her grandparents had called it madness, even for a young pair of soulmates, though everyone else around them had called it fate. Love.
"When you find the one that your soul loves, Riley, nothing else will matter but them. Finding your soulmate is rare in this world, and when you find them, you have to hold on tight, for you never know when they will be gone," her mother would tell her, from the time she was a young girl.
And Riley would dream of the day that she found her soulmate. Of falling so completely in love that they would never want to be apart. And that that feeling would never go away, no matter where they went, or where they ended up. Soulmates were rare and precious, and Riley dreamed of the day that her soul felt whole, and her world complete.
Of course, having a soulmate mark didn't mean that you ended up with your soulmate. Some did not have the patience to wait, instead preferring to choose their own path, and settling down with people whose marks do not match theirs. Perfectly happy couples had formed from those types of unions, even when they were still unconsciously seeking out the other half of their soul. Riley remembered seeing Maya's mother, with the spiral tattooed upon her wrist, and Maya's father, with a small lotus flower. They had seemed happy, despite the mismatch of marks, and besides, they had Maya, Riley's best friend. Surely good things can only come from two people who love Maya as much, if not more, than Riley does.
Though, in the end, she isn't surprised when Kermit leaves, following his heart and soul in the form of a brunette woman with a lotus flower on her wrist. She does not blame him, for if she knows anything about soulmates, it is that they are the ones who complete you. And if Maya's father has found that, then he deserves to be happy. The only thing she's mad about is the way that Maya is left behind. She curls around her best friend, and whispers the stories her mother tells her, of the one soul split into two bodies, and the marks on their wrist to guide them like a lighthouse guides the boats to shore. Finding your soulmate in the world is difficult enough, and she believes in holding on until you can't anymore.
Her Uncle Shawn doesn't mention his soulmate mark, she notices, wearing a watch to cover it. She would ask, but he seems to keep quiet about it, for reasons unbeknownst to her. She is not sure of what happened to the other half of her uncle's soul, or if he's ever even met her, but it is not something that is talked about. Sometimes though, she will catch her Uncle rubbing his wrist absently, twisting the watch around, his eyes staring off into space. She always looks away before he catches her though, and she can feel the pang in her heart, fingers brushing against her wrist where her own mark will rest someday. She wonders what it would be like to go so long without her soulmate, her other half. Eventually her uncle stops coming around so often, as though he can't stand to be around so much happiness, and love.
Riley is sure she would break in two, if she ever lost her soulmate. The pain of no longer having the most precious person in her life enough pain that she would not be able to survive.
She first convinced herself that she found her soulmate at twelve, when she took the subway alone for the first time. She quite literally fell into his lap, and when their eyes met, she could feel it, a quick jolt of awareness, and her heart leapt into her throat. She doesn't remember the exact words that she said, only that she probably made some sort of fool out of herself in front of him, as she always does. And yet, it was as if everything slowed down to just the two of them, and when she finally stumbled out of the car, it was almost as if she was in a daze. She loses sight of him when they get off, too many people trying to pack together in a small space, and her heart sinks with the fear that she'll never see him again.
"Lucas," she whispered to herself, so quietly that Maya didn't even hear her, as they walk up the stairs, and out into the street. She can't stop thinking about him, all the way to school, heart hammering in her chest as she thinks of his tentative touch as their hands touched, the spark she was so sure she felt down to her toes, as their eyes met.
Her mother used to tell her, in the ancient stories of old, that soulmates were so connected, that like would recognize like. Two halves of a magnet, pulling towards each other, no matter the circumstances. Her father used to tell her that when he and her mother touched hands for the first time, it felt like a spark of warmth, like everything stopped in that moment, the world slowed down to just the two of them. They'd immediately pulled their hands away, but there was no denying it after that. Her father knew, in that moment, that her mother was the one. Topanga would shake her head at that point, though she didn't deny it either. Riley understood the story now, as she thinks back to the boy on the subway, and a spark of a touch, like recognizing like.
However, she swore she would forget him, at least for the school day, when she settled into her seat to begin the day. He was gone already, and her father was beginning to start class. Her father would notice if she suddenly got distracted.
Of course, it wasn't to be, because her supposed soulmate ended up in her history class. She could feel her father's inquisitive stare, as she felt her heart skip a beat as she stared into his green eyes. Like recognizing like.
Maya tries to corner her for the rest of the day, probably having noticed the way she was acting, but Riley manages to avoid it, even at lunch when Lucas sits with them, until her father drags him out into the hall. She's not as careful as she thinks she is though, because without careful supervision, Maya manages to start a homework rebellion. Riley doesn't know what else to do, except follow her best friend with a chant, and hope her parents don't punish her, as Lucas slips from her mind.
"I think I found my soulmate," Riley announced, settling down next to Maya in her bay window, once they get home from school. Maya had followed her home, badgering her with questions on why she'd been acting weird the whole day.
"You mean the boy from the subway? Lucas?"
Riley nodded. "I felt it, what my parents were always telling me. That spark they felt in their soul, the bone deep knowledge of an eternal bond, the first time their hands touched. I felt it."
"You felt it," Maya asked, "or you convinced yourself you felt it?" She didn't mean for it to come out harsh, but years spent protecting Riley, making sure she was okay, kicked in. She didn't want Riley's heart to eventually be broken on a mere whim, a slip of a fantasy.
Riley sighed. "Maya, I know what I felt, and I may only be twelve, but I know. I've spent years watching my parents, years hoping for the same thing. I think this Lucas kid could be it."
"Riley, you know I always want what's best for you."
"And I appreciate that, Maya, I do." Riley never wanted to sound ungrateful for all that she and Maya had done together.
"What are you going to tell your parents?" Maya sat up a bit straighter, the realization coming to her.
"What do you mean?" Riley sat up too, as though just remembering there was a world where people existed outside of Lucas, and the bay window.
"I mean, you tell your parents everything. Are you going to tell them about this too?"
"I don't know, Maya. I mean, on the one hand, they found each other when they were in preschool, so they might understand. On the other hand, my dad dragged Lucas out into the hallway when he saw him sitting next to me at lunch. How can I tell him that I think I found my soulmate?"
"So don't tell them."
"But you know I'm not good at lying."
Maya shrugged her shoulders. "So don't think of it as lying? Think of it as just leaving some things out of the full story."
Riley started to beam. "Oh that's good, I like that."
Maya laughed in return, and then checked the clock. "Alright, I should head back home, see if my mom's off of work yet."
Riley nodded her head in return. "I'll see you before school tomorrow?"
Maya held out her pinky, as Riley did the same in return. "Count on it," she said, briefly wrapping her finger around Riley's, before she climbed out the window.
She knows she made a mistake of focusing too much on Lucas when Maya sets the fire alarms off, and she doesn't have a chance to stop her. She can't focus too much on that though, when Lucas stands beside her, and holds his coat over her head.
"You're better than that."
It felt like his eyes were burrowing into her very soul, as he held the jacket over both their heads.
"You don't know that," Riley shot back, her eyes locked onto his, as she felt her face begin to heat.
"I do," Lucas said earnestly.
Riley stepped out from underneath the coat, allowing herself to be soaked by the sprinklers, to stand beside her best friend. She could feel Lucas staring at her, as she accepted her fate, loyal to the very end, as she always should have been.
And when it's all over, she pretends not to notice the way that Lucas stares at her, stares between her and Maya as if he's trying to figure out some great puzzle. The way their friendship runs so deep, it's as if they were two halves of the same person. There is no Riley without Maya.
Maya and Riley were putting hooks on the Christmas ornaments when Maya first saw him. She almost dropped the ornaments in shock, a wave of warmth crashing over her, and she swore she felt a jolt of electricity, as their eyes met.
"Uncle Josh," Riley greeted, as she set the ornaments aside, and stepped up to greet her uncle.
"Riles," he greeted, wrapping her up in a brief hug.
"You remember my friend, Maya?" Riley gestured to Maya when they parted, who stood up slowly, and carefully stuck out her hand for a handshake.
"Of course," Josh said, smiling easily, as he took Maya's hand.
As soon as their hands connected, she finally understood what Riley had been trying to tell her when she first met Lucas on the subway. She barely even knew the boy standing in front of her, hazy half memories of family gatherings at the Matthews, the odd birthday party here and there. It all narrowed down into a single moment of clarity, a half formed idea of forever.
"It's been a long time," Josh let go of her hand quickly, to rub the back of his neck somewhat awkwardly.
"Sure has," Maya answered, slipping her hands into her pockets, trying to play it casual, as though her whole world hadn't just tilted off its axis.
"Well, you grew up gorgeous," he said nervously, before walking over to greet his sister-in-law.
Maya practically floated back over to Riley, who stared at her suspiciously. "Uncle Josh," she sighed out happily, lost in her own little world.
"You are not going to be my aunt," Riley said, folding her hands in her lap, though she could tell that she and Maya would be having a long conversation in the bay window later. And though she'd said that Maya wouldn't be her aunt, she had a faint idea that that might not be the case.
"I can't hear you," Maya teased back, sticking her fingers in her ear.
Riley rolled her eyes, before she began stringing ornaments again. This was going to be an interesting Christmas indeed.
Riley was thirteen when she learned of her Uncle Shawn's soulmate. They were sitting in the bay window of her living room, a tradition that now happened every time he came to town, when her uncle took off his watch, and showed her the star flanked by two smaller stars on his wrist.
"Star-crossed lovers." He said, simply, as Riley reached out her fingers to touch, looking to Shawn for permission, and pressed forward when he nodded his head. Her uncle flinched at the cool touch of her fingers against his mark, but did not draw his arm away, as she gently traced the stars.
"Can soulmates be marked as such?" Riley had never known such a thing was possible. She had always supposed that marks were meant for happy endings. Pieces started rapidly falling into place. His sadness, the way he had left town when she was an infant, the way he flinched, whenever soulmarks were mentioned.
"Your mom used to tell you the origin stories, right?"
"Yeah, ever since I was a little girl," she said. "They were some of my favorite bedtime stories." She continued to study the stars on his wrist, as though she had never seen anything like them.
"Did she ever tell you the origin stories of the star-crossed lovers? Of the couples who were marked as such?"
"I don't think so." Riley finally drew her hand away, and put it in her lap with her other hand. She was sure she would have remembered something so sad, so tragic.
"Well, there was this couple, named Pyramus and Thisbe, marked as soulmates. They were forbidden by their parents to be wed, so they decided to elope. On the appointed day, Thisbe went to the place they had agreed to meet. Upon her arrival, she was greeted by a lion, who had blood upon his face, though she could not see the cause. Horrified, and fearing the death of her lover, she quickly escaped, but in her haste, she left behind her veil. Sometime later, Pyramus arrived and he saw Thisbe's veil, laying beside the bloody lion. Grief-stricken, and believing his love to be dead, Pyramus fell upon his sword and killed himself. When Thisbe returned, she saw the body of her dead lover, and overcome with grief, she fell upon the same sword, killing herself in the same manner as her lover. It is said that the Gods took pity on them, and placed their bodies amongst the stars, where they could finally be together at last."
"Is that where Shakespeare got Romeo and Juliet from," Riley asked, curious. Her mother had told her that story, the story of two young lovers in Fair Verona, torn apart by generations of hatred.
"A lot of people think so." Shawn ran a hand through his hair, as though he were distressed. Perhaps he was. "Anyway, since then, people who were 'destined' to be star-crossed lovers of some sort were given some semblance of stars on their wrist the day they turned eighteen. It was scary, to be marked as such at eighteen, to know that the odds would never be in my favor, and have my girlfriend marked the same, but I always thought we'd beat the odds. We always had, before we were marked as such. The joy I thought I would find when I found my soulmate turned to sorrow instead, because I knew that everyday would be a fight for us. I always thought that mine and Angela's biggest obstacle would be her father's disapproval." He shrugged. "I never thought that she'd end up being the one to leave, on her own terms, too bone-weary to fight for us anymore. She may not have believed in soulmarks, because her parents weren't soulmates, and they had been happy, but she obviously believed enough to think that we'd have the same tragic fate as all the other star-crossed lovers, destined to be apart forever. And so we suffered the same ending as all the star-crossed lovers, though in the end, it wasn't fate, or destiny that tore us apart, it was her. Ironic, isn't it?"
"Do you miss her?" Riley braced herself for a non-answer as she reminded her uncle of her presence. Her uncle usually shut down at any mention of soulmates, or his high school girlfriend.
"With every fiber of my being," he said quietly, as he traced the largest star. "Soulmates aren't meant to wander the earth apart from each other."
"Do you think she'll come back?"
Shawn sighed, and turned his head to look out the back window. "You have hope for Pluto, don't you?"
"Sure," Riley said, nodding her head.
"Angela is my Pluto." Shawn's voice cracked a little. "But sometimes, kid, you have to stop hoping, and look at reality. The reality of this is, Angela's not coming back, and she probably never will. We were marked as star-crossed lovers for a reason. So yeah, I can hope, and pray that she'll come back, but in the end, I have to face reality, and try to move on as best as I can."
"Is it even possible, to move on from something like that?" Riley rubbed her wrist where her own soulmark would eventually sit.
"I'm sure someone can, eventually," Shawn said, looking out the window, and into the distance. "If it happens kid, I'll let you know."
"Thanks, Uncle Shawn," Riley said, scooting closer to her pseudo-uncle, and laying her head on his shoulder. "Promise me you'll be okay?"
Shawn let out a half-smile. "Of course I'll be okay kid. I'm Shawn Hunter."
When she goes on her first date with Lucas, it's everything she could have dreamed about, despite the somewhat awkward way it turned out. Her first kiss with Lucas awakens something in her, something bone deep that she can't explain. It lights her soul on fire, gives her an anchor to hold onto.
And then Lucas leaves for the summer, and they're reduced to texts that are entirely to few and far between. After that night in the library, where she could have stayed talking all night, it feels almost impossible to go back, impossible to turn her back on the knowledge that it feels like she could do this for the rest of her life.
And when he returns, they still don't really talk about what happened, because neither of them has the confidence to broach the subject, and perhaps after an entire summer of not talking about it, it feels weird and difficult to broach the subject.
And so when the pressure to be in a relationship comes, they bow to it, because it feels like the next natural step in their relationship. Except it's so awkward, in a way that soulmates shouldn't be, that they end up backing down, and Riley begins to think that maybe she imagined it all.
She's fourteen when Angela shows up in her mother's coffee shop. Her soulmark is visible on her wrist, and Riley can't seem to stop staring at it, though Angela probably thought she was rude. She knows that mark, and yet she can't seem to place it right away, but there's a foreboding feeling in her gut that she just can't shake.
"I'm looking for Shawn Hunter," she said, and Riley's blood turned cold in realization, as her uncle walked into the coffee shop.
"Angela," she heard her uncle whisper, standing behind his soulmate.
Angela turned around, instinctively moving to cover the mark on her wrist, though it was of no use now. "Hello Shawn."
"It's been a long time," her uncle said, motioning to a set of chairs in front of the shop.
"Too long," Angela answered, sitting down, and smoothing out her skirt. "How have you been?"
"I've been okay," he hedged, sitting down next to her. "How have you been?"
"I've been good." She started to twist the silver band around her finger, as Shawn's eyes zeroed in on it. "I got married," she admitted, still twisting the ring around her finger. "His name's Scott. He's a naval officer."
"I bet your father loved that," Shawn said, ruefully.
"He did. Sometimes, I think he loved Scott more than he loved me," Angela said. "I miss that sometimes."
"I meant to send a card," Shawn said quietly. "I just, I wasn't sure-"
"You're fine," Angela reassured him. "I never expected you too. Why would you anyways? My father hated you, and I, I just left."
"I still should have sent you a card," Shawn insisted. "I mean, after all that we'd been through together, that was the least I should have done."
"It doesn't matter now," Angela said. "Besides, that wasn't what I came here to talk to you about."
"And why did you come here to talk, Angela?"
"It's about Scott, and me," Angela began, twisting the ring around her finger.
"Does he treat you right?" Shawn looked down at his hands, as if he were afraid of the answer, which he had folded into his lap.
"Yeah," Angela said softly, still twisting her ring.
"Are you happy?"
"I think I am." Angela let go of her ring, and brushed her bangs out of her eyes. "He thinks we're ready to start a family."
Shawn looked like someone had mowed him over with semi-truck. "And is that something you're ready for?"
Angela shrugged her shoulders. "I never thought I would be a mother."
"Do you love him?" Shawn sounded a little broken, either from the conversation, or his soulmate sitting in front of him, he didn't know, but the words had spilled out quicker than sand in an hourglass.
Angela looked at him, heartbreak etched in all of her features. "I do."
"Then do what you think is best, whether that be choosing to have kids or not."
"Shawn-"
"I'm sorry, Angela. I can't, I can't do this." Shawn stood up, rather abruptly, and left the coffee shop.
Riley knew she should have minded her own business, and left it alone, but one glance at Angela, had her sitting down next to the woman.
"You're Cory and Topanga's daughter," Angela mused, a small sparkle in her eyes, despite the tears.
"I'm Riley. How'd you guess?" Riley crossed her arms, genuinely curious.
"Intuition." A soft smile formed on her face, probably from the memory of her parents.
"Can I ask why you came?"
Angela looked confused, as though she hadn't expected the question. "What do you mean?"
"Why'd you come here?"
"I needed Shawn's advice."
"Why?"
"Because he knows me better than I know myself."
"And you thought asking your soulmate, who loves you more than life itself, about future kids you'll have with your husband, who is not your soulmate, was a good idea? Did you come here to hurt him? To torture him with the knowledge that you're never coming back?" Riley stopped short, worried that she'd pushed too far.
"Look," Angela took a deep breath, stilling her obvious anger, calming herself. "You don't know anything about Shawn and I." The words came out rather short, but Angela couldn't help herself.
"I know that you're soulmates, and that you were marked as star-crossed lovers. I know that you ran away, because you were scared of what it meant. I also know, despite everything, Shawn knows you, and accepts you, and loves you, because you were, or rather are, destined to be together."
Angela let out a sigh. "Shawn told you, did he?"
"He's my uncle. He tells me a lot of things."
"Let me tell you something, Riley, about soulmates, and star-crossed lovers, and the universe. When two people are destined to be together, it can put a lot of pressure on the relationship, especially when you find each other young. Shawn and I, we aren't like your parents, we had a different path set for our lives. Are we soulmates? Yes. Were we marked as star-crossed lovers? Yes. But that isn't the reason we broke up. We broke up because I couldn't handle the pressure. I couldn't handle the knowledge of some boy, who had barely turned twenty being my forever, the one person I was meant to spend the rest of my life with. I also couldn't handle or face the fact that Shawn and I could have been destined for great and terrible things. Sometimes, Riley, when you really love someone, it's better to let them go, before you don't have a choice. Did I choose wrong? I don't think I did. I let Shawn go, so he could live his life, without the burden of knowledge that one day we would inevitably let each other go. Star-crossed lovers are marked as such for a reason. They all end in tragedy, no matter how hard you fight it."
Riley wiped away the tear that had started to fall down her cheek. "But you still love him."
Angela let out a small smile. "That's the thing about soulmates. You'll always love them, no matter how you end up."
There's a huge party the day her Uncle Josh turns eighteen. Receiving your mark is something to be celebrated, something to be treasured. They all wait with baited breath until the mark reveals itself in the shape of an anchor. Everyone starts fawning over it, but Riley instinctively glances over towards Maya, who unconsciously starts rubbing her wrist, as she stares at Josh with an unreadable expression on her face. Riley then turns back towards Josh, who is also looking at Maya with the same expression.
Maya turned away from Josh, fingers still rubbing her wrist, as she stood up, and exited the living room, instinctively going to Riley's room. She curled up in the bay window, allowing her tears to flow freely.
Riley comes to her eventually. "I'd have thought you'd be happy, knowing what his mark looks like."
Maya shrugged her shoulders. "It's not that I'm not happy, it's that Josh is one step closer to finding his soulmate."
"So?"
"So what if it's not me? What if I got it wrong? What if I just imagined what I felt the first time our hands touched, because I was so desperately trying to feel what you felt with Lucas?"
Riley wrapped her arms around Maya's shoulders. "You can't give up hope yet, Maya. Not until there's a mark on your wrist telling you you're wrong." She's not sure if she's speaking more to Maya, or herself, fingers flexing around the ghost of Lucas' and their awkward hold all the way home when they were actually dating.
Her Uncle Shawn dating Maya's mother Katy really should have come as more of a shock then it did. Riley watches the two of them interact for weeks, before she even considers the possibility that despite being marked for someone else, they might be a match.
She sees the uncertainty on her uncle's face, sees the hesitant way he looks at her, the way that whenever their hands brush together, Shawn flinches back just a fraction of an inch. She would normally push it by now, but her uncle looks ready to bolt at the first sign of something real, so instead she waits, and she watches.
Eventually the come together, slowly and surely. Maya looks beyond ecstatic, happily basking in the idea that two people can come together despite the odds against them, and finally having a stable father figure in her life. It's what she's always wanted, and everything she deserves. Riley contemplates them, studies them, wonders how two people who were, are, could be fated for someone else still manage to find happiness in another person. It's beautiful, and it's breathtaking, and her fingers still continue to clutch around the ghost of what could have been, and what could be.
Riley is fifteen when her heart feels like it's being ripped out of her chest. For the longest time, she's tried to ignore the feeling she gets in her bones whenever Lucas is around, memories of an awkward date and the pressures of adolescence haunting her, and it had worked, until they take a trip to Texas, and Lucas is stupid enough to get on a damn bull.
Her heart stops the moment he's thrown from the bull, rushing to his side, clasping his hand, making sure he's alright.
"Riley, I'm fine," he manages to choke out, breathing heavy.
"You almost weren't," she whispers in return, a single tear slipping down her cheek.
"But I did it," he insisted, "I conquered my fear." He reaches for her hand, and when she slips her fingers into his grasp, that spark of warmth returns, and she wonders how they ever managed to think they could ignore it.
Things become easier then, as they find their way back to each other, no awkwardness this time, simply the feeling of falling in love, and the potential that they could be fated to be together.
A/N: Leave a review?