Drifting Apart
WARNING! This fic has big SPOILERS for The Ambassador's Mission.
Please don't read it if you haven't read the book yet!
A week had passed since Dannyl had left for Sachaka, and the same thoughts were circling around Tayend of Tremmelin's mind.
You are the most stupid, selfish, self-indulgent fool who ever lived.
These accusations were not directed at Dannyl, but towards Tayend himself. Why had he allowed them to part so bitterly? Was it really necessary to threaten Dannyl that he would leave him? No you fool, of course it wasn't.
Tayend had over-reacted – something he was prone to doing a lot of lately. He had naturally been furious at Dannyl for taking Lorkin as an assistant instead of him. After all we've been through together, he still chose to bring some incompetent young man over of me? How dare he!
However, Tayend's stubborn silence in the days before Dannyl's departure had been uncalled for. He had blown the situation all out of proportion, and indulged in throwing Dannyl dark sulky looks and refusing to speak. He had felt a vicious sense of pleasure in treating the magician so unjustly. And, he had to admit, he enjoyed the attention Dannyl was giving him, in his desperate attempt to win Tayend back.
Lack of attention from Dannyl – is that why I've been drifting away from him these past few years?
Once they had settled in Kyralia, Dannyl had begun to sink deeper and deeper into his historical research. At first Tayend assisted him, as he had done for many years before. But the thrill of living in a foreign city enthralled Tayend. He soon found that helping Dannyl's research was too much hard, dull work for him to bear. Especially when Tayend had started throwing parties in their impressive new home, delving into dusty books and documents didn't seem so fascinating any more.
And Tayend had made friends in Imardin – lads like himself and Dannyl, who didn't want to hide what they were. Tayend felt he was doing good in his own way by helping these men to stop feeling ashamed of their inclinations. And Tayend thought that Dannyl would realise this too. Only the magician tended to avoid the parties, and preferred to spend his time working in that cluttered office of his.
Tayend wasn't completely insensitive to Dannyl's opinions on the matter. He knew that the magician didn't like openly displaying that he was a lad and in a relationship with Tayend, despite the fact that practically everybody had figured it out already.
Tayend had hoped that by associating with new friends, Dannyl would learn to feel more comfortable with being himself. But Tayend's plan had backfired – much less that become more sociable, Dannyl had retreated further inside himself; to a place where Tayend found it difficult to reach him. Dannyl had become obsessive in his research, so much so that Tayend feared Dannyl cared more about work than he did for him. Dannyl spent hours labouring away while he could have been relaxing and drinking wine with Tayend and his friends. Even when he finished his work in late in the evenings, Dannyl's mind still seemed preoccupied and distracted when he and Tayend were together.
Another reason for Dannyl's self-isolation was because of the friends themselves. Dannyl had explained to Tayend that he found many of them to be spoiled, upper class snobs, and he didn't want to associate with such men. Tayend had been affronted when Dannyl said this. But now, looking back with an unbiased view, he could see that Dannyl was right. To be honest, Tayend had known it all along. But he was too busy relishing in the attentions that his friends shone upon him to care.
It had reached a stage where Tayend no longer knew what Dannyl was currently working on, or what research he was planning to do next. With an acute sense of remorse, Tayend recalled a time when the two of them had worked closely together, and shared a passionate interest in their discoveries. But now, Tayend had unintentionally placed more importance on his social life, while Dannyl had chosen to focus on his career.
Even their personalities had altered. Dannyl had grown more quiet and sombre, while Tayend's spirited and frivolous nature had intensified. To an outsider, it would appear that the pair were dreadfully matched for one another. It feels like we're going down separate paths, moving further away from each other…
Now that Tayend had, for the first time, properly assessed their relationship, he realised it was doomed to failure unless he resolved to save it. For a brief moment Tayend considered if perhaps it was time to let go of Dannyl and move on – but the mere thought of this was enough to make Tayend's mind up.
When Dannyl returned from Sachaka, Tayend would of course still be there for him. They would need to talk things through, and understand what the other was feeling. And Tayend would make sure he took more of an interest in Dannyl's work, as well as encourage Dannyl to be open with his opinions. In short, Tayend would put more effort into rebuilding his relationship with Dannyl, than he did for fancy parties with his shallow friends.
Feeling somewhat comforted, Tayend sat himself down in the empty living room with a sigh. Now all I have to do is wait for Dannyl to return…
(I wrote this after reading the argument scene between Dannyl & Tayend in TAM. I immediately felt it wasn't fair that Tayend didn't get to properly expressed HIS side of the story, and all the blame seemed to be put on him. So I had to do Tayend some justice, and hence I wrote this fic :D )