Hello, true believers! This is your friendly neighborhood Hejin here!
This time around, I've decided to go into a fandom that I never thought I'd ever be writing about. I've always loved Ed, Edd n' Eddy, but it's a cartoon. For the longest time, I thought that cartoons were among some of the hardest things to write fanfics about, since the laws of physics are different in the cartoon world. Also, cartoons act differently than real people or more serious characters like those from an anime or a comic book, so that was another deterrent.
Anyway, I have decided to go forward with a story idea that came up from a dream. Hopefully it'll turn out good.
Thus, another story begins! Enjoy!
EDIT: This story has officially been re-written! Due to a continuity error on my part, the storyline to "Only You and Ed" has been changed and Chapters 1 and 2 have be redone completely. However, I personally believe they are much better now. Enjoy!
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Hejin57 Presents...
Only You And Ed
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E-E-E
At the end of the day, Double D always felt like these situations concluded the same exact way. Sure, he could keep running. The sock-headed Ed knew that he had some energy left in him. But was it really going to help much in the end? Double D figured he could answer that question that kept popping up in the caverns of his mind with an honest no.
But fear was a powerful motivator, especially for Double D. He ran as fast as he could, avoiding piles of junk and refuse in his way. His arms at his sides and a look of desperation written all over his face, Double D's legs were beginning to really hurt after a good half-hour of being chased through the Cul-de-Sac all the way to the Junkyard. Huffing and puffing like a struggling steam engine, Double D clamored over a larger pile of junk; his fear of what was following him forcing him to ignore the fact that it was a living nest of germs. He couldn't afford to be reasonable right now. He was way too scared.
This was no surprise. The Kanker Sisters and their very presence tended to do this to Double D.
"Come back here, sweetie! I just want to give you an early Christmas present!" Marie Kanker exclaimed behind a desperate Double D. Her voice was like someone scratching a chalkboard with a rake.
Now having the knowledge that she was not far behind him, Double D pushed his feeble muscles and began crawling up the next pile of junk even faster. He heard wet squishing and popping sounds as all manner of grime and dirt began to stick to his orange shirt. Double D bit his lip and held back the urge to vomit.
As he pulled himself over the mound of junk, Double D could feel a glimmer of hope when he spotted the exit to the junkyard just below. He made a weak smile before sliding down the side of the garbage hill unexpectedly, tumbling comically through the refuse and trash. After less than a minute of this pain and discomfort, Double D came to an abrupt stop at the bottom. He was left lying prone like an eel, unable to force himself to get up. His arms and legs felt like rubber. The sock-headed Ed could only wonder what fate had befallen Ed and Eddy. In addition, he wondered what part of his psyche had caused him to abandon his two friends to their terrible Kanker counterparts.
"Hey there, handsome." Marie said to Double D, who looked up to see that she was standing over him. His eyes shrunk to miniscule size. The most frightening of the Kanker Sisters, at least in Double D's opinion, had caught him. It was like The Most Dangerous Game all over again. The only difference was was that it was a girl hunting him instead of a Russian aristocrat.
Instinctively, the sock-headed Ed found himself backing up against the side of the trash hill. Marie Kanker grinned evilly as she gave Double D a very devious glare. She laughed loudly in his face. "You're so cute when you're all cowering like that."
"Please...I'm not prepared for this kind of physical interaction. Can't we come to some sort of compromise?" Double D asked in a weak tone of voice, but Marie didn't look like she cared much about what he had to say. Taking out two objects from her bulky pockets, she presented them before Double D.
"You wanna compromise? Fine. Either you can have a blast of Krankshaft No. 5, or you can have..." the fact that Marie had a tube of rusty-colored lipstick in her other hand was enough to tell Double D what she was alluding to. "...Well...I think you're smart enough to know what your other choice is.
Double D backed up even more against the grimy mound. He could feel himself beginning to sink in, and part of him wanted to disappear in the solid mountain of trash if it meant escaping Marie's clutches.
"Hey! Are you gonna decide or what? I don't have all day, Double D." Marie barked.
"I can't...I can't pick one..." he said, "It's not really much of a fair choice." Double D began to nervously twiddle his fingers, as he had no other way to really distract himself from the hopelessness of his situation.
Marie grinned wide. "I thought you might say that. Why don't we try both then?"
To Double D's horror, Marie Kanker began to apply her rusty-red lipstick after putting the bottle of Krankshaft No. 5 down on the ground next to her. Double D's mind was began to quickly break down in panic as he realized what kind of physical torture this girl was about to put him through. After all that running in hope that he could escape the shadow of the Kanker Sisters, Double D and his friends had been caught once again.
There wasn't much left for him to do but wait as Marie finished with the lipstick. And what a horrible wait it was...
E-E-E
~Some time earlier~
"We...we lost 'em! Hahahaha! We actually lost those Kankers!" Eddy announced in triumph between each rasping breath, his chubby little chest expanding and contracting as he gulped as much air as possible. Nevertheless, Eddy felt relieved. They'd lost the Kankers, and to him, that was like scamming the whole neighborhood three times over.
"Don't get your hopes up, Eddy. It's always a matter of time until they find us." Double D replied while he too attempted to reconcile all the oxygen he had lost while running away from the Kanker Sisters. Partially hunched over, every breath Double D made sounded like it was coming from an horse that had ingested too much helium.
Ed was the only one who seemed like he wasn't completely out of it from the marathon the Eds had just been put through. Instead, the biggest of the Eds was busy twisting his head around like submarine periscope, searching for any sign of the Kanker menace. "I don't see them, Eddy. Maybe they got abducted by aliens..."
Eddy laughed at Ed's statement, "That's funny, Ed," however, he quickly reverted back to an expression of annoyance, "but I don't think aliens would want the Kankers for long."
"Eddy's right. They'd probably leave them stranded in the cold vacuum of space." Double D added.
The other two Eds gave him strange looks for a moment. There was an awkward silence among the trio.
And then. Ed, Edd n' Eddy proceeded to laugh together. Though it had been a stupid joke on Eddy's part, it helped to make them forget that the Kanker Sisters were still after them. Eddy's scam to sell a huge turkey baster thrown away by Double D's mom as a "Deluxe Canadian Squirt Gun" had been interrupted by the Kankers earlier today. Scaring away all the kids, the Kankers chased the trio all the way here, much to the Eds displeasure. So if they could have a good laugh together, even over a stupid joke, then that wasn't so bad.
Eddy would never admit it to Lumpy or Sockhead, but he missed a time when the three Eds were friends without a care in the world. He missed being able to scam without the threat of the Kanker Sisters always looming over the horizon.
Ed, on the other hand, missed the bliss of just being a fool and hanging out with his two best friends. He missed being able to eat gravy-covered buttered toast with his mouth open and with no girl there to tell him that was disgusting. Basically, he missed a life without mutant monster cootie-spreading girls and their evil influences.
And Double D missed the days when Eddy would mess with his doorbell just so the two of them could go get a lazy Ed. He longed for the ability to walk out of his house and know that no blue-haired girl was waiting the ambush him when he stepped foot on his lawn. Most of all, Double D just wished for a time when he could be without fear.
"Way cool! I wish I had a third arm, Eddy!" Ed chimed out of the blue, causing his shorter friend to raise an eyebrow in confusion.
"And I bet you wish you had a bigger brain, Ed!" he snarked, looking over his shoulder with a stupid grin just to amuse Ed. However, he realized that not taking Ed seriously had been a huge mistake. Eddy's brain screamed at him to get out of there, but the shorter boy was too mesmerized by fear to do anything but make a statement of defeat. "Oh crud..."
Without wasting any time, the third arm that Ed had been gawking at wrapped around Eddy like a boa constrictor. Ed and Double D looked on in horror as Eddy was comically dragged away towards the Retro Van, and from where he was, Double D could see the familiar shape of Lee Kanker's red hair poking above a fallen refrigerator.
"KANKERS!" Eddy screamed to his friends, before he was dragged right into one of Lee's rough hugs.
"Hey there, shortstuff. Did ya miss us?" Lee asked with a rancid smile, but Eddy didn't answer her, and instead attempted to wiggle out of her grasp. Unfortunately, the red-haired Kanker was just too strong for Eddy. "Hey May! Your turkey's waiting!"
As if exactly on cue, May Kanker jumped into the air from the top of one of the taller garbage piles. She landed on the head of an unknowing Ed, putting her hands over his eyes and her legs on his shoulders. "Did you miss me, Big Ed?" she giggled.
"AAAAAHHH! IT'S GOT ME! IT'S GOT ME!" Ed shrieked as he flailed around, unable to see as May seemed to start driving him around to where she wanted him to go. Ed managed to hit Double D in the face with one of his big arms, causing the sock-headed Ed to momentarily see stars and fall over into the dirt. Shaking his head and trying to forget that he was laying on the germ-infested ground, Double D could do nothing as he watched May ride Ed all the way behind a pile of old tires. The sock-headed Ed stood up and proceeded to back away, knowing fully well that Ed's fate had already been sealed.
The sound of objects crashing into the ground alerted Double D of a menacing presence behind him. He turned around to see that part of an old Cadillac and a washing machine had been tossed aside. Double D's face showed pure fear as Marie Kanker stood in front of him with a nasty smile on her face. She inspected her fingernails at first, then proceeded to crack her knuckles viciously.
"Looks like it's just you and me, Double D." Marie cackled, her hands reaching for Double D as she slowly approached, "I'll try not to be rough if you come quietly!"
Marie was underestimating Double D. He was no idiot. There was no way he was falling for a trick like that. Picking himself up off the ground, the sock-headed Ed burst into another run, hoping that his stick legs could manage to carry him far, far away from Marie and her unwanted kisses.
Marie just chuckled at Double D's retreat, "It's so fun when they run away."
E-E-E
There Double D was; his heart beating faster and faster as Marie finished applying her lipstick. The sock-headed Ed had no escape. He only leaned deeper into the grime and muck and pleaded that he could somehow become invisible at a time like this.
His ears picking up the sound of Marie puckering her lips, Double D instinctively put his hands on his head in an attempt to protect himself. Opening his eyes for a moment, he could see that she was coming in for the kill. Her lips, now colored a rusty red, were completely puckered out and ready to absorb Double D's face in their moist embrace.
Double D could feel fear practically depriving him of air. His brain started fizzing inside his cranium, while his heart banged back and forth against his chest like a pendulum. His entire body vibrated as the lips of the hated Kanker became ever closer to claiming him. In a moment of exaggerated drama, Double D could see his life ending before him. He had to act fast.
And then, hope arrived. It came in a form even Double D couldn't predict. One of his hands, while searching for a way through the junk behind him, landed on the cool metallic surface of a machine that Double D recognized instantly. His fingers reached inside the tiny metal door of the machine, and luckily, he managed to pull out a tiny, circular piece of candy that might be able to save him in his time of need.
Double D crossed his fingers as he threw the gumball into his mouth and began to chew as fast as he possibly could. This was quite the gambit, but he had no other choice. Marie could see what Double D was doing, and she just laughed at his attempt as she grabbed him by the collar.
"You might as well spit that out. Your mouth is my property now!" she commanded, but Double D did not comply. Instead, he pushed his tongue into the sticky gum in his mouth and began to blow. Suddenly, a gigantic yellow bubble formed above his mouth, and it just kept expanding until it reached the size of a small blimp. Marie Kanker just looked up at it in momentary confusion, wondering to what Double D was thinking.
And then, Double D's gumball bubble burst.
Not surprisingly, the sock-headed Ed was thrown out of Marie's grip by the force of his bubble exploding. Having been thrown to the ground, the sock-headed Ed rubbed what was underneath his hat in an attempt to try and relieve his pain. He had been spared for the moment however. Double D thought that plan would have been just as successful as one of Eddy's scams.
Marie Kanker was in utter shock. The explosion had surprised her, that was for sure. She was sitting on the ground, her mouth agape as if she had seen a ghost.
And for some reason, her hair felt strange. She touched it with one hand, and it was then that she realized what exactly had happened.
Standing up and looking at Double D like he had two heads, Marie Kanker proceeded to let out the most ear-splitting and horrible scream that Double D had ever heard in his entire life.
"HEY! What's the racket for!" I'm busy here!" Lee said angrily as she and May appeared in response to their sister's call. Eddy looked dazed as he was dragged along by one arm, and Ed had suffering written all over his face. Both Ed and Eddy had pink kiss marks in the most obvious of places.
May gasped and let go of Ed. "...that's gum!"
Lee was the first to react, gritting her teeth angrily and approaching Double D. Not knowing what the expect, Double wasn't at all ready for the kick that Lee delivered. Tears welling up in his eyes and pain coursing through him like electricity, Double D bit down on his lip hard and fell into a fetal position. That was the one place he really didn't want to be kicked. Somewhat satisfied now, Lee Kanker just put her hands on her sides and growled at Double D like an angry lioness. "That's for putting gum in my sister's hair! Nobody does that but me!"
No longer interested in their respective Eds, Lee and May picked up a stunned Marie as if she was a baby. Apparently, gum in her hair was no laughing matter to them.
"Don't worry, Marie. I've got a whole stash of peanut putter back home. We'll get it all out." May said in an attempt to console her sister. But Marie wasn't feeling any better. Her hair was ruined, and it was all because of Double D. She never imagined that someone like him could fight so dirty. She would actually be impressed by an act like this one; if it hadn't been done to her, of course.
"That's a dumb idea. We have tons of cooking oil for that! Let's just get out of here already. Mom was right; Men have no respect!" Lee told her blonde sister, before giving all three Eds one last grimace. And with that, the three Kanker sisters made their exit.
Having now somewhat recovered from Lee's kick, Double D could have sworn that Marie had given him a death glare as she left with her sisters. He gulped, and hoped he was just imagining things. Eddy and Ed seemed to be in sudden awe of their sock-headed friend, much to Double D's surprise.
"What did you do to her?" Eddy asked, a look of wonder on his face.
Double D rubbed his forehead and realized a terrible headache was coming on. "I don't want to talk about it, Eddy. I just want to go home and take a nice, long bath..."
"Me too! Except with gravy!" Ed said cheerfully, having reverted back to his old self. Double D couldn't help but smile at his friend's comment. He and Eddy could always depend on Ed to make them smile.
"I just want to get this lipstick off. Let's split, guys. This place is just giving us bad memories." Eddy commented.
Double D couldn't agree with him more. But as he thought about it, the sock-headed Ed began to realize that a lot of places were starting to give him bad memories.
That was the legacy of the Kanker Sisters.
E-E-E
And there's the first chapter! I hope you enjoyed it. If anyone seems out-of-character, my humor seems too dry, or anything else seems out of the ordinary, please tell me in your review! I greatly appreciate feedback of all sorts and I feel like I might need it for this story. Anyway, the plot will become much more apparent soon. Stay tuned!