He grasps my hands in desperation, holding them steady between us. He smiles pitifully.

"John."

I try not to look into his eyes. This isn't happening. I'm not going through with this. No. I try to pull away, but he holds my hands fast and steps back to where I can see him. He looks desperate.

"My John."

I risk a look on his face. I try to create a coldness between us. But then I see his face. His beautiful face, the eyes. My hate for him melts away like dusk. He looks so innocent. A breathy smile clings to his face and he shakes my hands stiffly. Warmly.

"Must it be this way?"

I don't answer. I can't. After what he has done, I don't think I can ever speak to him again.

"Please, John." He tries his pitying smile again. I close my eyes to avoid looking at him, but it just emphasizes his voice. "Please come back."

"Why?" I demand, immediately, not knowing why, regretting my harshness. His smile shortens and he looks slightly hurt.

"Because...I...because...I need you. I love you." I scoff but let him continue. "Before you came into my life, it had no purpose. I had nothing worth living for. But then you came. You grew to become my heart. I cannot live without you." He waits.

"Sherlock," His eyes light up at his name. "Sherlock. How can I forgive you after this?"

They now cloud over. In a trance, he lets to of my hands. He says nothing.

"Why should I trust you?" I ask.

"Because you love me."

"I did. Once. But you blew it."

Silence follows.

"Didn't you, Sherlock?"

"I'm sorry." His voice is so small.

"Sorry? You're sorry? You knew how much this shit meant to me! You knew, and you fucked it up. Like you always do."

I begin to walk away. The anger, the red-hot anger is churning inside me like a furnace. Then I stop in my tracks as that tantalizing voice begins again.

"John."

I spin around, annoyed. "What?"

His head is down. His eyes are closed. He is shivering in the rain that plaster his inky locks to his forehead and eyes hides his tears. He says nothing more.

I sigh, exasperated, and turn again. Again, the voice sounds. Again, it almost flaws me. But now it is pathetic. Desperate.

"John."

I do not turn. I hear his footsteps splatter as they hit the puddles. He is following me.

"Piss off, Sherlock. Leave me alone."

The footsteps increase. He touches my arm. I fly and lash out.

"Fuck off. God, I trusted you, I really did. I loved you. But we had a promise. And you broke it. I was not ready."

Sherlock stills again. His eyes stiffen. "Please," he whispers.

"Please what, Sherlock? Please forgive you? Please come back? I told you, you had your chance."

"Please stop."

I breathe hard. "What?"

"Every word you utter brings me lower. You don't understand. I loved you," he takes my hands again.

I do not object.

"I still do. You are my heart, John. I am damned for eternity for what I have done. Walk away, find someone else. Do whatever makes you happy. But remember, I'll always love you. No-one else will ever take your place. You can say no. But I promise you, if you accept...if you decide to spend the rest of your life with me, I promise you, I will do anything for you. I'll stop putting body parts in the fridge. I'll do my experiments at Bart's. I'll try not to insult your friends. I will change, John, for you. We'll solve crimes together. We'll travel. You can teach me about the Solar System and I can teach you about crimes. We'll live on moonlight and deduction."

I am broken. Tears mingle with the rain on my face. This is enough for me.

"Then Sherlock..."

"Yes, John?" He squeezes my hands.

"Yes. Yes, Sherlock, yes. I love you, Sherlock. I always will." I squeeze his hands back.