After reading Saudade by evilexboyfriend and We Spent Our Darkest Days Howling At The Moon by stereobone (you can find it on AO3), I fell in love with hipster Thorki. So, I decided to write a little something of my own. It is inspired by the latter fic. The cover is made by crowthis on tumblr.

A/N: English isn't my native language, so there might be some mistakes.

Disarm you with a smile
And leave you like they left me here
To wither in denial
The bitterness of one who's left alone
Ooh, the years burn
Ooh, the years burn, burn, burn

Smashing Pumpkins - Disarm

Loki comes and goes. Thor never asks him just where he goes or why, sooner or later, he feels the need to leave. He's just happy when his brother is with him. Besides, he knows that if he ever asks, Loki will simply remain silent. Or get angry. Or leave sooner than planned. Thor can't afford that.

He remembers the last time Loki was in town. They went to a Crystal Fighters concert. There were so many people, all those hot bodies writhing and pressing up against them (Loki doesn't like crowded spaces, but his love for music makes him love concerts and drag - a more than willing to please - Thor to them). After the concert was over, they, sweaty and smelling and excited, went to a bar nearby. Soon they ended up back in Thor's flat, fucking like animals, most likely keeping the entire neighbourhood up with their moans and groans and screams.

When Thor woke up, he found the other side of the bed empty. Thor looked around, but he knew that it was futile. Loki had left again. As always, there was no note behind. He never sent a text. Thor knew better than to reach out; he had done that in the beginning, calling and sending one text after the other, only to get no reply. He later noticed that Loki returned sooner if there had been no communication between them. So, he let his raven-haired angel be, even though it killed him.

His friends keep trying to set him up with someone. Kind Sif tried to make a move a few times, but no matter how much he loves her, he could never see her as anything more than a friend.

Loki, on the other hand, is nothing short of his everything.

He still remembers Loki's combination of rage and fear when he found out that he was adopted. He said that he hated his not-family and wanted to leave. Thor wanted to make his pain go away, so he went to the younger boy's (no, they were men now!) room and comforted him. Never having been very good with words, he turned to touch for help. He put his arm around Loki's shoulders and kissed the top of his head, inhaling his vanilla-scented shampoo. Loki didn't react at all until Thor claimed his lips with his own. It had been supposed to be a brotherly kiss, but they weren't brothers, and brothers never kiss with such passion anyway.

Thor believed that being so intimate would convince his brother to stay. But apparently, giving his virginity to Thor was not enough to make Loki want to stay in a house that no longer felt like home.

Thor settled in, finding his own flat in New York, working (although his temper got him fired from more than one job). He goes out with his friends and has fun, but there is always a hole in his chest that can't be filled. Every time Loki leaves, Thor feels like he gets stabbed in the heart.

It has been almost two weeks now. Thor doesn't know when Loki will be back. When, not if. Loki will be back. He always returns, sooner or later, and Thor prays for sooner every time. His brother will come back; Thor will not be able to handle it if he doesn't.

Thor misses the innocent boy that Loki used to be. He was a mischievous little devil, pulling pranks and getting people into trouble. But other than that, he was innocent. And he followed Thor everywhere.

Now, a stain has been covering his heart ever since he found out that his parents are not his parents at all. The man he has become does not follow Thor around but leaves him behind instead.

That little boy adored Thor. Thor doesn't know how the grown man truly feels about him.

With his head filled with thoughts and memories of Loki, Thor decides to go out for a walk, to feel the light breeze blow through his golden hair and imagine that it is Loki's long fingers.

Before he leaves the flat, though, his mobile phone rings. He almost gasps as he sees the name of the caller on his screen.

"I am at the train station," the voice says and it sounds exactly like Thor remembers it, soft and deep.

For a moment he forgets to breathe. He's back. He's in New York. Thor is going to hold him in his strong arms again.

Loki snorts at the silence from the other line, but Thor is certain that he is actually smiling. He remembers his brother's smiles, a combination of innocence and mischief. They disarm Thor every time.

"Come pick me up, you oaf."

Don't fret, this isn't going to be a total rip-off of We Spent Our Darkest Days Howling At The Moon :P

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