PLAY DEAD

x x x x x x x x

Darling, stop confusing me

With your wishful thinking, hopeful embraces

".. and you know, Heidi, once we get out of Japan, we can go anywhere you want," L was telling her, his voice quiet. It held more excitement, however, than she'd ever heard it hold before. He was genuinely and sincerely pleased at the idea. "What about France? We could go to France, if you like. Bordeaux, Avignon, Paris..."

She hated listening to him talk like this. It was impossible for him to understand the amount of loathing that swelled up inside of her when she heard him; not because of who he was, but because of how much he was fooling himself. What were they going to do? Live out their years as couple, constantly wondering what might be happening in Japan? No. Heidi could not stand the thought of just waiting for it to happen. It would rip her apart inside until she couldn't stand being there.

Don't you understand?

I have to go through this

He was trying to comfort her. L could see, beneath the depths of her emerald eyes, the pain that surged. It agonized him to know that there was so little he could do to make her feel better; at first, he had naught but to smile, and she would smile too. Now, he would look at her and offer a smile, and she had to force a weak imitation onto her lips. It wasn't nearly as pretty as the real thing. L wanted to keep her happy, wanted to make sure she was good with the life she was leading now. But he couldn't understand and he couldn't help if she didn't tell him what was wrong first.

I belong to here where

No-one cares and no-one loves

"If you don't want to go to France, that's fine," L continued, clearly trying to keep the awkward and impenetrable silence from swallowing up their conversation. It waited, though, like a great heaving beast; waited for them to stop talking so that it could take away everything. "We could go somewhere else. Just out of Japan. Won't that be nice?"

Heidi picked noncommittally at her fingers, refusing to meet L's gaze when he turned in his chair. "Heidi?" he asked, and she pushed the pillow from her lap, standing and wrapping the blanket around her thin shoulders.

"I'm tired," she told him, her voice meek and absent. "I'm going to bed."

L looked wounded, but only for a brief moment; he watched her and then tentatively reached out to touch her hand. "Heidi," he said again, gently, letting their fingertips brush. She finally looked at him, and gave him that half-hearted smile that was so fake it made him want to cry. "Heidi, I love you."

Her fingertips fell away from his.

No light no air to live in

A place called hate, the city of fear

"Good night, L," she murmured tiredly, slipping down the hall and into her bedroom. L watched after her and turned back to his screen, his fingernails digging into the palm of his hand. Something was wrong, but he didn't know what to do. He tried talking with her; and every day, every single day, she withdrew more and more into herself. He'd saved her from death, but it was as if she were dead anyway. Where was the Heidi he loved?

It's sometimes just like sleeping

Curling up inside my private tortures

Heidi's bedroom was dark. She lay in bed, on top of the sheets, with the blanket from before wrapped tightly around her still. Her fingers were bone-white and tight against the fabric, luminescent in the dimness of the room. She had to swallow tears that tried to come. What was this? She should be happy. She was alive, and so was L; they were together, but something was not right. Something was not sitting well with her. It was as if the very air about her was heavy with unseen fetters; when she breathed in, it tasted of dirty quarters. Though her heart was beating painfully against her chest, she rolled over, shut her eyes, and tried to sleep.

I play dead

It stops the hurting

x x x x x x x x

AUTHOR'S NOTE:

For those of you who are wondering, "Did Heidi just die? Again?" Yes. Yes she did.

My point in writing this little one shot is that you can't escape fate. This was written with the idea that when Light tried to kill Heidi, like in Knives and Pens, L somehow managed to save her. Don't ask me how; I'm still trying to work that part out. Anyway, the idea is that even though L saved her the first time, it was her destiny to die. L saved her life, and because she wasn't supposed to be living anymore, she felt sick and terrible all the time and only wanted to be dead.

Yeah idk. Let me know what you guys think. C= I kinda wrote this on a whim at 12:04 AM, so. :u

If any of you are curious, the inspiration for this fic and the lyrics presented during it are from "Play Dead" by Bjork. It's a wonderful, terribly sad song - but I encourage you to go check it out! It's lovely. [:

Disclaimer: I don't own the song, or Death Note, but Heidi is mine!