Falling
By uncomfortablynumb
Summary: Only two things matter to Bella and her friends: sex and drugs. But when Bella's best friend's older brother, Edward, comes home for the summer, he will leave Bella awestruck and full of wonder for a world she has never known. Can she leave a life behind that means so much to her? Or will she meet her certain end?
Prologue
She wasn't always like this. She wasn't always so hallow, so detached.
But she had always been different. Ever since she could remember she had been an outsider. Sometimes it was less obvious, but the fact was always there. Others did not see it easily. But every morning she woke and it stared right her in the face.
She had a loving family. They were not perfect, but they were the best anyone could ever hope for. But she did not belong with them. They sat every holiday, eating and drinking together, laughing and smiling and they always had a good time. When tragedy struck, each person was there to help in any way possible. She watched them year after year, wondering why she shared their blood, but felt like a stranger.
It was not her families fault in the slightest. They were kind, accepting, and most of all loving people. There was nothing wrong with them, but with her. She would say things to try to get a laugh or a smile, but her words would get jumbled, she would stutter, spit out something stupid and irrelevant. They would ignore it, or sometimes try to stifle an obviously fake laugh. But she was not stupid. She knew she was a freak. She didn't belong there. She never had.
She wondered if even in the days she could only remember glimpses of, in her early childhood that seemed like it had never happened, she had been this way. She remembered once not knowing the evils of the world. She remembered not waking up every morning wondering why God still kept her here; wondering if God even existed at all.
They called her smart, gifted. She didn't want to be smart. She just wanted to be normal; to not have to think this way. She wanted to experience the bliss of ignorance, people so often talked about. Had she ever known what bliss felt like? Happiness? Relief? Those feelings came sporadically, not often, and when they did, she doubted them.
Her life was a blur, and one day she came upon a choice. That choice led her down a path that most would not take. Most would look down the dark, dangerous road and laugh at the thought of anyone who would even consider walking down it. This life was so different from everything else. Unless you were in it, you could not possibly imagine the pure pleasure and agony. This life was wrong—even insane—to most. But to her, it was her missing puzzle piece.
Chapter One
Bella looked down at the yellow pill in her hands, and realized they were shaking. Why was she suddenly so damn nervous? She'd done this, not to mention everything else, countless times.
So why tonight, was her heart beating fast and her stomach in knots?
She rubbed her finger gently over the star imprinted into the pill. She smiled. This meant she was going to have a great night. But for some reason she could not shake the feeling that something was going to happen.
The thing is, Bella was not the type to think and discuss and ponder. She downed the x and hurried downstairs to where her friends were waiting.
They didn't notice as she trotted down the stairs, since they already had the two blunts lit and being passed around.
"Fucking bitches…" Bella mumbled.
Alice heard, but Alice was Alice. She didn't take anything seriously, especially when fucked up. She looked up at Bella from under her dark eyelashes and smirked.
"Bella, dear, maybe you shouldn't have taken so goddamn long in the bathroom. And besides we saved you a spot in rotation."
"I could give a fuck less, but ight." Bella murmured back as she managed to squeeze between Alice and Mike. As she sat down she couldn't help but feel the waiting eyes of everyone in the room on her.
Finally, Tyler spoke. "Well? Did you take that shit?"
Bella glanced over at him as if he had done something inexplicably stupid. Did he even have to ask?
In their group, Bella was the crazy one. To some extent, they were all wild and reckless. But Bella took it to another level. In the world outside of them, the actions she had taken would have been looked down upon, even called "sin". But in their little world, which meant everything to them, it earned her respect.
There was also Alice, Bella's best friend, who followed not far behind her. But she was not one who had ideas, who made plans, who got them into crazy fucked up situations. That was Bella's job.
Alice never left Bella's side. Not since they had just started smoking weed in the eighth grade, when they were first trying hard shit freshmen year, up until now when all this was their normal every day.
Bella and Alice were always the main focus, the ones you always have fun with.
The rest of the group was basically equal. There was Jasper, Alice's boyfriend, who coincidently Bella had fucked multiple times before their meeting.
Then there was Emmett, Bella's best guy friend, who watched out for her. He never stopped anything she did—actually joined most of the time—but made sure she didn't overdose or get raped in the process. He had failed a few times, but mostly he kept Bella safe, though she had no knowledge of him doing so.
Mike, Lauren, and Tyler were always with them as well. They weren't as tightly knit, but they had their roles and places in the group. Mike and Tyler were always trailing behind Bella, hoping one day she would do more than just sleep around with them and others. Unfortunatly, that day was not happening anytime soon.
"So what the fuck are we doing tonight?" Lauren blurted out. "I mean besides getting fucked outta our minds." She added with a smug grin.
Bella sighed. She hadn't been able to decide. "I don't know, bro. I mean there's that one party down by the lake...but, uh...Jacob Black is throwing one too. I heard it's supposed to be poppin'."
As soon as everyone heard Jacob's name, they groaned. Alice then laughed, and said, " Bella, you dumbass. We all know the reason you want to go to Mr. Black's house tonight."
"I don't know what your talking about." Bella kept a straight face for a moment, but then looked up at Alice and couldn't help but giggle like a small child. "Okay, okay. I wanna get it in tonight! And that guy is fucking sexy." She admitted.
Lauren, Jasper and Alice laughed. The rest looked down at their feet, suddenly on edge. Bella didn't notice, and if she would she wouldn't have cared less.
Her heart began to race. She could feel the extacy in her hands, as she got butterflies in her stomach.
"Either way, let's get the fuck outta here. This shit's starting to kick in, and I'm not about to roll in the car." Bella said harshly. They all immediatly stood up, and they headed out the door.
"To Jacob's house, it is." Alice yelled, as she slammed the door behind her.