A/N: This poem is best read when spoken aloud with a stereotypical "epic" voice. Enjoy. I know I enjoyed writing this!
Also, I'm working on trying to fix the stanzas. Right now, it's appearing as one whole thing. Each stanza should only be four lines long.
Phoenix's Quest for Money
In ye olde courtroom
On a sunny California day
Phoenix heard his stomach rumbling
And so decided to eat what he may.
He took to his feet a running
To the nearest concession stand.
He ordered a giant hot dog
And a tiny soda – canned.
The sweaty worker piled on
Greasy toppings galore
And as they grew in height
Phoenix shouted, "More and more!"
But then, ah, just then,
He took a major blow,
When he went to fetch his money
And nothing in his wallet seemed to glow.
"Maya," he cried out.
"What on earth have you done?
You ate far too many burgers
And so all the money in my wallet is gone!"
But of course Maya was not present,
For she had gone home to rest,
So Phoenix's little agony speech,
Made him look crazy amongst the rest.
And so he trudged away,
Dragging his feet along the ground,
Wondering what he could do for money,
When, just then, he met an angry hound!
Ah, but this was no ordinary angry hound,
You could see,
For while bitter and prone to attack,
It was human, just maybe.
"Oh great," Phoenix commented aloud.
"My day cannot improve."
"I'd watch what you say," Franziska said.
"Or else you may want to move!"
"You foolish scum," she screamed at him.
"That is no way to greet a lady."
Her whip hit skin, and he cried out,
"I'm sorry," as if apologizing to a deity.
Nursing his wounds, he ran away,
Fending off crowds and possible attacks.
When, just then, he was stopped again
By a man in all his painted glory – Max.
His pink hair flowed, all the way down,
So far past his shoulders.
But to Phoenix in his quest for money,
Maximillian was a road block of boulders.
Recognition splashed across his face,
But Phoenix had no time,
And he could not ask his former client for money,
So he could only explain his situation through mime.
Frustrated, the attorney ran more,
Feet pounding against the asphalt,
When suddenly he happened upon Gumshoe,
Ordering a rather large chocolate malt!
"What is this," Phoenix yelled.
"I don't even understand!
When the only thing you usually have
In your wallet is a rubber band!"
"I hit the lottery," Gumshoe said.
"Won a small amount, five dollars.
Though now that's gone and disappeared
Before I heard your hollers."
"No," Phoenix cried!
"It never, ever ends.
Just how will I find the money,
To meet my own stomach's demands?"
And as he continued to complain
He almost seemed to miss
A looming figure appearing behind him,
Mia's old mentor, in complete and utter bliss.
"Why Phoenix, once again,
You seem to lack a fund
To adequately support yourself
And so you cannot become rotund!"
"I see your plight, but sadly
I cannot aspire,
To help you in your time of need,
Because my money is in the bank's empire!"
Exasperated, Phoenix continued his fast pace
Down the street once more,
Until finally he witnessed
What he had been searching for.
His rival, standing there,
Holding a strange card.
Though when Edgeworth glanced at Phoenix,
A disgusting expression on his face did mar.
"Wright, just what exactly
Have you been doing?
You're disgusting, sweaty, putrid,
And not quite very appealing!"
Phoenix collapsed to the ground,
Unable to take anymore,
When his rival said, "Poor again?
Here's this card to make you less sore."
"I'm not one for gambling,"
The man with the cravat said.
"So here, take this card a stranger
Dropped when he was mad."
"Thank you, thank you," Phoenix cried.
And so he began to scratch.
With a tiny dime he found on the floor
And soon he found a match.
"Fifty dollars! I am rich!
And now it's time to for me to say,
The hot dog man I stood up
I now am able to pay!"
And so he trekked all the way back
To the concession stand,
But there he had a surprise
For which he hadn't planned.
For the bell had struck and the session had adjourned,
In ye olde courtroom,
And so Phoenix could not get
His food among the gloom.