My Zelda parody

This is my first fanfic. Please tell me what you think. Constructive criticism is welcomed.

I own nothing. Nintendo owns all.

Chapter 1. The first stalker.

"Navi come here." Navi flew to the Great Deku tree.

"Great Deku tree why aren't you speaking in that weird sort of way?"

"Because I haven't got time, I'm dying."

"Oh"

"You must go and follow Link, the boy without a fairy for the rest of you life."

"But I already-"

"No buts just bring him here. Quickly."

"Fine" Navi mumbled as she flew away. Navi flew to the Links house, stopping to talk with every Kokiri she met on the way. (Which happened to be every Kokiri outside, she made sure of that.) Half an hour later Navi reached Links house and flew in. Link was asleep so Navi yelled at him to get up, one hour of yelling later he got up. "Why did you wake me?"

"The Great Deku tree told me I must stalk you for the rest of your life."

"Wait weren't you stalking Simon?"

"Yes but now I must stalk you. It doesn't mean we can't be friends though."

"Riiiiight."

"Anyway the Deku tree wants to talk to you before he dies."

"He's dying?"

"Apparently." Said Navi shrugging, but because she is so small and always covered in a glow she didn't appear to do anything.

"Let's go see him then." They walked to the entrance to the corridor that leads to the Deku tree only to be stopped by Mido. "Stop!"

"Do we have a choice?" Navi asked.

"Look, it's a bit urgent." Link said.

"So is my need to go to the toilet. Look if you can show me a sword I will let you through."

Navi sighed. "Okay Link let's go." They set off to find a sword. "I bet it's through the tunnel up there." Link said.

"How do you know that?" Navi asked.

"My mobile has free Internet access and I read the Walkthrough."

"What's a mobile?"

"I don't know, but I have one in my pocket see?" Link said reaching into his pocket, but there was nothing there. (Insert scary music here.) Anyway they crawled through the hole and saw a whole bunch of corridors with giant unpeeled oranges rolling through them. "Wait, what?" Navi said.

Hi I'm the narrator

"And why are there unpeeled oranges rolling around?"

It was originally giant boulders, but oranges are softer so I used my narrator magic and made them oranges. Now you won't get hurt if you hit one!

"Fair enough, thank you invisible person."

That's okay Navi.

Link and Navi made their way through the maze and got the sword, which Link promptly held up above his head for no apparent reason. "What are you doing Link?"

"I have no idea."

Hey don't look at me, I only read the script.

"And turn boulders into giant oranges."

Yes Navi that t- Link please don't use the sword as a back-scratcher.

Link sighed, "Fine." The pair ran back to entrance to the Deku tree corridor and this time were stopped by Simon.

"Simon?" Navi said shocked.

"Navi?" Simon said equally shocked.

"Where's Mido?"

"He's at the toilet."

"Ah."

"Well Mido said we could go through if we had a sword. Here's the sword, let us through." said Link wanting to see the Great Deku tree.

"Well I'm here now and since you left me Navi I'm going to make you go get a shield."

"Wait, you liked getting stalked by me?"

"Yes" said Simon blushing

"That's creepy. I'm glad I'm following Link now."

"I'm get tired of this talking thing, I want to see the Deku tree." Link said and he hit Simon over the head with a Deku stick. Simon then collapsed.

"Let's leave him." Navi said.

They walked up to the Great Deku tree. "Well someone took their sweet time."

"That's because Mido made us go get a sword first and that took ages." Navi said quickly before Link could say anything.

The Deku tree sighed. "I never liked him. Anyway, because you took so long I'm going to die even if you go inside my mouth and beat the creature in there, so I'm just going to give you the Slingshot and Kokiri emerald."

"Thanks." Navi said

"I'm also meant to give you some history but I don't want to die of boredom so basically there is a evil dude who wants that stone. You can leave me to die now." the Great Deku tree suddenly changed color. "I think he's dead." Navi said, stating the obvious. Link burst into tears and ran up to hug one of the trees roots. "Noooooooooooo. Deku tree don't leave me. You were like a father to me."

"Link that was the first time you ever saw the guy." Navi said bluntly.

Sobbing Link said, "I know, but I feel we made a connection you know." Navi sighed and flew off. "Come on Link. We need some fresh air." When they were leaving they saw Simon hadn't got up and didn't appear to be breathing. "We saw nothing." Navi whispered. Link nodded in agreement.

Chapter 1 end.

What did you think? Was it good? Was it bad? Please review. Once again, I like constructive criticism.