We curse it everyday.
That bird of fire that rose from the ashes. Calling out at the same time it was being called to. The celestial being that no one could ever contain, that no one could bear, for the rage and anger and love and lust was too great of a burden to carry. No one but her. We hate it. No one ever talks about it; no one ever mumbles it under their breath as they go for a bite from their plate. No one ever asks if you think about it. Because we all do think about it. Everyday that we realize she isn't walking around with one arm full of biology exams and a coffee mug in the other. Everyday that we think something that we probably shouldn't have, and we quickly wonder who was around to hear it before realizing that no one was. And no one ever would be.
Because it took her from us.
The Phoenix took you from me.
It must have been hard to lose control. To slowly watch yourself lose control. Breaking the hearts of so many people as you became something bigger than yourself. Something so profound and dangerous that it was hidden above the heads of common men like cookie jars hidden from reaching fingertips of little kids. I know it was hard. And as hard as it was it was even harder to encompass how easy it was. Easy for you because you were never meant to be among us Jean. You were never meant to teach children. Never meant to be human and love man. You were born a giant, born a god and it was only so long that we could keep you here. Holding onto you for our own selfish reasons.
I know it wasn't right but we are after all common men, and we must love gods.
And as angry as I am Jean. As sick and hurt as I am. I understand why.
The Phoenix loved you.
It's why it kept coming back for you, why it was never satisfied until it felt the strings of your conscious wrap around the wrinkles of its emotion and give them purpose and meaning and direction. You gave that bird of fire meaning just as you did so many of us Jean. And we all took parts of you with us too; I guess the only difference is that we lived with you. So parts of you never felt like they were missing if everyone was together. Here. At this school…and not floating aimlessly in the stars of some galaxy far away. Splitting you between who you were and what you were becoming. Stretching you so thin like a rubber band. Ready to pop and soar off in any given direction. And when you broke in our hands it stung like wild fire and we cried like toddlers. Wounded and searching for the scattered remains of the very thing that hurt us to begin with.
And you broke so hard Jean.
And you hurt so bad.
And you broke so hard you hurt so bad.
Even though it hurt you, I know that bird of fury and flame loved you.
I loved you too.
But what man can compete with a god?